Following a passionate discussion with some Egyptian and non-Egyptian friends, I decided to share the topic with ES members, hoping to get your genuine views on the subject matter.

For many people - in Egypt, among other parts of the world - a 'fantasy' relationship is far more real, satisfying, meaningful and exciting than any 'real' relationship could ever become.

For some people a 'fantasy' is an experience of the creative imagination, a state of mind and they live it, as if it was the 'real' thing.

For other people, the only real passion is the passion of the other, and the experience is only meaningful by virtue of the other's pleasure, in person.

Some people actually choose to experience the relationship in 'fantasy' only; or in today's terms 'virtually', vs 'real' form and feel it has the power to move them to become greater, to strive, to aspire.

Did any of you, friends, readers and members, live such an experience? or wish to live it? or thought about it? or even know someone who lived it and shared?

Could you comment on the differences, and on the benefits of such a 'virtual' experience -through your own, someone else's, or even through your personal analysis of such an idea?

Regardless of gender or nationality, your imput will be meaningful, and very much appreciated.

Thanking you in advance for your views,

I wish you the best always,

Monica

A bunch of my friends were comparing Virtual experiences to reality, the romantic calls the sweet chats, the never ending romantic emails, to a real relationship with its horrible sides...sorry but some of us have horrible experiences... and I wanted to hear some of your opinions!

So, if you had the choice, would you live a virtual romantic relationship ONLY, without meeting the other ever ever... which means that it would basically be 'platonic' although cyber passionate, and extremely emotional and romantic, OR is this plain BS, and people are not that romantic at all, and everyone is dying to live the 'real' relationship, get on each other's nerves resent and despise one another, and mostly end up divorcing/separating/splitting and trying new relationships again and again?

don't let me down now, give me your honest opinion ...and be gentle please!

Monica

quote:

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Originally posted by Shareen:
Lol, you lost me now Monica...... what exactly are you asking.... dumb english blonde here you know lol

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Right now I'll have to say I'd rather have a virtual relationship only, I'm 30 (don't mind saying so...) & I have yet to find mr. right or one that I can actually say I could spend the rest of my life w/.

I have been engaged twice and married once (rather hastily-rebound/ everyone else was doing it etc,...). All of my relationships have ended up losing the passion or "spark", (or have been a complete nightmare!) I'm not sure if I'm relationship phobic, I'm way too picky or I just get bored easily & tired of the same old thing... or simply not ready to be tied down. I have also enjoyed having my own space now that I'm single.

My most cherished relationship was very long distance only spent one week together the rest was exactly what you described (emails etc,. VERY ROMANTIC & WONDERFUL... lots of passion). It lasted only 10 months, but the memories will last a life time! I keep looking (not too hard) for a repeat, except not long distance or virtual, I don't feel that it's worth it for me or that I'll even find it before I'm 50. So I guess I will always think virtual is better. From my experience they're much more romantic and much easier (less opportunity to be miserable). I apologize for rambling... Have I confused everyone?

I think the real reason for preferring a virtual relationship over a "real" one right now is that I'm afraid of getting hurt or being disappointed, again. The other way it's safer. Not that virtual relationships are pain-free, they can be heart wrenching, but to experience the passion is wonderful.

I do miss however having someone give me a hug or a pat on the back while asking how my day was (on occasion). Just an afterthought.

This is my first post on this board as I have just found you & what a wonderful one to start off on!

First I would like to say I have been on both sides of this topic in my life. Good & bad, Happy & sad I think that from each relationship we should take something special.

In the past I have had "internet relationships, I have met the people only to be disappointed or, in some cases we met & both decided it was not to be. I feel that was in all preperation for me meeting & falling in love with the man I was ment to be with.

I am a lucky woman, I have been able to work through the hurts of my life & see the gift in the problems. I have taken something from each relationship I have had in my life, romantic or not.

I thank God for leading me to the man I have built a relationship with, over the net for now & plan to marry & live with soon.

It's hard to be so far away from eachother sometimes, but our love is strong,as is our bond to eachother & that makes it feel as if there are no miles between us at all, the only thing between us is the time we must wait until we can be together.

In the end when I think for this topic, my thought is, I am all for love however it comes to us. You must be open to seeing it & acepting it when God presents it to you in your life.

Sorry for rambleing!

Reguards,

Ok, What makes people go virtual?
Why does the virtual communication become a substitute for real love? The explanation is rather simple. Real life is much more complicated.

Actually it depends on the vantage point of the person behind the computer and what their intentionality is. For example, younger people, is extremely hard to live and communicate with other real people, to find a common language with them, to love and to be loved. Through virtual communication the idea of commitment is meaningless. This game becomes a form of reality in which it is very comfortable to live.

While others, who may be part of a messageboard like ES for example, tend to show up online to learn or help and sometimes making a true friendship.

Now: about internet romance, you are taking a risk when you enter into any relationship, and internet romances are no different. If you communicate open and honestly with each other and support each other through struggles along the way, there is every possibility that your relationship will develop and to last throughout your life.

I think the virtual relationship is a good thing. At the same time, I’d hate to see a world where everybody love online. Humans need face to face interaction. We need the presence of real human beings. But at the same time we can start by knowing about distant people from the comfort of our homes. It’s all about balance .

U have proved my Mom words.

My Mom told me that a woman wants two things from a man: to be told frequently that she is loved and to be shown often that she is special.

What a dream? Real man who will love U with the sweet words U hear in the virtual one!!!!!

I thought romantics were guys who serenaded women on balconies and wrote poetic love letters. I can't sing and I'm not a gifted writer, so I never considered that I could be romantic.

But I soon learned that romance is the little things: leaving Hershey kisses on he pillow, brushing her hair before she goes to bed, warming up her bathroom towel in the dryer, sending her a card 'just because.'

What do U think?

quote:

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Originally posted by Adoula:
OOO, thanks Jamilah,

U have proved my Mom words.

My Mom told me that a woman wants two things from a man: to be told frequently that she is loved and to be shown often that she is special.

What a dream? Real man who will love U with the sweet words U hear in the virtual one!!!!!

I thought romantics were guys who serenaded women on balconies and wrote poetic love letters. I can't sing and I'm not a gifted writer, so I never considered that I could be romantic.

But I soon learned that romance is the little things: leaving Hershey kisses on he pillow, brushing her hair before she goes to bed, warming up her bathroom towel in the dryer, sending her a card 'just because.'

What do U think?

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OK, most of us have chatted with sweet strangers. The difference is that a balanced person would stop if the virtual relationship seems to remain virtual, while the perpetual "virtual" person will be interested to keep the relationship virtual.

We only have one life, and I intend to live mine fully

Lori

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Originally posted by Undead:
In my experience the fantasy ends when insecurity creeps in.

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Undead, you are so right about the insecurity issue! But why does it start in the first place in your opinion?

I do agree with you, it is certainly the end of the fantasy as soon as insecurity creeps in, and insecurity stems from low self-esteem...so this could be worked on, but what happened to the great love that existed in the first place, 'before' the insecurity syndrome...that needs to be analysed; if we could dissect it, maybe people could at least avoid going through horrible diappointments.

There's also the 'material' part of the real world. Financial burdens that never end, that surely put an abrupt stop to romance and kindness, and the fantasy that could have been!

Hoping to hear more on that. Thanks!

Monica

But, what do you make of this example:

One of my friends that fell so much in love virtually, used to be in a state of happiness that I really admired, almost envied. She also got the unfortunate heartbreak, when she discovered - lately - that her sweetheart was actually 'virtualising' every other woman on earth, so to speak. That was a toughie to take, but she still thinks 'virtual ' made her feel better than the real thing!

It seems to me that it's a matter of luck, if we fall for someone that has no conscience, wether he is virtual or real: same pain!

But the point is, why is it that once 'reality' hits home, things change drastically!? Is it the 'boredom' syndrome, after knowing a person much better, almost intimately - even if it's a virtual relationship, the thrill goes virtually too or what? I truly wish we lived in the romantic era!

Here is more, this virtual man, that was my friend's love, seemed so great all the way for a few months, and when she was about to meet him, although he was encouraging the beautiful encounter with a song and dance, dedicating romantic songs to her through the net, she discovered that he had other women scheduled for other times. Example she was March, the other was May etc...etc...like a playboy calendar... that hurt!

I know men could find themselves in the same situation, and it's not a gender issue as much as it's a 'conscience ' issue, when it comes to relationships.

As per missing the 'real' affection, I heard at one point, that there was this 'virtual' glove, or machine, that made you actually feel you were touched...something like that was in the market a few years ago. That's a thought in TRANSIT...don't you think

Letitia, thanks, for your input, and please keep the ideas, and comments coming.

Monica

quote:

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Originally posted by letitia:
I've put more thought into this, good for me...

I think the real reason for preferring a virtual relationship over a "real" one right now is that I'm afraid of getting hurt or being disappointed, again. The other way it's safer. Not that virtual relationships are pain-free, they can be heart wrenching, but to experience the passion is wonderful.

I do miss however having someone give me a hug or a pat on the back while asking how my day was (on occasion). Just an afterthought.

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Nice to hear you are so happy, and getting ready for the 'real' thing!!

I like the 'preparation' factor as you put it...very positive. In fact, everyday life prepares us for the next 'thing'...and friend, some of the next 'things' that come our way are quite shocking would'nt you say?

Now the point is, what are your plans to make the 'reality' function as if it was a 'fantasy'????
I would love to hear that!

And yes, when love shows up, we should embrace it, I agree...but there's also that crazy creepy little feeling called: 'fear' that hits us in some case; what if it's a 'fake' sweetheart, instead of a beautiful 'fantasy', but then again, are they identical twins?

I am also told, that those who select the 'virtual' vs the 'reality' feel comfortably cozy with the arrangement...but I do think that at one point curiosity prevails, and maybe the need for the complete relationship wins people over.

But the question is - with all the separation and divorces that are 100% 'real' around us, what's the solution for couples to make/keep/turn their real relationship into a 'fantasy' that would be as exciting as a 'virtual' one seems to have become for some?

quote:

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Originally posted by Lori:

OK, most of us have chatted with sweet strangers. The difference is that a balanced person would stop if the virtual relationship seems to remain virtual, while the perpetual "virtual" person will be interested to keep the relationship virtual.

We only have one life, and I intend to live mine fully

Lori

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The question that comes to mind is, do you think that a virtual/fantasy/ romance would die as quickly as the 'real' relationship does? In the case for example where the 'mystery' is uncovered, once you get to know the person really well online? and what about the fact that some would still be in search for other 'virtual' friends, while romancing online, exactly like in 'real life when a couple starts having virtual 'affairs' online in secret? Is that just out of boredom in general or shall we start thinking...mmm what can I do to 'sizzle' my 'virtual' romance????

Looking forward to reading your views!

[Puzzled] Monica

The whole idea about reality and fantasy that is puzzling, seem to boil down to the same thing. In fantasy island, of the mind or virtual reality as it is called sometimes, everything is beautiful for a while, I hear. And in real relationships it is also the same at the beginning, but then there's a snapping point in both cases. In reality the snapping point is when the honeymoon is over, so to speak. Or when responsabilities become a fact, concerns creep in...same with virtual then, if we have to meet the virtual sweetheart, there's a responsibility in how to extend the beauty of the virtual relationship into reality, to keep it as romantic and as less materialistic as possible, will they like each other in real life? will the chemistry be as strong as the cyber etc..etc...

Confusing!!!
Grazie cara,
Monica

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Originally posted by Jamilah:
Oh, what a topic!!!! i like it

I want the middle - real relationships with nice words

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Well, The story goes like this, you go on the internet, not looking for anyone for a relationship.

But, somehow something happens. You never really believed in Internet Love before. But now you do. He/She is the person you've been searching for all your life! You can talk about anything and everything; you have the same beliefs and morals; you are both attracted to each other and don't know why at first.

Im not sure about the whole long distance thing...I know it works, it is difficult but it works and couples do it and are happy with!

to be cont.

Monica, i'm sorry i don't know whether there will be continued relationships or not but i have an example: a friend of mine in shoole age had an on-line friend from the USA, they met only in 6 years when both were studing in Universities in different countries, liked each other, then met again and now they live happy life together in the USA, so sometimes miracles happen

I don't know as for virtual but i tend to believe in true love with romantic things and forever..

quote:

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Originally posted by Monica:
Jamilah, what a coincidence,I like the topic too...he he he!

The whole idea about reality and fantasy that is puzzling, seem to boil down to the same thing. In fantasy island, of the mind or virtual reality as it is called sometimes, everything is beautiful for a while, I hear. And in real relatiosnhips it is the same at the beginning and I know that, but then there's a snapping point in both cases. In reality the snapping point is when the honeymoon is over, so to speak. Or when responsabilities become a fact, concerns creep in...same with virtual then, if we have to meet the virtual sweetheart, there's a responsibility in how to extend the beauty of the virtual relationship into reality to keep it as romantic and as less materialistic as possible, will they like each other in real life? will the chemistry be as strong as the cyber etc..etc...

Confusing!!!
grazie cara
Monica

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In other words, since we work harder to get the impossible... to impress, to seduce, whatever... wouldn't that be why some relationships crumble? The hard work starts after the commitment has been made, and it seems to be a burden for many, depressing them, changing their attitudes, the bad mood becoming the menu of the day, type of thing, and in a quick kick, the romance goes away...

Whereas, when we know there's no responsibility, in terms of everyday life with the other, but it's only for the sake of 'love' the sake of 'emotional bliss' no material implications, then the fantasies abound, and it becomes the most incredible love story...until we snap out of it!?
many questions...

Thanks for sharing your experience, by the way; when you said that you did not have virtual experience then, it made me smile...we even have to fall on our virtual faces to learn a lesson!! unbelievable!

quote:

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Originally posted by Aaliyah:
Internet relationships are only nice because one always wants what she can't get. I remember meeting a guy online, at that time I was less experienced in online relationships and I seriously liked the guy. I knew there was no chance of meeting him in the near future 'cause he lives in the USA and I'm in Europe. I also had a feeling that I want him only 'cause he is out of reach and if we met maybe I wouldn't want him at all, still I couldn't stop fantasizing about him. I was really hurt when it was over but at least I learned my lesson and I think it made me stronger.

[This message has been edited by Aaliyah (edited 26 January 2004).]

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Friend, you have to promise to keep us posted with your 'in love' status...update us with a fantastic review of 'before and after', and keep us hoping that love and romance off line reality, can be as amazing as online fantasmagoric virtuality!

You know, I would love to come out of this topic with ideas and solutions, to actually share with as many people as possible, to at least keep hoping that we can 'fuse' both the real and the virtual into the most extraordinary journey, instead of so much pain and cruelty.

Psychologists are still searching...scientists are still digging...picking brains here and there,coming out with gender issues, social, demographics, economical blablabla..let us be 'avant garde' and find the missing loop!

We'll talk more later, I'm sure.

Don't stop you people, this is good!

Monica

Your testimonial is really valuable, especially that you touched the 'Egypt' issue! So relevant, and so crucial to also explore a bit further, within the subject matter.

I'll be back in the evening, for me it's still morning BTW and expand on many of your points, and we may be able to COLLECTIVELY, come up with at least some ideas that may have never occurred before(I'm a dreamer, I know!) to the rest of the world...what a challenge!

Monica, virtually dreaming

Adoula, since you said to be continued, I gather you will answer my other questions a bit later Thanks.

To all:

Could it be that people rush into relationships out of loneliness, and then discover they are absolutely NOT compatible?
That could be the case when in Egypt, people want to marry as soon as they meet someone they like, before knowing each other well and discovering if they are in fact compatible. And then one would want to change the other!!!??? Never ending questions.

Monica

quote:

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Originally posted by Adoula:
Dear Monica,
Thanks for replying.

to be cont.

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Throughout history men and women had used a variety of means to find each other.

Virtual romance is a general term. It is what the person wants it to be. Some people will consider virtual romance to be an online relationship; some will want it to be a cyber-sexual relationship, and some will want it to develop into an offline relationship.

Now about your second question, if U have a cyber love, and he is still looking for a virtual friendship. I don't see any problem, as far as it will remain friendship either real or virtual.

The real dilemma is how to protect your cyber romance and make it last?
Here is what I recommend:

1. Be clear about expectations. It’s

2. Do things to keep the romance alive such as sending a loving card (paper, not e-mail), sending flowers, or whatever else strikes your creative fancy.

3. When you do get together, be clear in terms of what you expect from the time. Do you expect to be alone or spend time with other people, what level of physical intimacy is expected?

4. Be clear in your communications with one another.

5. Finally, ALWAYS ASSUME THE BEST. And by all means, let love take hold and enjoy wherever it may take you.

Summary
Virtual relationships can and do develop into more if we want them too. A virtual relationship is often deeper than a reality one. Personalities, feelings and emotions are more freely shared virtually. Reality prevents total honesty and openness until trust has been well established. Virtual relationships are easy, they can end as easily as deleting someone from your contacts.

I myself, am going to Florida in May to attend the wedding of a very dear internet friend of mine, who met her future husband in a chatroom.

what a topic! look folks, i will tel u my opinion , it may sounds strange, but i belive that both reality and virtual complete eachothers, i.e. we creat a lovely imagination in our minds and we are dying to live this imagination , then suddenly someone appears , we find ourselves filling the gapes with presence of this person, although we don't know much of him/her , but some clues may appear that takes him/her inside our imagination and puts him/her in the empty space , but does this space really fits for this one. here comes the role of the reality .
romance can live every where , online, in a chat , in a call , actaullay romance is within ourselves , it just need someone to feed it with his sweet touch.
i have tried cyber love before and i transormed it into real love. and i have tried virtual love and it hurts when it fails as ur soul loves then u find yourself letting go of your love because it can not adapt with the hardness of the real world. so i learned that i live the virtual realtion , it is sometimes magic, but to live in the real life, we need real love, because this is what will lead us in the real world.

OK, first of all, Monica as for your friend, what a horrific story, I'm sure it's very common, sadly enough... It's hard to know anyone let alone by way of a virtual relationship. Curious, where did they meet? In person or on-line? Do you think she will try it again? I do however agree w/ your friend, virtual has made me feel better than the real thing too! & I did get through the terribly painful loss... w/out scars only it did raise the bar for me as far as the ideal mate. Making my expectations far too high?

In your intro, you mentioned something about the "virtual form of romance having the power to move us to become greater, strive & aspire". In my experience w/ long distance/virtual romance, it did exactly that, I was inspired to chase dreams & achieve goals that I had placed "on the shelf", I discovered passions that were hidden w/in myself. I accomplished so much w/in that time frame!! It was very healthy.

The "boredom syndrome... I'm not sure yet about that either, as I have gotten bored in every "real" relationship I've ever had. If my virtual relationship would have continued, I'd like to think that would not have happened as I believe he was my "soul mate", I know that sounds CRAZY, right! I am a romantic & I believe if it is meant to be it will. I wish we lived in a romantic era too!!!

I would love to hear some responses to your question/comment, Monica, about people rushing into relationships due to loneliness (in my opinion, it happens all of the time & is a HUGE mistake!!)... Also, Do you truly think/know that people who live in Egypt really meet quickly (look into each others souls through the eyes!) and are convinced that they are madly in love, connected, soulmates, destined (Great choice of words, Shareen!, destiny!)? Does that happen often (NOT in the tourism industry)? & if so, are they successful? Undead, I loved your latest post about the "typical" Egyptian! It was very comforting and spoke to the romantic w/in. Which brings me to my next point or bore...

Ok, w/ my experience (limited), I feel that my real relationships fail b/c of my virtual one, (we met in Cairo, he's Anglo-Egyptian, I'm getting to the point). This could offend, I apologize in advance! Could be coincidence or who knows??? I"m just thinking outloud & hoping someone can relate... I find myself more attracted to men from abroad (UK, Egypt etc.,)not in the tourism industry. I feel that they are more mature, have stronger values and morals, respectful of others(women), sensitive (not overly), not consumed by pride, are willing to admit their feelings, are more romantic & charming & as mentioned by Undead in a post, "they wear their hearts on their sleeves". Tell me I'm wrong, naive, living in LaLa land! I'm sure there are American men who have these qualities, I just haven't met them or either I got to know them all to well... hence the inevitable disappointment. Ok, now after all that, do you think my perception of European & Egyptian men (due to my rare & wonderful experience) has made me prefer virtual??? I just long to be in Egypt for the love of the country and if love happens then so be it... Just a thought.

In closing, Adoula, great statement! "Best let love take hold" I truly believe this! I'm not sure where I heard this saying, but here goes: Work like you don't need the $, dance like no one's watching, and LOVE like you have never been hurt! I live by these words...

Hmmm... How to extend virtual into real...??? I'll do some more brain storming. I'm sorry if I seem scattered, I have tried to work around my daughter (she woke up from her nap as I was finishing up), it's difficult to process thoughts w/ an angel needing your attention... duty calls!

To be cont'd

Thanks for all the nice words again! I'm happy the topic attracted many, and the discussion is very interesting.

As per offending some, we obviously can't please everyone - check the thread 'Two cultures' ...some are bound to have different views and other opinions... but, C'est la vie!

Hoping you keep posting, your contribution is really a breath of fresh air!

Later,
Monica

Here is branching out, towards the dark side of the virtual/fantasy:

I've been hearing a lot of complaints, from people that are fed up with the virtual addiction of their spouses.

And within the past two years or a bit more, I've been a witness to dramas in Egyptian families - as well as other nationalities - within my circle of family and friends, because of the husband/wife spending hours in front of the PC, chatting, ICQ'ing and emailing strangers! I heard similar stories while travelling, and talking to people here and there.

In some cases the 'addicted' spouse, spending hours on the internet, is just on a message board like this one, venting, or just being distracted and escaping 'reality', whereas in other cases it's a virtual romantic involvement, with some stranger probably married also.

Conclusion, the time spent with the lovely 'virtual' new and improved sweetheart, ends up surpassing the time spent with the maybe once lovely 'real' but 'old' sweetheart.

Things get out of hand, the virtual romance is so enriching, so exciting and so empowering, next thing you know family drama hits home.

So, with that reality in mind, my next question is: What would you all suggest to 'cure' people from the negative 'virtual' addiction, when it seems to be surpassing 'reality' and becoming the fantasy of every computer owner?

People, let's hope we can help the ones in need for new suggestions out there, they are reading this with great interest, trust me!

To BoBBoss: are you saying we need both to be emotionally balanced? the virtual and the real romantic involvement...and hopefully with the same person?

To Shareen: that story is so encouraging! have a super time friend!

To Undead: why do you think that Egyptian couples have changed towards romance in real life, although they are as you described them perfectly, so emotional, 'before' marriage, and also greatly influenced by Arabic poetry!?

To Adoula: I really loved your comments about romance, especially that chocolate bar on the pillow, or was it under the pillow? And will certainly remember those post cards suggestions. Keep your ideas flowing, it's great!

Monica
Thanking you all again for your contributions to this topic, keep posting, it's super!

Being honest is the only way not to be disappointed.

The problems are masked always (again to the mask thread).......Msjen?? where R U?

The other person can not see the real picture, he does not hear the children in the background fighting (this applied for a single mom), see you with your makeup worn off after a day at work, your dishes still dirty in the sink are unseen (this applied to most of us) and of course you do not feel the vunability of speaking your mind and looking the person in the eyes.

However, as nice as it is to mask it all..there is the time in which you have to meet the person face to face and you cross your fingers that this will be "the one".

1. What if U R 5 feet tall, broad shouldered and with a...... body that bore ten children.(not the body of a belly dancer by any means)

2. What if he is the man of your dreams and U move there and he turn out to be the man of your nightmares?

Those are some of the top fears...I am sure if U dug deeper, U could find many more........

Looking for love on the Net is really possible and although you can never be certain about other people's honesty it is more important that you are honest.

This is the first major rule of online etiquette: Never Lie.

A second issue of cheating is: can you cheat on an online significant other with another online correspondence? The answer is no. This may answer Monica question about what if a man is still looking for a virtual friends? and my answer was as long as it will remail friendship, so no problem.

Online friends deserve the same courtesies as real life friends.

quote:

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Originally posted by Adoula:
Being honest is the only way not to be disappointed.

However, as nice as it is to mask it all..there is the time in which you have to meet the person face to face and you cross your fingers that this will be "the one".
This is the first major rule of online etiquette: Never Lie.

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Hope you are all well.Again a perfect topic by monica and its great to get everyone's comments.
I was not believing any virtual friendship/relationship till I met someone through the net 3 years ago. It was just like a fun at the beginning and by the time pass he become my best friend. We are talking about our lives,problems and everything about life. Now today I can easily say that he is one of my best friend whom I can share everything in my mind without any concern or misunderstood.I am totally honest with him and I believe he is also.
I dont have an idea about the online romance but I think that it could work also.I have a friend and she has a virtual boyfriend. She seems so happy and living the relation as real.Phone calls,emails,surprises,sms..all these make her happy.When I ask her how it goes? She said it's sometimes better than a real relationship because parts behave without having any expectation from each other,without stress and full of imagination.

Or may be people often lie about things trying to feel better about themselves.

Same goes either on internet or in real life, but I can add more thing about why people lie on the internet:

They consider it wise and safe to hide some truth.

Women tend to lie about their weight or age, while men tend to lie about their income, level of baldness and athletic condition. Teenagers pretend to be older than they are. The one rule you can count on is that everyone lies a little. So, keep an open mind.

So...have fun, but be smart...and do it safely!

quote:

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Originally posted by Adoula:
Hi Jamilah:
The flip side of why people lie is for gain: money, power, approval, others acceptance.

Or may be people often lie about things trying to feel better about themselves.

Same goes either on internet or in real life, but I can add more thing about why people lie on the internet:

They consider it wise and safe to hide some truth.

Women tend to lie about their weight or age, while men tend to lie about their income, level of baldness and athletic condition. Teenagers pretend to be older than they are. The one rule you can count on is that everyone lies a little. So, keep an open mind.

So...have fun, but be smart...and do it safely!

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...Who said men could not handle matters wisely? An American soldier was deported to Iraq and after being there for a While, he received a long awaited letter from his girlfriend back home, which reads:

Dear Ricky, I can no longer accept our relationship. The distance between us is drifting us apart. I have to admit that I have already betrayed you twice, which is not fair for either one of us. I am sorry and I hope that you will forgive me and send me back my picture, which you always carry around. Kisses, Becky.

The soldier, feeling offended and hurt, asks his friends in the army to all lend him as many pictures they have of girlfriends, mothers, sisters, female cousins, etc... He gathers 57 pictures which he places in an envelope and writes the following note:

quote:

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Originally posted by Jamilah:
Adoula,
Can you please give me your opinion... what you wrote below is from i know where

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It is the same as I mentioned before:
Lying occurs in everyday life. It occurs as we seek to attract people.

Too many stories around us which ended by divorce for the simple reason that the one of your dreams ended to be the one of your nightmares even after a hot love story..

quote:

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Originally posted by Jamilah:
May be not in place but some kind of situation which comes close

...Who said men could not handle matters wisely? An American soldier was deported to Iraq and after being there for a While, he received a long awaited letter from his girlfriend back home, which reads:

Dear Ricky, I can no longer accept our relationship. The distance between us is drifting us apart. I have to admit that I have already betrayed you twice, which is not fair for either one of us. I am sorry and I hope that you will forgive me and send me back my picture, which you always carry around. Kisses, Becky.

The soldier, feeling offended and hurt, asks his friends in the army to all lend him as many pictures they have of girlfriends, mothers, sisters, female cousins, etc... He gathers 57 pictures which he places in an envelope and writes the following note:

Dear Becky, I am sorry but I could not remember who exactly you are. So could you please be an angel and pick up your picture from among the rest and send them back to me?! Good luck, Ricky...

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Jamilah,

Do you actually think the guy was THAT smart? To me it looks like something he wishes he had done or like a joke that never really happened.

A friend of mine has a "perfect guy portrait" she tries to stick to when choosing her mates. She claims you gotta know what you're looking for. She then matches this profile with the men she meets in order to find the right one.

Maybe the scarcity of information we get about each other over the net makes it easier to think we have a match when we haven't.

I tried meeting a guy in real life after we met on the net. He sent me a picture in which he seemed tall, slim and good-looking. He turned out to be ugly, fat and one head shorter than me! Given that I'm 5ft4, this is quite a performance. We had a coffee together and a conversation which was not nearly as nice as our virtual ones used to be. Then we parted, not before I asked him for the name and number of the photographer - that guy is a genius

Lori

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Originally posted by Lori:

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You made a very interesting point about relating to people you never met, it does help to vent a bit and how fortunate we are to have a board like this!

In general, aside from some, members of this board are really helpful!

Here is the Virtual again!!! but some do meet ...actually I did meet my first ever virtual friend msjen ( she is missed on this thread for sure...but her working schedule is tough these days) and it was a great reality experience, in terms of a good friendship...check the 'Monica' thread we talked about our 'real' meeting vs 'virtual'.

BTW, we can branch out of this topic, to other parts if it takes us.

Talk to you later!

Monica

QUOTE]Originally posted by kay in love:
hi guys
just a thought but can there ever be a difinitive answer to the topic? we are all individual - thats what is so great about people. on line or in the real world romance can work and it can fail. friendships last both on line and in real time.
isnt it great to be alive and to have the opportunity to try, to meet new people and make new friends.
i agree that honesty is best on or off line, this is what makes romance and friendship last.
what i really wanted to say was i think that it is great that this forum exists, i think the individuals that contribute are great and isnt it amazing how close you feel to people who are new friends - i am very new to this only got on line recently - hope im not turning into one of the people who needs help!
im in a very rambly mood today - sorry - (note to self - think before you type!)
anyway much love kay[/QUOTE]

No more real love around us? ABSOLUTELY TRUE....I do think that you hit it...or maybe not!!! he he he only kidding...

Yes, it has to be a huge part of the 'reason' people are going cyber...in every household actually!!!

Also, as Lori says, we don't know much about the one we're cybering ...and it is left to our fantasies; but again, LIES are the killers of all relationships, both cyber and real, to be continued...

Notice my last post - in regards with divorces and marriage problems that are generated from the 'virtual affairs' - and finding a solution to this addiction.

It seems that people should actually start considering the 'cyber' competition when entering a 'real' relationship/marriage/.. having to compete with virtual love, as if there are not enough problems already!

BoBBoss, you seem to say that wether virtual or real if you 'over do it' you can get bored! It becomes a pattern anyway! That is also interesting because it boils down to working on your relationship, whichever it is romantically virtual or real - but what about the problems that virtual romance are causing to the 'married' folks that have them???

Jamilah, Lori any thoughts?

Fanta: Wonderful to see your post..especially this part 'behave without having any expectation from each other, without stress and full of imagination.' THAT is a point where 'real ' life couples certainly do not relate to, these days!!

Talk to you later all,
Monica