quote:Originally posted by Monica: Hello Katarina,
Interesting comment! Would you mind telling us a bit in regards with the virtual lies that make a virtual romance feel good?!
Do you mean lie about who you are, or about how you look, or about what you do in real life, or about the fact that you are committed in real life?
Thanks! Curious Monica
Hello Monica!
I think that virtual love is an imaginary world. You can be whatever you want be. The lie starts from the name (I don't think that everybody uses their real names). Virtual love is our dreams, imagination, our princes on the white horses...but can you imagine that the dream comes true? You are living in reality with real person and without fairy tale in your life. Someday you will find it very boring....
posted
Jamilah, I think you want exactly what everyone wants! The whole package!
And some of us are on this topic because we are wondering, if we can't find all this in real life, should we opt for the virtual relationship only, or should we turn the fantasy into reality, but maybe LOSE the dreamy feelings, or will it all be great just because we want it to be this way, or is it all a dream anyway, or plain BS? or what about when the two meet, does it still feel the same after real life enters in the picture, or in other words when the two enter real life?
heeeeey, I have to go to work, cara...talk more later! Monica
quote:Originally posted by Jamilah: sharing, caring, being for each other, uplifting, helping, passion, obsession, deep emotions, nearness, longing for each other, understanding, respect, responsobilities, trust, etc... etc... etc... You think i want too much and it can be only in fantasy?
As far as I know, we have a deal (msjen and I) to meet in Egypt in October 2004, (if everything goes as planned). October is a great month for Egypt! And of course meet with Adoula. That would be great to meet you too! and all of you!
Salam Monica
quote:Originally posted by aishazahran: Is msjen will be coming with U too to Heliopolis? So we can all meet with Adoula
[This message has been edited by Monica (edited 29 January 2004).]
posted
I will tell you this. Everybody is different - someone can change after having bad experience and someone remains the same, that's why some ppl lose these feelings and become more stronger, more adapted, more realistic, more... more... more.. (i don't want to say that i am a blind silly girl dreaming of some unbelievable love story) but still, why i should not ask my man to be a little bit more romantic? this is what makes our life happy and beautiful and filled with unforgettable moments.
quote:Originally posted by Monica: Jamilah, I think you want exactly what everyone wants! The whole package!
And some of us are on this topic because we are wondering, if we can't find all this in real life, should we opt for the virtual relationship only, or should we turn the fantasy into reality, but maybe LOSE the dreamy feelings, or will it all be great just because we want it to be this way, or is it all a dream anyway, or plain BS? or what about when the two meet, does it still feel the same after real life enters in the picture, or in other words when the two enter real life?
heeeeey, I have to go to work, cara...talk more later! Monica
posted
hi all, I know I'm late, but I surely enjoyed to read all your postings. My opinion: However amusing, romantic, fun... a virtual relationship could be, if it is based on lies, people get hurt, just like in real life. A small lie can be the foundation of a very big lie and lots of problems and pain. Posts: 295 | Registered: Jan 2004
| IP: Logged |
Never too late, it's nice to read your opinion at any time.
You touched an important issue here, lies in virtual relationships.
There should be some rules and standards when starting that virtual romance, I believe. No lies. But...how can you trust the other - blindly? sometimes people live with a liar for years, and don't even know for a long time!
That is another 'virtual/reality' problem!
Have you heard complaints from people you know, about their spouse spending many hours on the internet, instead of spending quality time with their familiy? And if the answer is yes, what was the solution to this 'trend'?
Whenever you have time, always nice to read your posts!
quote:Originally posted by karinfarid: hi all, I know I'm late, but I surely enjoyed to read all your postings. My opinion: However amusing, romantic, fun... a virtual relationship could be, if it is based on lies, people get hurt, just like in real life. A small lie can be the foundation of a very big lie and lots of problems and pain.
posted
Well Jamilah: So we have a romantic dreamy girl here.
Ok, can U tell me:
We as a community, why we R here behind these computer screens?
The answer is simple, because we can't find this world where everyone does their best at what they love doing the most, for the benefit of everyone, without any thought of reward.
Perhaps I am unusual but on line as well as in my real life I am the same person. Why would I want to start any friendship off by lieing? Perhaps I just have more respect for myself & others I meet then to lie.
I dont use my real mine but I dont consider that a lie, it's "going with the flow". When I feel comfortable enough with an on line friend I have no problem useing my real name.
Besides my nick here is Oh so true! I am His crazy lover! LoL hehehehehehehe
Sorry everyone but when I read this bit about lies it was like someone put a stop sign up in front of me & I had to slam on my breaks not to hit a brick wall!
Anyhow as I said, I am probably one who is in a low % of peeps on line. But I feel why bother wasteing my time & yours makeing up a story or what I think you like to hear? If I want a fantasy all what I need to do is go watch a movie! I feel time is the most precious gift you can give to anyone, why ruin it with lies?
Then, for some Lies are really a nono when it comes to real romance on fantasy island/virtual, turned real romance on real life non virtual.. boy this is confusing...but you seem to know what you're doing! go girl and enjoy!
Cheers and hugs to you too, Monica PS have you all noticed how nice people are towards the world when the romance is going well!!? Great stuff!
posted
hi folks, it seems everything is heating up here, look folks, first , i find myself disagreeing again for calling virtual love a lie, and it is something we fake to live in it, just because when romance is created between 2 couples either it is virtual or real then it is transfered into a very specific and confedental relationship between these two couples , u will put your own rules and u will apply it with your own manners, so it can be a lie, it can be confirmation period to be then reborn into a real . it can be many things , but it is created by you and u alone, so if u lie, then it is your fault, and if u were a victim , then it is yoour fault too, because u were too dreamy. so no one to accuse except you and ur choice . jamlah. my dear , romance is a gift , not everyone have , and not everyone can enjoy, and to be specific, it varries from person to another, but it can't be lost if it was once exists within your heart. sometimes it may be covered with dust of cruel action , but wwill appear again the moment it finds the one who cares for it. look folks : we creat all our fancies and our desires in our virtual dreams , and sometimes we stimulate ourselves to feel romance because we may be little lonely, may be we need this feeling, but there are 2 points actually that matters to me, 1) don't let your virtual romance leads u into a virtual love, u must not let go your feelings into a virtual love cuz i don't belive i virtual love which is not supported by a real romance , becuase u will be fallen in love virtually, and so we may be either disappoionted when we get in contact ,may be it is perfect, 2) we will not find what we are dreaming for totally, but we can find a very good base for it, then we must work to make it right for us. we will love and leave and get hurt , till we find what were dreaming for, because we will find the sweetness of this love unless we feel how difficult to find it. but never let go of your dream , doesn\t matter how long it will take , cuz it will cost u a life time
I would like to state that i'm for real romance and love!!! and i'd like to tell you that's it's real to get if you really want it. You just have to define what you want and finally you will get it!!!!!!!! It will take some time, may be more than some but it will happen to you!!!!
And to my mind, virtual love and romance satisfy those who doesn't want any kind of commitments, who wants to be independent and free - that is my opinion...
posted
I can tell you why i am here. I like to talk to you all and have a discussions of diiferent questions and subjects and i wonder to know your opinions because of different and international mentality and I appresiate your opinions. But i'm doing this while i'm working and all my free time i spend with my friends and go out.
quote:Originally posted by Adoula: Well Jamilah: So we have a romantic dreamy girl here.
Ok, can U tell me:
We as a community, why we R here behind these computer screens?
The answer is simple, because we can't find this world where everyone does their best at what they love doing the most, for the benefit of everyone, without any thought of reward.
Adoula, maybe some people spend more time behind the screen than with real people because of the -40C outside, he he he...or a plain decision not to socialize too much for a while, for many reasons, or maybe because they find comfort in communicating with many, and sharing ideas, maybe out of boredom, maybe because the virtual community could be just shut off, when they decide to...and also, maybe to find what they can't really find in everyday life, as you said!
In all cases, it's a fabulous alternative for a certain time! We also have to remember that some people are actually physically disabled, confined to a chair, and they find the virtual communities a super social alternative, as well as a GREAT ESCAPE from their real world, into the fantasies of love and be loved/liked/ for their personality, and not because they're a 'babe' or a 'hunk'! That is an important point too.
quote:Originally posted by Jamilah: I can tell you why i am here. I like to talk to you all and have a discussions of diiferent questions and subjects and i wonder to know your opinions because of different and international mentality and I appresiate your opinions. But i'm doing this while i'm working and all my free time i spend with my friends and go out.
[This message has been edited by Monica (edited 30 January 2004).]
quote:Originally posted by Monica: Hey Jamilah, I'm happy you're here
Adoula, maybe some people spend more time behind the screen than with real people because of the -40C outside, he he he...or a plain decision not to socialize too much for a while, for many reasons, or maybe because they find comfort in communicating with many, and sharing ideas, maybe out of boredom, maybe because the virtual community could be just shut off, when they decide to...and also, maybe to find what they can't really find in everyday life, as you said!
In all cases, it's a fabulous alternative for a certain time! We also have to remember that some people are actually physically disabled, confined to a chair, and they find the virtual communities a super social alternative, as well as a GREAT ESCAPE from their real world, into the fantasies of love and be loved/liked/ for their personality, and not because they're a 'babe' or a 'hunk'! That is an important point too.
[This message has been edited by Monica (edited 30 January 2004).]
quote:Originally posted by Jamilah: Total Support Monica!!!!!!
Monica, Jamilah. U both R right.
There are some that raise warnings about the recent exponential growth of the Internet. They warn people from its affect on their social life.
As Jamilah said: to have a balanced life, it is important for people to be able to manage their presence and interaction in and between the real and cyber life.
Back to our subject:
Computers, as much fun as they can be, are no substitute for the love, friendship and support.
It's simple, really. We are flesh and blood and we need flesh and blood.
I know this from personal experience. I know because of the way I feel when I love through my computer, then I wait for my woman to come up behind me and rub my shoulders, plays with my hair (or what's left of it...lol) and kisses my neck.
But unfortunately my computer can't give me this. Computers can't provide all of the characteristics of human interaction.
posted
Eih ya Adoula, that was so funny! what happenned to your hair!!?
quote:Originally posted by Adoula: Monica, Jamilah. U both R right.
It's simple, really. We are flesh and blood and we need flesh and blood.
I know this from personal experience. I know because of the way I feel when I love through my computer, then I wait for my woman to come up behind me and rub my shoulders, plays with my hair (or what's left of it...lol) and kisses my neck.
But unfortunately my computer can't give me this. Computers can't provide all of the characteristics of human interaction.
[This message has been edited by Monica (edited 30 January 2004).]
posted
i agree with jamilah for the reason that we are here, sometimes u find such mentality that u r enjoying their company, i finish work , go to club , sit with my friends, then i am here. so i guess it is not a big deal, and i doesn't mean that we are lonliness , in fact adoula, as i have noticed here, that most of the ppl here are so sociale, and have a good communicating skills, and these types of persons , can not be captured behind a screen, but i guess it is an excess time due to a reason or another that is filled with a very nice company like yours
Have you seen the old version of the movie: The King and I? Yul Bryner was extremely handsome and proud of his lack of hair!!! By the way, I even think it's stylish these days! I see a lot of men with a bald style when I travel!
Funny Adoula! but who cares about hair really? ( this question is in itself a risk...)
Which brings us to the physical appearance and its importance vs personality, when we are virtual with the intention of meeting.
A reality calendar is also a must: that means there should be a turning point at a certain date, what do you think!?
BoBBoSS, (is this virtual name for a reason? just curious) you are right, people like Adoula and many many other members on ES are wonderful friends.
quote:Originally posted by Adoula: What is left is just memories.....lol
May be that is why I prefer virtual.....lol
[This message has been edited by Monica (edited 30 January 2004).]
quote:Originally posted by Monica: PS have you all noticed how nice people are towards the world when the romance is going well!!? Great stuff!
hehehehehehe, well, at least in this thread Im sure if you look in others Im well, not so nice :P LoL
Actually this was a wonderful compliment Monica & I thank you kindly. It got me to thinking... Perhaps all of you have an idea that Im this crazy woman so deeply in love that I am not seeing things for what they are or that I do not care about other things.
I went back & reread what I have written thus far & takeing an outside view I have dertimined that this view of me would not be unheard of LoL
As you get to know me you will find I am a well rounded person with her feet firmly planted on the ground!
But with a topic such as this there is nothing more I can do but show my true opinion & feelings.
Bottom line... God has blessed me with love, true love & I thank Him endlessly that I was able to see it & i was prepared to accpet this precious gift!
posted
hi folks if we are going to speak about personality Vs appearance , this is a very critical issue, and really opinions varries with the variations of personalities and intentions, but lets say , if we are speaking about friendship, then personality domains , and it will be all that matters, in facts appearance will not affect much , as u r dealing with a soul and mind, and both of them are invisile to your eyes, and if we are speaking about romance and love, i guess some of us cares for appearance, not much , but at least acceptable from their point of view depending on their personality as they understand it well, Monica; BoBBoSS is just a nick name , my grandpa used to call me,
posted
MMMM, the downfalls of the 'virtual'!!! That is the risk we take when on a message board. Can you imagine how many people read this, and are not even members. If you go on a search engine like yahoo for example, and hit a sentence that is included in one of our posts, guess what? you get the whole thread!!!
The best is either to ignore 'virtual' negative remarks when they are a personal attack, or respond, and take the risk of a never-ending back and forth virtual war, or even, respond in the best polite way, trying to figure out how that attacking mind works! Hey, this sounds like too much work going back to sleep
I'm happy I got you 'thinking' ...and it is great to have you around! Now doesn't this sound like we are having a ''real' get together, or what!?
Take care! Monica
quote:Originally posted by HisCrazyLover: hehehehehehe, well, at least in this thread Im sure if you look in others Im well, not so nice :P LoL
Actually this was a wonderful compliment Monica & I thank you kindly. It got me to thinking... But with a topic such as this there is nothing more I can do but show my true opinion & feelings.
Hugs My Friends!
HCL
[This message has been edited by Monica (edited 31 January 2004).]
posted
Hi BoBBoSS (nice nickname your grand father gave you, by the way!)
Critical issue indeed! Looks or personality? what a challenge! to get both - or to have both- is surely a blessing; but which is more important, if we had a choice, since by knowing someone's personality through the virtual romance - provided they are showing their real traits -you get to be much more familiar with their internal beauty, than with the external one!
Personally, I feel that if we love someone's personality, it is impossible to hate their looks! Inner beauty is amazingly surprising sometimes. 'Beauty and the Beast' comes to mind actually!
[This message has been edited by Monica (edited 31 January 2004).]
posted
monica: internal beauty is amazing , i agree with u on that , but as i told u before , it depends on where u want to take this relation ? if it just a friendship so u have got all u need , which is caring heart and a good mind, but if u r dreaming for a romance, i guess , appearance is an important issue, but this differs between a person and another,some ppl care others don't . don't forget that the beast turned to be a very handsom prince at the end, (although she was in love with him before) .
posted
Hey guys, It seems that my joke about my hair gave U a good food for discussion.
Well, I will not talk about physical appearance in our virtual relationship from this point of view.
I have another question: let us assume two people of different races having cyber romance, love each other, then they exchanged photos.
Why is it that one of them do not want to be with the other because he/she looks at person as being a problem in his/her life simply because he is not wanting to deal with the side talks and looks that they are going to get from the other people?
posted
Why is it that one of them do not want to be with the other because he/she looks at person as being a problem in his/her life simply because he is not wanting to deal with the side talks and looks that they are going to get from the other people?
hi Adoula
i guess in this situation , this person is still attatched more to reality and other ppls opinion , more than he /she attatched to his own romance , or may be not convinced yet of what he/she is doing, but i guess it is rare nowadays adoula, because if u r sure within yourself that this is the right one, then u will not give a **** about what others say ,
To answer your question, I would say because some people are shallow, and care too much about their image in front of others.
In reality, if a person lets down the one they 'love' because of what people say about their physical appearance - people can say for example, when a woman is the subject, she is too attractive (molfetah), or not pretty enough (ghafar), her charm - or lack of it could be a problem - when the man is the subject, it is often said: he is too full of himself (maghroor)- it means that the person is too vulnerable, easily influenced, obviously not 100% convinced with his/her choice, and does not really love that someone.
How would you feel if you are with someone you love, respect and care for, but is not accepted by your circle of friends, for a shallow reason or other?
Monica
quote:Originally posted by Adoula:
Why is it that one of them do not want to be with the other because he/she looks at person as being a problem in his/her life simply because he is not wanting to deal with the side talks and looks that they are going to get from the other people?
[This message has been edited by Monica (edited 06 February 2004).]
posted
I just started reading this (very interesting) thread, and one thing suddenly occurred to me. A STRICTLY virtual/fantasy relationship-courtship has a lot of similarities to the medieval concept of courtly love. The two "lovers" do not expect to meet, for various reasons. The relationship is ultra-romantic, from afar. There is no REAL physical interaction, just lots of flowery communications and idealized imagery. For people who prefer to maintain the virtual relationships at this level, they sort of fullfill the same sense of idealized romance that the gallants and ladies of the middle ages pursued. Just a thought.
Posts: 103 | Registered: Nov 2003
| IP: Logged |
But what if, people would start considering -once again - COURTLY LOVE in REALITY! that would be amazing!
In other words, careers are put aside when meeting the fiancé(e), the real world of work/financial issues etc.. changes into the 'Fantasy' of the Middle Ages. Elegant platonic love, romantic prose, flowers, respect, gallantry.....
What about that?
quote:Originally posted by Artemi: I just started reading this (very interesting) thread, and one thing suddenly occurred to me. A STRICTLY virtual/fantasy relationship-courtship has a lot of similarities to the medieval concept of courtly love. The two "lovers" do not expect to meet, for various reasons. The relationship is ultra-romantic, from afar. There is no REAL physical interaction, just lots of flowery communications and idealized imagery. For people who prefer to maintain the virtual relationships at this level, they sort of fullfill the same sense of idealized romance that the gallants and ladies of the middle ages pursued. Just a thought.
posted
Another valid point Monica, that would cause more reason for concern.
1- Do you like his friends? 2- Does he feel it is an issue that you like them and get along with them? 3- If he felt it were a huge factor for you to like them would it be a problem for you? 4- How would you feel if he were just overly insistent that you accepted them?
I think it would be more of a problem if he truly thought the world of his friends and wanted to hang out with them as much as or more than he wants to hangout with you.
Sometimes they say: If a friend persists in not liking you, you might have a situation where your mate is asked (or maybe forced) to choose between you. It has happened! You might as well forget the whole thing if all his friends say you're no good.
In North America, a private life takes priority over a social one, in the long run!
So let's say, hypothetically, that I am living in Egypt - full time - so it's certainly very essential that I am accepted by his family and friends, and that I like them too, so I would probably be very diplomatic, and make sure they do. No question about that.
If two 'adults' are majestically in love, in the real sense of the word, I insist, that all obstacles CAN be tossed away...eventually... with a lot of courage and dignity, and maybe some blood, sweat and tears ... but LOVE should conquer all, at the end! howa kedda! [that's it]
[This message has been edited by Monica (edited 16 April 2004).]
posted
adoula i guess u r right in ur assumptions, in our life it is important that she got accepted by your family and your friends, because they are ur society ,but i am sorry monica to say that it is not so easy , even with blood and tears, do u know why ? because sometimes ppls around u see the pictured with a wider view than what we see , may be because we are blined by the love potion ,or may be becasue we are in love , we refuse to see other part defective points, but in all situation , what adoula is telling is what is happening, i had this experience once and i stood with blood and tears and i won, but i reealised that they were all right , and i was wrong. so i had to admit that i was wrong, but it was painful
UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
hehehehehehehe
Adoula, 
going back to sleep 
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Printer-friendly view of this topic