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Let's share some personal advice on how to make a marriage good. Please don't copy/paste some articles. What has been your experience with your husband or what have you learned from past relationship? Are there any guidelines everybody can follow or is it all relative? I don't have the best of marriages but I think it is at its best if the following is followed: -We need breaks away from each other, a evening here and there up to many weeks of separation. -We need breaks together away from reality, a movie, a dinner, go bowling or play pool, just something to take us from diapers, stress, and "what's for dinner?". -We need consciously to make time to have sex. Yes sounds pathetic but that is married with children for you! -We need to agree and follow the schedule. Most important is not to disappoint in that department. -Romance every once in a while is good, a sweet sms, flowers, etc. -And for us it is a big NO NO to talk about each others family.
This is some of what works for us. What about you?
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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Don't go to bed angry. Stay up and fight. My mother told me many years ago, 'If you meet a man who likes compliments, try not to criticise him too often. It could be more hurtful than you think.'
Posts: 1399 | From: alexandria | Registered: Jan 2002
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Trust, no deceit no lies. Nothing destroys love more effectively than when you can't rely on someone to tell the truth. Hugs, physical contact that is just affectionate Communication, make sure you have really explained what you mean and don't assume
-------------------- Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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I agree about the point of really explaining and not assuming in communication, especially if the marriage is international and intercultural and a third language is perhaps being used.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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First of all don't have too high expectations of the whole concept of marriage or you will get all disappointed. Rather accept the flaws of your spouse; don't try to change him either for your liking (and in this regard no one is perfect). Don't nag - men detest that completely. Eventually if he wants to he will come around. Perhaps a BJ will do wonders???? Allow him some time with his buddies away from home once in a while and he'll be thankful for that. Listen to him when he has problems at work; simply be his rock for him. Cook him something nice, remind him of his mom's birthday, wash his boxers etc. etc. (what would men do without us???? ).
Oh and please don't watch too many romantic comedies because that's what they are - just movies - and not reality. Neither be jealous of other people's happy looking relationships because the truth is you don't know what's going on behind closed doors.
Marriage and family is a lot of work but so worth it.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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Every marriage is different, what works for one couple doesn't necessarily work for another. I think respect is very important and the ability to compromise when need be. Obviously if only one of you is doing all the compromising then it is not a good a good omen. Men and women are both more than capable of looking after themselves but in a relationship it is nice to be looked after and to look after your other half. Trust and reliability are very important, it is pointless if either of you spend your time wondering what the other one is up too. Having time out to see a friend whether going for a meal or something is a good thing. A relationship is not all about romance or excitement but often just about day to day life, you can be perfectly content sitting together not feeling you need to make conversation just for the sake of it. A disagreement does not to need to be a screaming match, it is important to put your point of view but also to listen to theirs. Hurtful words can never be taken back Finally never take each other forgranted and always let the other know you appreciate what they contribute, just a thankyou goes a long way Posts: 4476 | From: Scotland | Registered: Mar 2006
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About all I can add is, If you truly love your spouse, cherish him/her. You never know what will happen tomorrow.
Posts: 3291 | From: I DO believe in Karma! | Registered: Apr 2002
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quote:Originally posted by anthropos: good advice TL but what does the husband need to do to make the wife happy??
always make sure she knows he knows she is always right no matter if shes wrong. and he must always tell her how beautiful she is even if shes ugly..and u must always let the other know how much u love them even if its a kiss on the cheek or a small word ..I LOVE U IS sufficante.
Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
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Trust each other. Always be honest. Accept each other, flaws included. Dont ever part from each other without saying i love you.
Posts: 313 | From: maadi cairo | Registered: Dec 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Miss_Tigerlily: Cook him something nice, remind him of his mom's birthday, wash his boxers etc. etc. (what would men do without us???? ).
Act like adults and be responsible for themselves? Posts: 3587 | Registered: Mar 2006
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The best advice I can give is to actually live life and engage this world and everything it has to offer with your spouse. And by that I mean to do things together. I'd liken it to going out on “dates” with your spouse. Art shows, festivals, movies, outdoor activities, indoor activities, cook together, explore and sightsee together, picnics, and even workout together, etc, etc, etc
Talk about things, get involved with their lives, ask what they are thinking, ask about their family, etc.
But also have free time as well and give them free time, I know as a dude this is very important for me, I need my free time to. If something nags your partner, do your best to solve it or at least come to a compromise. Don't let things linger. Everyday should be a new fresh day. That's how I see it.
A good sex life is also important, the whole thing, the furious fucking, love making and the very kinky freaky love too. Change it up. I'd pop up on my wife's yahoo messenger and chat nasty with her. Those things are important as well a little romance. It's pretty easy for me because deep down I'm a kinky yet romantic dude. Try to live out your sexual fantasies together.
That's basically it dates + good sex
As far as trust, respect, communication, understanding and everything else that was previously mentioned, well if those aspects of marriage doesn't already exist then such a couple seriously needs to ask themselves why are they married in the first place.
And if some idiot proceeds to say well doing such activities cost money, well yes some, but not all. This weekend we are going to a photography festival which is free, but so many things are free or very cheap that couples could do together, such as film festivals, art exhibitions, amateur theater, etc, etc, etc
If a husband enjoys life and if a wife enjoys life then that's all you need because two people who love life should be happy together. But if the couple is miserable to begin with, then hell, reevaluate your lives.
But what do I know, I'm just a rambling rooster Posts: 2275 | Registered: Dec 2009
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Don't become a baby bore or a PS3 addict. Nothing to turn a person off by someone who lacks in conversation.
Converse with each other about everything and everything.
Exiiled is right, go on dates... go out and remember why you fell in love. It doesn't have to be expensive. Go walking, it is free!
Sex... don't make it seem like a chore. Spice it up a litlle and keep the fire going. You loved each other once and fancied them right?
Above all don't become boring gits with a routine so rigid even the dog is fed up..
Oh and lastly, don't keep discussing the relationship, that is just both terribly dull and terribly annoying.
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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If people come from different countries; is it better to move to the third country so both parties are equal? Has somebody done that here? Would really like to here some advice about that.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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How can both parties be equal if the westerner moves to a second or third world country? An equal would be both parties moving to a different country.
A baby bore is a person who only ever talks about their children and nothing else. I have friends like this and I am bored rigid.
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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I didn't mean move to a third world country, I meant that the couple would move to a third country, as in not their countries. For example Englsih woman Brazilian man move to: Vietnam
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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Erm..for the middle-aged, try and understand your woman's menopausal behavior and stop reminding her of what she knows better than anyone else, overweight being the worst remark you can do to her..never ever comment about her butt's size...ever. Posts: 3219 | From: Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. | Registered: Nov 2005
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Why move to a 3rd world country? How would liviong in an under developed society with poor GDP and riddled with disease benefit?
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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I am sorry if I have been unclear, I am not talking about moving to a third world country just the third country (as in number 3). Can also be Tanzanian man chilean woman move to Belgium
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Dzosser: Erm..for the middle-aged, try and understand your woman's menopausal behavior and stop reminding her of what she knows better than anyone else, overweight being the worst remark you can do to her..never ever comment about her butt's size...ever.
°
Men also have menopause...that is why they get sports car and young blonde mistresses.
About butt size. I don't think it is wise to talk about it a lot, at any age. Only compliments are allowed.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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quote:Originally posted by anthropos: I am sorry if I have been unclear, I am not talking about moving to a third world country just the third country (as in number 3). Can also be Tanzanian man chilean woman move to Belgium
I'm with you now. I know a french girl and egyptian man who moved to canada about 10 years back. He is still loving snow.
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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quote:Originally posted by Mrs Hassan: Don't get married...Thats the key to a great relationship.....LOLLLLLLL
Tried that, and need to say it worked for some time until life started to turn into a nightmare of nagging that raised hell, much worse than the one in marriage, let alone the emotional and mental acrobat before getting layed. Posts: 3219 | From: Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. | Registered: Nov 2005
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I don't think it can be black and white, what might work for one couple might not for another. For example, a good sex life can be hugely important to some, however there are also many couples who do not have sex at all (perhaps for medical reasons or personal choice) and are still very happy. The only way to make a marriage work is to be with the right person. No little tricks or following the Guide to a Happy Marriage will help one that just isn't meant to be. And for one that is meant to be, they don't need a guide, it just fits.
Posts: 2573 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2008
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But people do change don't they? Or become bored of each other? Take each other for granted? Forget to take care of each other?
But a long courtship, common interests, similar background and religion should help in deciding whether the person is right.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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quote:Originally posted by anthropos: If people come from different countries; is it better to move to the third country so both parties are equal? Has somebody done that here? Would really like to here some advice about that.
Me! I met my husband when we lived in Dubai which was neither of our countries...to be honest I think whether this affects the relationship depends on the persons themselves. I consider myself to be flexible enough to live anywhere and so does Sam (he spent a year living in lovely old Saudi and two years in living in the Algerian desert so he must be!) We have been in England (my country) for nearly 5 months and to be honest I can't see any difference to our life in Dubai to our life in England...ooh except that we had a baby, but I'm doing most of the caretaking as I'm at home all day, but at least I have my family around to take the pressure off..if we had stayed in Dubai and I was at home with Grace all day then I think I would have been totally depressed with no family around and all my mates living their fab lives, friday nights at Barasti and Chi and all those other fab dubai bars! While I was stuck at home! We used to go out all the time in Dubai and spend weekends sleeping it off. Now we can't unless it's well planned. In fact I am going out with the girls for the first time tonight since I had my baby. Can't wait!!!
Ferret I totally agree with you about the babybore part...lots of my friends used to bore me to death because i didnt have children but now i do i can understand it's a hard topic to avoid when you're at home with kids all day. However I do make an effort not to do this with friends who don't have kids. I also try not to do it with Sam. When he first went to work when Grace was a few weeks he would call me sometimes and I would be telling him how Grace threw up on me or something equally exciting then I realised I had become a baby bore, so i try not to sweat the small stuff and don't bore him with the minutae of my life.
I think everyone gave some great advice on here. What works for me is having outside interests and friends. His main one is football he plays several times a week and he sometimes goes to the pub with his friends on a sunday. Also whenver we row we always make up within an hour, thats more me than him because I hate not speaking and 9 times out of 10 its me that started it.
My most important thing is making an effort with my appearance. I know he appreciates me looking good. I'm working really hard to lose the baby weight and I try most days to make sure I look half decent and do my hair and a bit of makeup...although there are days when he comes home to a wife in PJs covered in baby puke but I try not to let it happen too often. He always compliments when I make an effort and he likes me to wear nice clothes. Since my inlaws have been staying they have been helping loads even cooking the evening meals so I've had loads of time to make an effort with myself and it's improved all areas of the marriage no end! Posts: 500 | From: United Arab Emirates | Registered: Jul 2008
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Yes that is good point about trying to stay good looking for your partner. Is there more pressure on women to stay the way they were at the wedding? Somebody will say "hey they are supposed to love you matter what, baby puke, baby fat, whatever" Of course I agree with that. But maybe it is really worth the effort, change the hairstyle, have a make-over. Still feel that it is not good to do it exactly FOR the husband. Women should do it for themselves.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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@weirdkitty - I heard this from my mom. I tried to relay marital advice to my older brother via her and she replied people and marriages are different and basically told me to shut up and stay out of it.
@ Dubai Girl re: My most important thing is making an effort with my appearance.
Smart Dubai Girl
@ Mrs Hassan re: Wonder if the makeup thing and looking good should work the other way around as well.. IE: for the hubby.. shave...no ciggy breathe.. etc....
What you think. But personally the hell with makeup, I think it makes women look cheap. I mean just a little. I mean one's appearance is ones' own wealth. Yes your spouse will be happy but ultimately it is yours. Who doesn't like to be attractive to the opposite sex even if married?!
Had a little fun just today D: This super mega pretty lady was at an outdoor Starbucks with some dude sitting and chatting. I was walking by minding my own business. Between me and them were trees but with gaps. So like every few steps you can take a peek.
Anyway way I looked, she looked, next gap, I looked she looked, next gap I looked, she's looking and playing with her hair, I mean like hand all in it raising it, showing it off. The trees ended and I'm at a distance looking back her dude is looking my way.
Attraction is a beautiful thing, not in this manner though, because I know I violated the sancity of bashfulness. I feel terrible.
I was however just playing around, and seeing if there was a reaction. I bet most of you ladies don't even know how some women react when they are attracted to someone (especially strangers). For a split second or a few seconds they lose it and start playing with their hair while looking at the person they are attracted to. And BTW this is scientifically proven.
Anyway just a rambling rooster on late Friday night.
Posts: 2275 | Registered: Dec 2009
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When I was with my long term man he couldn't give a flying fire truck if I wore a ballgown or a boiler suit, he just loved me the way I was and vice versa.
Although he and I are now seperated we are still in touch nigh-on daily and we are the best of friends; and that is what worked for us. In the 90's We set up a business together and worked together for years and we spent as much time together as physically possible... for us what worked was we kept our light bright with friendship and laughter. We had so many common interests, we would go off to the football, go out walking the dogs and yes, he loved ferrets He was like my right arm. Sure we needed time away and he would go on fishing trips with the lads and I would go to the Med with the girls... then we would call each other and sms all the time lol.
On the few occassions we argued we would just talk through it and if need be, we would agree to disagree. We are both very strong characters who could never just agree on something to keep the peace. I loved that about him, I hate doormats!
Exiiled, when I studied psychology we covered body language. Some people have no idea how much they sub-consciously give away.
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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quote:Originally posted by Dzosser: Erm..for the middle-aged, try and understand your woman's menopausal behavior and stop reminding her of what she knows better than anyone else, overweight being the worst remark you can do to her..never ever comment about her butt's size...ever.
you are so on the money Mister Posts: 9443 | From: USA...... | Registered: Jun 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Miss_Tigerlily: Cook him something nice, remind him of his mom's birthday, wash his boxers etc. etc. (what would men do without us???? ).
Act like adults and be responsible for themselves?
No it's called shared responsibilities. When he's away at work he can hardly help out at home. But he's a great spouse and father, very family orientated and that's what I love about him although I would have never thought that we would end up with six kiddies one day. It's gonna be a hell of family reunions in let's say 25 years when everybody has own children. Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote: When I was with my long term man he couldn't give a flying fire truck if I wore a ballgown or a boiler suit, he just loved me the way I was and vice versa.
See that's what I like. I could be in my baggy indoor galabaya with my hair tied up and Sam would still make me feel as if I looked amazing. Although that isn't to say I never bother, but it isn't something I feel I must do, just something I enjoy doing to mix it up a little.
-------------------- Another one.... Posts: 2573 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2008
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Allow him some time with his buddies away from home once in a while and he'll be thankful for that. Listen to him when he has problems at work; simply be his rock for him. Cook him something nice, remind him of his mom's birthday, wash his boxers etc. etc. (what would men do without us???? ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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