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He loves the baby but he doesn't have a clue how to take care of her.
i don't really have a clue also to be honest. i am just trying to get through each day and trying to find the best ways of taking care of the baby and of us in the same way.
hasn't really worked out yet. The baby sleeps between us in bed, imagine the passionate love going on there, right? And she goes to sleep at midnight. So no time for even the smalles alone time after he comes home from work because apparantley this kid is very egyptian seeing she wants to be awake all night!!!
I think that we are both trying to be civil and kind to each other but it takes so little to trigger some kind of annoyance. And then the silence treatment follows.
Sometimes I even wonder if he should move into the guestbedroom so that we can just go about our business as 2 roommates sharing an apartment.
it seems that it is headed that way. example: When he comes home and I am holding the baby, he kisses the baby and forgets all about me. And he used to kiss me so much in the old days.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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"the kid is very egyptian seeing she wants to be awake all night"...
lol I had one like that too (not Egyptian ). Try to keep her awake during the day, lots of stimuli... Maybe this will help. Put some extra Baby Cereals (?) in her last bottle of milk.
"the baby sleeps between us in bed"
It is not ideal but my oldest one (boy) slept between us for 4 years!! My husband always said; he will be 18 and he will still be lying here in our bed!! My girl was born and never ever slept one day between us. (there was no room, our oldest one was still there ) In some cultures whole families sleep together in one room, so it is not really a bad thing I guess. If the kid feels more secure, more relaxed this way... why not?
I keep repeating myself but really, it will all pass. It is a very tiring period... but it will all work out. I had the same feelings in the beginning of motherhood. My guy was still studying and did not really take part in raising our son. I often felt like a single mother but on the other hand, it made me stronger. I could do it on my own.
Good luck. Posts: 2932 | From: Just now and then | Registered: Nov 2006
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Anthropos, It is recommended not to sleep with a baby because there have been instances where a baby has been rolled on and smothered. Especially a new born.
-------------------- "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." (Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton) Leap and the Net will Appear. Posts: 3891 | From: No good deed goes unpunished. | Registered: May 2007
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we have an extremeley large bed, over 2 meters wide and the baby takes about 1 meter of that.
My husband complaints of being rolled himself by me because i am being so careful not to roll on the babe. so actually I am the one in the middle.
you'd think that he'd like that, i.e. being rolled over by his wife but I just get moans...the boring ones I might add.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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Oh yes, being a real life wife is a LOT different than being a "vacation" wife. It takes a long while to adjust. We've been real lifin' it for nearly a year and the adjustments just keep a comin'. Nothing you do prior to their arrival fully prepares you for dealing with them day in and day out. I love my husband but I gotta say, Egyptian men have got to some of the oddest, most complicated, most confusing, stubborn characters. Well at least mine is.
Hang in there, Elizabeth.
quote:Originally posted by elizabethN: a middle eastern man told me something that has stuck in my mind recently. Unless you are egyptian, you will never be a "good wife" in their eyes. You can never do enough for these guys and on top of that, they have been catered to and babied all their life. A wife is just that - a wife and nothing else. I am about to throw in the towel also. Screw this crap and have a nice peaceful life. They are all about themselves and nobody else when it comes down to it and unless you live together you will have no idea what it is like. It's real life, not a vacation anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
quote:Originally posted by With a name like Smuckers: I find it really SAD that in the middle East (and in the West until 50+ years ago) the women exclude the men from this part of their lives!
I agree it is very sad, but I don't think we can blame the women entirely, the men haven't exactly been crying out for inclusion! Unfortunately women's work has always been considered inferior, which is ridiculous as it's what keeps the whole human race in existence! Women have struggled to be allowed to do 'men's work', but there hasn't been a struggle in the opposite direction.... Do you know any men demanding liberation to do the housework, childcare, caring for the sick and old?
Anyway, Anthropos, hang in there, it's a difficult time and it will pass. In the meantime, look for mother/baby support groups in your community. It's good to share problems and experiences with other new mothers.
Posts: 1039 | From: Cairo | Registered: Sep 2002
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I always blame both parties. The women are to blame for taking away that important time in a fathers life and the men are to blame for not insisting to enjoy their babies as their birthright. Either way, I do see how those things are changing and from what I have seen, the men who are more involved are the better for it. I dare say the women are, as well! Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Anthropos: 2 years? WoW
i was thinking it got better when they are around 6 monyhs......
and she is just 2 months now....
Hey ,Sorry it can get a bit easier with children when the are 2-10yrs but after that the worries and problems grow again. Here we say" small children small problems big children big problems"
Posts: 523 | From: Finland | Registered: Feb 2004
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One more thing, have the baby sleep in her own bed.That could be a step forwaed to get you and your husband closer to eachother again.
Posts: 523 | From: Finland | Registered: Feb 2004
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yes, this expression is used here as well. I don't know if it is true cause my kids are still small but I have to admit I don't miss their baby-time (the getting up every 2 hours, the diapers, being busy with them allll day...) Babies need you ALL the time. If you have primary school kids in the house, you have some time for your own again. They are less demanding. (unless they want to use your PC of course )
Posts: 2932 | From: Just now and then | Registered: Nov 2006
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Anthropos, why dont you try putting the cot right next to you in the bedroom, with the side down, that way the baby will feel as though she is near you but will have her own space and then you can gradually start putting the side up and moving it over the other side of the room once she has learned to sleep alone? Posts: 918 | From: Earth | Registered: Jan 2008
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I really feel sorry for you right now that you are going through this rough time. I really hope you can save your marriage and fight for it, you both are new parents, you both have a wonderful future together with your little baby. Is there no way you can both try to find a solution to save this. Please dont get into the habbit of having baby in bed with you. Mrs said the best solution. Put the cotnext to your bed. She is so young now, she should adapt easily. I know some people close to me that have there 12 year old son in bed with them every night. He will not sleep alone. Totally refuses. Says hes scared. I persnally find this rediculous. I bet hell be 18 years old and still between mummy and daddy. Stop habits before they are too hard to break. I know its hard but try to be a little positive, Iff hubby kisses baby and not you, ask him why, and just let him know you feel a little left out, maybe your emotions are running on a high. i know that feeling only to well right now. Small things seem like a huge mountain.
quote:Originally posted by Anthropos: He loves the baby but he doesn't have a clue how to take care of her.
My husband didn't seem to know, either. And he has 3 kids from a prior marriage.
Just give him more and more time with the baby, and try not to be critical of how he cares for her. Because he *will* do it differently than you. Which is OK. Fathers have to build confidence in their parenting skills, too.
It's so worth it though. When Daddy comes in the door and your child lights up with the biggest smile you've ever seen. Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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Can I ask, are you living in Egypt? Do you have any family, extended or otherwise that you can lean on for support.
Posts: 288 | From: UK | Registered: Feb 2004
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You're experiencing serious cultural clashes here Athropos.
From what you write, you expect, want and are close to insisting he behaves and reacts to fatherhood like a man from your own country and culture.
But, he's not.
You're demanding him to change because he's *wrong* but he's doing what tens of thousands of egyptian dads do and their egyptian wives don't see it as a *problem* to fix.
I think you need to take a deep breath and explain to him how fathers behave in your culture, tell him how your dad was with you when you were growing up, etc.
Open his eyes to his culture so that he can see how selfish his behavior seems to you
Start socializing with other couples who have had newborns. Get him talking to men from your own culture so he can hear it on his own from other men and start to realize he needs to adapt to YOUR culture in YOUR country!
Posts: 2182 | Registered: Oct 2002
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quote:Originally posted by Anthropos: I am thinking seriously of a divorce now.
Yesterday he spent 1 hour at home. He went out at 6 o'clock and came back at midnight.
He just does whatever he wants. He never thinks that maybe I need a break. He thinks this baby is only my responsibility.
I wish he just lived somewhere else then I wouldn't feel always this disappointment again and again.
Yes... I think you need a break for a few hours. Can't you bring the little girl to your parents? a friend perhaps? You need to relax. Do your thing, whatever that is... (it depends on the person.) For some it can be taking a walk, do some sports, etc. (For me it is sleeping ) You will feel better afterwards and have new energy. Posts: 2932 | From: Just now and then | Registered: Nov 2006
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I disagree Exiled...although I wouldn't be screaming divorce YET. Think about it though, he comes in at six, stays an hour and leaves until midnight and this is something that is a habit? Where is he going? What is he doing? Who is he with? Why doesn't he take HER? Why doesn't he get a sitter for the baby and get her out of the house, just sit and talk with her, give her release from her emotions lately?
This man sounds quite aggressive and from what she wrote, the latest thing about him shoving her...he needs some SERIOUS therapy. I wouldn't live with him with our daughter unless and until he got that help. Anthropos, you seem like you've been patient until now, even having fears prior to giving birth. That baby girl did nothing to deserve this and she doesn't need to be in an environment that is like this. I'm not saying to divorce but you need to seriously consider doing something to change the way things are.
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:Originally posted by With a name like Smuckers: This man sounds quite aggressive and from what she wrote, the latest thing about him shoving her...he needs some SERIOUS therapy. I wouldn't live with him with our daughter unless and until he got that help. Anthropos, you seem like you've been patient until now, even having fears prior to giving birth. That baby girl did nothing to deserve this and she doesn't need to be in an environment that is like this. I'm not saying to divorce but you need to seriously consider doing something to change the way things are.
Well, yes. This man seems a bit of a control freak to me - 'impervious' to change and/or criticism (constructive). Hard work with this type of man. Sorry to say this, but that's how I see it. You cannot allow any physical violence Anthropos, remember.
Posts: 2807 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2007
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Anthropos, you need to get away for a while with your baby. Aggression against you is bad, but with you holding baby is REALLY bad. Several of us here have advised seeking support from relatives, is there nobody you can visit for a few days? Give the man time to think and regret.
Posts: 1039 | From: Cairo | Registered: Sep 2002
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You do need to get away and put some space between you. Unfortunately domestic violence starts with the odd shove or push, it's the thin end of the wedge, what would be next? I hope you get things sorted for you and your baby's sake. Take care.
Posts: 4476 | From: Scotland | Registered: Mar 2006
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I feel so sorry for you. I do understand how you feel. Try to live for a while like he does not excist. Just live for you and the baby, don't ask him where he goes or what he does or when he comes just pretend that he is not there.(less stress for you) See how you feel than and if he notices it and if he makes any changes in his behavior. Try this for 3-4 weeks and see how it affects you 3.
Posts: 523 | From: Finland | Registered: Feb 2004
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Anthropos, the hard it may sound but you need to stop whining. I can imagine with all the stuff going on right now he's simply not in the mood anymore to listen to you.
Again it's a huge change from being a couple in love to be a complete family as a baby changes everything. Most people went through even going through the same situation right now; some adapt easier some have it more harder.
I think you need to calm down a little and accept more to have the role of being a mother right now - and it's not gonna change for many years to come.
As someone previous advised you have your mother look after the baby sometimes.... grandma is gonna spoil her with bottles and hugs like crazy until you come back and pick her up!
You and HIM, your husband, have to find to each other again. You felt unattractive for him during pregnancy, now it's time to get into gear and work on your relationship.
Believe me don't nag too much, most guys will just shut down and in the long run it's so hurtful for your marriage.
Instead of picking bad things to argue about think and talk about more positive issues. I mean what do you like about your husband? For me it feels like you want out. You mention you wish he would sleep in the spare bedroom! This is definitely a red flag!!
Girl, you have to wake up and smell the coffee. You need to decide if you wanna kick him out or be together since in another post you remember how loving he was to you before the baby arrived.
Look, during the day if he's not home, get out, get fresh air, link up with other mothers (as previously advised too), have your own schedule and fill your time with activities. It will get you off bad thinking all the time.
Now when he's home he needs to be more attentive to you and the baby's needs... that being said it doesn't mean you have to be stucked together every single minute. You know I got four kids and I don't mind if my husband wants to take a nap in the afternoon or wants to lie down early in the evening to look after our brood. My husband is hard working during the week (not even in the same city) and I respect his needs. We do not do everything together when we are at home.
Listen, get your mother to babysit your daughter one evening this weekend, pick up some cash, tell your hubby to get dressed, get yourself in style and hit the club, restaurant whatever. Just show him that he means a lot to you, that you don't want to lose him, that you are still attracted to him so much and you wanna make it work.
Again, don't be on his @ss so much because that's probably the main reason what blocks his attentiveness towards you. Use positive reinforcement and I don't doubt with a little soft help and a smile he's willing to hold and care for the baby and will find enough time and energy to make you happy too - his wife. Good luck!
PS: Is he working yet?
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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I don't think that I am whining at all to him. I just show my disappointment by being cold to him or silent. If I want to take a shower then I have to ask his permission, ask him if he can look after the baby for 10minutes. He goes out for 6 hours or more and doesn't ask anybody.
He tells me to ask God for help with the baby. That is his solution of helping me. By patronizing me with his so-called faith. At least I know that God will help me because he is sure not going to.
I will ignore him. I will think of me and the girl. And he will be a shadow on the walls here.
About divorce. I think that he will not want it ultimately even though he hates being with me and the baby. He after all wants to get his passport and keep working. Oh yes he is working, that is all he does. It is his new hobby now. To save money. That is all he thinks about. He hardly wants to buy food here because of the money. For who he is saving the money I don't know. Probably his family in Egypt. They are his first priority. We are nothing to him.
Well he can dream on about his new passport because he ain't getting it. I will make sure of that. And he can dream on about making more money because his sorry ass is going back to Cairo, to doing nothing like before, of having no responsibility like before. I will make sure of that as well.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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For sure it looks like you know what you are going to do. A silent treatment won't make the situation better between the both of you. He is working, working a lot to save money, he thinks about the future.
Well, good luck with being a single mum then, my own mother was one and she could tell you how it was!!
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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It's amazing that so many want out of Egypt to have a 'better life' but when they realize they actually have to work for things suddenly the Beverly Hills lifestyle they envisioned is so far away.
While I don't always advocate divorce so suddenly, I do advocate not settling for just anyone. IF he had his priorities right he would come to you and his daughter with both arms opened and be the man GOD meant for him to be. Otherwise you can't rely on any man to take care of you...in the end it is just up to you, sorry to say. Regret is a terrible thing, in his case.
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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Tigerlily I was raised by a single mom. So you are not telling me anything new.
But what am I supposed to do?
Live with somebody that abuses me so I will have a little extra cash in the bank?
He doesn't show any interest in knowing how to take care of his daughter. Doesn't that say something about his character? And how will it get better in the future? I can't see it.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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He abuses you? You mean he doesn't care enough for you?
Look, I am trying to see the whole story a little from his side.
Forgot what his age is but I am sure that's the first time for him to be abroad, he left his family now for half a year or more back in Egypt, he had and obviously still has problems getting adjusted to all the new things in your country.
And then boom, you were expecting!!
What did you expect? That you gonna be a nice family and will never encounter any problems for the rest of your lives together?
I believe you should be proud of the fact that he's working, that he's not sitting on his lazy bum like many other guys regardless of being foreigner or not.
It totally looks like you both lost communication with each other - and this is what the whole situation makes it so much more difficult.
Look let him work during the day while you care for the baby (he's obviously now the only breadwinner in the house for a while so accept that), care for your baby, show love and understanding for her even if it sometimes gets too much on you. Being a first-time mom is very stressful and I can understand that you are more than frustrated because it seems you are the only person caring for the child you have actually together.
He needs to start feeding his own daughter, not always when he's home but he has to come around and show some initiative, at least hold her so he's getting more used to his new life of being a father. He also needs to accept his role.
Try to make a timetable where you both agree on certain things involving caring for the baby, household and spare time so you and he can do something like a hobby etc. And you should at least spend one evening alone with each other and celebrating your relationship without having the baby demanding something (please involve your mother more).
You both need to get into a routine to handle life with a newborn better but in the same track don't lose track of your own intimate relationship.
I still hope so much you and him will be able to work things out. Maybe all what it takes is a good sit-down with no blaming each other but focusing on how to make things better. You need to let him know your expectations but without any finger pointing and I believe he might would have to tell you some things too. Right now there is a thick brick wall between the both of you which needs to come down. If you don't manage to take care of it now you are right it's not worth it to pursue this marriage any longer.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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anthropos, i dont know very much about your situation as i am new to this site. if you have recently had a baby you need to remember that your hormones are everywhere. although he hasnt got the excuse of hormones, he is still a new father and that can be difficult to deal with. it must be very difficult for him to be in a new country, with little or no family and friends that he can turn to and also a new family. i am not saying what he is doing is right but it seems he is very frustrated and so are you.
do you have much family and friends? try talking to someone you know or even a doctor about how you are feeling as you may (please dont shoot me) be suffering with a little post-natal depression. i have suffered this and i know how it feels. i ended up pushing my daughters dad away and by the time i sorted myself out it was too late. i couldnt see how unreasonable i was actually being and the pressure i was putting on him. took me 4 years to see the truth.
try and stay positive and make sure you dont make a decision that is rash and you will live to regret. having a baby places strain on any relationship no matter how in love you are. just remember (i am assuming) you fought very hard for him to live in your country with you, to be a family and if you send him back the chances are you will never get that chance again.
Posts: 9 | From: uk | Registered: Mar 2008
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quote:Originally posted by Anthropos: thanks everybody for your advice but i am going to stop posting here. take care
Please don't stop posting! We are supporting you and want the best for you. Belive me or not but I quite understand how you feel. I understand also if you want to divorce but just try a bit more. Talk calmy to him explain your feelings to start with. And Try the pretending that he is not there for a while, just live your life be nice to your husbend when he is nice to you but nothing extra just live like he was not there.' Don't count on him. Doing this you will get a feeling of how it would be without him but it also gives a chance for him to change some of his behavior.
Posts: 523 | From: Finland | Registered: Feb 2004
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Tigerlilly I think you missed the part where he shoved her while she was holding his daughter... Anthropos, I understand what you are saying and you have EVERY RIGHT AND EVERY OBLIGATION to take care of yourself and the girl. Stay strong. Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Anthropos: Tigerlily I was raised by a single mom. So you are not telling me anything new.
But what am I supposed to do?
Live with somebody that abuses me so I will have a little extra cash in the bank?
He doesn't show any interest in knowing how to take care of his daughter. Doesn't that say something about his character? And how will it get better in the future? I can't see it.
I am a single mom, and I am happy and have a happy well adjusted child. My advice is, "DO NOT" stay in a bad situation, the child will suffer even if you think you are protecting her.
I had people tell me how hard it is for a woman alone...that's BS. It is not as hard as being with an abusive man. Your husband is being abusive to you. Now it may seem like something small that you can deal with or ignore but as time goes on it wears you down and destroys your self esteem. By staying you are setting an example for her on how a woman should be treated, how she should be treated. Do it when you are strong.
Posts: 3891 | From: No good deed goes unpunished. | Registered: May 2007
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The mother has the OBLIGATION to get her and her child out of the situation if abuse is occurring. Abuse also doesn't only have to be physical (which it already is now), it can be verbal or abuse in the form of neglect. Children don't need to be witness to that and child WATCH AND SEE EVERYTHING...advising a woman to stay in that situation is irresponsible and cowardly. I'm not saying she should divorce him right away, definitely give him a chance to change or seek therapy, but staying is NEVER an option...how many sad situations do we have to see get deadly before we wake up to this?
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:Originally posted by With a name like Smuckers: Tigerlilly I think you missed the part where he shoved her while she was holding his daughter... Anthropos, I understand what you are saying and you have EVERY RIGHT AND EVERY OBLIGATION to take care of yourself and the girl. Stay strong.
She did? In this thread?
Well if this is the case what she wants then in a relationship with someone like that??
Although I would like to hear his story on that.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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Yea, go back and read, I thought you may have missed it. She was taking a shower and the baby cried and he got frustrated from ONCE having to take care of the daughter when she showered, gave her the baby and then shoved her back into the bathroom. Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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A lot of things which been said today by her sound alarming. She's talking about the man she's living with like an 'enemy' but not her husband. It looks like they both don't know how to deal with each other at all.
I strongly recommend marriage councelling IF they both agree on it to change things for the better. Otherwise I don't see any future for them. Sad but true.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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I am all for counselling but he would never go. He would take it as my way of controlling him, of my culture's way of being superior to his.
It is all just hopeless...
Maybe we can end it peacefully and find someway that he can get his passport and still be a father (if he ever will become one) to the baby in the future.
Maybe that is the best solution. Just being friends. I find the love is dying anyway...
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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I thought you might wanna read through this. There is so much more out about this subject on the internet.
Really if you wanna save your very young marriage, try to make improvements little by little, don't expect everything to be perfect within a month or so. Good luck!
10 Rules for Baby-proofing Your Marriage
No. 1: Realize you are not alone. "Everyone goes through an adjustment when they have a baby," Stone says. "A lot of people think they are the only ones having issues, when the problems are universal ." It's a global conspiracy of silence, she says. "No one really talks about the degree of work involved in being a parent, and it comes as a surprise."
No. 2: Saying "good job" won't kill you. "Validation is a big thing that most people need, so instead of saying 'you put the baby's dress on backward,' say, 'You are a great dad,'" she suggests. "It’s the simple things that we often get too critical of one another about."
No. 3: Understand the Great Mom and Dad Divide. "Men and women react to parenting differently," Stone explains. "Men go into provider panic and women get extremely focused on the baby. Women zero in on the child and it consumes them to a degree that they never expected, and men are surprised by that and think, 'Hey, where did my wife go?'"
Haltzman adds that "when a new baby arrives, moms are more anxious and fathers and husbands tend to feel increasingly helpless that there is nothing they can do to make their wives feel better."
No. 4: Avoid the 10 p.m. shoulder tap trap. Sex matters, it's that simple. "A man's sex drive not changing after having a baby is normal; but a woman's changing is also normal," Stone explains. "Sex is the glue that keeps relationships together." So both weary mom and harried dad need to find time for it. But many women report that their husbands merely give them a 10 p.m. shoulder tap when they crave sex. "Women told us that romance evaporated after the kids were born; but the 10 p.m. shoulder tap doesn’t work," Stone says. "Men need to still pay attention to the finer things."
Springing for a babysitter and a regular "date night" would give both parents some time to relax and enjoy each other's company again without distracting baby duties. Or try a "dad on duty" night, with father taking over the diaper changing, cooking, and cleanup while mom relaxes with a book or a long bath. The payoff could be a rested and ready partner. And there's no reason you can't add a bouquet of grocery store flowers, wine, and candles to a dinner eaten while baby naps.
No. 5: Don't play midnight chicken. Nobody wins in midnight chicken. According to the book, midnight chicken is "a battle of the wills where each parent pretends to be asleep and blissfully unaware of the screaming down the hall in the hopes that the other parent will get up and tend to the crying baby." Instead of playing chicken, Stone says, "split up the night somehow so that both partners can get a solid chunk of sleep."
No. 6: Loosen the gender roles. Plan a training weekend, she says. "This is where the husband is left to man the kid ropes on his own for a weekend," Stone says. The dual benefits? "He learns a new respect for what it takes to care for a baby, and since some women have a hard time letting go of the reins, this teaches them its OK and that their husband can take care of it," she says. What's more, "the husband gets a chance to bond with baby on his own terms." Stone's prescription: Have training weekends early and as often as the baby changes and enters new phases. "A little continuing education is always a good idea," she says.
No. 7: Stop scorekeeping. "You really can never end scorekeeping completely, but you can ratchet it down by dividing and conquering," Stone says. "Don’t worry about the stuff that is not on your list and acknowledge that both parties are giving 100% and no one has it tougher than the other," she says. Remember, "You are rowing in the same boat."
No. 8: Make deals. "It's OK to trade two nights of dishes for one night out," she says.
No. 9: Rein in the in-laws. "Establish a pecking order where your nuclear family comes first before your extended family," she says. "Everybody wants to get their hands on the baby, which is a normal thing, but it can create tension if you don’t put your spouse before other family members."
No. 10: Remember that this, too, shall pass. "Recognize that this time is unique," she says. "As children get older, these issues diminish and if you recognize that it is uniquely stressful, but will come to an end, you can keep a long-term view of it," Stone says. "Couples need to continue to make their own relationship a priority, because in 18 years, this brand new child will be out of the house and on his own, but you will still be with each other and you have another 30 years together, so you just can't put your relationship on back burner," Haltzman says.
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Anthropos, dont stop posting here, some people just dont understand how hard it is for you at the moment.
There are many issues going on here, but you are right to think seriously about taking yourself and your baby away from an aggressive situation, if you can, I would do this first before speaking of divorce, give him a chance to see that violence and aggression are wrong and then he has choice, he either changes that, or its over.
Distance between you for a while may give both of you a chance to see things more clearly and work on some of the other problems.
He should not push you with or without a baby in your arms, he should not shout and be aggressive to you, he should not scare you. There is no compromise on that IMO.
Posts: 918 | From: Earth | Registered: Jan 2008
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well it has been a few hard days. Silent treatment. Not speaking to each other. Yesterday a little better but no talkin about anything serious. Just about what to eat, about what to buy at the market.
I don't know. At least we are not screaming.
thanks everybody for your support.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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quote: Springing for a babysitter and a regular "date night" would give both parents some time to relax and enjoy each other's company again without distracting baby duties. Or try a "dad on duty" night, with father taking over the diaper changing, cooking, and cleanup while mom relaxes with a book or a long bath. The payoff could be a rested and ready partner. And there's no reason you can't add a bouquet of grocery store flowers, wine, and candles to a dinner eaten while baby naps.
We've been considering doing this lately...taking a day a week to do a date night, would be fun. Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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posted
it is defintely worth it. And besides, isn't cheap to get soem girl to babysit there in Egypt? Would be sleeping anyway the baby right? How much per hour, 10 pounds maximum.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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posted
I couldn't dare leave my baby with just anyone, it would definitely have to be family. She stays with my husbands mother and sister if we have to do anything (a wedding, the dentist, etc.), otherwise I won't let her stay with anyone. I'm far too paranoid...I would never forgive myself if something happened with someone who wasn't family - I would always blame myself. Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
I had one like that too (not Egyptian ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
). Try to keep her awake during the day, lots of stimuli... Maybe this will help.![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Mad]](mad.gif)
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