posted
Of course Egyptian women can share their views too, please - anyone is invited.
Why are many guys ruining their relationships by being possessive and controlling towards their partner? Why they don't understand that too much jealousy is a killer?
Why do they prefer women who are not career orientated (unless they want to live off that money) and willingly do everything for their husbands?
The status of a woman in Egypt is totally different than back in your home country. How did you adjust? What difficulties did occur? Do you feel you are having a 50/50 relationship where everyone has the same duties and rights? Or do you have the feeling that you had to change much more than your Egyptian husband to maintain a successful relationship?
I am aware that marriages, relationships in general, require continuously work but isn't it extra hard to work on a mixed cultural relationship?
What are the pros and cons in a marriage to an Egyptian man? I understand that every relationship is special, humans are individuals but some major issues always must have come up.
Lastly - any tips for other women who would like to pursue or want to maintain a healthy relationship with an Egyptian man?
Thank you.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
I believe you're stereotyping here, Egypt is changing a lot. However the fact remains that most women in Egypt are somewhat materialistic. So as a defensive measure men tend to be financially superior in order to maintain their respect, otherwise men usually don't bother, I for one am afraid of such a relationship with a richer girl, cause through experience I've learned that they tend to be arrogant and too independent, considering any sort of advice an act of interference with their lives. There are exceptions naturally, but I seldom ran across these exceptions.
-------------------- When you take something for granted as your own accomplishment. The lord takes it away to show you that all is his making and that you have done nothing to deserve his gift Posts: 67 | From: Cairo | Registered: Sep 2006
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posted
I think it's both. There's just such a huge gap between what's culturally accepted in Egypt, and what's been given in life to the women. It is very difficult for me to see how a happy relationship can result.
-------------------- Happiness is a choice! Posts: 177 | From: London | Registered: May 2006
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posted
What do you mean by "what's been given to them?" Nothing has been given to me. I have earned my way independently. I have never depended on a man to give me anything, except for my father when I was a child.
Posts: 333 | From: USA | Registered: Apr 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Umslopagas: I believe you're stereotyping here, Egypt is changing a lot. However the fact remains that most women in Egypt are somewhat materialistic. So as a defensive measure men tend to be financially superior in order to maintain their respect, otherwise men usually don't bother, I for one am afraid of such a relationship with a richer girl, cause through experience I've learned that they tend to be arrogant and too independent, considering any sort of advice an act of interference with their lives. There are exceptions naturally, but I seldom ran across these exceptions.
Egyptian women seem materialistic because they must grab the money out of their husbands/fiancees hands before their men go out and splurge it on themselves.
Egyptian men are notorious for selfishly spending leaving their families to fend for themselves and find ways of paying for "basic necessities" for months on end.
Egyptian men are also notorious for working abroad for years and then come home with nothing or are in debt. The wives who go through this have worked hard for years if not decades to provide the basics and save a little on the side (just in case) but then are flabbergasted to learn the comfortable retirement they have looked forward to is completely gone.
Occassionally I have overheard that these same husbands who come back broke, become overwhelmed by the hate their wives and the wives family have had developed toward him. Finally he divorces her and miraclously has loads of money to marry a young woman far beyound his social level, complete with a suburban villa and a new business.
No wonder Egyptian men have such a bad reputation. Posts: 991 | From: My daughter is a stalker | Registered: Jul 2006
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quote:Originally posted by gentle_giant: I think it's both. There's just such a huge gap between what's culturally accepted in Egypt, and what's been given in life to the women. It is very difficult for me to see how a happy relationship can result.
And its a cultural taboo for an Egyptian woman to be open about their "woman's world" with men in general, more of an emphasis on "Foreign men".
What Egyptian women endure is well beyound your comprehension. And they won't say a word about it to you. Its none of your business. And its part of a woman's honor not to complain about it to men.
Again GG you are so off your rocker!
Posts: 991 | From: My daughter is a stalker | Registered: Jul 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Umslopagas: I believe you're stereotyping here, Egypt is changing a lot. However the fact remains that most women in Egypt are somewhat materialistic. So as a defensive measure men tend to be financially superior in order to maintain their respect, otherwise men usually don't bother, I for one am afraid of such a relationship with a richer girl, cause through experience I've learned that they tend to be arrogant and too independent, considering any sort of advice an act of interference with their lives. There are exceptions naturally, but I seldom ran across these exceptions.
What's wrong with an independant woman? Why are Egyptian men afraid to be with them?
Posts: 333 | From: USA | Registered: Apr 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Umslopagas: I believe you're stereotyping here, Egypt is changing a lot. However the fact remains that most women in Egypt are somewhat materialistic. So as a defensive measure men tend to be financially superior in order to maintain their respect, otherwise men usually don't bother, I for one am afraid of such a relationship with a richer girl, cause through experience I've learned that they tend to be arrogant and too independent, considering any sort of advice an act of interference with their lives. There are exceptions naturally, but I seldom ran across these exceptions.
What's wrong with an independant woman? Why are Egyptian men afraid to be with them?
Because its common for Egyptian men to marry foreign women because they can't afford an Egyptian woman.
Posts: 991 | From: My daughter is a stalker | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
Tigerlily, don't you know that arab men will not budge and are afraid of women in general because they want to control things.
Posts: 935 | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
Ok ppl, Let me explain myself a bit, I will not deny that historically egyptian men have preyed on women's freedom. As a counter measure, women have been trying for their independence from such men, again I repeat it has become like reverse discrimination. Like in countries where there was racial discrimination, when it was finally resolved the people who were discriminated started paying back by discriminating other races. The same applies here, modern egyptian women are paying back for a legacy of being deprived of their freedom, by constantly trying to impose their superiority when they get the chance. I hope this made it somewhat clearer.
-------------------- When you take something for granted as your own accomplishment. The lord takes it away to show you that all is his making and that you have done nothing to deserve his gift Posts: 67 | From: Cairo | Registered: Sep 2006
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posted
I could not agree more Umslopagas (on that last point you made). Whenever anyone looses power then in turn take power from another. It is the "Power Up" method most commonly reffered to in psychology when talking about an abusive relationship. The men take from the women and so, to feel one up on the men (since they cannot belittle them in return) seek another sort of control - materialism, arrogance, false sense of supiriority.
For many years I wondered why it was so hard to have friendships with Arab girls. I know there is an exception to any rule SO I AM NOT GENERALIZING I am simply speaking from personal experience from the ones I have met.
I continously met girls who would be snobby, act as if they were superior to me, or try to sneak around me to talk about me or take my guy. It was beyond me! I mean, I am pretty, smart, and nice. (if I do say so myself hee hee ) So, why the need to one up me?
Now, living here in Egypt, I have begun to understand why. I have experienced their end of the spectrum as my own and have seen how we woman are second rate citizens.
Don't get me wrong, I am not in any way abused, or mistreated emotionally, or bossed around....but it is more than obvious that I do not have the same freedoms as I do back in the States. So, yes, the status of women here is totally different and it was hard for me to adjust at first. I think it still might be from a psychological perspective.
Here women have to hold the arm of their husband when they walk down the streets because it is respectful to do so. What if I did not want to for no negative reason other than on that day I just simply did not feel like it? Sometimes, I like to walk freely and let my arms swing - crazy? why? :/
Asking for permission to go places is paramount. In the States, we can just call our husband up and say, "Hey, honey, I stepped out to go to the mall with the kids but will be home in time for dinner with ya. Love ya." No problem. Here, you should wise enough to ask before stepping out that door and then be at the mercy of his decision (hopefully your husband is a good man who does not self impose himself over you).
Look, I love my husband and he is my Super Man (hee hee) but yes, of course, the difference in culture brings its obstacles. I would be lieing if I said they did not. I just happen to be lucky enough to have one of the good guys but it still takes work because of our differences!!!
The pros are: He prays with me, brings me closer to God, loves to protect me, provide for me, and I see the joy in his eyes when he gives me what I want - dinner at a fancy restaurant, a new blouse I wanted, a trip to visit a new place. He is eternally romantic, pasionate, and knows the role of being a "man" so therefore feels responsible for me and the household.
The cons are: He can be controlling, checks my clothes before i wlk out to make sure my hijab is on straight and I am not showing anything, nothing is too tight, he prefers to give me what I want rather than let me hold the household money, he isists I only leave the house with permission if ihe is at work (so I have to call him first), he insists I hold his arm when we walk to not let men disrespect me so they see i am accompanied, and his passion can turn to scorn when I openly disobey, shake a shimmi to a good song, or laugh too loud.
He expects me to be a LADY at all times and I like that. So, I have a few expectations from him in return:
Expectations: Let me have my opinion so I can feel free to express myself, never scream at me and expecially not in public, the day you decide to hit me to teach me something is the day I start to loose respect for you, keep my refrigerator full of food, clothe me, keep me with my basic beauty needs (products, salons, new clothes, gym, etc.), give me a cleaning lady at least once every two weeks so I won't get tired of cleaning after you, take me out on a date once a week, minimum, so I still feel like you want to impress me sometimes, do the dishes at least twice a week to make me feel like I am not serving you alone, cook for me at least once a month so I can feel you want to nurture me, and always, always, always, be affectionate with me because I require extra love
It may sound like toooo much for some callous hearts out there lol lol lol but, trust me, it works for us and this is with a man who once told me, "I am an Egyptian man, woman! Watch yuor mouth." To which I answered, "And I am a daughter of God so soften your tongue."
You just have to learn to balance like in any relationship.
posted
I can only speak for my own husband and he dont looks afraid. In the begining of our relationsship owever each time I felt like doing things on my own or make decisions on my own insted of letting him do it - he saw it as a sign of me not trusting him. - we are passed that point now and he likes women who have a life of their own and not being so dependent of him all the time - takes away the pressure as he says. Posts: 1215 | From: Nowhere | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:Egyptian men are notorious for selfishly spending leaving their families to fend for themselves and find ways of paying for "basic necessities" for months on end.
OMG....is this true??? American men can be just as bad! Egyptian men are probably more debonair about it (I'll take the egyptian man I love debonair) Posts: 108 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
Another point, women who are so independent are usually very picky, noone is good enough for them.
They turn out very miserable at the end, cause when it's too late, they just take whatever comes their way or spend their lives in utter loneliness.
-------------------- When you take something for granted as your own accomplishment. The lord takes it away to show you that all is his making and that you have done nothing to deserve his gift Posts: 67 | From: Cairo | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Umslopagas: Another point, women who are so independent are usually very picky, noone is good enough for them.
They turn out very miserable at the end, cause when it's too late, they just take whatever comes their way or spend their lives in utter loneliness.
I haven't been lonely in fact I have had several very long relationships, but thank God I didn't marry them, I would rather be picky and happy than married to someone who makes me miserable. Actually I think I have finally found the right person.
Posts: 333 | From: USA | Registered: Apr 2005
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quote:Egyptian men are notorious for selfishly spending leaving their families to fend for themselves and find ways of paying for "basic necessities" for months on end.
OMG....is this true??? American men can be just as bad! Egyptian men are probably more debonair about it (I'll take the egyptian man I love debonair)
Actually this is where your American experience and my American experience depart.
In the community I was raised in and the community my parents were raised in a man who spent as lavishly on himself as Egyptian men due and disregard their families needs would be publically castigated.
Here's a run-down of what would happen in my parent's hometown if men behaved as Egyptian men do:
1) His employer would pull him aside and ask if he is having any issues that conflict with work, and if he denies it, proceeds to inquire why he even bothers to come to work when it doesn't benefit his family.
2) His Pastor, Priest, Reverand would pull him aside either after church, in public or hunt him down and ask if he is having a conflict of faith. Then he'll give him a very firey, low-voiced lecture on being a good Christian means being a good father and husband.
3) His father and uncles would pull him aside and explain to him that he has become a subject of talk and its hurting the family's reputation.
4) His MIL and own mother would start an insistant besigment to "pester the hell out of him" and force him to take his responsibilities seriously.
5) Store owners, retailers and merchants would ask if purchasing personal items of this selfish nature is in the best interest of his family. (Customers might just stop shopping there if these people didn't question him publically).
6) The local cop would pull him aside and inquire if he is into any trouble he should know about and if either he or his family needs help.
7) The local bartenders will stop serving him and ask him to leave the establishment until he so choses to take care of business at home.
After that point the neighbors start to stare, come out on their porches when the guy comes home from work to see if he is will get after his wife for all the "public accountability" he is recieving.
Then it gets worse, the neighbors start coming to the door and invite the wife and the kids over for dinner every night.
This has actually happened to two of my relatives. One was my grandfather. He shaped up. The other was married to a somewhat distant relative and he was harrassed out of town when this relative of mine made it clear to him she wanted him out.
Of course this is a small town of just 20,000 and both sides of my family have good public standing.
What would happen in the metropolitan area suburbs of Minneapolis and St. Paul would be different. But either way the guy is going to pay for being such a selfish a$$. We don't put up with that kind of behavior here. But we are also tough on selfish wives/mothers too.
Unlike in Egypt so many of the men are so selfish and self-indulgent that they blame the wife for not being "clever" or "pious" enough to force him down to a more mature, responsible level.
In the end its the wife's fault for not being able to undermine his irresponsibility. Next they blame her for a "love relationship". Starting out as a "love story" means women lose 70% of their power in the relationship immediately. If these women cannot compell these guys into relinguishing money, decision-making and showing upmost respect to them in public; they blame her for being a doormat and not seeing the guy for what he is because she was clouded with foolish love and not thinking practically when she married him.
Remember a while back? "Spit on Egyptian men because they are like stamps, being cruel to them wins their respect and then they stick to you."
I'll go look for the post, I might have a copy of it.
Posts: 991 | From: My daughter is a stalker | Registered: Jul 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Umslopagas: Another point, women who are so independent are usually very picky, noone is good enough for them.
They turn out very miserable at the end, cause when it's too late, they just take whatever comes their way or spend their lives in utter loneliness.
And this happens to men too:
Remember that book:
"Respectable Sir" by Naguib Mahfouz
Respected Sir (1975), however, moves beyond the revolution to study Othman's single-minded pursuit of bureaucratic promotion and how it alienates him from the fuller aspects of life. All three novels are enlightening characterizations by the Arab world's greatest writer. Very highly recommended
posted
some women have really some wrong ideas about Egyptian men.. thank god that my wife...who is not an Egyptian ..a very successful figure in the society ..and has a her independent life financially... thank god that she doesn't have this wrong idea about me... we share almost everything together.. ideas and thoughts..and plans..
and eventhough she has her own income and properties... it was understood and clear for her from the begining that my money is our money...and her money is her money.. these are the teachings of islam.. she is actually happy that her money is growing since we got married.she really spends less now...looooooool
she sometimes consult me or ask my advice regarding some investments of her own..i just give the advice...and she has the dicision in the end.. it is her decision to buy or to cell any of her real estates..i never involved myself in that... i never imagined myself with a woman who has no career..or unsuccessful.. why should that frighten me..????? bottom line.. plz do not generalize.. Egyptian men...or men any where else.. they are not the same.. people are different even in the same society.. EGYPTIAN MEN ARE ALSO HUMAN
Posts: 165 | From: Săo paulo/Brazil Cairo/Egypt | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by paulistano: some women have really some wrong ideas about Egyptian men.. thank god that my wife...who is not an Egyptian ..a very successful figure in the society ..and has a her independent life financially... thank god that she doesn't have this wrong idea about me... we share almost everything together.. ideas and thoughts..and plans..
and eventhough she has her own income and properties... it was understood and clear for her from the begining that my money is our money...and her money is her money.. these are the teachings of islam.. she is actually happy that her money is growing since we got married.she really spends less now...looooooool
she sometimes consult me or ask my advice regarding some investments of her own..i just give the advice...and she has the dicision in the end.. it is her decision to buy or to cell any of her real estates..i never involved myself in that... i never imagined myself with a woman who has no career..or successful.. why should that frighten me..????? bottom line.. plz do not generalize.. Egyptian men...or men any where else.. they are not the same.. people are different even in the same society.. EGYPTIAN MEN ARE ALSO HUMAN
If she is so great why do you want to screw around on her?
Posts: 991 | From: My daughter is a stalker | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
who said i want to..??? you are really getting everything backwords albino... all i want is to fix the only thing that we don't share.. and by mistake i was asking here in the forum what to do about it... seeking advice not more.. i was wrong to ask... specially after knowing of your existence here...that was very wrong..
Posts: 165 | From: Săo paulo/Brazil Cairo/Egypt | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by paulistano: who said i want to..???
Dude, why do you make it so easy on me?:
she has everything i wanted in a woman.. except one thing... she doesn't have any libido at all.. we rarely make love.. she doesn't know how to plçease me in bed.. and...i must ask for it everytime i want to make love.. i tried everything.. i love oral sex.. i love sex in general.. i tried everything that makes her move towards me.. but... she is always waiting for my signal.. but.. she never show any interest in sex.. i hate to approach her every time.. i need to feel her wanting me.. i talked to her about it.. she said she knows she doesn't satisfy me enough.. and she told me to find another woman.. but after divorcing her first.. because she cann't stand being a second wife..
i am afraid to suggest therapy.. that will hurt her feelings.. coz she is so sensitive.. she is already in pain.. and i cann't think of another woman behind her back.. that will kill her.. and i can never cheat on her.. i was cheated on b4... and i know how it feels.. can any one tell me.. am i cursed..?? is there a chance in this life time for me to become happy with any woman...???? omg...that was long...i am sorry.
Sorry dude, you can't say something and then take it back. Go ask Sammy to delete the thread for you, because I will bring it up again if you dare to deny it.
I know what it feels like to be in your position, but this marriage I left didn't have any of the plus you had listed above. Nor would I go out onto the internet at a public forum and ask for permission to commit adultry.
Posts: 991 | From: My daughter is a stalker | Registered: Jul 2006
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u will find her saying i'n bred up like this, this is normal
you cant call her btch bcuz this is not adultry like u say it's
Because of these and find a bit Naimah with one another Htallakiha claims extraordinary Atrbet I like INTA has to learn Say you say Awad according Ashjini
That is what the arabi you posted translates as, in addition to your incomprehensible english I can't make heads or tails of your dribble.
Please rephrase.
Posts: 991 | From: My daughter is a stalker | Registered: Jul 2006
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my arabic comment for arabs ok my english is bad am not ashamed to say, if u wanna get me ok , if u cant, no blame
Posts: 2728 | From: جمهورية مصر العربية | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Egyptian_batman: بقولك ايه ما تشتغليش نفسك
my arabic comment for arabs ok my english is bad am not ashamed to say, if u wanna get me ok , if u cant, no blame
Dude you have been making numerous snarky remarks, loads of Egyptian ES usernames think you are funner than heck. I just want in.
Posts: 991 | From: My daughter is a stalker | Registered: Jul 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Egyptian_batman: what means 'snarky' & "heck' 'went in' "dude'?
i say most foreign wives r chaeter n find that normal due to the crap system of openness(معظمهم مفتوحين) of females
openness means pierced
Well I am not a cheater, no matter how bad it got.
Western women are just open about cheating comparatively to Egyptian women. Because egyptian women have so much to lose if they are honest about their adultry, they chose to stay quiet. Western women lose just as much, but in different ways. But Western women can start over and leave a marriage much more easily.
Theres the difference.
Posts: 991 | From: My daughter is a stalker | Registered: Jul 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Albino_Eskimo: [QUOTE]Originally posted by paulistano: why do you make it so easy on me?:
Sorry dude, you can't say something and then take it back. .
ask for permission to commit adultry.
you are using some kind of drugs for sure... i don't need to read what i wrote to know that you are really on drugs.. where on earth did i say something like that...???
but i will repeat what i said b4... looks like you need glasses to read.. or maybe new clean brains ..
( and i cann't think of another woman behind her back.. that will kill her.. and i can never cheat on her.. i was cheated on b4... and i know how it feels.. )
i never asked permission from any one to commit adultry.. and never i wanted to cheat on my wife... are you nuts..?????????????? do you think if i want to commit a sin like that i will come here and ask permission from any one...???? if i am that sick ...i won't be here..
i am not a cheater... is that clear now..?????????
plus...this wasn't the subject here .. we are talking about something completely different.. the topic was initially posted to discuss something else..
lady.. you got a complex... and i doubt that it will heal..
Posts: 165 | From: Săo paulo/Brazil Cairo/Egypt | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by paulistano: who said i want to..???
Dude, why do you make it so easy on me?:
[b]and i cann't think of another woman behind her back.. that will kill her.. and i can never cheat on her.. i was cheated on b4... and i know how it feels.. b]
Sorry dude, you can't say something and then take it back. Go ask Sammy to delete the thread for you, because I will bring it up again if you dare to deny it.
I know what it feels like to be in your position, but this marriage I left didn't have any of the plus you had listed above. Nor would I go out onto the internet at a public forum and ask for permission to commit adultry.
i will repeat what i said b4... looks like you need glasses to read.. or maybe new clean brains ..
and i cann't think of another woman behind her back.. that will kill her.. and i can never cheat on her.. i was cheated on b4... and i know how it feels..
is that clear now..????????? plus...this wasn't the subject here .. we are talking about something completely different.. lady.. you got a complex... and i doubt that it will heal..
And you can't admit that you are propelled to something awful thats been done to you in the past.
Dude your initial post sounded like a "Dear John" advert. And it more or less sounded like you were advertising yourself.
Posts: 991 | From: My daughter is a stalker | Registered: Jul 2006
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And you can't admit that you are propelled to something awful thats been done to you in the past.
Dude your initial post sounded like a "Dear John" advert. And it more or less sounded like you were advertising yourself. [/QB][/QUOTE]
i would like if you stop calling me dude.. you have a real problem lady... me advertising myself..??? hahahhaha to who..??? this is not a dating site lady.. it is a public forum where normal ppl discuss various of subjects.. you made me really regret being here... i awe that to you... i was completely mistaken to discuss my problems here...without knowing that some wierdos like you are among the members here.. listen... just ignore me .. ok..??? and i will do the same.. what a sick person.. Posts: 165 | From: Săo paulo/Brazil Cairo/Egypt | Registered: Sep 2006
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And you can't admit that you are propelled to something awful thats been done to you in the past.
Dude your initial post sounded like a "Dear John" advert. And it more or less sounded like you were advertising yourself. [/QB]
i would like if you stop calling me dude.. you have a real problem lady... me advertising myself..??? hahahhaha to who..??? this is not a dating site lady.. it is a public forum where normal ppl discuss various of subjects.. you made me really regret being here... i awe that to you... i was completely mistaken to discuss my problems here...without knowing that some wierdos like you are among the members here.. listen... just ignore me .. ok..??? and i will do the same.. what a sick person.. [/QB][/QUOTE]
No ES has always been sob story lane or a pick up website.
Real information on Egypt gets deleted all the time, while adverts remain completely untouched.
Posts: 991 | From: My daughter is a stalker | Registered: Jul 2006
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quote:Egyptian men are notorious for selfishly spending leaving their families to fend for themselves and find ways of paying for "basic necessities" for months on end.
OMG....is this true??? American men can be just as bad! Egyptian men are probably more debonair about it (I'll take the egyptian man I love debonair)
Actually this is where your American experience and my American experience depart.
In the community I was raised in and the community my parents were raised in a man who spent as lavishly on himself as Egyptian men due and disregard their families needs would be publically castigated.
Here's a run-down of what would happen in my parent's hometown if men behaved as Egyptian men do:
1) His employer would pull him aside and ask if he is having any issues that conflict with work, and if he denies it, proceeds to inquire why he even bothers to come to work when it doesn't benefit his family.
2) His Pastor, Priest, Reverand would pull him aside either after church, in public or hunt him down and ask if he is having a conflict of faith. Then he'll give him a very firey, low-voiced lecture on being a good Christian means being a good father and husband.
3) His father and uncles would pull him aside and explain to him that he has become a subject of talk and its hurting the family's reputation.
4) His MIL and own mother would start an insistant besigment to "pester the hell out of him" and force him to take his responsibilities seriously.
5) Store owners, retailers and merchants would ask if purchasing personal items of this selfish nature is in the best interest of his family. (Customers might just stop shopping there if these people didn't question him publically).
6) The local cop would pull him aside and inquire if he is into any trouble he should know about and if either he or his family needs help.
7) The local bartenders will stop serving him and ask him to leave the establishment until he so choses to take care of business at home.
After that point the neighbors start to stare, come out on their porches when the guy comes home from work to see if he is will get after his wife for all the "public accountability" he is recieving.
Then it gets worse, the neighbors start coming to the door and invite the wife and the kids over for dinner every night.
This has actually happened to two of my relatives. One was my grandfather. He shaped up. The other was married to a somewhat distant relative and he was harrassed out of town when this relative of mine made it clear to him she wanted him out.
Of course this is a small town of just 20,000 and both sides of my family have good public standing.
What would happen in the metropolitan area suburbs of Minneapolis and St. Paul would be different. But either way the guy is going to pay for being such a selfish a$$. We don't put up with that kind of behavior here. But we are also tough on selfish wives/mothers too.
Unlike in Egypt so many of the men are so selfish and self-indulgent that they blame the wife for not being "clever" or "pious" enough to force him down to a more mature, responsible level.
In the end its the wife's fault for not being able to undermine his irresponsibility. Next they blame her for a "love relationship". Starting out as a "love story" means women lose 70% of their power in the relationship immediately. If these women cannot compell these guys into relinguishing money, decision-making and showing upmost respect to them in public; they blame her for being a doormat and not seeing the guy for what he is because she was clouded with foolish love and not thinking practically when she married him.
Remember a while back? "Spit on Egyptian men because they are like stamps, being cruel to them wins their respect and then they stick to you."
I'll go look for the post, I might have a copy of it.
What you're describing here is a Utopia, a perfect world, where everyone cares, but to be honest this never exists.
In order to have the scenario about everyone pulling the guy aside to talk to him, would require a population of about 30 people in the whole town, so they'll all notice and care for this guy.
Maybe in the old days, not nowadays.
Posts: 67 | From: Cairo | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Umslopagas: What you're describing here is a Utopia, a perfect world, where everyone cares, but to be honest this never exists.
In order to have the scenario about everyone pulling the guy aside to talk to him, would require a population of about 30 people in the whole town, so they'll all notice and care for this guy.
Maybe in the old days, not nowadays.
Yeah hello, thats why people who have married into my family call the region "God's country".
And yeah 30 people or more have spoken to errant jack@ss that need to grow up. But they do so in a subtle, warm, gentle fashion while being direct and firm.
Thats why city or suburban folks like myself remember the good old days and remind ourselves several times a year, in my case growing up a few times a month (4-5 hour car ride means there is something to go back home to) by going back to the small towns we came from to enjoy this utopia.
But on the dark side gun violence and poverty is an extreme in the small towns; then and now.
Which is why 30 people go out of their way to make a point to the errant jack@ss to mend his ways. Before someone who is related to the wife/mother of the situation, hauls off on him with a shotgun.
Even in the suburbs today a thick network of teachers, sport coaches, school nurses, family physicians and his staff, neighbors, block leaders, DARE mentors, social workers, judges, police officers, lay persons (clergy), boys and girl club staff, boy or girl scout leaders, principles, classroom aids, and others are there to intervene and help the family in question. This doesn't even include the mountain of socail service charities that will quietly address the needs of the family and find a way of doing so that keeps the errant father/husband connected in the process of building the family getting them back on their feet and moving forward.
Its part of our philosophy here, its how we live.
Posts: 991 | From: My daughter is a stalker | Registered: Jul 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Egyptian_batman: بقولك ايه ما تشتغليش نفسك
my arabic comment for arabs ok my english is bad am not ashamed to say, if u wanna get me ok , if u cant, no blame
Dude you have been making numerous snarky remarks, loads of Egyptian ES usernames think you are funner than heck. I just want in.
He's so funny in Arabic... I can get my period laughing so hard .... & I disturb the poor people sleeping in the house
Posts: 3128 | From: Not Your Heaven | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:What you're describing here is a Utopia, a perfect world, where everyone cares, but to be honest this never exists.
You right this world is by far perfect and gets worse minute by minute. How sad and depressing it is thinking that life will never be full of laughter,love,peace,passion, thankfulness,greatfulness,excitement,faith and most important "turst" Why can't male/female just tell the other they want out of the relationship before cheating? What's the big deal you say This relationship is not working for me I need more then what your able to give me (of course thats after you two have talked and have came to the conclusion it's not going to work out ) I myself take my Vows very seriously but sometimes divorce is needed Posts: 108 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2006
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quote:What you're describing here is a Utopia, a perfect world, where everyone cares, but to be honest this never exists.
You right this world is by far perfect and gets worse minute by minute. How sad and depressing it is thinking that life will never be full of laughter,love,peace,passion, thankfulness,greatfulness,excitement,faith and most important "turst" Why can't male/female just tell the other they want out of the relationship before cheating? What's the big deal you say This relationship is not working for me I need more then what your able to give me (of course thats after you two have talked and have came to the conclusion it's not going to work out ) I myself take my Vows very seriously but sometimes divorce is needed
And in order to make a marriage work, you life shouldn't revolve around the marriage.
Sheesh, even in the darkest most life-depriving parts of the world people have a better outlook than you!
Women place too much emphasis on the "perfect marriage" they expect to have a wife instead of a husband, and then they aren't getting the impossible he blows a gasget. No wonder!
Don't expect to be personally complete with a man, if you expect this you will never be complete.
Posts: 991 | From: My daughter is a stalker | Registered: Jul 2006
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quote:Originally posted by FairyDust: What do you mean by "what's been given to them?" Nothing has been given to me. I have earned my way independently. I have never depended on a man to give me anything, except for my father when I was a child.
I meant empowerment to make decisions, and belief in their own ideas.
Posts: 177 | From: London | Registered: May 2006
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posted
Why is it almost every comment here ends up getting turned into bitch fights? It would be great to read continual constructive comments. In defense of myself choosing my husband, rather than in defense of him, or egyptian men I would like to say I have a great husband, religious,but knowledgeable in his understanding of it. He understands his duties and commitments to a wife, and more importantly when he married, his wife comes as first in his family from that moment on.I spent almost 24 hours a day with him over 3 years - not so many now as we have seperate jobs- if im sick, he fusses and nurses me, he does most of the shopping, carries everything for me, cleans the house, takes laundry, does garden, cooks, washes dishes, gives me most of what he earns, always is smiling and kind. He never raises his voice,never orders me to do or not do anything, has never had arguement with me, never goes to meet friends without me. None of it because he has any deficiency either! he s very handsome, tall, strong, goes to gym, and knows how to look and smell great. Difficult for some to believe he was born in egypt? There is hope for them
Posts: 319 | From: egypt/uk | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by FairyDust: What do you mean by "what's been given to them?" Nothing has been given to me. I have earned my way independently. I have never depended on a man to give me anything, except for my father when I was a child.
I meant empowerment to make decisions, and belief in their own ideas.
So the "wombs" lying around in your home go to you to validate their beliefs and their ideas?
Why do you assume that women in general need a male to empower them to make decisions?
Why do you assume that women of the west are as disempowered as your wombs lying around in your home?
Posts: 3168 | From: If you don't like it, don't look or read it! | Registered: Oct 2006
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posted
I think it is like many of the other people have said, every man is differnt. My husband is from a small village in assuit. Now he wont hold my hand when we walk down the street while we were in egypt, but in no way has he ever tried to hold me back or make himself seem more better then me. My husband encourages me. I have recently went back to school and he supports me he helps witht the kids and my homework. I make more money then he does and it does not bother him, well not in the sense the he puts me down. He wished he could make more money becuse he feels he should be doing more to financaily provide for his family. We are a team and we work together. He cleans and cooks more then I do. And he never complains he is my life and I could not be happier with him. He is so smart and soon he will be making more ( waiting for his school cert scores to come back)but he is not afraid of my independence that is one of the things he loves about me. He knows that if something was to happen of he had to leave on a trip I can and will hold things back. I was doing it before I met him.
-------------------- narahri Posts: 4 | From: philadelphia | Registered: Oct 2006
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American men can be just as bad! Egyptian men are probably more debonair about it (I'll take the egyptian man I love debonair) ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
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You right this world is by far perfect and gets worse minute by minute. How sad and depressing it is thinking that life will never be full of laughter,love,peace,passion, thankfulness,greatfulness,excitement,faith and most important "turst" 
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