quote:Originally posted by habeeby: And damn your 'upper egypt culture'
habeeby you are free to post your opinions and views but perhaps a little respect for the culture & traditions of the country that you are about to marry into would not go amis. This way of marriage may not be in accord with your western culture and traditions but that does not make it wrong and yours right. If this man is not able to step outside from his families demands & traditions then it is probably best in any case that he does not marry a Western woman as its not going to work between them. Its interesting that he already has one failed marriage with an American lady.
As hard and painful as it is for moon & stars she has had a lucky escape from a marriage that was probably doomed to failure due to cultural differences with a man that is deeply traditional. That does not make him a bad man but just one that is not right for her.
Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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quote:Originally posted by Leito: I just woke up, don't get too excited.
Woke up???
Yeah, this is when the crimes start getting nasty. Batman has a city to keep safe. Posts: 6335 | From: Straight to my heart. | Registered: Sep 2007
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Penny you are right and i apologise I just get so frutrated at times with this culture, everything is so black and white, no grey areas!!!! But the truth of the matter is we live in a world of colour.....
By the way Penny i have made it very clear to my fiancee that i am marrying him fro whom he is and he is marrying me for whom i am therefore i will try to respect his culture but i will NOT conform to it....
Posts: 1797 | From: By my husband's side | Registered: Nov 2007
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Thanks You Guys, though I think we got a bit off focus of the topic of how I am feeling at the moment although I totally appreciate and sympathise with Egybrit's situation, I feel it is alot different to mine.
I would just like to update you all with the piece of info I know about the Egyptian lady who has recently married my love as I am still trying to make sense of it all.
I was concerned why she had not married by the age of 33, then discovered she had been married previoulsy for 4 months but her husband had been bad with her.
Then the thoughts came into my head after reading some of the replies in this post....what is she was pregnant and needed a father for her child and my man was being used for that purpose??? Although I know there is a waiting period of 3 months from being dicorced to remarrying I still wondered why this had all been rushed through.
I discussed this further with my love this morning, and he informed me that she is not pregnant by her first husband as she has been divorced for some 6 years.
When I asked why she has not married within that time, he said maybe nobody had asked her, and I certainly know he didnt!!
So my evening here in the UK is going to be so so sad as it is this afternoon has had had to go to be with his new wife, unfortunately it's not me.
He has spoken and looked like a man being taken to the gallows. He has told me that he will stay there for 2 days then he plans to return to his father's home.
So this is my latest update...sorry to prolong this post for everyone, although as I have said I have and still appreciate your comments.
Posts: 20 | Registered: Nov 2007
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quote:Originally posted by habeeby: Penny you are right and i apologise I just get so frutrated at times with this culture, everything is so black and white, no grey areas!!!! But the truth of the matter is we live in a world of colour.....
By the way Penny i have made it very clear to my fiancee that i am marrying him fro whom he is and he is marrying me for whom i am therefore i will try to respect his culture but i will NOT conform to it....
You're just not getting it. When you marry your Egyptian man..that is EXACTLY what you're doing..you are marrying into HIS culture.
I have told you and I see others as well. You will not be able to ultimately separate the two. Egyptian culture in deeply in their blood. Many here including myself are married to Egyptians, so it would behove you to listen and take some advise from EXPERIENCED people here.
Many have been where you are trying to go!
Posts: 2342 | From: Its not where I'm from but where Im going | Registered: Jul 2007
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So why am i marrying into his culture? Could he not be marrying into mine ? Don't forget he is coming to live in MY country with MY culture ?
Posts: 1797 | From: By my husband's side | Registered: Nov 2007
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quote:Originally posted by habeeby: So why am i marrying into his culture? Could he not be marrying into mine ? Don't forget he is coming to live in MY country with MY culture ?
As they say in Egypt: Tayyib Mashi..khalas keda
Posts: 2342 | From: Its not where I'm from but where Im going | Registered: Jul 2007
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quote:Originally posted by moon_and_stars: Thanks You Guys, though I think we got a bit off focus of the topic of how I am feeling at the moment although I totally appreciate and sympathise with Egybrit's situation, I feel it is alot different to mine.
I would just like to update you all with the piece of info I know about the Egyptian lady who has recently married my love as I am still trying to make sense of it all.
I was concerned why she had not married by the age of 33, then discovered she had been married previoulsy for 4 months but her husband had been bad with her.
Then the thoughts came into my head after reading some of the replies in this post....what is she was pregnant and needed a father for her child and my man was being used for that purpose??? Although I know there is a waiting period of 3 months from being dicorced to remarrying I still wondered why this had all been rushed through.
I discussed this further with my love this morning, and he informed me that she is not pregnant by her first husband as she has been divorced for some 6 years.
When I asked why she has not married within that time, he said maybe nobody had asked her, and I certainly know he didnt!!
So my evening here in the UK is going to be so so sad as it is this afternoon has had had to go to be with his new wife, unfortunately it's not me.
He has spoken and looked like a man being taken to the gallows. He has told me that he will stay there for 2 days then he plans to return to his father's home.
So this is my latest update...sorry to prolong this post for everyone, although as I have said I have and still appreciate your comments.
First of all, a man can refuse to get maried. When there are special circumstances in the family, it is possible that one of the men will be prepared to marry his cousin, but only when family-honour is seriously in danger.(and there must be more men in the family, who didn't make promises to women)
Pregnancy can't be the reason,(unless it is HIS child) abortion is not uncommon in Egypt, and available for anyone who has the amount of money. It even is this way, that the money will be collected between family and friends of the unwished parental couple. She is devorced, so she doesn't have to worry about virginity, so abortion will be the usual escape.
As I told you there must be strong reasons for this, and they are a (family-)secret. You won't hear the real reason why.
It is possible that this marriages was planned before. The last marriage I visited was this year, and there they told me that there was a kind of waiting-period between the making note of the marriage and the actual marriage itsselve from several weeks, think it was 6, but I don't know this for sure.It was longer then 1 week!!!
Also a lot of paperwork was needed, including a bigger proof of identity as it was before.There have been so much problems with fake marriages, that the laws have been changed. It was an normal marriage, no foreigner involved.
I don't understand why you keep contact with him. He can look as a man ready for taken to the gallows, but the fact is that he is a just married man, and when he wants to marry you, it's up to him to change his situation.
Make him clear that you don't have any intentions to get in a premarital affair again, that you are waiting for him, but only when he is free to marry. (You were married at the time you met him, so it's very well possible that he tries to let you accept his marriage and will have no objections against another sinful relation. You already proved a lack of morality in the eyes of Egyptian society, so they think it's simple like : Once a lady of low morality, always a lady of low morality)
Keep up your point of view, and don't give him one inch space!!! Don't start a discussion, tell him your point of view, and he can accept or refuse, it's up to him. Then close ALL contacts. Don't answer his adjurations, by SMS, by MSN, by mail, ignore them! Because that's what's he's gonna do: whining, complaining, begging, untill you capitulate and he gets what he wants.
Be strong. You don't accept his marriage, so stand by that!He can make his choice, and if he says he can't, then it's finito, over, and the end. Make this clear. It's up to him.
Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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Habeeby, you are marrying into each others culture, that's the truth. Everything is lovey and rosey now, but get ready for the hard stuff....
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Habeeby, you seem very determined and set in your ways. I don't think people here want to scare you or something like that. They speak their mind because they want you to be FULLY aware you're marrying into not only different culture, but also mentality, customs, etc. Well, this is what made ME think not long ago...
Posts: 2807 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2007
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Habeeby I read an awful lot of books and spoke to Egyptian people in an effort to understand the culture and religion of my love's ways. I think even then I did not know everything, I mean you will never know everything about how they live etc, my experience has shown this.
There are many things and ways I feel Western people are totally oblivious and/or ignorant of regarding the ways and lives of Egyptian people. This maybe be choice but often out of ignorance.
You must take into consideration how your love is going to adapt to the way of life in the UK, this will certainly be a culture shock to him and you will need to know alot about his culture etc in order to help him adapt to yours.
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Some Egyptian families, pretend to accept the 'foreign' wife while planning an Egyptian wife all along.
They do not want their son to marry into another culture, or another religion, because they feel the grandchildren will not be brought up within the same traditions - This is a mentality that exists in Egypt and in other countries as well.
They use the guilt trip and SOME men fall for it. Out of respect, out of duty, out of guilt, out of weakness, some just do.
M&S I think you should move on, and fast. Cut all ties with the man who just got married. It is cruel, but how lucky that it is happening now, and not after you were married!! It would have been more devastating.
YOU DESERVE MUCH BETTER!
It will pass. And even if you read, know people etc...nothing beats living within the cultures of the Egyptian people. It is not one culture it is many subcultures. Different levels within the same neighborhoods..it is quite complex.
You would not even know enough while married, as many things are hidden within some families: because of pride, honor, reputation, family ties, ignorance sometimes, and many more reasons that can't be justified to a non-Egyptian and even to many Egyptians
Think that: if the man you love is not near you because he got married to another, you have to forget him.
Imagine being her? she has no idea he is in a relationship with someone else, and on the night of her wedding he is in contact with that someone else... EKHSS!! he deserves to be ignored!
Do not WAIT for him. Trust someone who works with cases that are heart breaking; women still waiting for men that married others and promised they will be back and will divorce and..and...the women flip.. not healthy to wait for someone who married someone else.
Posts: 919 | Registered: Aug 2007
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Almaz, his wife does know about us and what we planned as did the remainder of his family (she is his cousin) before the wedding.
My love's aunt, his father's sister, became aware of me (if not before then)and saw me after one of her visits to the family home when I was there.
She, during that visit tried to speak to my love, he refused and later told her and other family members (his father already knew) what our future plans were.
It was then a few days after I had left Egypt that they decended on my love's family home and started with all this "shame" and "gigalo" business.
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I feel what you are saying. BUT When people get married, even if they are not in love, if they are cousins...in many families, they never divorce. They have babies and life goes on. Men have second wives sometimes, if unhappy with first, but when they marry their cousins if it is discovered that they married a second one - the family puts pressure. Believe me.
So she knows about you but went with the marriage...she is ok with it because she thinks and probably knows that once they are married and maybe a kid or two he will not leave her.
Posts: 919 | Registered: Aug 2007
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Yes Almaz, this is also how I think, I have explained to him that once they have a child or even children this will create a bond between them even if there was not one previously, as she will be the mother of his children, I know this, I am not stupid to think otherwise.
Despite all this he says his heart belongs to me and always will.
This situation has caused me so much heartache as I know it has him. Since the signing of the book and the celebration that evening he returned to his father's home and remained alone, just leaving his room to eat.
I really don't know what the future will bring, I have said to him that who knows he could be happy with his wife and all would be well for him, both all he and I know at this time is that we are finding it all very difficult and cannot predict the future other than we want to be together.
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M&S, if he really wanted to be with you, with his whole heart, he would never have agreed to marrying his cousin. As Almaz and others have said, she is his cousin, if he felt he had to marry her for the family he will definitely never leave her because of the family.
He had his chance to marry you, to stand up to the family, and he let it go.
As someone once told me, if an Arab is married to his cousin, he will never leave her and he will also never take a second wife. You are living on dreams that will only hurt you if you hold onto them. And he, knowing his own family and culture should not be letting you carry on dreaming.
Posts: 4576 | From: Cairo | Registered: Jun 2002
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once again and again. if he didn't want to marry that girl, no one would have forced him into it. be wise, and open ur eyes...
if there was a wish, there would have been a way. and we all know it. find someone who will want u, not someone who runs away from u i nthe first chance
Posts: 311 | From: Armenia | Registered: Jul 2006
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I think from what M & S is saying, her man did not "run away from her in the first chance". It sounds like this has been a painful experience for them both, something that she most definitely did not anticipate or him as far as WE know.
We are not in his position and should not judge him by the actions which may or may not have been within his control.
As it has been said here, the "family" are very powerful in Egypt and will have their way regardless it seems by putting pressure on the people around the person in question to do as they bid.
Posts: 1917 | From: WALES | Registered: Apr 2007
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Newcomer and Almaz are 100% correct. I honestly don't think 'his heart belongs to you', sorry to say, it belongs to his family which is where his interests are. As Newcomer said, if he truly wanted to marry you he would have gone against them and done so, it would have been a lot of pressure but he COULD have done it. His heart is with his family, he chose his fate, now you should move on to find yours. Best of luck. Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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Ohhh Sash I've been so addicted to making pizzas lately (I think I've finally mastered it!) that I'm not stopping until my husband OD's on it. Tonight it's pizza and sweet potato pie. LOL Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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I think Smuckers that moving on from a situtation such as this may be more difficult than simply moving on from a failed relationship cos "one does not love the other" scenario.
M & S is saying that they DO love each other but circumstances are preventing them from fulfilling their plan to be together as they had thought would be the case.
I am sure not many people face this kind of situation in their life time, consequently it is going to more difficult for her to comprehend and find resolution for.
Posts: 1917 | From: WALES | Registered: Apr 2007
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More difficult or not, there is no other thing she can do, as accept and go on with her life. Life can be difficult and hard, but it is like it is...
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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Unless she decided to become his co-wife, that would also be an alternative if they loved each other that much and wanted to be together Posts: 1917 | From: WALES | Registered: Apr 2007
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She already told that she doesn't want that, and I think she is right in that. A family that does not accept her to become his wife, also wouldn't accept her to be his second wife. It would be a secret to them, and I don't think that shall make her happy. Anyone with a bit of selfrespect shouldn't accept that...
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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From what M & S has said, correct me if I am wrong, is that his extended family had caused all the heartache, not his own father and siblings.
It has not been said that they were against their marriage, in fact she was welcomed into their home as one of their own (well as much as she could be at the time I suppose).
If he were to take a second wife, I am sure that keeping her a secret would be difficult, I mean the extended family managed to find out their original plans to marry didn't they??!
Also she stated she "didn't feel" she could be his second wife, she did not say she would not ultimately.
Posts: 1917 | From: WALES | Registered: Apr 2007
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This what I understood out of it, but maybe I'm wrong. Doesn't matter anyway, I can't imagine anybody would do so. And if she does, it s her decision, and again, she has to realise the consequences. It's a free world, if a Western woman voluntary decides to be in a polygamous relationship with a man that already has caused a lot of trouble in his family, she is free to do so. I wouldn't recommend, but who am I?
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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I didn't think you were criticising me, Advocate... It's just my way to express myself...
Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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How long can you beat a dead horse?? There is nothing she can do, it's over, he made his bed and he must now lay in it. I understand if there were feelings involved and that always is troublesome. But IMO she needs to lick her wounds and accept the reality of the situation, which is to be a co-wife and accept that he will share his wife with her AND another woman probably even another bed with that other woman ( ) or move on with her life and find someone who isn't tied by his families binds.
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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I think what is going to be very hard for M &S is that this man will not be man enough to end their relationship and cut the ties. She is going to have to be the strong one to walk away once she has had time to come to terms with the facts and once it finally sinks in that he did not love her enough to stand up and put her first in his life.
Its a very sad situation for M&S but for him its just a normal way of life and what he was bought up to expect.
Some things are just not meant to be and usually its for the best in the long run.
Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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how very true Penny..........yes i can sympathise with M&S.........to love someone who is out of reach is hard. my situation is different, mine was a cheater......This man is now married M&S please try and put it behind u and move on....love hurts...but as Penny says it is for the best....you are worth more than all this pain..........this is what i tell myself.......I AM STRONG I WILL GET OVER IT, the pain is still there.....a dream lost....but i will find other dreams, better ones......It takes a very strong man indeed to go against the family....this one wasnt strong enough.........let go and move on with your life.......Do you know what I have done for my situation......well I have enlarged a photo of him and taken up boxing.....His pic is on the punch bag........gets rid of a lot of my frustrations and anger.helps me.........
Posts: 171 | Registered: Nov 2007
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LOL egybrit I hope its those naked pictures you are using and you are hitting him right where it hurts. ...good for you ...glad you finally found the right use for them...great stuff Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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I cant believe this is still going on - the man got married. To be accepted as a 2nd wife ( a real one, not a temporary fun machine when you visit Egypt ) means you must secure the first wifes approval, and live in Egypt. There is no chance of a divorce here. It is almost impossible to divorce a cousin in these circumstances. It is much harder to divorce than marry and if he didnt have the guts to go against his family and not marry her, he certainly hasnt got the guts to divorce her and make them have the shame of a twice divorced woman! Anyway it looks like they could be good match and it will be good for their family. They obviously know the shameful secret of his relationship with a married foreigner, and forgive him for it, & he should feel good now for marrying a woman who needs to be taken care of as a divorcee.
How come so many people give advice on how to procede with a future, and encourage adultery - zina -? When Autobod made her story of "Hes married and I dont care" everyone gave her a lot of abuse! Well, now this ones married - infact both of them are. LEAVE THE NEWLY MARRIED COUPLE TO GET ON WITH THEIR CHOSEN LIFE.
Posts: 98 | From: Firmly On The Ground | Registered: Sep 2007
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those naked pics are not on computer...i wont have such filth lol......these are pics of him that i took on holiday.........feels good to get it out....have good and bad days........since i have been on here i have read so many stories like mine.........glad i am not the only gullible one.thought i was unique in that.............after saying all that my heart does go out to all of you who have been cheated..........thanks all for listening and giving your advice and support......it has helped...even just to let of steam.......so now perhaps i can chat about something more exciting........kids, weather, football,life in general........where i live it has been pi**ing down all day gets dark about 2:30pm.....oh for some sun.but at least we should have snow for Xmas.......nice when u can just snuggle in a chair with a good book or film.......chocolate and tea........
Posts: 171 | Registered: Nov 2007
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quote:Originally posted by ShirleyValentinesFantasyLives: I cant believe this is still going on - the man got married. To be accepted as a 2nd wife ( a real one, not a temporary fun machine when you visit Egypt ) means you must secure the first wifes approval, and live in Egypt. There is no chance of a divorce here. It is almost impossible to divorce a cousin in these circumstances. It is much harder to divorce than marry and if he didnt have the guts to go against his family and not marry her, he certainly hasnt got the guts to divorce her and make them have the shame of a twice divorced woman! Anyway it looks like they could be good match and it will be good for their family. They obviously know the shameful secret of his relationship with a married foreigner, and forgive him for it, & he should feel good now for marrying a woman who needs to be taken care of as a divorcee.
How come so many people give advice on how to procede with a future, and encourage adultery - zina -? When Autobod made her story of "Hes married and I dont care" everyone gave her a lot of abuse! Well, now this ones married - infact both of them are. LEAVE THE NEWLY MARRIED COUPLE TO GET ON WITH THEIR CHOSEN LIFE.
The first wife has to be informed, she doesn't need to agree, but the only thing she can do then, is devorce. No option anyway, family would kill him... I think he would get to the UK then. Then he can live with his UK-wife and leave the Egyptian one in Egypt, and visit her regularry. This is happening often. But it also happens often that the family does not agree in this endless trying to marry a foreigner, instead of making a life in Egypt. Think you would be shocked if you knew how many men are wasting years of their lifes by trying to get out of Egypt. They don't even think about starting to build up a carreer, and they waste the most valuable years to do so. At a certain moment the families patience is gone, and they demand them to start a lige, get a job and get married with an Egyptian woman, just like the rest. I don't know this man, but a former marriage with an American woman, and a second one with an UK-woman, is pointing in that direction. Anyway I know more then enough of this kind of examples, and I do not recommend it. All the marriages fail after a few years.Usually the time thats needed to get him safe there.... And ALL let it look like the marriage failed because of the differences...they never admit that they just used the woman for what they wanted... I don't think this man is as heavily in love as he claims to be. I don't know him, but for me it's all to much in the bad way... no objections against a woman that was married, two foreign women after each other, and then a marriage with a relative and ask for being a second wife.... Sounds all to suspicious...
Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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There was never the issue of my love using me to gain entrance to the UK, he did not want to live here, as he did not want to live in the US when he married his first wife, they were married for a few short years yes, but if he had wanted to leave Egypt then that marriage would have been the perfect opportunity to do so.
We planned on living in Sakkara, which as you know is in EGYPT not the UK!
He has lived for periods of time in the US and Australia through his work, this also is not on the basis of being involved with women, this has been done through his business ventures.
He has an income, pays his own bills, has not asked me for anything. We planned on building our future together not on my bank balance.
You are wrong when you say you "don't think this man is as heavily in love as he claims to be", I know him for the person he is.
You may think that as he has succumbed to his extended families demands that he does not love me, but I know he does, as I do him.
it may appear that he loves his father, brothers, sister, neices and nephews more than me, but this is a different type of love that we share between us.
He has done what he had or needed to do to protect his family, to me this is not a selfish or dishonourable man.
I am sorry if you find my defence of him distasteful but what would you expect of someone with the feelings I have for him to do?
Posts: 20 | Registered: Nov 2007
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I Just want to say sorry moon and stars for youre pain, I really wish that there was an easy answer for you, I really hope that it will all work out well for you, Please try and beg him not to go through with it tell him to hang on for you
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Yorkshire Rose, unfortunately he has gone through with it, the signing of the Book was on Thursday.
The hardest thing for me is that i should be saying that he should now get on with his life with his Egyptian wife, but how can I just walk away from what we have had together, the love we feel for each other?
I know I can be perceived as being a Jezzabelle(not sure if that's how to spell it!)but at the end of the day this marriage he has entered into was not made by his or my choice.(There are those of you who feel he had a choice, but I know unless there was any way of him not marrying her then he would not have) I feel we are the ones who have been wronged against, although I appreciate totally that there is another person now involved in our lives who is innocent of all this....but aren't we the innocent ones too?
When I recently left him we did not ever envisage that anything like this could happen nor would we have wanted to be in this position.
It all seems so hopeless at the moment, I know I should walk away but it is not something I can do neither can he.
We are in communication every day since his marriage, yes, I know there are those of you who think this dispicable but you just dont stop loving someone, wanting to be with someone, this is just not possible for us.
Posts: 20 | Registered: Nov 2007
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Some are presurised by family so much that they marry the woman to stop the hassle. I know of one who married his dead brother's wife because his family were afraid they would lose contact with the child. Family is everything to them.You must think about what is going to make u happy. Are u willing to be a second wife for the rest of your life. Can you deal with the pressure of it all. Think long and hard about everything.
Posts: 209 | From: UK | Registered: Feb 2007
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Audbod, I do not honestly know what the future will bring, I do not feel I could be a co-wife. I mean how could I like in a community with the extended family hating me and possibly causing trouble for me with their behaviour?
Also I do feel for this Egyptian lady who has married my love, she obviously cannot be happy with the situation.
I am most concerned how the situation would be should children come into the picture.
I am aware of his strong bond with his immediate family and I am proud of his actions towards them and them to him. They are a very close family and they are obviously very worried about his situation with this marriage.
I have spoken with him again tonight by sms, he has spoken with her today at length regarding me, clarifying what our plans were and he will tell me more about his conversation tomorrow when he returns to his father's home. (there is no internet connection at his wife's apartment)
I don't know what he is going to tell me, I shall just have to wait and see.
Posts: 20 | Registered: Nov 2007
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By now, I think maybe this post is not genuine, and has been put here to provoke views, because no one can surely be so blinded as to believe everything told to her. She says it as he does this, he does that - HOW does she know??? can she see him doing it? Maybe im wrong, but when a foreigner simply will not take any straight advice about what is normal things for Egyptians to do then I get thinking.
????? said "Think you would be shocked if you knew how many men are wasting years of their lifes by trying to get out of Egypt. They don't even think about starting to build up a carreer, and they waste the most valuable years to do so. At a certain moment the families patience is gone, and they demand them to start a lige, get a job and get married with an Egyptian woman, just like the rest."
Most of what you think is my agreement, I read from some of your posts, you are wise. I am Egyptian man - see my other views on this one - so I am not shocked as you say about what many men are getting up to! I know, and I have said. Im lucky to be in a good situation. I have a foreign wife - we write here together - she is all I could ask for in a wife. we lived in Egypt together - FULL TIME wife for some years. We did everything by Islamic ways, Allah blesses those who fear Him, and are good, and He has blessed us.
I feel sad for my muslim sister who is being deceived, plotted against and given no chance to prove she can make a good marriage from the start, but soon, she will be pregnant - you ll see I cannot think kindly of any woman who sleeps with a man - especially when she is another mans wife, or of a man who continues a relationship with a married woman when he is also married.
No man can be forced to marry. To say it is not his choice is rubbish. It was his choice. he had 2 choices, say yes or no. M & S - Do you really think this man is so different from what is normal for Egyptian men? His family make him marry a cousin - they wouldnt let him ignore her, ignore his honeymoon, ignore his family congratulations either ! You have a lot to learn about our culture, and how the lying and cheating is done.
Posts: 98 | From: Firmly On The Ground | Registered: Sep 2007
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quote:Originally posted by ShirleyValentinesFantasyLives: By now, I think maybe this post is not genuine, and has been put here to provoke views, because no one can surely be so blinded as to believe everything told to her.
I agree
M&S just ask yourself one thing....did he consumate this marriage.......don't lie to yourself with the answer.....you know its YES.
ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN ANY WORDS.
If you think you can't live without him and can't move on in life just remember everyone in life at some points has that first falling in love but how many of us actually marry and live our lives with that person. Time heals very quickly and life moves on. You have the chance to make a lucky escape.......TAKE IT.
Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
If M & S still has the feeling to that Egyptian man, and go away forever that means escape. It will be hard for her.
I think, M & S can be his second wife, at least she has him too in halal way, first maybe in secret... slowly but sure make the marriage stronger.
M & S can win his heart and soul.
Good luck for you, if you are honest and innocent in this situattion, I wish you will be the winner.
Posts: 756 | From: ...be solution... | Registered: Jul 2007
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quote:Originally posted by moon_and_stars: Audbod, I do not honestly know what the future will bring, I do not feel I could be a co-wife. I mean how could I like in a community with the extended family hating me and possibly causing trouble for me with their behaviour? ...
I am aware of his strong bond with his immediate family and I am proud of his actions towards them and them to him. They are a very close family and they are obviously very worried about his situation with this marriage.
I have spoken with him again tonight by sms, he has spoken with her today at length regarding me, clarifying what our plans were and he will tell me more about his conversation tomorrow when he returns to his father's home. (there is no internet connection at his wife's apartment)
If you are so proud of his actions towards his close family and if you could never be a second wife and live in a community with the extended family hating you and possibly causing trouble for you with their behaviour, then what are you hoping for by continuing with this man?
If you feel that you couldn't be a co-wife, then the only thing you can be hoping for is that when you are no longer a married woman that he will also divorce his cousin and marry you.
So how can you now say that you are proud of his actions towards his close family and then contemplate him doing something that would hurt/damage them? And that would surely happen if he divorced his cousin to marry you...a second divorce for her from her cousin would be even worse than a first.
Also if he tries to divorce her to marry you the family will hate you even more and cause even more problems for you, you can be sure of that.
And if he has such a strong bond with his family that he couldn't say no to them over marrying his cousin, if did eventually get up the courage to decide to divorce her, marry you, do you think that he would leave Egypt to protect you from all their anger? And how would that work if he has such a strong bond with his family?
You are hoping for something that you know is against all his principles...and that, if it ever did happen, would make a disastrous basis for a marriage.
Posts: 4576 | From: Cairo | Registered: Jun 2002
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posted
I agree, she is in a dilemma within herself and the best thing people here could do is to stop coddling her and be honest and tell her to MOVE ON....sorry, I know that is harsh but comeon see reality. Newcomer and Penny made great points, there is no future in this situation.
Since when did some women start believing that simply because 'feelings' are involved that you MUST act on something or that it should delude you from the truth of the current situation? Love is blind but it isn't stupid and continuing with this man is blindly stupid. He made his choice, it wasn't you, you don't think you could be a co-wife, you know his family would never accept you and he will never stand up for you against his family. He has put you last in everything, that is telling enough. GO find someone who puts you first, that is where your heart should find a home. Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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