posted
My dad has never been a proper dad. The first time he saw me wasjust before i was one.
He's never been a proper father to me. HE hardly ever picked me up from school, didn't feed me or change my clothes when i was a kid. He use to beat me my brother and sisters and motherr.
He's now disowned three out of five daughter and one of his sons. I'm, sure he would've disowned me if it hadn't been for the fact that he needs me to sort out his benifits and bills (becuase he can't speak english)
3 years ago he went to Bangladesh (where were born). He told me, my mum and younger brother and sister that it was because he wanted a break and to sort out our property over there. He actually went to get married again. He said he got married becuase he needed someone to look after our house. The woman he married is younger then his oldest grandson. My dad is about 60 and she is 20. My mum is 40 and still married to him.
After getting married he spent three moths with her and then he came back to england. HE spent 8 horrible months with us. In them months he shouted and shouted at us. He hit us. He then found out that the new woman had given birth to his new daughter. (so obviously he didn't just marry her so she could look after his house). Then he left again. In january. two days before my birthday. He left not so much as a birthday card for me never mind a present. He then spent 4 months with his new wife and kid. In that 4 months his house was robbed. The robber took everything in the house. Clothes, money, jewellyer, pots and pans. Everything. In the two holidays he use to call up while me and my sister and brother were at school. He'd ask for money and shout at my mum. He would never ask how we are.
Then he came back with a £5000 debt and expected us to pay it. SO we eventually did. The following few months were abosoloutley horrible. He hurt us all emotionaly and my mum physicle. I only found out now that he use to beat her in that year. He also found out the new wife had given borht to another child. this time a son. This means when he dies my and my brother and sister will get nothing. THe new son will get everything. (i was happy with the fact ii might not get anything but my brother will get everything. He's my brother and i love him and i would never be jolous of him)
My brother is disabled and gets disability money. In december 2004 his community nurse came round to sort his money out and she was telling us how my mum would get it as she is the sole carer. My father, after hearing that he wouldn't get it made oour life a whole lot more misrable. He got a stomach problem that week and claimed my mother was trying to poisen him. My my brother and sister ate the same food yet we never got any problems. Even when he started to cook his own food he had a bad stomach. He then left to live with h is new wife in bangladesh. He told us he would never come back and that my mum would get so desperate should prostitute me off to get money. (what kind of a fatehr says that and if he believed it then why did he leave me in her care). That was the last thing he said to me
So after he left he didn't even call us to say that he arrived safely. He knew my brother was having a circumcision the next month but he didn't even call once to see what happened. My mum gave my mum money to danate to the mosque becuase of my brother's circumcision but my dad spent it. He didn't call to find out my GCSE result or anything. Again he called for moeny and that it. Then he stopped calling becuase my mum gave him nothing. We had stopped his benifits and had barely enough money for ourselves. We lived of our savings for 4 months. We even got an eviction notcie. When he was there his new wife left him and took her kids and had him beaten up. So during the time she was gone he took back his ex wife (the woman he divorced before he got married to my mum) So they lived together out of marraige. HE then broke up with her when the new wife came back.
So he'd been away for 13 months and we were all happy. We may have had money problems but we didn't have to worry if he was happy. or compfortable. We didn't have to worry if he was going to get into one of his rages.
Then we got phoen calls from family that he's moving back to england and wasn't going to tell us that he's coming back. Instead he would just turn up at the doorstep. Soemone persauded him to call us. SO a week before he called.
Now he's back adn we cannot cope. No one will employ him and if he joins the benifits and then leaves again my mum will not be able to claim again.
Surely mum mum should divorce him. SHe says if he touches her she will. BUt she;s worried that when me and my siblings are older we are going to blame her for divorcing him. I won't I hate his guts. I only maanged to look at him in the face 5 days after he arrived and i felt sick. I even broke down i the moddli of the shop floor that i work at wheni heard he was back. It may be un muslim of me but i wish he was gone forever.
am i justified in this
sorry i know this is a long story and it sounds liek something out of a muslim eastenders but it's my life
comment on this nicely please cause i will thread this to the actual person who has posted this in religious forum we attend thankyou ,,comments are apperciated she has ahad a few and some lovley ones ,please ur advice thankyou ..how she should cope here ..
Posts: 4597 | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
ahh bless her she sounds completely justified in how she feels to me, what a sad story, her mum is completely in the right to divorce him, he is not respecting her, not treating his family equally etc etc...the list is endless... i guess all she can do is tell her mum that she would never blame her and if her siblings do that also then her mum would be in a position to make her own mind up about him. I wonder does her mum love him, she has put up with a lot it sounds and maybe she doesnt want to divorce him? for any number of reasons, being on her own or feeling like its the wrong thing to do etc... I think this poor girl should hold her head up high and be proud of the kindness her and her family have shown him but accept that some people are just selfish and will never change...
Posts: 1017 | From: uk | Registered: Mar 2006
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There is no way, that to recommend divorce from a man who treats his family so abhorantly would ever be considered wrong. He should have no right to such a caring and forgiving family. Clearly the man will never change his ways, just go about doing whatever he feels he can.
I completely agree with the above comment about holding her head up high!!!
Posts: 836 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
I am so sorry for your troubles. Yes by all means advise your mother to divorce your father. I don't think she will have any problems with this as in the UK you can only have one wife, so your mother can go to the divorce court and say he has a 2nd wife in Bangladesh.
If your father dies in the UK his second wife will have no claim on his UK estate but the children will be treated equally to you and your siblings
Posts: 167 | Registered: Aug 2004
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A man like this one needs to have his butt beaten until he dies and his carcass thrown to the sharks. What a horrible example of a father and man. He just uses and abuses people because he knows he is a rotten person with nothing to offer anyone. He is worse than useless! Trying to convince your mother to divorce her husband is a good thing because it will benefit her and everyone else in the end. I hope everything will work out for everyone...you all deserve the best for tolerating so much cruelty.
Posts: 820 | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
Yes, I agree to your mother should divorce this man he is no good!!
I had reason to see a solicitor with regards to matrimonial law. She implied to me that if somebody say like your father had a wife in the UK and a wife overseas when he is resident here he could get arrested for bigamy. I used to work with the police as a special they could remove him from your mothers house and get an injuction so he cant go anywhere near you.
Why should you all be miserable because of him? You are in the UK after all there are plenty of people who will help you.
I think your mum needs to talk to professional people outside the family and act on their advice. You and all your family deserve happiness.
Posts: 142 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2006
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