posted
Oh, no... It's my dementia setting in. Of course there was no school. What I mean is when I was at school going age, it was WWI and WWII.
The Royals and Bronze age? You lucky bugger. We ceased such frivolities in Middle School.
Posts: 1678 | From: New Egypt Forum - http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Dec 2009
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quote:Originally posted by Ayisha: Anthropos, it feels when I read your post that I am reading ME years ago.
You are both in a 'rut'. You do not complement each other, and I don't mean 'your hair looks nice' complement. You don't 'fit' each other.
You can get help and end this now OR you can carry on for 21 years like I did, 'for the kids' and after that your kids will say 'why the hell did you stay' as mine did.
It is hard to make the move, but only you can do it. OR accept that you married a miserable oaf of a man and stay so you're both miserable.
I understand posting here is an outlet, but you are only going to get the very same advice each time - leave him.
Hi Ayisha! You feel it too I see.
Yes, Anthropos, Ayisha and I mirror each other with our marriage experience. So you have at least two here with the same experience and I am sure she will tell you that it damages the children as well as yourself when you stay. It is not easy being single, but you don't cry all of the time. In fact there is peace and joy.
Posts: 770 | From: www.cafepress.com/tahrir_square | Registered: Jul 2010
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posted
Yesterday I saw just how terribly depressed and homesick he is. I had to go to the emergency room because I slipped and we had to wait for 3 hours and then pay a lot for bad services. He was screaming the whole way back in the car and making me think that I should not have gone, i.e. making it my fault.
He says he cannot be here anymore and I agree but he wants to move to another European country together, I don't really want that because I feel the story will repeat itself and there I would even be at a weaker stance being in a foreign country. He seems not to want to go to Egypt. Maybe it would be humiliation for him. I dont know.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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posted
wow, poor him. you were injured and had to go to the emergency room so being the supportive husband, he screamed and shouted like a drama queen and made it all about himself.
and you seriously don't see what's wrong with that picture?
Posts: 2182 | Registered: Oct 2002
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posted
I see what is wrong with that picture. But I am starting to think that he really has some mental problems.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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posted
Wow. That isn't so much a story of how sad and homesick is so much as how he bullies you, and you let him get away with it.
What I said about divorce before... It didn't say exactly what I meant. I mean, of course if two people make each other miserable to the point where they can't stand the sight of each other they shouldn't be together ruining each other's lives. You sound like you still love him and it hasn't quite reached that point, but I have to say this guy sounds abusive. As I said before, I think the foundations would be better for a happy relationship were you on neutral territory, but it all depends on the individuals concerned and if he's turning out to be someone who treats you this way do you really want to uproot yourself and your kids to make him happy?
On the plus side you say he has a job so he sounds fairly responsible. On the negative - when you were in the car, were you scared of the consequences if you stood up to him? Because if you were, it's no good.
Posts: 1678 | From: New Egypt Forum - http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Dec 2009
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posted
Anthropos, ask him frankly why it would be different in another country, how would his attitude towards YOU change. How would he suddenly find happiness?
Studies have shown that happiness comes from the inside. A naturally happy person, even when afflicted by terrible problems, will return to a state of happiness in a short time. A naturally unhappy person, after obtaining the things they thought would make them happy, will return to a state of unhappiness in a short while. It's a personality thing. Probably he can work on it, but he has to admit it first.
Ask yourself some questions. Do you love him? Or do you just feel sorry for him? Do you feel more contented when he is out playing football than when he's spending the evening at home with you?
If you want to stick with him, and he really has a plan to go to another country, let him go first and establish himself while you support the family, then follow once he feels happy.
Posts: 1039 | From: Cairo | Registered: Sep 2002
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quote:Yesterday I saw just how terribly depressed and homesick he is. I had to go to the emergency room because I slipped and we had to wait for 3 hours and then pay a lot for bad services. He was screaming the whole way back in the car and making me think that I should not have gone, i.e. making it my fault.
He says he cannot be here anymore and I agree but he wants to move to another European country together, I don't really want that because I feel the story will repeat itself and there I would even be at a weaker stance being in a foreign country. He seems not to want to go to Egypt. Maybe it would be humiliation for him. I dont know.
quote:Originally posted by anthropos: I see what is wrong with that picture. But I am starting to think that he really has some mental problems.
he is not homesick or he wouldn't want to try another Euro country. He has mental problems but so do you, either caused by him or not I don't know. Moving to another country he would still be taking with him his main problem, HIM. No matter where you go, there you are, his problems need sorting or he needs to see that he has them in the first place.
Anthropos, I can assure you that it is wonderful, bloody fantastic, NOT to live in fear all the time of saying or doing the wrong thing. Not to be walking on eggshells and wondering what mood he is in when you're on your way home or when he is due home. It is fecking priceless!
He sounds so much like my ex it's unreal, reminds me of all those wasted years. Get to a marriage councellor (sp) or get some help for BOTH of you, he will destroy you AND your kids.
Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:Originally posted by anthropos: Yesterday I saw just how terribly depressed and homesick he is. I had to go to the emergency room because I slipped and we had to wait for 3 hours and then pay a lot for bad services. He was screaming the whole way back in the car and making me think that I should not have gone, i.e. making it my fault.
He says he cannot be here anymore and I agree but he wants to move to another European country together, I don't really want that because I feel the story will repeat itself and there I would even be at a weaker stance being in a foreign country. He seems not to want to go to Egypt. Maybe it would be humiliation for him. I dont know.
And you just gave the perfect examply of why you should end the marriage and send him on his way.. YOU GOT HURT and all he can do is yell and scream???? No sorry, please demand more for yourself than that, i know its not easy, trust me i know, I'm doing it myself. Yes you love him, but i believe that you loved the man he used to be, not this person he has become and he will never be who he was again. This process he is doing will only get worse. Dont end up in the hospital getting stitches or mending a broken bone or worse before you realize it. Please.
Posts: 2410 | From: Indiana, USA | Registered: Mar 2005
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posted
I have to agree with the other posters about inner happiness etc and about if you move to anpther Euro country you aren't solving the problem, just moving it.
He shouted at you on the way back from hospital.. really???? I wouldn't let a man near my dog if he was that unstable let alone my kids.
Be the abuse mental, physical or verbal... abuse is abuse is abuse.
Sorry, if he were married to me I would be visiting HIM in the emergency room!
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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posted
Anthropos, your situation is probably far more complex than these bits of information you post here show. To make decisions and solve problems you need to be OK first. I think it would be really good for you to get some professional help. I am sure there are good counseling services in your community.
Here the message seem to be clear from almost everyone and from what is written the message has been the same for some time ...
Posts: 21 | From: Egypt | Registered: Jan 2011
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posted
y when someone is not right or somethin the first time some screams menta help seek professional help? its like an alci goin to aa it doesnt help. y tell a dr ur business for hundreds of dollars then all they do is tell u what u should do. screw that..
-------------------- your ass is so tight when you fart only a dog can hear it.when you queef only a cat can hear that one. Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
You really need to start putting words into action, neither you or your husband sounds happy at all.
When I got divorced 2004 I was left with nothing just the clothes I had lol.
I had to start again, find a job, new home to live etc.
But I did it!! I had too!!
There is no point either of you staying in an unhappy marriage, just for the sake of it!! You will never be happy within yourself and your husband will not be happy either.
Don't waste your years on a marriage, that is cold and means nothing.
Be strong and let yourself be brave and keep pushing yourself harder and harder.
posted
You know Anthropos when I was going through a tough time with my ex a friend's words stuck with me. She said you will leave him your just not ready yet. And she was so right! You just need to find that strength and it will come eventually.
Posts: 4476 | From: Scotland | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
Bezapt Dilemma and YAH... real friends tell you what you need to know and not what you need to hear. However, be wary of the 'friends' who tell you things that either benefit them or just want to make you as miserable as they are.
Real friends are priceless Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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posted
Ofcourse real friends will tell you what you need to know. My point really was regarding having the inner strength to do it. I knew within myself I was better of away from him but I never thought I would actually do it as I knew the consequences. Then over time you realise that you can do it and then you take that jump and boy do you feel like a huge load has been lifted So really what I'm saying is no amount of people telling you to do something will make you do it. It has to be in your own time , when you are ready a bit like giving up smoking Posts: 4476 | From: Scotland | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
I guess the pragmatic side of me doesn't understand how people in negative situations that they can change seem to prefer to just linger and complain about it.
This may seem harsh and lacking in empathy but I for one would never allow myself to feel this way.
As for smoking, I only quit becasue I am going to the UK for a month and I am dammed if I am paying £7 a pack
If you put your mind to it anything is possible.
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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posted
I guess we all have our own strengths and weaknesses Ferret Keep up the good work re the smoking.
Posts: 4476 | From: Scotland | Registered: Mar 2006
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11 days and easy peasy. The hardest thing about stopping smoking is wondering what to spend the pennies (piasters) on Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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posted
Sadly, I have no pity for adults who have brains and hop into situations before thinking them thru all the way.
If it were my man I would simply tell him, "well then you should have thought about all of this before you came here. Don't like it, go back, but your not gonna sit here and make MY life miserable. Apparently Egypt wasn't that much of a blast either if you had to leave it just to get a job and a wife."
Some people you just can't please.
Posts: 221 | From: philly | Registered: Nov 2008
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posted
A friend told me something and it was so true. She told me the following:
True friends are like diamonds precious but rare False friends are like autumn leaves found everywhere
Posts: 133 | From: egypt/usa | Registered: May 2009
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posted
Anthropos - I am really sorry that you are still going through the same things. It can be really hard to leave a relationship, especially when your confidence is low. I think that the question you need to ask yourself is that if you need to come on here to 'rant', then are you really happy? Take it from someone who knows
I really do hope that you find a solution so that you can be free of all this stress.
Caterpillar xx
-------------------- IMO Posts: 431 | From: England | Registered: Dec 2008
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posted
Sometimes people just need to get it out and a public forum is less personal. If she said all of this to a friend, she would have to see them every day or week. On a forum she can let it all out then switch off and not look at it again.
Of course it doesn't solve the problem, but at the moment she can't see a solution that she feels is the right one. So it will probably work for her until she is ready to take whatever action feels right.
-------------------- IMO Posts: 431 | From: England | Registered: Dec 2008
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posted
I dont think a public forum is less personal.
People on ES should keep their personal lifes to a limit.
It's ok to ask for advice, but in time people do get fed up with hearing the same old ****!!!
Posts: 1048 | From: If you are given a blessing you may be envied | Registered: Oct 2008
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posted
"I dont think a public forum is less personal."
No comment, I'm speechless on this one.
"People on ES should keep their personal lifes to a limit."
Why? Isn't it up to them how much they share?
"It's ok to ask for advice, but in time people do get fed up with hearing the same old ****!!! "
So, if i'm not mistaken, you mean that people should avoid posting things that YOU may find boring? Well, I don't bother reading things I find boring, but if I told everyone who bored me to shut up then I wouldn't have logged in here today. I'm sure there are people here that bore me but not you, so meeting this request is gonna be tough, who do we please? Do what I do, if you don't like it, don't read it .
I think we still live in a world of free speech though, last time I checked.
-------------------- IMO Posts: 431 | From: England | Registered: Dec 2008
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posted
well, I understand your frustration, because it is frustrating when you want to help someone. You are also right that it is up to the individual what they do.
However, I don't think it's fair to say that if someone goes over the same things then they are attention seeking. When you are stuck in the middle of a problem, you do go round and round, you sometimes rant just to stop your head from spinning and get back to some kind of normality. I think very few people actually do this for attention, its usually because they don't know where else to turn and they don't feel strong enough to do what people are telling them.
-------------------- IMO Posts: 431 | From: England | Registered: Dec 2008
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posted
I agree 100% caterpilla... we've all been through the head spinning problems... we can never overdose on sympathy, giving or receiving... people do make harsh judgements when communicating through text rather than face to face
Posts: 1039 | From: Cairo | Registered: Sep 2002
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I agree with you. I also agree that ranting here gets it out and it is less personal, of course it is, we are a bunch of relative strangers BUT when one is prepared to rant then one has to be prepared for people's responses too.
Obvioulsy anthrops is not at the point of giving it all up yet but she still needs to get it out, talk about it, with relative strangers. She needs to be told it is NOT her because it is easy for one to think, or be told that it is.
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
I think the trip back to work in Sharm will be a good thing. Once back in Egypt, [even in the slightly unreal bubble of Sharm] I bet he'll bragging about all the good things about 'his' country. And be glad to get back home. I get exasperated [sorry can't spell that?] with Egypt sometimes, but 48 hours back in England and I'm homesick as hell. And it's mean to ridicule a person who feels racially persecuted. It not something most of us will ever experience, but it must be truly horrible.
Posts: 1399 | From: alexandria | Registered: Jan 2002
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the thought of moving to another European country, doesn't thrill me. I know that it will not be better for him. He will be at zero point again in a new country.
The question remains whether it would be better in Egypt. I don't know.
I feel that if I go to Egypt in this bad marriage by power will diminish even more in this relationship and in general.
I still think that a trial separation is the best for us, I am still trying to water that seed I planted in his head about going to Sharm in the summer.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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posted
well the trial seperation is a place to start,, i'm thinking it wont have the effect you are wanting however it will help both of you decide what it is you want and what to do. I know that at first i wanted him to just go stay somewhere else for a time and i did send him to stay with someone, but i found once he was out of the house i was much happier without him.... i thought that it would just give us a break and make us realize we miss eachother... yeah, no. And i let him come back and look where it has brought us... him in jail for the second time and i have filed the divorce. Dont let your situation get out of control. If he wont go back to sharm then maybe he should go stay somewhere else without you for a time to let you both clear your heads
Posts: 2410 | From: Indiana, USA | Registered: Mar 2005
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