I started a similar line a while back but, as usual, it went off in another less positive direction and I ended up with a verbal lashing. So, I'm trying again.

Many people on this Forum have had experiences that have had a massive effect on their life and shaken their confidence in one way or another. People's coping mechanisms are different. I am very interested in what your personal coping mechansim was. Whether the offence was from an unfaithful or violent husband, a father, a lover, a gigolo or space invaders - how did you get over the hurt and start again? Have you actually managed to start again or is the pain still too great to be put aside? What did you do to make the pain bearable? Is it possible to change the habits of a lifetime and make yourself the Victor rather than the Victim?

For example, when it is the death of someone dear to your heart, other than your own child, in general, time heals the hurt...but when your child is taken away from you it is cruel, devastating, shattering. That type of pain never heals.

In terms of being hurt by a man/woman divorce, separation, scam, betrayal, a broken heart... I recommend self grooming, exercising, socializing a lot with genuine friends and family, and definitely seeking professional help to be able to cope better in all cases of deep pain, including violence.

A Cognitive behaviour specialist can help change the old patterns...

Good Luck to all, in regards with the healing process...and best wishes always

Monica

For one good reason. Have you ever thought of setting up your ex with a equally abusive, deceptive and evil partner? I had a girl-friend years back tried a relationship and after almost 3 years encouraged a good girlfriend(yes to this day they're are still friends) to take him out.

Well long story short, this good friend of hers is really quite evil with men, but still a good friend. She is bisexual and has a tendancy to really beat up and embarrass the boyfriend, sending her own female lover into exhiltation pure sure enjoyment to watch a man crumble. Why do they do this? I don't know. Juicier gossip than you will every find on ES.

The man is broken now, my girlfriend finally married an excellent guy, and is still friends with the man bashing bisexual. Takes a specail lady.

Karah, Chelle. Monica and Lotus Flower. Thank you .

Karah - we have a lot in common and I would like to meet you one day. You too Chelle.

I know you are aware that I have a book to finish by the end of October that concerns raising self-esteem in women. (I've been bashed about this too). The aim is to help women, who think less of themsleves than they should, stand tall again and achieve what they actally deserve rather than the little that they think they deserve.

At one stage in my life in Egypt, I thought that I deserved nothing and spent several hours by the Nile contemplating throwing myself in. Nobody should feel so worthless as that.

If anyone is interested in how bad it felt, they can read about it in Akshar's "My Luxor" line - and no I have not said why I felt that bad.

PS: I am printing these off and ask permission to use some of the material if that is OK. Everything on this line is completely anonymous anyway but I thought that i would ask for permission before I used anthing. Proceeds from the book are hardly likely to even cover my time so this is not a money making venture - (been accused of that too) - it is merely to help others. Thanks LL

But here my story how i got over the pain in my hart.

After real friends openend my eyes i took my time and made sure i could see it by my own eyes and whenever i missed his presence or just his hand going through my hair i made myself remember what i saw and how he was using me.It was hard and i had a very hard time not calling or sending a message so i erased his number out my phone and gave it to a good friend just in case i needed it.
When i saw him i made myself see how he was to other girls in general and his every move to get a girl like him or forgive him cause i knew them so good and i made , forced myself to look at it.Sometimes i was crying inside but after a while i got used seeing it and i got sick just looking at him.
I made sure i was always on my best when i saw him and even if a was in a not so good mood i made sure that he never saw me with a sad face , always with the biggest smile.
To my surprise after a while i didnt had to fake the smile anymore, i had fun , i was happy when going out and i didnt care anymore if he was watching me or not.

And than the day came that he thought he could get me again and get me in his arms again by just making sure i had to answer his question before all off my collegues and his friends and he thought i would be the nice girl infront off my collegues.

I turned around and rase my finger to him because i knew he hated it and told him.Boy , first off all you dont have the right to talk to me and if you really need to ask me something look down because you will never have the right again to look into my eyes.And if you do be shure yours will burne cause hounesty always wins against the eyes off a basterd.
He said something about you know that i hate it when you get your little finger like that and i told him.I know, be shure i know but i dont give a **** .
He turned around and went( he told me later )to the bathroom to get some fresh water over his face.

After 10 minutes he came back and wanted to sart talking to me and i just told him that he was a plain lier and a hounest person could never love a bastard.I passed him in a way like i " do i know you " and went home.

I slept so good and i woke up with sutch a big smile on my face and i knew that moment he could never make me believe on off his lies again.

Now we talk again but i m shure he feels his words go through my mind but never again through my hart.
Last month he told me " i cry every morning when i wake up because it let you go"
Maybee it was hounesty maybee one last try but i look at him and started smiling and said " maybee your loss but not mine"

Certain Egyptian men are growing up with this culture of seeing other colleagues having relationships with foreign women and of suddenly becoming the "nuveau riche" of Luxor/Hurghada. This association with a foreign woman gives then a certain status in Egypt. Their friends hold him in high esteem, the egyptian man is treated as if he is now some sort of God/King. He is now deemed to have achieved some great importance in life. All because of what?Some innocent woman who has fallen in love with him and he tries to tell her that with money (basically all of what she has)they can both build a good life together. The woman is then planning her future accordingly,(with this man) and investing her funds. She is comparing her life in Europe to the life in Egypt and this new "ideal" lifestyle in Egypt certainly becomes somewhat appealing to her. What more could she want, cheap property, her new love, and a new way of life in the sun. A lifetime holiday to see her into old age.

He then exerts pressure upon the woman to invest her funds in Egypt and basically so that he can keep up with the Jones and to maintain his future plans.
The man will try to bully the woman for money, convince her to follow the egptian way of life.

The foreign woamn then feels a somewhat negative attitute towards herself in the way she was brought up and begins to change her attitutes towards the way she speaks, dresses, her association with other people/men. She begins to loose her identity, her "real self" At this point the man is gaining power over her and the controlling for him is easier.

What then, she finds that he has other plans which mainly involve himself only!!. He will try to convince the woman that because of her age (this only applies to the woman over child bearing years) he needs children and needs to take a younger woman for to have children. At this stage the woman is shocked and sees reality and "her world is basically falling apart". She has made certain changes in her life and would find it extremely difficult to revert to her old lifestyle.

She will not go back to her old lifestyle.

This new life is so appealing and she will move forward alone, pick up the pieces of what funds she has and try and build a life for herself. One can only at this stage thank the Egyptian man for opening our eyes to a new culture and a new life for oneself and thank him immensely for the short "fling" one had with him. Thanks for the experience, it was great while it lasted but all good things come to an end at some stage or other. It is better to say "I have loved than not have loved at all".

The door of life opened to us when we were born and it will close again when we die. What we do in the meantime is basically up to ourselves, if we make a mistake, so what! accept it and learn from it.

When one dies all of the money in the world will not be buried with you - "did you ever see a hearse with a roof rack".

I have my man continually complaining to me about how Ahmed, Mohammed, Karim, (lost tract of other names) have a villa, car, business, bazaar, etc. and he has very little. He keeps telling me how "poor" he is, how poor his family are!

Oh that I could meet a very wealthy man and ask him to buy me a villa, 2 apartments, a new car, a new mobile (camera), a business.

My own man speaks of his undying love for me - this reason I believe is to hold on because he is not sure if there are any further funds coming his way. Most of the time I am amused at his attitute, I do believe there is some good in him (sometimes), but I believe he is also brainwashed by his friends. He said he is only staying with me for money - I did tell him to go many times and go find himself a rich foreign woman if that is what he wants. Everytime I look he is still there (3 yrs later) -I am still waiting for him to go!! so I can live my life in peace without this constant nagging of "more money"

These are all positive stories of how people have been hurt and then dusted themselves off. Despite everything that happened to me, I am still grateful for the introduction to Egypt that I got from him and my present life here.

The day that I sat by the river wanting to throw myself in was the lowest I have ever been. From then on the only way was up. I shall never get that low again.

Maybe I should have known what was happening to me in Egypt - but I didn't. When I did know the full extent of it, I just wanted to die and then I started fighting back. I was crushed almost into non-existance. I know what did it for me. I am interested in what did it for others.

If the book I write only helps one person to get back on a path that leads to their self-reliance and a belief that they matter in this world, then I shall have achieved something worthwhile.

I asked for the postings because I am learning from them, and with luck others can learn that because things seem black today, that does not mean they will be black tomorrow too.

Several people here have crossed continents to avoid their problems only to find that one way or another the problems have followed them. I did. But, nobody can run away from their demons, they have to find coping mechamisms that will allow them to be faced. Only then can they be conquered. The coping mechanisms vary as much as the problems do.

I am grateful to everyone who has posted and ask others to post their stories too.

quote:

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Originally posted by Luxorlover:
Karah: Many thanks. I shall be in Egypt until the 22nd September then I have to go back to England for a few weeks.

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LouLou, how could you leave Egypt on MY birthday?!?!? You is breaking my heart girl!!! (yeah, I do have one, just checked, don't ask me how LOL)

quote:

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Originally posted by ahmed2004:
LUXORLOVER IAM HAPPY THEN YOU CAN SAY ME HAPPYBIRTH DAY IN 16 OF SEP,,,,,

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A VIRGIN that's funny

[This message has been edited by asiaq (edited 25 July 2004).]

quote:

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Originally posted by Luxorlover:
I would like to ask the help of anybody that has been badly hurt in some way or other. How did you get over it? What did you do to lift your spirits and your self-esteem back up? This is not a "knock Egyptians" line, it is a help others line.

I started a similar line a while back but, as usual, it went off in another less positive direction and I ended up with a verbal lashing. So, I'm trying again.

Many people on this Forum have had experiences that have had a massive effect on their life and shaken their confidence in one way or another. People's coping mechanisms are different. I am very interested in what your personal coping mechansim was. Whether the offence was from an unfaithful or violent husband, a father, a lover, a gigolo or space invaders - how did you get over the hurt and start again? Have you actually managed to start again or is the pain still too great to be put aside? What did you do to make the pain bearable? Is it possible to change the habits of a lifetime and make yourself the Victor rather than the Victim?

[This message has been edited by Luxorlover (edited 25 July 2004).]

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My first step in healing is to realize a few things, put things into perspective. I think to myself... hey, wake up! am i still alive? well, yes... so, all is not lost! do other people have worse problems than me? well, more than likely.... so, it could be worse! and... do i have good things in my life? well, yes... so, i shall build upon those!

My second strategy is to reinvent myself. I don't mean by changing who I am... I mean by improving upon myself and changing poor behaviours. This way, I can regain the person I allowed myself to lose, focus on ME ME ME. I believe someone else mentioned being selfish. Well, for sure this is the best thing to do. Because the pain we have received was more than likely for looking out for someone else's interest other than our own. So, damnit, it's my turn!!! I deserve it!

My third step is to involve myself with a positive action. Whether it be learning a new activity or volunteering or studying a new course. This again will make you focus on the positive, and the side affect is sure to be a good one.

Fourthly, but not necessarily in this order, I pray. Prayer helps you to gain your strength and the meditation releases the thoughts from your head.

Fifthly, i write a letter to myself (or a journal entry for those who keep one) Sometimes putting my thoughts in writing helps to remove them from my mind. The letter goes to nobody... the words go on paper, then in the trash. And by throwing those thoughts in the trash, i say goodbye to them!

quote:

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Originally posted by Luxorlover:
Nat: You started to say something and then stopped. I would like to know what you were going to say.

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I really hope I can recall everything I wroteļ Firstly working through grief an pulling yourself up by your boot straps involves a lot of hard work and determination.

My marriage was over within three months of saying ¡§I do¡¨, so the rest of the time I was living with an animal whom I despised and he took every opportunity to break me down mentally and emotionally. Anyway to make a long story short after the ¡§talaq¡¨ was final I had to do my ¡§eda¡¨ and in that time I tried to find myself again as I had a lot of time to do soul searching. After my ¡§eda¡¨ was finished I had to get back into society and reclaim my former glory . It was very hard¡Keventually my uncle gave me the number of a psychologist¡Kwhom I refused to see as I believed they are for crazy people. Eventually one day as I was sitting on my bed looking like a hillbilly with hair all over the place, no make up ¡Kjust basically looking like crap¡KI had a hell of a fright when I looked in the mirror. All that remained of my former self was this ¡§thing¡¨. I didn¡¦t like this ¡§thing¡¨¡KI wanted to know where ¡§I¡¨ was¡Kwhere is ¡§me¡¨?. So I called the ¡§quack¡¨¡K

She warned me that I will go through the different stages of grief¡Kdenial, depression, anger, acceptance, bargaining¡KI cant exactly remember the order and I think its 5 stages of grief. She gave me a lot of ¡§tools¡¨ to work with¡Kto get rid of the anger, the frustration etc. Firstly I went to the gym and exercised a lot¡Kkickboxing was my favorite¡Kespecially when I visualized his face on the sand sack. After a hard workout I sat in the sauna for an hour or until I looked like beef jerkyƒº¡Kbut it felt good. I started to take extra care of myself by going a bit over board on the pampering¡KI went to a Hydro for 3 days and spoilt myself rotten and every opportunity I had I took a aqua massage. I started to go out with my old school mates and we had a ball. They are the kind of people with wicked sense of humor¡Kthey made my problems seem insignificant¡Kthey don¡¦t allow negative talk, they laugh the whole time at anything
When I returned home all the bad memories came flooding back, so my psychologist told me that I should take an old phone book and tare the pages out one by one. With every page I should say whatever is making me angry, I also used linen because it¡¦s a tougher material and helps getting rid of anger. I also wrote letters expressing my feelings to him and then burnt it. I was also advised not to hold back my emotions as I was still recovering¡K.so when I was sad¡KI cried¡Kif I was depressed I sulked then went to the gym. Laughing helped me the most, I thought she was nuts when she told me to laugh as much as possible¡Keven if someone is telling a crap joke. I was told to look in the mirror and tell myself that I am beautiful¡Ksay it long enough and you will start to believe it

quote:

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Originally posted by ScarlettHamada:
After yet another failed relationship, i usually go and get my hair cut short....

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If anything bad happens to me I tend to cut and color...I cant remember what my natural color is

quote:

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Originally posted by Luxorlover:
Nat and Scarlett: I have waist length hair and sometimes I wish I had the courage to cut it all off just to see what I would look like. I just know though that then I would feel so bad and want to stick it all back on again - so it would add to my problems instead of solving them.

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quote:

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Originally posted by ahmed2004:
ofcourse luxorlover from adistance!!because i never annouy anybody,specialy when its nice like you!!still iam still iam apologize and feeling sorry for what i did with you before,sometimes we become stupid,,,but unless not all the time,and i think its good to see our mistakes!!
asiaq why you hate me?and why you trying all the time in this thread to pull me fighting with you?THOUGH ITS NOT MY AIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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quote:

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Originally posted by ahmed2004:
ofcourse luxorlover from adistance!!because i never annouy anybody,specialy when its nice like you!!still iam still iam apologize and feeling sorry for what i did with you before,sometimes we become stupid,,,but unless not all the time,and i think its good to see our mistakes!!
asiaq why you hate me?and why you trying all the time in this thread to pull me fighting with you?THOUGH ITS NOT MY AIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Ahmed, I am a Virgin (darn, Virgo) too! hee hee hee No, really, no joke...

Ahmed (aka Haroon ), what present do u want? A virual one? Smiley face should be typed; u can find guidelines on the net; just type smileys and do the search.

If we met I am sure that you would recognise me easily. I am the little very fat one with the glasses and the grey hair - dressed in a neat little two piece suit with flowers on it Oh, and I wear gold sandals and carry a big gold handbag.

I am sure that others can recommend how I dress the part.

U better!

I am sure that others can recommend how I dress the part.