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I think we are misunderstanding each other. I didn`t wrote about my personal life, and I won`t, because it`s not relevant. I painted a picture about a man based on the information you gave. The impression you gave me made my judgement. How could I do so otherwise? And no, I don`t know you two. So, it`s hard to give an answer to your question. I tried, and that`s all. I am very sorry that it was not the answer you would like to hear, and wish you the best.
Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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PS. I was on my way to work, and thought about the picture you have painted about me.Also based on what I did tell you. It is totally wrong, but at the same time I was realising that this is indeed the danger of internet. We picture each other based on details of information, and often it is totally wrong. You don`t recognise your situation, and I don`t. So, I think that I must say again what I`ve said before: A board like this is not the right place for such a thing. This board is good for concrete questions, but not for interpretations. Because we don`t see the whole picture, only some parts... BTW. The expierence about addiction I`ve mentioned was professionally. Have had problems at work with such a person, and know enough about the story to get a complete view, including many conversations with a head of an addiction-clinic.I am married for 30 years, and with full satisfaction.So, I`m old and hopefully a bit wise Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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Ok than, I hope we can communicate better in the future. I am going out tonight ( Saturday ) for dinner and I will see him, so we will see if any new things will take place. I was planning to do this next week, however something unexpected came up ( job relocation ) thus this would be the only option as of now while I am in the city. During this week I came to realization that everything is way better than it seems, so I am expecting good things.
Posts: 1039 | Registered: Jun 2007
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-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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Why do woman spend so much time and energy on analyzing whether or not a man likes them/cares for them. It is so silly and a waste of time where you could be spending your time and energy on something productive and life affirming. As some people have told you, the man has problems, bottom line, whether or not you want to take on these problems is your decision. My suggestion to you is to spend more time on your life and making it wonderful then on whether this guy is going to clean up for you. He has problems, enough said. Please stop analyzing the hell out of the situation.
Posts: 206 | Registered: Mar 2007
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I can't talk about Saturday night right now because I am sooooo happy. Although, I was planning to see him next week, my job relocation took place in effect immediatelly thus I had to go tonight! This is the proof that some forces other than myself and himself are in action. I still feel his presence around me, whoa... it's very intense. Now it will take me couple of days to get back to my senses. Like last Friday, 7 days excat, than I CAN only then see him again, otherwise I am so under the spell. I love it I love it, I am going to risk it, and whatever God has for me, let it be, I feel strongly my barriers and walls simply dissapear when he is there, there is a huge sense of "familiarity" and "comfort", I am not sure is this because of same religious belonging and cultural feelings of knowing each other but I feel depth of connection, and I can't help it.
Now let me answer on some questions here. Who says that I don't have full life, life full of love, happiness and affirmation independently of this man? How do you know what life I have? Did you ask me? If you asked me, are you happy and what kind of life you have, I would tell you! I am not spending my energy in analyzing him, but in understanding what really happened to me and him, so it's the whole set of situtions and circumstances, because in 7 days, my life took another course! For this, I need mental understanding what just took place, and maybe to you this is insignificant, but to me I am so very happy. At least you could say something positive, like you are glad, you wish good things, you hope for the best, or something encouraging, instead of assuming how everyone's life is so deadly misearble like yours, thus you project your own feelings and ideas on my situation too which is unfair to me because what you just wrote to me is 100% not true.
And to prove this again, how in Earth I would have ugly life if I am healthy thanks Allah, beautiful, young, educated, have all I want in regards of material things, everything I asked for I was given, I say thanks God every day just for waking up every morning and contemplating the beauties around me, and all other things are just in addition! I am very appreciative of everything, including having a connection with this man, no matter how much you dislike him describing him infavorably, he still is worthy as a human being. Next time, I think you need to learn how to be objective when replying to me, and state pluses and minuses, instead of only minuses, at least that would make more sense. In other words, be more helpful.
Posts: 1039 | Registered: Jun 2007
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I think I don`t need to say anything anymore, you`re obviously head over heels for that man.Pink glasses, head in the clouds etc. Have a nice time Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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Ok "MrsIKnowItAll", you know everything, you are always 100% right, you are old, mature, wise, and you are perfect. My post is one of those many stupid posts in which we women "seek" advice about "problematic" relationships. Your comments to me are absolute truth full of "wisdom, kindness and understanding", therefore nothing else matter, even though I have never stated that this person is "addict" and/or "alcoholic", he is whatever you say, because you said so. You must have PhD in psychology of addiction, thus you know! You know everything. You also know when I am in love and when I am not in love without actually asking me. You know what I see and what I don't see without me telling you. You were with me 24/7 throughout my life, and with him as well. No, I have never mentioned "nice feedback" in my original post ever. I have posted my topic so that you can judge me. You know both me and him better than we know ourselves.
Posts: 1039 | Registered: Jun 2007
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Hi, LML, it looks like meeting him again was a mega success and you are really wanna go for the relationship. But since you mentioned you'll be moving away now for work reasons, will there be a great distance between the both of you?
All the best for the future. Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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Thanks Tigerlily. I'll send you pm for updates.
I do appreciate everyone who wrote to me and could understand the situation, without judging either of us, but I feel that if I share anything further in regards of relationship developments, it could be turned into another fiction, where I would be viewed as yet another "stupid" woman in love with "stupid alcoholic" man.
So I am not going to do it. I may only say to those who wondered that YES It was persuasion on his behalf. I also learned that you never know who is going to be in your life, and that you can re-create relationship or friendship all over again, it takes only 2 people to want it, that when someone is making you nervous angry or upset it could of very well mean that you like that person but you are unaware of it. Life is full of good surprises, I am loving it!
Posts: 1039 | Registered: Jun 2007
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Think you have to read back after your reactions where you say you understand my exploination:
Ok than, I hope we can communicate better in the future. I am going out tonight ( Saturday ) for dinner and I will see him, so we will see if any new things will take place. I was planning to do this next week, however something unexpected came up ( job relocation ) thus this would be the only option as of now while I am in the city. During this week I came to realization that everything is way better than it seems, so I am expecting good things.
After this topic I didn`t say anything else as positive, nevertheless you seem to think it is necesarry to treat me like this??? With NO reason??? You think this is fair???
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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OK I apologize, I was too harsh obviously . The reason I reacted that way is mainly because your question was framed as if he is.... some really bad person unworthy of my affection! Thus I replied in such way but in reality I want you to understand that he is worthy of my affection. No matter if he drinks or not, he is still worthy as a human being. Your replies were focusing on "should I really be with him", instead of "is he really romantically interested and if he is pursuing me".
I am also upset that you wrote in another topic about "how to argue" that we women post stupid questions about "problematic relationships" seeking for an answers when we should go to see therapist instead ( thus we are deserving "mean" replies?? ) We are not here to fulfill you as a reader, we are here to write about our experiences and you need to take responsibility for your own 'feedback' too. People want an objective outlook, to keep balanced, but not necessarily negative one. For instance, you asked me tons of questions and than you told me you really don't know. So then asking questions seems to be then out of your own curiousity, not really to provide a feedback to me.
I am surprised that a woman of your maturity and wisdom could not possibly see that he was interested. This is when I realized that if you can't know if he is interested according to his actions I described, than I can't really rely on accuracy of your "other observations". How is interest demonstrated to you? I mentioned at least 25 reasons, common signs of interest...
I am adult. I know should I be with him or not and under what circumstances. I have never looked for an ideal relationships because such relationships don't exist. I also have never looked for relationships in which I am not feeling happy and I am not fulfilling my potential.
Posts: 1039 | Registered: Jun 2007
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Of course there were signs of interest, but to make a guess how serious they are, is rather difficult, also because of the things you told us about his past. A man with a alcohol-problem, who has had relationships outside of his marriage, and in the end his wife devorced him, because he crossed a line.
Look, having premarital affairs is not uncommon in Egyptian culture, and I dare to say that most women know their husbands are having affairs. They have to find their own balance between accepting or not, and find a way to take the consequences of this. So, there are women who are constantly complaining and figting but don`t do anything else, and there are women who want a devorce, and there are women who find a middle-way; accept and enjoy the financial benefits as much as possible.
For instance, every situation is personal and unique, but the number of affairs outside marriages is big, very big. Because every situation is different, and people are different, I tried to know more, to paint a picture about your situation. Even with all the information you gave, I couldn`t, so I told you honestly I don`t know, just try to keep your head clear and wait what time will bring.
You, on your turn, seem to make it personal to my side, by nasty comments, making statements about my personality, my occupation, my maturity, and my mental capacities.Only because I sounded to negative and you don`t like that.
I indeed focused on "should you be with him" because that is far more important. It is important for at least a part of the rest of your life!
I don`t care when a stranger is making wrong statements about me, my personality, my maturity, my life. I realise it is difficult to assess, and it is only based on the limited information on this board. And if people think that`s enough to make statements, then this is their mistake. I know very well who I am, and for me it is enough that the people near appreciate me as I am, how much it is worth to them. This is satisfying enough to me.
You did make a lot of trouble, didn`t got the answer you wanted to hear, and in the end you closed the case by saying you shouldn`t do it, and by blaming the ones who took the trouble to answer you.
To me I also know enough.Nevertheless I wish you succes in your future.
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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"Sometimes I don't understand why people always blame a man for useing a woman who's desperately askin for it." ~ Lazeez~ July 2007
Posts: 1539 | Registered: Apr 2006
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Hmm, I got to correct your perception about his divorce again, because I have never stated that reason he divorced was because he had an extra marital affair. You again, assume. I also have never stated that his wife divorced him, it could be very well otherwise. You however, claim that, this is the case! I also have never stated that his wife divorced him BECAUSE of his extramarital affairs, it's you who said that.
You don't know what is the reason of his divorce and what type of marriage arrangment they agreed on. Now, how do you know why he divorced? How do you know what had happened in their marriage? And why are you persistently bringing his ex wife into the picture? It's clear that you have issues and you think that every single man who socially drinks is womanizer, cheater, addict and alcholic. You obviously believe that such man if divorced must have been divorced only for 1 reason, their wife could not take it anylonger.
I know who he is, and he is none of what you said he is. For some reason, you can't accept it. You act as if you know with certainty, when in reality you don't know. You diverted my topic into an ordeal what kind of person he is and what kind of woman I am. I was very nice replying to you on all your questions until I saw that you simply ask out of curiousity and that you have no intention whatsoever to provide me a nice feedback and express anything positive and good about either me or him, or his interest level.
I am not "stupid Muslim woman". I am not desperate, I am not engaging in extra marital affairs, I don't date married man, I am none of these you tried to portray me. He is good person, very deep with such an interesting life. He carries himself with dignity, self-made successful man in all means. I also have never said that I should not do it. In fact, I said to Tigerlily that I will update her with new things that took place and that I am so happy about it. I do however appreciate that you are willing to reflect on this beacuse this could be helpful to you to resolve your potential issues that you might have from your own past.
Posts: 1039 | Registered: Jun 2007
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My dear Lovingmylife, I think you have to practise what you preach! I never named anyone a stupid Muslim woman, I never called anybody desperate, I didn`t even pretent you were a bad woman who is dating married man and engaging extra maritals affairs. You make this statements, not me! Also you were the one who talked about alcohol-problems. The word "problem" cannot be associated with social drinker... The information about his extra marital affairs came from you, not from me! I`ve talked about his devorce earlier, and you didn`t deny my words, you came with that later. But, for me, it doesn`t matter.
You`re blaming me for asking questions, after placing a question on a public board. You`re blaming me for not being able to give a good advice. You`re blaming me for being curious. You`re blaming me with making me suspected about potential issues in my past.
When you are asking advice in public, and you`re getting answers in public, it only is the result of what you`ve asked for...
posted
Ok I see clearly that you missunderstood, but now after I explained and corrected your perception there should not be any more missunderstandings about my story. I have done it on this page in more than 1 occassion. Now if you still keep saying things that are not reflecting the true situation in my story, than it would not be any longer missunderstanding but your own unwillingless to accept the facts of the story. Now when you got the story correctly, this can't happen anylonger.
I, in the other hand, take responsibility for everything I have said, and when something is missunderstood in my story, I have to correct it, otherwise your "feedback" doesn't make sense. I payed close attention later on, on how I express myself so that it's understood more clearly, and I was very honest with you. So it's not that I don't want to hear. It's that what I hear is not reflecting the facts of my story.
Now, I did not have an intention to make you feel "blamed", I only pointed to you how your reponses don't reflect reality, so I am sorry if I caused those feelings in you. I just can't understand why are you repeating the same perception after I stated, you are missunderstanding. This is public message board, I agree with you, but it's very important to pay attention to what I was actually asking, and stick with providing feedback only on what's asked, and not to turn my story into something that it's not. This is my life we are talking about. It involves real people.
Posts: 1039 | Registered: Jun 2007
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Think the misunderstandings are from both sides and I refuse to discuss it anymore longer, it has no use. It`s your life indeed, and you have to make decisions in it. Good luck.
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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I think that would be very good thing to do. I am happy with developments that took place in the meantime, and I already know the answer on my question, so I would not want to disscus details of it at this point, but to enjoy current standings to the fullest. Thanks for wishing me good luck, we wish you the same.
Posts: 1039 | Registered: Jun 2007
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Yes I do! But please no sad ending..... I hate love dramas! Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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It's not over yet. Although I lost interest my life circumstance this time, placed me back again into his life. Life si strange... and unpredictable.. We are going to be working together again.
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Although, I was planning to see him next week, my job relocation took place in effect immediatelly thus I had to go tonight! This is the proof that some forces other than myself and himself are in action. I still feel his presence around me, whoa... it's very intense. Now it will take me couple of days to get back to my senses. Like last Friday, 7 days excat, than I CAN only then see him again, otherwise I am so under the spell. I love it I love it, I am going to risk it, and whatever God has for me, let it be, I feel strongly my barriers and walls simply dissapear when he is there, there is a huge sense of "familiarity" and "comfort", I am not sure is this because of same religious belonging and cultural feelings of knowing each other but I feel depth of connection, and I can't help it. ![[Confused]](confused.gif)
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