quote:Originally posted by ana uhibbuk: Wow.. Thanks Old........... I can assure you my husband does not have that disease............ Thank God....... I feel bad for anyone who does.................
Is there a chance that he would like men more, sexually?
Posts: 523 | From: Finland | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by ana uhibbuk: Wow.. Thanks Old........... I can assure you my husband does not have that disease............ Thank God....... I feel bad for anyone who does.................
Is there a chance that he would like men more, sexually?
quote:Originally posted by ana uhibbuk: It has been 5 months now since we have been intimate.
MAYBE he has habit to masturbate.
please dont take this the wrong way angel heart but i got a strong feeling this man doesnt need to masturbate as you presumed...afterall remember he is a married man. men that practice masturbation tend to be single hence why they resort to using their hand rather than satisfying them themselves the natural way. also by mentioning masturbation you run the risk of offending the woman in question. anyway thats my opinion. regards bt
Posts: 28 | From: home | Registered: Jul 2007
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quote:Originally posted by ana uhibbuk: It has been 5 months now since we have been intimate.
MAYBE he has habit to masturbate.
please dont take this the wrong way angel heart but i got a strong feeling this man doesnt need to masturbate as you presumed...afterall remember he is a married man. men that practice masturbation tend to be single hence why they resort to using their hand rather than satisfying them themselves the natural way. also by mentioning masturbation you run the risk of offending the woman in question. anyway thats my opinion. regards bt
bigtum, that may be true for most men but I know from experiance with my x husband. He prefered himself. Masturbation is a valid issue to bring to this conversation. IMHO
Posts: 3891 | From: No good deed goes unpunished. | Registered: May 2007
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quote:Originally posted by ana uhibbuk: Wow.. Thanks Old........... I can assure you my husband does not have that disease............ Thank God....... I feel bad for anyone who does.................
Is there a chance that he would like men more, sexually?
mimmi with respect, i think it is possible but highly unlikely that the man in question is into sex with men. it is normal for men to lose their sexual appertite for a while. it may be he is genuinely worn out physically which does happen if one works hard. stress can reduce a man's libido. hence why i believe it is so important to not overwork ones self so much that one suffers as a result, which also can rub off onto our wives. but a temporary reduction in sexual activity between a man and his wife should not be used as an excuse to ridicule or badger ones partner. instead patience and self control should be practiced until the problem has been solved. regards b/tum
Posts: 28 | From: home | Registered: Jul 2007
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quote:Originally posted by ana uhibbuk: It has been 5 months now since we have been intimate.
MAYBE he has habit to masturbate.
please dont take this the wrong way angel heart but i got a strong feeling this man doesnt need to masturbate as you presumed...afterall remember he is a married man. men that practice masturbation tend to be single hence why they resort to using their hand rather than satisfying them themselves the natural way. also by mentioning masturbation you run the risk of offending the woman in question. anyway thats my opinion. regards bt
bigtum, that may be true for most men but I know from experiance with my x husband. He prefered himself. Masturbation is a valid issue to bring to this conversation. IMHO
well i must say i am surprised to know that is true at least in your case. i would have thought that once a man is married he would eventually stop the habit of masturbation? afterall he now has the means of satisfying his sexual desire by means of sex with his wife, so why masturbate? i'm not going to presume that you witheld sex with you from him hence he resorted to using his hand. i personally believe it is better for a man to satisfy his need with his wife by means of sexual intercourse rather than using his hand. i can understand a single unmarried man using his hand and his imagination but not for a man who has a wife who he can have intercourse with. in that case there is a unresolved problem which should be openly discussed and positive action taken to bring that man back to his senses and see that he has no need to use his hand anymore now he has a wife.
Posts: 28 | From: home | Registered: Jul 2007
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quote:Originally posted by ana uhibbuk: It has been 5 months now since we have been intimate.
MAYBE he has habit to masturbate.
please dont take this the wrong way angel heart but i got a strong feeling this man doesnt need to masturbate as you presumed...afterall remember he is a married man. men that practice masturbation tend to be single hence why they resort to using their hand rather than satisfying them themselves the natural way. also by mentioning masturbation you run the risk of offending the woman in question. anyway thats my opinion. regards bt
bigtum, that may be true for most men but I know from experiance with my x husband. He prefered himself. Masturbation is a valid issue to bring to this conversation. IMHO
well i must say i am surprised to know that is true at least in your case. i would have thought that once a man is married he would eventually stop the habit of masturbation? afterall he now has the means of satisfying his sexual desire by means of sex with his wife, so why masturbate? i'm not going to presume that you witheld sex with you from him hence he resorted to using his hand. i personally believe it is better for a man to satisfy his need with his wife by means of sexual intercourse rather than using his hand. i can understand a single unmarried man using his hand and his imagination but not for a man who has a wife who he can have intercourse with. in that case there is a unresolved problem which should be openly discussed and positive action taken to bring that man back to his senses and see that he has no need to use his hand anymore now he has a wife.
I agree completly with you.
I don't claim to be a psychiatrist but maybe it is a form of passive agressive behavior.
Also, Notice that I said my X husband. Posts: 3891 | From: No good deed goes unpunished. | Registered: May 2007
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quote:Originally posted by ana uhibbuk: I have never been the type of person to discuss my personal life with anyone, but I really need advice from other women. I am an American woman married to an Egyptian man for almost two years now. We have the best marriage I could ever imagine, with one exception........... Our sex life... Yes, we both work long hours, and don't really get to spend much time together, but for me, whatever time we do spend together is important, which includes intimacy with my husband. He is always tired. It has been 5 months now since we have been intimate. When I complain about this, he makes me feel like I am wrong. He said, "American women have different ideas on sex".. He tells me that sex is not important.... I am beginning to believe that he may be getting it from someone else!!!! Are there any other American women out there married to an Egyptian man? If so, do you experience the same as me? Is it a cultural thing? I love him very much, but intimacy is very important to me... I am seriously considering divorce...........
How tired can someone be? How much energy is exerted in order to rightfully please one’s wife? How many calories are burned? This is total non-sense if the excuse is tiredness for such duration. I remember once flying halfway around the world in two flights a travel that amounted to 30+ hours of awake time (from the moment I awoke). You all know how tiring long flights can be. Anyway long story short – lovemaking transcends tiredness and the tiredness after lovemaking is actually tranquility and satisfaction with life.
Prophet Abraham (as) visited his son Ismaeel, only to learn he wasn’t there. He told Ismaeel’s wife who was home at the time to give a message to his son: Change your doorstep.
You need to change something because 5 months without sex in a marriage is a violation against you and your happiness. I am surprised you haven't exploded yet.
Posts: 2079 | From: 'by any means necessary' - Malcom X | Registered: Mar 2007
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posted
My husband told me the change your doorstep story the other day, while i do agree that some people are not good partners for whatever reason, people do need to do what they can to work through problems also 5 months might seem like a long time now, but in a marriage that might last 30 years its not so long.
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quote:Originally posted by Wanderer: My husband told me the change your doorstep story the other day, while i do agree that some people are not good partners for whatever reason, people do need to do what they can to work through problems also 5 months might seem like a long time now, but in a marriage that might last 30 years its not so long.
Shaatir’eh, you picked up on Siyidnaa Ibraheem's advice to his son I agree with you Wanderer because we don’t know all the details. I just think five months is a long drought. People might downplay lovemaking but it’s a gift from Allah (swt). The women whose husbands were fighting Jihad were asked by the Prophet (as) “how long can you wait” and I believe they replied “4 months”. These are the wives of men fighting in major battle. Who knows maybe his sexual capacity might be enervated and so we don’t know the whole story.
Posts: 2079 | From: 'by any means necessary' - Malcom X | Registered: Mar 2007
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posted
I don't understand the "change your doorstep story". Would someone please explain?
-------------------- "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." (Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton) Leap and the Net will Appear. Posts: 3891 | From: No good deed goes unpunished. | Registered: May 2007
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quote:Originally posted by of_gold: I don't understand the "change your doorstep story". Would someone please explain?
The ‘change your doorstep’ metaphorically meant ‘change your wife/divorce her’. She was ungrateful and a nag. Sexual impotence is grounds for divorce because quite frankly, lovemaking is a huge part of marriage. You expect women to deal with all kinds of frustrating issues like raising children/cooking/et cetera and not get some? The same applies for men. However Wander said 5 months might not be so long in a ’30 year’ marriage.
I don’t know, you ladies tell me. How long can you last without some honey?
Posts: 2079 | From: 'by any means necessary' - Malcom X | Registered: Mar 2007
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You need to change something because 5 months without sex in a marriage is a violation against you and your happiness. I am surprised you haven't exploded yet.
SOB your too funny but all so right
not that long i would go insane Posts: 9443 | From: USA...... | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
I have to again thank everyone for all your encouragement and words of support. Of course, I never told my husband that I put this post here, but I just casually mentioned some of the possibilities that each of you have contributed here.. (Obviously, not all at the same time)... I truly thought maybe at least one of them would be the solution..... To my surprise, every time I introduced a new solution, he looked at me as if I came from another planet! I finally told him that if it is not a medical reason, if it is not stress related, if it is not anything else I can possibly come up with then, the only thing left is that " It Is Me"!!!!! He again came out with the response that "American Women have different ideas about sex than women from Egypt".. At this point, my response to him is, "Well then find yourself an Egyptian Woman, who will accept a non-existent sexual relationship, because I can no longer accept this!" He went crazy! Again, trying to put the blame on me and my American Culture.. He said, It will be when he wants it to be........ "OH, NO, It won't!"....................So we are now not speaking..... He went from being the perfect husband to my worst nightmare! Now, here's the strange part, lately since I told him this, he has become Insanely jealous and tries to be controlling, wanting to know where I am every minute... I have a full time job, and If I don't call him every two hours, he goes nuts....... And for all of you who posted the response that "Maybe it is me", I can tell you, that everytime I walk down the street, I am approached by men telling me how beautiful I am, asking if I am married, and even when I say I am married, they still try to give me their phone numbers..... And he even gets so mad when we walk together and other men look at me and smile.. I tried to explain to him, you should be proud if other men are attracted to me, that is a compliment that you have a beautiful wife. I said If I were ugly, nobody would look at me, but he don't see it that way, he finds it disrespectful for another man to look at me and/or pay me a compliment in front of him.. I told him now, that I no longer want to be his wife, because there is something wrong and he is not telling me even after I have given him many opportunities.......
He said, he will never divorce me, but it's not his choice!!!!!!! He can't have his cake and eat it too.. I really feel he has someone on the side, and I bet if I ask him to put his hand on the Quaran and swear to me that he is not with another woman, that he won't be able to do that.... I just don't think I can't take the truth which is why I have not made that request yet........
I have come to the end of my rope at this point with him, and think the best thing to do at this point is to end my marriage.....
I will keep all of you updated.. But thanks again for all the support!
Posts: 50 | From: New York City, USA | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by ana uhibbuk: I have never been the type of person to discuss my personal life with anyone, but I really need advice from other women. I am an American woman married to an Egyptian man for almost two years now. We have the best marriage I could ever imagine, with one exception........... Our sex life... Yes, we both work long hours, and don't really get to spend much time together, but for me, whatever time we do spend together is important, which includes intimacy with my husband. He is always tired. It has been 5 months now since we have been intimate. When I complain about this, he makes me feel like I am wrong. He said, "American women have different ideas on sex".. He tells me that sex is not important.... I am beginning to believe that he may be getting it from someone else!!!! Are there any other American women out there married to an Egyptian man? If so, do you experience the same as me? Is it a cultural thing? I love him very much, but intimacy is very important to me... I am seriously considering divorce...........
You need to change something because 5 months without sex in a marriage is a violation against you and your happiness. I am surprised you haven't exploded yet.
I agree with this 100%. Assuming there isn't some life threatening medical emergency or he isn't gay (loved that one by the way), i'ts obvious he's withholding sex.
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:Originally posted by ana uhibbuk: I have to again thank everyone for all your encouragement and words of support. Of course, I never told my husband that I put this post here, but I just casually mentioned some of the possibilities that each of you have contributed here.. (Obviously, not all at the same time)... I truly thought maybe at least one of them would be the solution..... To my surprise, every time I introduced a new solution, he looked at me as if I came from another planet! I finally told him that if it is not a medical reason, if it is not stress related, if it is not anything else I can possibly come up with then, the only thing left is that " It Is Me"!!!!! He again came out with the response that "American Women have different ideas about sex than women from Egypt".. At this point, my response to him is, "Well then find yourself an Egyptian Woman, who will accept a non-existent sexual relationship, because I can no longer accept this!" He went crazy! Again, trying to put the blame on me and my American Culture.. He said, It will be when he wants it to be........ "OH, NO, It won't!"....................So we are now not speaking..... He went from being the perfect husband to my worst nightmare! Now, here's the strange part, lately since I told him this, he has become Insanely jealous and tries to be controlling, wanting to know where I am every minute... I have a full time job, and If I don't call him every two hours, he goes nuts....... And for all of you who posted the response that "Maybe it is me", I can tell you, that everytime I walk down the street, I am approached by men telling me how beautiful I am, asking if I am married, and even when I say I am married, they still try to give me their phone numbers..... And he even gets so mad when we walk together and other men look at me and smile.. I tried to explain to him, you should be proud if other men are attracted to me, that is a compliment that you have a beautiful wife. I said If I were ugly, nobody would look at me, but he don't see it that way, he finds it disrespectful for another man to look at me and/or pay me a compliment in front of him.. I told him now, that I no longer want to be his wife, because there is something wrong and he is not telling me even after I have given him many opportunities.......
He said, he will never divorce me, but it's not his choice!!!!!!! He can't have his cake and eat it too.. I really feel he has someone on the side, and I bet if I ask him to put his hand on the Quaran and swear to me that he is not with another woman, that he won't be able to do that.... I just don't think I can't take the truth which is why I have not made that request yet........
I have come to the end of my rope at this point with him, and think the best thing to do at this point is to end my marriage.....
I will keep all of you updated.. But thanks again for all the support!
If he claims there are no real reasons for not having sex anymore and wants to blame it on the fact that "Americans" have different ideas of sex and you are not ok with that - your relationship is in jeaopardy. Perhaps he's using sex as a tool (ok VanillaBullshit NO comments... ), and using it as just another thing to try to control. Saying American women have different ideas of sex is kind of insulting IMO, what does he mean? He means American women are like animals and need it all of the time? Sorry but once in 5 months is NOT asking so much, and perhaps it means he is turned off by the assertive (perhaps in his opinion aggressive) nature of the American woman? What does he want, a woman who never wants it, never enjoys it, gets no pleasure from it and is only there to please him when he "wants" it once a year? IMO he has control issues and they are just starting to rear their ugly heads now in your marriage. If you love him, seek counseling, even though I doubt he would go. Good luck.
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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posted
I'm not sure if this is the Egyptian male's way of reacting to sexual dysfunction, but I've seen men with 4 kids and when they have conditions that may compromise their future fertility (not even sexual performance) they turn into scared little girls afraid that their manhood is at stake or they'll be percieved as damaged goods (and only their wife will know this). If it's a medical issue then maybe he just won't come out and tell you in any given time soon. I'm just trying to give the benefit of the doubt & some cultural perspective (though this shouldn't be generalized), but you know your situation best.
-------------------- Disclaimer: My posts are not meant to personally offend anyone. If you find yourself reading my posts repeatedly, you are kindly asked to seek the help of a professional Posts: 483 | From: cairo | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
He's cheating, bottom line .You called him on his behaviors and now he's pulling the typical tricks unfaithful people do when they're trying to take the heat of themselves and put it onto their spouse. Certain behaviors are universal, and this is one of them. You should know how this works, he's playing a head game with you.Dont let him pull it on ya, your marriage isnt gonna be saved this way. Keep your dignity, 5 months is waayy to long to go without the honey . I've held judgement until I've heard the whole story, now I can bet my last buck he's a rotten cheater, who knows he's getting caught with his hand in someone elses cookie jar so he's pulling out the big guns(no pun intended ).....Put him in check chick, call him on his game Show no damn mercy!!!!!!!!
Posts: 1121 | From: Too crazy to look at a freakin map to find out.. | Registered: Sep 2006
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posted
True, if you accuse someone of cheating and they are, they will suddenly start to treat you like you are cheating. I have to agree with Rumi, he's probably cheating and not into you anymore... IMO.
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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posted
Although it does seem that there are some underlying reasons to your husband's lack of interest, as he is using the card of the differences in culture and as you had asked before about going to the mosque with your husband, you could, as some people have pointed out, mention the Islamic aspect of the woman's sexual rights on her husband. Here are some articles that may be useful: http://www.zawaj.com/straight_talk.html
Personally I would be starting to look at how close he was to getting his residency/citizenship papers and wondering how much effect that has on his thinking.
Posts: 4576 | From: Cairo | Registered: Jun 2002
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posted
This may also be useful: What should be done when a husband withholds his wife’s rights in bed?
Question: I find many topics concerning moslem women and the punishment of ignoring or avoiding their husband in sexual matters.But I would like to know the rights of a woman when this problem is visa-versa, and it's the husband who is denying the wife of her right. And if the husband is ill, does he still not have the obligation towards his wife?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
When a husband deprives his wife of the right to intercourse, the scholars call this eelaa’. Eelaa’ means the vow of the husband who is able to have intercourse never to have intercourse with his wife, or not to have intercourse with her for more than four months. The evidence for that is the aayah (interpretation of the meaning):
“Those who take an oath not to have sexual relation with their wives must wait for four months, then if they return (change their idea in this period), verily, Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful[al-Baqarah 2:226]
It was narrated that Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) used to say concerning eelaa’: “If the period of eelaa’ expires, then the husband has either to retain his wife in a handsome manner or to divorce her as Allaah has ordered” (al-Bukhaari, al-Talaaq, 4881)
Eelaa’ is forbidden in Islam because it is a vow not to do something that is obligatory. It is in effect a vow not to have intercourse with one's wife, either never again or for a period that exceeds four months; or else it means vowing that if one’s wife does not do a certain obligatory action or does a certain haraam action, he will not have intercourse with her. The fuqahaa’ also said that the one who does not have intercourse with his wife for more than four months without swearing an oath, in order to harm her and without having a valid excuse, also comes under the category of eelaa’.
The ruling on this matter is: that if he has intercourse with his wife during that period, then he has “returned”, because “returning” in this context means intercourse and in this manner the woman has attained what she is entitled to from him. If he refuses to have intercourse after the stated time limit has expired, then the judge should order him to divorce her if his wife requests that. If he refuses to have intercourse and he refuses to divorce her, then the judge should issue a divorce and annul the marriage.
And Allaah knows best.
For more information refer to Zaad al-Ma’aad by Ibn al-Qayyim, vol. 5/344
If it is the case that the husband is sick, please see Question No 1859, 5684
posted
Well there are a few more issues now, I must admit I am more reluctant to say he may not be cheating now, like Rumi has said, people who dont trust themselves project it onto other people - that said - there are always two sides, I know that my egyptian husband would go up the wall and round the bend if I was getting noticed in the street or when we walked together, He would go absolutely IN SANE!!!! AT ME!!! from a western perspective we say 'oh you should be proud, and its not my fault they are looking' from an egyptian perspective this is BIG disrespect, not only from those men but more importantly from YOU to allow it to happen. This COULD be an issue, coupled with him witholding sex and saying you can have it when he says?? Is he trying to assert his 'manhood' that he feels he is loosing? maybe
If it were me, and this is advice I have taken from egyptians, I wouldn't challenge him, if he is a religious man you can remind him of his duties towards his wife, not antagonising or challenging him, not fighting fire with fire, but fire with kindness. The less confrontational you are, the harder he will find it to turn the blame on you. Good luck x
Posts: 644 | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
The thing is ladies men are able to satisfy more than one woman in a single day. Sexual prowess does not completely diminsh after intimacy with one woman. That’s how devious guys get away with it they’ll please the mistress but they’ll also see to it that the wife is also pleased. That is rule #1 for professional adulterers.
Food for thought!
Now with regard to the cultural nonsense and how women are different when it comes to sex, well Egypt is one of the major consumers of Viagra. This fact speaks volumes of the sexual activity that prevails in Egypt and the Middle East. Arabs are horny .. period! Egyptian couples who have been married for many years, rarely miss out on Thursday night intimacy.
Posts: 2079 | From: 'by any means necessary' - Malcom X | Registered: Mar 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Sobriquet: The thing is ladies men are able to satisfy more than one woman in a single day. Sexual prowess does not completely diminsh after intimacy with one woman. That’s how devious guys get away with it they’ll please the mistress but they’ll also see to it that the wife is also pleased. That is rule #1 for professional adulterers.
Food for thought!
Now with regard to the cultural nonsense and how women are different when it comes to sex, well Egypt is one of the major consumers of Viagra. This fact speaks volumes of the sexual activity that prevails in Egypt and the Middle East. Arabs are horny .. period! Egyptian couples who have been married for many years, rarely miss out on Thursday night intimacy.
Thursday night intimacy? Whats up with Thursday?
Posts: 3891 | From: No good deed goes unpunished. | Registered: May 2007
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quote:He again came out with the response that "American Women have different ideas about sex than women from Egypt".. At this point, my response to him is, "Well then find yourself an Egyptian Woman, who will accept a non-existent sexual relationship, because I can no longer accept this!" He went crazy! Again, trying to put the blame on me and my American Culture..
Ehhm...ehhhm...what is this nonsense???
These Egyptian guys that go ruin our reputation around the world, deserve a couple of slaps and a few kicks in the butt!!!
Maybe he meant a middle aged Egyptian woman, suffering from hormonal imbalance, vaginal dryness or fatigue caused by hormonal imbalance or maybe caused by poor nutrition, or suffering from adrenal exhaustion mmmm?
Who knows what he meant!
Probably that Egyptian women do not openly ask for sex! Remembering his mother, aunt or grandmother, maybe.
Excuses ..excuses.. blame it all on Egyptian women lol lol
This man is hiding something! Posts: 215 | Registered: May 2007
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posted
The thing that turns most women off...both eastern or western, young or middle aged...is bad/boring sex, not that they inherently dislike it!
Posts: 4576 | From: Cairo | Registered: Jun 2002
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Ana uhibbuk, you and your husband need to see a marriage councelor - like it was already recommended before.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Sobriquet: The thing is ladies men are able to satisfy more than one woman in a single day. Sexual prowess does not completely diminsh after intimacy with one woman. That’s how devious guys get away with it they’ll please the mistress but they’ll also see to it that the wife is also pleased. That is rule #1 for professional adulterers.
Food for thought!
Now with regard to the cultural nonsense and how women are different when it comes to sex, well Egypt is one of the major consumers of Viagra. This fact speaks volumes of the sexual activity that prevails in Egypt and the Middle East. Arabs are horny .. period! Egyptian couples who have been married for many years, rarely miss out on Thursday night intimacy.
Well sobriquet, maybe if the man talked to his wife, HE wouldnt need to satisfy more than one women in a day . Thats a cop-out. So if Im the wife and I dont ask my husband for enough sex to fill his sex quota for the day, him being the only claim to fame he has is spewing seed and humping his brains out, this means that I have to share ??? What if the simple fact is the man doesnt ask about his wife's sexual preference? What if shes hoping to get it more then once in a day so at some point hopefully this selfish ass will give her an orgasm. Like winning the lottery, the more you play the more chances you have to win . Mind blowing sex, a good session lasts at least 2 -3 hours, IMO. Maybe if these men would stop assuming that their wife is enjoying themselves, or a quick kiss,tickle and ahhhhhhh is all that constitutes lovemaking, and talked to them and worked on expanding and adding variety to the sex life, they wouldnt need to do this. Im sure in many cases women are just not comfortable with their sexuality, especially younger women. It takes a women at least into their mid-30's to become totally comfortable with their sexuality, lose alot of their inhibitions and approach lovemaking with the selfishness of wanting to be totally pleasured and not being to shy to tell their spouse exactly what they want.Trust me, I can honestly say that most women I know in my age group say the same thing. A man and women should be spending time exploring each other, testing/keeping/discarding the things that will make every lovemaking session mindblowing. If men realized that most women do not look at it as a duty, realized that maybe the inhibitions that were put into women regarding sex and or bodies from the youngest age needs a little help in being forgotten, then men would have the wife in the kitchen, a tramp in the bedroom kind of marriage Marriages should never end because of a unsatisfactory sex life, men dont need to stray if they are taking care of business at home and communication doesnt end at the bedroom door!!!
Posts: 1121 | From: Too crazy to look at a freakin map to find out.. | Registered: Sep 2006
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Egyptian sexologist Dr Qutb addresses all these sexual problems through her talk show, and also her writings.
She told this story once: A husband was complaining that his wife was refusing sex lately; so Dr Qutb asked does your wife reaches orgasm when you have sex?
The husband was so shocked that his wife would be able to reach orgasm, or think about sex as pleasure. 'It is my wife duty to have sex with me.'
So, Dr. Qutb had to explain the facts of sexual pleasures for a woman, that women were sexual too, had needs ( to his total amazement they have sexual needs?) regardless of culture, tradition, female genital cutting.
Ana, here is a web page, that you can show your husband:
posted
According to Dr. Qutb, "sexual problems are very widespread in the Arab world, and it is estimated that they are the cause of more than 80% of divorce cases." In her estimation, "it is possible that the true figures are even higher, since the Arab world has been suffering from sex problems for hundreds of years. After [the era of] the Prophet, there was a turn for the worse, and the topic became covered in shadows."
The following is a collection of statements by Dr. Qutb from various sources.
posted
Sometimes when I'm sitting in my car at a stop light, I imagine myself as Luke Skywalker, and I close my eyes and concentrate on using The Force. Sometimes I have to concentrate longer than others, but I know it works, 'cause the light always turns green!
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:Originally posted by With a name like Smuckers: Sometimes when I'm sitting in my car at a stop light, I imagine myself as Luke Skywalker, and I close my eyes and concentrate on using The Force. Sometimes I have to concentrate longer than others, but I know it works, 'cause the light always turns green!
You can't underestimate the power of The Force. Posts: 3891 | From: No good deed goes unpunished. | Registered: May 2007
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quote:Originally posted by ana uhibbuk: I have to again thank everyone for all your encouragement and words of support. Of course, I never told my husband that I put this post here, but I just casually mentioned some of the possibilities that each of you have contributed here.. (Obviously, not all at the same time)... I truly thought maybe at least one of them would be the solution..... To my surprise, every time I introduced a new solution, he looked at me as if I came from another planet! I finally told him that if it is not a medical reason, if it is not stress related, if it is not anything else I can possibly come up with then, the only thing left is that " It Is Me"!!!!! He again came out with the response that "American Women have different ideas about sex than women from Egypt".. At this point, my response to him is, "Well then find yourself an Egyptian Woman, who will accept a non-existent sexual relationship, because I can no longer accept this!" He went crazy! Again, trying to put the blame on me and my American Culture.. He said, It will be when he wants it to be........ "OH, NO, It won't!"....................So we are now not speaking..... He went from being the perfect husband to my worst nightmare! Now, here's the strange part, lately since I told him this, he has become Insanely jealous and tries to be controlling, wanting to know where I am every minute... I have a full time job, and If I don't call him every two hours, he goes nuts....... And for all of you who posted the response that "Maybe it is me", I can tell you, that everytime I walk down the street, I am approached by men telling me how beautiful I am, asking if I am married, and even when I say I am married, they still try to give me their phone numbers..... And he even gets so mad when we walk together and other men look at me and smile.. I tried to explain to him, you should be proud if other men are attracted to me, that is a compliment that you have a beautiful wife. I said If I were ugly, nobody would look at me, but he don't see it that way, he finds it disrespectful for another man to look at me and/or pay me a compliment in front of him.. I told him now, that I no longer want to be his wife, because there is something wrong and he is not telling me even after I have given him many opportunities.......
He said, he will never divorce me, but it's not his choice!!!!!!! He can't have his cake and eat it too.. I really feel he has someone on the side, and I bet if I ask him to put his hand on the Quaran and swear to me that he is not with another woman, that he won't be able to do that.... I just don't think I can't take the truth which is why I have not made that request yet........
I have come to the end of my rope at this point with him, and think the best thing to do at this point is to end my marriage.....
I will keep all of you updated.. But thanks again for all the support!
Oh this is a "dangerous subject" but when i read your story another idea came to my mind. I have noticed with my egyptian husband that he absolutely dont like me asking for sex. Its a BIG turn of for him, if im the one trying to seduce him into having a private moment with me He dont like that im being the "agressive part" and him being the "hunted" part. It feels wrong, to easy and a bit cheap in his eyes=turn off. So I learned to work my way around it meaning i know which buttons to push to make him ask for sex so that it looks like im not the one asking. maybe its the same with your husband. Maybe he feels that you are to sexual "agressive" and that he should be the one to hunt you insted. Just an idea.
Posts: 528 | From: Denmark | Registered: Dec 2006
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posted
That is one thing to consider ^^^^^. However, not all Egyptian men are like this either. Some of them love having sex initiated by their woman. Just like some of them enjoy oral sex and some do not. It doesn't sound like an Egyptian male specific problem but more like a sex problem in general. It's too bad he's behaving strangely and not just being open and honest. A man (Egyptian or otherwise) not wanting sex in a 5 month period is very unusual unless there are physical problems involved.
Posts: 2735 | From: my desk | Registered: Jul 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Sobriquet: The thing is ladies men are able to satisfy more than one woman in a single day. Sexual prowess does not completely diminsh after intimacy with one woman. That’s how devious guys get away with it they’ll please the mistress but they’ll also see to it that the wife is also pleased. That is rule #1 for professional adulterers.
Food for thought!
Now with regard to the cultural nonsense and how women are different when it comes to sex, well Egypt is one of the major consumers of Viagra. This fact speaks volumes of the sexual activity that prevails in Egypt and the Middle East. Arabs are horny .. period! Egyptian couples who have been married for many years, rarely miss out on Thursday night intimacy.
Well sobriquet, maybe if the man talked to his wife, HE wouldnt need to satisfy more than one women in a day . Thats a cop-out. So if Im the wife and I dont ask my husband for enough sex to fill his sex quota for the day, him being the only claim to fame he has is spewing seed and humping his brains out, this means that I have to share ??? What if the simple fact is the man doesnt ask about his wife's sexual preference? What if shes hoping to get it more then once in a day so at some point hopefully this selfish ass will give her an orgasm. Like winning the lottery, the more you play the more chances you have to win . Mind blowing sex, a good session lasts at least 2 -3 hours, IMO. Maybe if these men would stop assuming that their wife is enjoying themselves, or a quick kiss,tickle and ahhhhhhh is all that constitutes lovemaking, and talked to them and worked on expanding and adding variety to the sex life, they wouldnt need to do this. Im sure in many cases women are just not comfortable with their sexuality, especially younger women. It takes a women at least into their mid-30's to become totally comfortable with their sexuality, lose alot of their inhibitions and approach lovemaking with the selfishness of wanting to be totally pleasured and not being to shy to tell their spouse exactly what they want.Trust me, I can honestly say that most women I know in my age group say the same thing. A man and women should be spending time exploring each other, testing/keeping/discarding the things that will make every lovemaking session mindblowing. If men realized that most women do not look at it as a duty, realized that maybe the inhibitions that were put into women regarding sex and or bodies from the youngest age needs a little help in being forgotten, then men would have the wife in the kitchen, a tramp in the bedroom kind of marriage Marriages should never end because of a unsatisfactory sex life, men dont need to stray if they are taking care of business at home and communication doesnt end at the bedroom door!!!
Rumi I understand what you are saying and I agree with you.
Some guys love their wives dearly and they enjoy every aspect of it including intimacy. The problem is not the sex, the problem is the ego and knowing that other women want you. This transaction usually ends with f---king. Some guys are just like that. That’s life and that is an affair. So it has nothing to do with sex but it has everything to do with belittlement and viewing ones companion as ‘always there’, if you understand what I mean. You will always have such men and women who are in such relationships and it is problematic.
I wholeheartedly believe that great sex is not simply the intense intimacy. I know women and I know myself and buildup is essential and I am not simply talking about foreplay but before foreplay, unwinding as in a date, especially with a wife and then the foreplay and then the sex. I believe this approach enables a woman to open up more to man. There are many other ways to approach a woman, I know many of them hold back and I really don’t want to divulge too much.
Men who don’t make the effort in understanding their women are indeed blind and are ignorantly selfish. Women are verycomplicated but if a man really cares he will really know her and know exactly what she wants. Many women need encouragement with sexuality, they need to let go in order for total enjoyment and some men are just not confident enough or are simply ignorant of this fact. Many men don’t have the experience and maybe that is the problem. Great sex is the whole package it is as simple as that, I am talking about serious and long relationships here. Not the I want to **** your brains out and we have nothing else in common.
Wives and long-term girlfriends should be approached differently. Naturally we can not do this every single day. I mean there are days when you just wake up horny as hell and the hell with civility and it is down to some raw action. That’s beautiful too, there is nothing wrong with intense ‘quickies’. If you know your woman, then you know the time and the position she can get off the quickest in such a situation. That’s what marriage is about and if you are unsuccessful then she is confident to tell you this fact and you must rectify the situation and please do not let me elaborate
Like you said Rumi communication is the key.
Posts: 2079 | From: 'by any means necessary' - Malcom X | Registered: Mar 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Almaz: According to Dr. Qutb, "sexual problems are very widespread in the Arab world, and it is estimated that they are the cause of more than 80% of divorce cases." In her estimation, "it is possible that the true figures are even higher, since the Arab world has been suffering from sex problems for hundreds of years. After [the era of] the Prophet, there was a turn for the worse, and the topic became covered in shadows."
The following is a collection of statements by Dr. Qutb from various sources.
"[the Prophet's wife] 'Aisha, used to call the Prophet to come to bed"
The arab world suffers sexual dysfunction because of how arab parents raise their children, a never-ending cycle of fear & catharsis is implanted in every arab, by their parents and other family members.
Sex is bad, don't talk to boys/girls, don't associate with your peers, let us know where you are 28 hours a day, we have to choose your wife/husband, you can't do this, you can't do that....
The result: damaged adults wandering around looking to produce even more damaged adults to perpetuate the cycle.
The torch of abuse is always kept alive.
Is anyone here retarded enough to still be wondering why these are one of the most fucked up peoples on the planet?
Posts: 2404 | Registered: May 2006
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posted
"Is anyone here retarded enough to still be wondering why these are one of the most fucked up peoples on the planet?"
I dont think thats true, there are plenty of fucked up people elsewhere, sex being promoted in every corner of western society does not necessarily grow healthy adults.
And I dont think sex is considered 'bad' in arab societies, it is considered something between husband and wife, not all of society.
I also dont think it affects their sexual practice either
Posts: 644 | Registered: Jul 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Mother War: That is one thing to consider ^^^^^. However, not all Egyptian men are like this either. Some of them love having sex initiated by their woman. Just like some of them enjoy oral sex and some do not. It doesn't sound like an Egyptian male specific problem but more like a sex problem in general. It's too bad he's behaving strangely and not just being open and honest. A man (Egyptian or otherwise) not wanting sex in a 5 month period is very unusual unless there are physical problems involved.
True, some like hunting and some like being the hunted, just depends on the mood...
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Wanderer: "Is anyone here retarded enough to still be wondering why these are one of the most fucked up peoples on the planet?"
I dont think thats true, there are plenty of fucked up people elsewhere, sex being promoted in every corner of western society does not necessarily grow healthy adults.
And I dont think sex is considered 'bad' in arab societies, it is considered something between husband and wife, not all of society.
I also dont think it affects their sexual practice either
Valid points, Wanderer, however let me elaborate: By bad I mean it is demonized, it isn't seen as something natural, part of what makes us human, it's seen as an aberration and a punishable offense, moreso than anywhere else; hence why it's practically an obsession with people here.
The result? FGM, widespread homosexuality, among other aberrant behaviors. (Please note I have nothing against gay people, but in the mid east alot of people resort to homosexuality due to lack of heterosexual intimacy.)
I think in west you can choose to be exposed to it or isolate yourself from it, but at least the luxury of choice is there.
Posts: 2404 | Registered: May 2006
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Anyone that cannot see that sex is heavily stigmatized in the Middle East has their head stuck way up their ass.
Many people, including myself have commented on this in quite a few threads.
I'd even go so far as to say that alot of the social unrest which plagues the Middle East could likely be traced to the sexual frustration in the populations.
~Alistair
-------------------- Lies fade like smoke when uncovered..but Truth, burns like fire. Posts: 1221 | Registered: Sep 2006
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posted
Vanilla: I will agree that some arab societies take things too far and are too extreme in their views, however, fgm is wrong in my view, a cultural practice that is unecessary, homosexuality is practically encouraged in the UK, we all HAVE to be o.k with it, i think that is wrong - we all HAVE to be o.k with seeing and hearing about sex everywhere, i think that is wrong too, our kids dont get a chance to have their innocence anymore, sex is everywhere and its too much. At least in Islam sex is promoted as something good and healthy, private but a healthy part of life and marriage. I disagree that in the west we have a choice whether to be exposed to it, i turn on the TV men kissing, women kissing, people ****ing, I open a magazine, more of the same, even as I say this there will be people reading it thinking I am anti gay or anti sex - but I'm not, I just think there should be more to life, we should be able to focus on other things rather than the opposite (or in some cases the same!) sex.
Prince of Nothing - maybe you are so conditioned to believe that if your not thinking about it, seeing it, doing it, feeling it every second of every day then there must be something wrong? just because people dont go around advertising what they do in the bedroom doesn't mean they dont do the same things that the people in the west do.
Posts: 644 | Registered: Jul 2007
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this man doesnt need to masturbate as you presumed...afterall remember he is a married man.
men that practice masturbation tend to be single
i would have thought that once a man is married he would eventually stop the habit of masturbation?
This common myth often drives people in relationships to masturbate in private hiding it from their partners. Survey research shows that people of all ages masturbate when they are in relationships. Kinsey’s survey found that almost 40% of men and 30% of women in relationships masturbated. A study of Playboy readers found that 72% of married men masturbated, and a study of Redbook readers found that 68% of married women masturbated.
quote:Originally posted by Wanderer: Vanilla: I will agree that some arab societies take things too far and are too extreme in their views, however, fgm is wrong in my view, a cultural practice that is unecessary, homosexuality is practically encouraged in the UK, we all HAVE to be o.k with it, i think that is wrong - we all HAVE to be o.k with seeing and hearing about sex everywhere, i think that is wrong too, our kids dont get a chance to have their innocence anymore, sex is everywhere and its too much.
FGM has surpassed the realms of "wrong" FGM is synonymous to murder, if I had a daughter and someone uttered the words FGM in my presence, I would sodomize them with a broom just to see that look on their face, and I wouldn't stop until they were dead.
Homosexuality you say?
I will say only this: There is a website called gayegypt.com for good reason. The demonization of normal heterosexual relations has reached the point where I have to be exposed to men holding hands and kissing each other in the street. This is seen as normal!
God fucking forbid I should walk down the street with my arm around a girl, we would get stared at so hard that we would both spontaneously combust.
I'd like to clarify that I am not a gay-basher, while I see homosexuality as abnormal, at the same time I do not believe they should be punished or persecuted. If someone wants to be gay, fine, just be gay away from me.
quote:Originally posted by Wanderer: At least in Islam sex is promoted as something good and healthy, private but a healthy part of life and marriage.
Exsqueeze me?? What??
Good & healthy?
If that were the case, why are arab societies still the patriarchal, draconian socities that they are?
Why do women have practically no rights? Why are they always seen as mere slabs of meat for men's enjoyment?
Why was a sixteen year old Iranian girl hanged for being raped? Yea, how dare she be raped, kill her, that's the way to go; let's here it for "justice".
Why was a well known female tele-journalist in saudi arabia beaten to pulp for answering the phone? And why wasn't the man (her husband no less) reprimanded?
These are rhetorical questions...
quote:Originally posted by Wanderer: I disagree that in the west we have a choice whether to be exposed to it, i turn on the TV men kissing, women kissing, people ****ing, I open a magazine, more of the same, even as I say this there will be people reading it thinking I am anti gay or anti sex - but I'm not, I just think there should be more to life, we should be able to focus on other things rather than the opposite (or in some cases the same!) sex.
lol
You make it sound like you're living in some sort of pornucopia. For the record more than half my life has been spent in the west, and I have lived in several countries in the mid east.
I agree with you that things like say, promotion of a gay bishop is bizarre, just as bizarre as people that call themselves "gay muslims".
Why don't I just call myself a gay, satan-worshipping, athiest muslim? Is that enough of an oxymoron?
Wanderer, have you been to egypt? Have you seen how most egyptian women dress?
Their outfits scream SEX, all I see all day are skin tight jeans/spandex, dominatrix 6" heels........and a hijab. Look at arab "music videos" - all you see is legs, boobs and gyrating asses everywhere.
Women have every right to celebrate and revel in their sexuality, there's nothing wrong with that IMO, but egyptian women are sent some very mixed signals, "your sexuality is a curse and should be hidden" , "our entire family's honor lies between your legs".
These mixed messaged further confound the situation, and produce the above results. You could turn the tables on me Wanderer, and say that they're copying the west, I would agree to a certain extent, however, my question would be why the hell won't these people adopt good western examples?
Being a pioneer in your field, seperation of religion & state, being independant, democracy, etc.
I have to go out now, but I'm interested in continuing this discussion later.
Everybody have a great day.
Posts: 2404 | Registered: May 2006
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IMO he has control issues and they are just starting to rear their ugly heads now in your marriage. If you love him, seek counseling, even though I doubt he would go. Good luck.
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).....Put him in check chick, call him on his game ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
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or maybe caused by poor nutrition, or suffering from adrenal exhaustion mmmm?![[Cool]](cool.gif)
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