posted
We both loved music and movies this was something we had in common. Now he has changed and says that music is now bad and he thinks that is what harden his heart. He said he heart was bad in that he didnt cry when a close friend died and now that he has cut out music he has feeling again. He has always seemed to have a good heart to me. I am Christian he is Muslim and we have been together 2 years. Im 16 he is 19 and we plan someday to get married. It seems now that more and more differences are coming and Im worried we will loose each other. Is love enough?? We saw each other in real for 10 days. We watched movies and sang and listened to music and laughed. NOw im going back to Egypt in March and I just wonder and worry. He says he can say he loves me instead of singing it HAHA. to him its no big thing and maybe he is right but then everything within us is so different.
Posts: 45 | From: kentucky usa | Registered: Oct 2006
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I think regardless of your culture differences, you also have to realise that at 16 and 19 you are both changing as you grow, and it is normal at these ages for you to grow apart.
I don't mean to sound patronising, and I know you can love at such a young age, unfortunately it is life that people change!
Posts: 836 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2006
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These types that refuse music in Egypt are usually heading in the direction of fanaticism. Egyptians typically love music, and those that reject it do so because of some fringe interpretation of Qur'an and hadith, and it is usually only fanatics that accept that interpretation. I don't know your guy, of course, but everyone I have heard of that gave up music ended up as a fanatic.
Posts: 345 | Registered: Aug 2006
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i remember you from the other thread you wrote, i supported you, you had so much people giving you hassle, I suport you still, i think go along, and see how the holiday is going, yes you are young, but i was there , and in love at youre age, so no one can judge, weve all been there
posted
I agree with Yorkshire Rose - no one should judge you because of your feelings towards this guy, we have all been there I met my ex-husband when I was 16 and was married to him by the age of 19, maybe now I would have lived my life more before entering into such a commitment but at the time I thought we were meant to be together forever, unfortunatley though I did not see the ex-husbands true colours until after we married, hence 5 years later I divorced him. I would say if it feels right for the two of you and your family supports you then go for it. Myheartwillgoon - I hope that you find what you are looking for and all the best.
Take care
Amanda x x
Posts: 1244 | From: we come in peace | Registered: Nov 2006
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It wasn't a criticism, and I think you should go for it and enjoy whatever happens. Just be aware that over time, all people change, but especially so young. Every new experience that is gained will alter yours and his perception on life.
Posts: 836 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2006
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Soozi - I didn't think that you where making a criticism of the situation. You are right myheartwillgoon should go for it and enjoy whatever happens, we only have 1 life and we should live it to the full and be happy in whatever we decide to do. Myheartwillgoon should go for it because she might one day look back and regret that she never took the chance that was before her.
Posts: 1244 | From: we come in peace | Registered: Nov 2006
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yes we do change, we grow, up and realise we want different things from life, this is just a risk we take in life, live for today, face the changes later
quote:Originally posted by Miss Sharm: Soozi - I didn't think that you where making a criticism of the situation. You are right myheartwillgoon should go for it and enjoy whatever happens, we only have 1 life and we should live it to the full and be happy in whatever we decide to do. Myheartwillgoon should go for it because she might one day look back and regret that she never took the chance that was before her.
Sorry if I came across a little defensive, having a bad time at the moment, and have been over sensitive! Posts: 836 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2006
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Soozi - I understand where you are coming from...I hope that things will improve for you soon, things will get better, believe me Email me if you want to chat and talk things through.
Take care
Amanda x x
Posts: 1244 | From: we come in peace | Registered: Nov 2006
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posted
thats what im worried he is going to be a fanatic and get crazy or something. Next will be no tv, no this no that. God wants us to enjoy the life he gave us, but he thinks he has to suffer all of it. It is like getting a gift and not using it or enjoying it. I guess I will never understand Islam and he is making me not want to.
Posts: 45 | From: kentucky usa | Registered: Oct 2006
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posted
have you asked him where he is getting all this from? Are his parents teaching him this or has he made a new friend that is telling him all of this? My fiance listens to heavy metal but is a muslim. He admits that it's not something that a muslim should do but he does it anyway and labels himself "moderate muslim". I have seen the proof that people give to support the no music and I can understand it to a point, but I still listen to it myself.
If I remember he started changing after Ramadan right? Did he make a new friend during that time? Find out where all this change is coming from. Go on your trip and enjoy yourself and if you find he has changed too much then just let it go slowly. No need to cut it off immediately since he could still be a good friend through the years. You always remember your first love.
I was in love with someone a few states away when I was your age. He was 16 too. Our love lasted a few years but as we both changed, as people that age tend to do, we drifted. I will never regret the feelings that I had for him though and still if he were to call I would consider him a very good friend and dear to my heart.
Enjoy these memories as you can and take it easy.
Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
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Yes, all theses changes were after Ramadan. He said it was a long time friend who is more religious than him advising him. He fasts all the time now and all he wants to talk about is Islam. I dont want to talk about that as he gets all upset when I dont agree and believe that way. It always ends up in an arguement. He still insists and insists to talk about it and asks me my opinion. I tell me I love him as he is and he needs to love me as I am. I tell him to stop the trying to convert me. He says he will always talk about it and try cause he loves me and dont want me to burn in hell. Anyway he used to sing to me so many songs and I always loved that!!!! I dont want him to change. I'm just worried about loosing him cause we keep having less and less in common. So my question is.. can you make it through life and keep love with nothing in common? Does anyone have here a husband that you are totally different but it all works out good.
Posts: 45 | From: kentucky usa | Registered: Oct 2006
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posted
Well hopefully someone will respond with that answer but I hate to say this and don't take it as me being mean or anything but it sounds as if he is starting to follow a path that he feels he needs to follow and that path seems to be strong. I don't think he'll give up on trying to convert you if he keeps up this path and the bigger question is can you handle having him preach to you and constantly trying to convert you every single day for the rest of your life? You really need to think about that. It's not just a matter of having nothing in common like you like baseball and he likes soccer, etc. This is a lot bigger than that. He sounds very serious about his faith and for someone like that to marry someone who is of another faith and not willing to convert.....well that is a very very difficult marriage to say the least. . . and it doesn't matter if it's a muslim/christian or jewish/christian etc. It's one thing if the two parties are very moderate or just not even practicing but when one is very devout it's a very difficult scenario.
Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
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I see more and more young people in Egypt turn into religion. Most youth is more religious then their parents ever have been on that age, and I think it has to do with the political and economic situation. Futurious prospects are low, education is bad, except when you pay a lot of money to private schools, and there is a kind of hided dissatisfaction and fear because of the wars and terrorism. At the same time they hear about the changed opinion concerning Moslems in Western countries. Because they are because present in a fairly hopeless position, and the country slowly turns into a regious Islamic state, with the Moslimbrotherhood in opposition, and because this political conceptions are forbidden by law, it changes step by step to a very strict society. I see the changes, I notice the changed opinions, I have discussed them with young people, but in my opinion you can better speak against a wall, the results are the same. I have nothing against the religion itselve, but I have something against the loss of freedom, in particular for women. In my opinion there is something terribly wrong when women believe they have to hide themselves because otherwise you can get negative expierences concerning your sexe. They are that far, that they accept the fact that not wearing covering clothes leads to rape, and not being converted leads to burn in hell. They don`t get the real intention of their religion!
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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posted
To answer the question of whether you can make it through life when you have nothing in common, I think you already know the answer. Being wildly in love fades with time, and if you don't have deep friendship and compatibility based on shared values and opinions then the marriage will be doomed. Once children appear, for most women they take priority and they can cause friction between husband and wife if your ideas on how to raise them are different.
Apart from anything else, myheartwillgoon, this guy just doesn't sound fun for you any more. He has changed and is not the person you fell in love with. Saying he lost feeling when he listened to music sounds truly weird to me. Music is a huge part of Egyptian culture, and I know a lot of very religious people who still love music. He's being influenced by a real fanatic it seems.
I think you're already beginning to fall out of love with him as he changes. Just let it fade slowly. Be true to yourself. You have every right to express your opinion too. Burning in hell is not an appropriate topic of conversation between young lovers!
Posts: 1039 | From: Cairo | Registered: Sep 2002
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posted
citizen makes sense here. You guys are young and it's better to find out now than after you marry & have children that he's not the same man you fell in love with.
Posts: 370 | From: Other side of reality | Registered: Dec 2006
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As soon u find out that two of u r not for each other,that we'll be better for both of u!In this,I'm absolutely agree with Bonzo!
Posts: 169 | From: somewhere | Registered: Oct 2006
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Dear I may can advice you as dad, you both are same age of my son, and so let me tell you some facts: His friend's brain washes him and he has no clue what Islam is? Do he will weak up before it is too lat or he will not? It is on your hand and his family hands to get it him out of his black hole he is hiding to it...
Islam never forbidden music, Islam respects the ladies and never disrespects them, the problems in interruption of people and behavior of them. If he tell you , you have to convert to Islam unless you going to hail first nothing in Islam holy book said you should convert never and please ask him to show you God certificate that God said he is going to heaven??:) brain wash and less educations and also economic satiation? Create that bad situation and also the most important less attention from the families for their kids and who they go out with?
"Ms.???? Finally I agree with some what you said but Egypt will never be Iran or Afghanistan mark my words" and if you like to go in political depot about that you are more than welcome…
My dear, love is sharing life, common in every thing, enjoy almost same things, open wild in your age but if you have nothing of that, it is not love and it is allusion.
Hope that answer your question and for your trip my advice sure meet him but be careful and also if he never change from her tell March, just get your self out of it. And god real helps him
posted
Wow, Ahly, finally you agree, and this about a religion that isn`t even mine???
A question: What`s better in the eyes of a moslim : 1. A good christian 2. A bad moslim
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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quote:Originally posted by ?????: Wow, Ahly, finally you agree, and this about a religion that isn`t even mine???
A question: What`s better in the eyes of a moslim : 1. A good christian 2. A bad moslim
Sure a good Christian that no question in my opinion.... God create all of us and give us three religions what you believe it is up to you and finally no one of us will judge any person only god will do....
Yes finally I agree of some what you said? Because before I found you only talk about the bad things in some of Egyptian and make it in general. And for me as Egyptian and also have families, friends and coworker, I can say they are same as any other nationality not all bad … so that my disagree with you nothing else and mark my words we will never allowed
Posts: 233 | From: Cairo | Registered: Dec 2006
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I know good ones, too! But the problem is in reality most of the visitors here were caught by people who are not that good. And because we are supposed to give honest advice, I have to make them aware of the fact that there are a lot of man with bad intentions. The good ones, are not active on the internet trying to find lucrative relationships. You probably know what your own religion tells you about this??? They don`t say that because it is innocent...
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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I agree for sure to open their eyes and be honest that is fact but same time not only Egyptian on the net trying to play games and there are bad, you have thousands of western men do the same in the net, so it not fair in both culture that we make it as all of them are bad..
And after watching and reading what the ladies said her they still will not change there mind, read the Orfi and even after long talks to open their eyes they still like to do it, so are that the Egyptian mistake or they also like to do it..
And please leave my religion ISLAM out of that, we can talk about the interruption of people or acts of people they call them self Muslim but they are far away from ISLAM, they hijack Islam and Islam is never what they do or say? I always look and search of the good of the people and does not matter how bad he or she is? Still something it is still good and I always enjoy watching the half of the glass is full not the empty because what ever happen? There is always hope...
And my opinion it is better than we show the bad of Egypt and Egyptian, we show them the good of Egypt and Egyptian… I think that way we be fair for both Egypt and the western lady they visit Egypt…
I know some times a personal hurt can affect his opinion but that also is understandable but just be fair for Egypt and Egyptian men
Posts: 233 | From: Cairo | Registered: Dec 2006
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It is, there are very good men. You know them and I know them. I`m not walking around in tourist-areas`, I`m guided by family, so the chance that I will meet bad ones is not that big. And IF I should bump into, my family should tell me. But I see a lot, and hear a lot. And that`s not so nice. In fact I was always wondered about the amount of Western women that seem to be traumatized after a relationship that has failed. Later I talked with Egyptian women, became closer to them. And I noticed the same!!! It`s kind of a heavy load for them, because they don`t have possibility`s to do what a Western woman can do. So, for them it`s more bad. I feel sorry for them. No way to go as to accept their cheating and lying husbands. And I still am amazed what (bad) people can do to each other. It`s true, they are not complete bad. In fact they also are very nice! That makes it more difficult to handle...
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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posted
yes difficult to handle that true and I really do not know what to say or even how they can be handle? I have a talk with a friend of my work for years in that tourist area but he is not that type of man… and I asked him special about Orfi... And he told me a lot and it was really both side mistakes not one side….
To me any thing in life can be recover or even get over it… but if you hurt any one feelings does not matter man or woman that will stay for ever and that really bad when some one he/she play with the other partner feelings… that for me really bad..
The Egyptian husband is really one of the best husbands you ever can get, and that not my word, I know a lot of western men and the Egyptian man have responsibility, care and love to his family and love his kids to death but as man with all of that obligations needs also in return care, love and share, when the women fail to give him that? He find that in western ladies but he become between his own happens and his obligations and than the lies start. But in certain point he has to decide…
Posts: 233 | From: Cairo | Registered: Dec 2006
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Wow, Ahly, finally you agree, and this about a religion that isn`t even mine??? ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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