In general, She is very quickly to get mad and shout crazy and then collapse in sever unstoppable crying. She argues with almost every thing I said to either her or to my two kids. I discussed all options put if my final decision does not match her opinion she ignite a vicious fight and say all kind bad things about me in front of my kids. That lead my kids to have doubt in what I am asking them to do.

Although I sustained a lot of hardship but lately few situations happened, one related to a direct bad word to my mother and the other is almost a direct signal from her to the kids to not lessen to me.

What made me outrageous that my mother never mentioned single bad word about my wife and she always tell, she is good and you have kids and you can be happy …

And then yous come to ES knowing very well that a vast majority of the foreign women will coddle you and support your views.

I do not need no caddling, what I do need is your openion assuming what I have said is 100% correct.

[This message has been edited by farooqsaid1 (edited 19 March 2005).]

quote:

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Originally posted by farooqsaid1:
I do not need no caddling, what I do need is your openion assuming what I have said is 100% correct.

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There is no way that one person can be 100% responsible for a failing relationship.

And you are asking for sympathy.

I really hope she dumps your ass fast.

quote:

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Originally posted by farooqsaid1:
Sonomod: Please I do not want this language, I am hoping to connect with people in this forum to logically and fairly discuss my problem and lay down facts and options for the best possible solution.

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In other words I am not sympathic, I am not blaming your wife an egyptian woman because I am not hostile and jealous of egyptian women.

Becuase I am not a homewrecker laying in wait.

What you want is sympathy, what you want is western women to IM text you email you and flatter you, praise you, call you their pharoh.

What you want to hear is that Egyptian woman aren't able to please their men and a western woman could do a better job. That Egyptian women are not even human.

No just wait you'll have 20 forum members bashing your wife and all Egyptian women in general.

If you didn't want feedback that doesn't suit your view of your situation, why not just put in bold words Don't post any response, I would not want to hear or agree with. I am a caveman who cannot stand the sunlight or being in the presence of GOD/ALLAH. Hide me from judgement and reality, entertain my macho delusions of always being right!!!

I read you other posts. This forum will ease your pains completely. Enjoy.

Consider the following possibilities to the decline of your 15 year marrage....

My wife suffered alot as she mentioned before the marriage from the monthly period. She has to take injections to relieve the pain. She suffered trenmendously in her two Pregnants. All her life before and after marriage she has been suffering from sever headech, she has to take pain relief on almost a daily basis. She also under another medication because of some improper function of some neck orgen. She always visits several differnt doctors several times a month.

quote:

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Originally posted by sonomod:
There is no way that one person can be 100% responsible for a failing relationship.

And you are asking for sympathy.

I really hope she dumps your ass fast.

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quote:

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Originally posted by 1mangang:
wow. Just in 2-4 posts Sonomod has established the woman is NOT to blame and this man should be dumped on his ass. Thank GOD Sonomod is not a therapist. Sure, she needs therapy, but hey, who am I to judge?
Oh wait, everyone knows Sonomod, BITCH.

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quote:

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Originally posted by farooqsaid1:
Imangang, Although I agree with you, but I did not like to attack anyone. My phylosphy in life is to go through life, avoid those who do not have feeling to you and be friend with those who have good hearts. Never look back and say anything negative to those who tried to hurt you.

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farooqsaid1,

Just from what you wrote here tells a lot about what kind of person you are. I think your wife may need some professional help. It sounds like she not only has some health problems but emotional ones as well. I do wish you both the best and hope you can work things out. If not, just know that you did everything you could.

quote:

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Originally posted by farooqsaid1:
Imangang, Although I agree with you, but I did not like to attack anyone. My phylosphy in life is to go through life, avoid those who do not have feeling to you and be friend with those who have good hearts. Never look back and say anything negative to those who tried to hurt you.

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quote:

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Originally posted by 1mangang:
Trust me, you don't know Sonomod yet, give it a few weeks....

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You know Imangang, I grew up having deep respect to all women, thinking they are angles, full of kindness, happiness, hope, and optimism. This is still the case in my mind and heart.

However after some experience I was amazed that there is a very dark side of some of them. If you are unlucky, and one day you find yourself face to face with this side, RUN.................never think you're cowerd!

quote:

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Originally posted by farooqsaid1:
sin-dee: Thank you for your nice words. What came to my mind while I was reading your words is how much impact a few words written or said in steady, rationalized, and non-exited manner can do! Thank you again

You are very welcome. I try to comment on the way that I see things and try not to be negative...

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quote:

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Originally posted by farooqsaid1:
You know Imangang, I grew up having deep respect to all women, thinking they are angles, full of kindness, happiness, hope, and optimism. This is still the case in my mind and heart.

However after some experience I was amazed that there is a very dark side of some of them. If you are unlucky, and one day you find yourself face to face with this side, RUN.................never think you're cowerd!

" YA ROOH MABAADEK ROOH "

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Well you should do a Search and look at Sonomods past posts (which is what she likes to do). You will quickly see (after first noticing she posts NON STOP) that she is clearly psychologically troubled. Someone first warned me about her and I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Time cleared that up, I should have listened the first time.

quote:

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Originally posted by hind:
I hope this is not a late reply to this post.
This post is the exact story of what is happening between me and my husband. I am an egyptian american born and raised in the U.S. I have been married for 5 years now with one child. I have been doing the same as farooq's wife. Crying and going into a rage at the slightest thing my husband does wrong against me. This happens of course twice a month which is too much for my Egyptian born and raised in Upper Egypt. Most of the time it is bottled up emotions I have against my husband who is lazy in his expression of love, ignores me, shares no responsibility of raising my child, does not communicate with me (only when commenting on what is on the tv), etc. My husband is passive person who just lives his life by eating drinking working and sleeping. Perhaps many men are this way. However, my problem is that I have all this resentment against my husband and maybe I could just tolerate and be patient as other women do. But due to my hormonal problems, I go overboard in my reaction even though I have some truth or basis to my feelings which my husband does not accept. He constantly accuses me of being the wrong one and blames me for his faults. He fails to communicate or understand me. So I become bitter and cry uncontrollably. I scream and shout so he can get it through his mind that he is neglecting me but he never gets it. As the case of the mother in law. My mother in law when she visits things become worse between us because she involves herself in our relationship. She is very jealous and wants all his attention to her. She competes with me and puts me down in front of him and other people. And in the end my husband requests I tolerate her behavior and ignore the insults and treat her like my mother. Maybe Mr. Farooq your wife is overloaded and feels overwhelmed. She doesnt feel that you understand or accept her. So she feels isolated and hurt. In return she goes into a rage due to her hormonal problems and becomes excessive. The emotions she has hiding inside her come out in this rage. She then feels ashamed of herself for acting this way but she feels helpless and desperate. There is no one supporting her. Only a confused man who looks at her and says stop it why are you such a crazy woman. You are a terrible wife and then lists all her faults. Which makes her even more angry. I suggest that there be more positive communication and effort in your part and I believe she will change. If you show her you care about her and wish her to be better, she will be what you are looking for.Have some empathy and sympathy. Men want women to understand how hard they work to support a family .Women want men to understand that raising children and being a housewife (and working ) is not an easy job as men believe and both are equally doing their duties. No one is doing more than the other or is suffering more than the other. If she has a illness and you didnt have compassion for her, then you are doing injustice to her and your children. If you were the one who had a difficult illness wouldnt you want her to be patient with you?

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We all make stupid mistakes, and I am no different from anyone else. When a person marries for the first time, he or she accepts the whole package. If they marry a second time, most people choose their partners more carefully. Allah!

My temper used to be just as explosive, but I learned to not discuss anything before my anger left me. I make better conversation that way, and my thinking is clearer.

Also, admitting fault when justice is due, makes us human. When my real father died suddenly, I felt happy that we never had any ill words between us.

I learned after his death two things:

1. Never hold your anger with someone because no one knows when death will come. Forgiveness to a wife or husband should always be by the end of each day. I realize that is a tremendous task to do... because some people deserve anger, but I lived in (and with) the bad as much as the next person. Despite those bad things, I can still say forgiveness works for me.

2. Never depend on anyone but your self. This is a hard rule, but no woman or man should ever totally depend on another person for happiness. True happiness is knowing what you do best, what makes a person who they are. If there is no opportunity for growth, we become stagnant and unhappy.

quote:

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Originally posted by Shadya:
I know this post is late, but I felt compelled to write...

We all make stupid mistakes, and I am no different from anyone else. When a person marries for the first time, he or she accepts the whole package. If they marry a second time, most people choose their partners more carefully. Allah!

My temper used to be just as explosive, but I learned to not discuss anything before my anger left me. I make better conversation that way, and my thinking is clearer.

Also, admitting fault when justice is due, makes us human. When my real father died suddenly, I felt happy that we never had any ill words between us.

I learned after his death two things:

1. Never hold your anger with someone because no one knows when death will come. Forgiveness to a wife or husband should always be by the end of each day. I realize that is a tremendous task to do... because some people deserve anger, but I lived in (and with) the bad as much as the next person. Despite those bad things, I can still say forgiveness works for me.

2. Never depend on anyone but your self. This is a hard rule, but no woman or man should ever totally depend on another person for happiness. True happiness is knowing what you do best, what makes a person who they are. If there is no opportunity for growth, we become stagnant and unhappy.

I think the most important thing a woman can do for their partner, is to present her appearance in a pleasing manner always. When ever my husband takes me out anywhere, I look as nice as I did when we first met. Believe it or not, he always notices, and his wife from his first marriage never made the effort to appear nice for him after they were married. I admit I am a "trophy" wife. But then again, I never cared about what others thought. I love him and that is the bottom line.

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quote:

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Originally posted by farooqsaid1:
Shadya, your hasband as i understood was married before, how that impacted you and your relationship as life goes on and did he has kids from the first one? and if yes, how did you and him handled the emotional aspect of it

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His marriage before is part of who he is and this impacts me in the sense that how my husband acts or reacts to things - are born out of his past experiences. I always try to remember that! He has a pride like a rooster, and mostly I think about my actions before I do them.

My responsiblity is to understand why he is the person he is. Yes.. he has a daughter from his first marriage, but the marriage did not last after the birth of his daughter. He moved and although he supports his daughter financially, he has difficulty seeing her. My understanding is that he has always had this problem due to the reluctance of his first wife (who has since that time remarried). I listen to his conversations with his daughter, and it concerns me that the daughter and my husband really have problems communicating over the phone. She is diagnosed with attention deficit disorder and she is not able to verbalize her thoughts other than she needs more money. She is not at all interested in visiting him, although he has purchased several tickets for her to come visit him in the past (and recently too).

Also, My husband prefers arabic for speaking and writing. It takes great effort from him to communicate with her in English. I remember last year, I took him to dinner for his birthday. He was not feeling all that festive because his birthdate (8/24) is also his daughters birthdate.

All he wanted was one call from her, and he never got it.

I sometimes feel my husband sends mixed messages to his daughter too. For instance, she decided to become a Christian. My husband was quite upset over this and made that clear to her in the phone. My response to him about this is that he needs to love her unconditionally (regardless of her choices). If he can establish a warm and close relationship with his daughter, the decisions she makes, will fall more in line with some of his expectations. Maybe not with her choice in her faith, but she is still his daughter and his only child.

Emotionally, I support my husband and his efforts to develope a good relationship with his daughter. To be married to him is to understand how important his daughter is to him. Our relationship is uncomplicated because I neither have children or any living family to be accountable to.

He has other things in his past that effect his actions today. While I do not always agree with his thinking, I certainly understand where his feelings come from. He is in many ways, still married to his culture. Mostly, those attributes are good and positive. I try to be open to his ideas, and I learn so much from his attitude in general.

Farooq your communication with your wife is not very good, you got to talk to her more, what can you do to help her, without looking what she can do for you in return. She is the one who needs your help so you got to offer her support. You need to return to your children otherwise they may feel you abandoned them. They will never forget this and they might even hate you after this point. You must be more sensitive to your partner, and treat her with respect as she is going through health problems, her life is not easy and if she is mad at you it's due to her condition, you have to help her.