quote:Originally posted by CheezyPoof: This may sound horrible but did anyone ever consider that for the Egy man, a sterile, wife who has a tubal ligation or older wife may equal a safe and easy exit when the time is right? Just a thought.
I'm having translation-problems. Don't understand what you mean by safe and easy exit.
Well it's much easier to leave a woman when you don't have children with her than one who does.
Having children is definitely important and before we married we actually broke things off for a few weeks because he wasn't sure if he could marry someone with such a high possibility of NOT having a child. We reconciled though after those few weeks of not talking and he accepted that if it is God's will it will happen.
I recently actually offered that he take a second wife if after a few years I am not able to bear children and he said he would only do that if I picked her out for him. I said ok but she'll have warts all over her body and will be 5 times his size. Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
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What I meant was that if the man was planning on the marriage being temporary (for visa or GC) then he'd have nothing to force him to stay or have a connection to the woman ie a child.
Posts: 2735 | From: my desk | Registered: Jul 2005
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quote:Originally posted by CheezyPoof: This may sound horrible but did anyone ever consider that for the Egy man, a sterile, wife who has a tubal ligation or older wife may equal a safe and easy exit when the time is right? Just a thought.
I'm having translation-problems. Don't understand what you mean by safe and easy exit.
Well it's much easier to leave a woman when you don't have children with her than one who does.
Having children is definitely important and before we married we actually broke things off for a few weeks because he wasn't sure if he could marry someone with such a high possibility of NOT having a child. We reconciled though after those few weeks of not talking and he accepted that if it is God's will it will happen.
I recently actually offered that he take a second wife if after a few years I am not able to bear children and he said he would only do that if I picked her out for him. I said ok but she'll have warts all over her body and will be 5 times his size.
u go girl i am with u on that one
Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
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quote:Originally posted by CheezyPoof: What I meant was that if the man was planning on the marriage being temporary (for visa or GC) then he'd have nothing to force him to stay or have a connection to the woman ie a child.
Could be, but when a man has really bad intentions he will be bad in this too. So, he wouldn't care. Or, cares for the child but not for the mother...there are so many different ways to act. Having a child-wish could be a sign that he is serious, but it also can be a trick, because he knows that it will be almost impossible. And how about wanting children to empower women, this also happens, just like the opposite happens... It's all not strange, because it happens everywhere, also in Western relationships.
If my son from 25 comes home to introduce his new 44 yr. old girlfriend, I would have problems with that, and I wouldn't trust her at all. When she would be foreign I would even have more doubts, and suspect her for anything bad. Guess this is about the same. I cannot even imagine my son would do so! And I think it is the same for Egyptian parents, above that they have to deal with a large amount of cultural, social inheritances. I think the whole neighbourhood would speak shame and scandal about it...
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I could never marry a man more than 10 years younger than me but that's me. If someone else is happy with their situation why should what anyone else cares matter? It's between those two people. Heck I had a hard time reconciling the 7 years difference that we have but I got over it in time.
Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
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^^^^I couldn't either. When I'm 42, my oldest boy will be 20. How foolish would I look to him if I was running around with a man his age? Plus, when I'm older I don't want to have to keep up with a young stud. I'm lazy.
But to each his or her own.
Posts: 2735 | From: my desk | Registered: Jul 2005
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I'm so with you on that. I was just discussing this subject with a gf of mine last week. I wouldn't be accepting of that at all. If, when my sons are older, they brought home sig. older women, I'd feel like she would be "robbing" them of their youth. I'm just really opposed to this sort of thing. I can't help it.
quote:Originally posted by ?????: If my son from 25 comes home to introduce his new 44 yr. old girlfriend, I would have problems with that, and I wouldn't trust her at all. When she would be foreign I would even have more doubts, and suspect her for anything bad. Guess this is about the same. I cannot even imagine my son would do so! And I think it is the same for Egyptian parents, above that they have to deal with a large amount of cultural, social inheritances. I think the whole neighbourhood would speak shame and scandal about it...
quote:Originally posted by Bastet*Loves*Ptah: Not only that Sashyra8 but the age difference. An Egyptian man might marry a slightly older woman than he if she can bear children and have a family. He still gets the benefit and does it in the right way. On the other side, if an Egyptian man marries an older woman (foreigner) and she cannot have children and it is a serious union, usually he has children from a previous marriage.
There are factors you can ask yourself about the seriousness of the relationship. * Have you met his family?
Yes of course
* Is he introducing you as his wife (and know for sure - do you understand what he is saying when he introduces you?)
he didnt introduce me as his wife before we were married but he did introducs me to all of them and he did talk a lot to his mum about me before we married, of course they know now that we are married and were very happy about it
* Are you still able to bear children? No
* Has he been 100% honest with you in all things from the moment you met? Yes
* Does he flirt with you often and give you romantic words each time you talk to the point of exaggeration? No, he calls me 'love' if thats flirting.
* Does he trash Egyptian women in verbalizing why he wants to marry you? No, only that he wanted to marry for love.
* Is there a large age difference between the two of you? Yes
* Are the religions different? (not always important but mostly it is) No, but if I had not been Muslim already I wouldnt have got a look in with him
* Has he asked you for even the smallest amount of money? Even one EP ? Often asks for bus/ferry change, does that count?
* Does he speak with you in a sexual way on the phone, in person or online, instead of having respect for you and allowing you your dignity? No, I cant handle that, makes me laugh.
* Are there things about his life that seem hidden? No
* Are there times he cannot be located? No
* Is he dependable? Yes, although I have asked him to get matresses for the single beds 4 times now and still waiting
* What are his friends like? Hmmm, some ok, some not so ok, some great.
* How does he treat the women in his family? Not how he speaks of them, how he actually DEALS with them. adores his mum and sisters and does his best to provide anything they ask for
There are several factors, not all fool proof but you can get a general idea.
(Rumi, that answer depends on the man in question from what I have witnessed)
We spoke about children before we married and he is well aware I cant have any. According to him he doesnt want any and has been 'provider' for his brothers and sisters since he was 12. He said the same as someone else here said, that nothing says that he can father a child or that another wife could conceive if he married an Egyptian. He has a close Egyptian friend who has been married some years to his Egyptian wife and they have no children, the man has not taken another wife for children either because he is happy and loves his wife.
Its ok to generalize here, but all people are different. Yes the majority of Egyptian men want children but some are happy with who they marry whether she can have children or not. As long as those that know they can't make it quite clear before they marry the man.
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Ayisha, it is true that not *all* Egyptian men require children. My aunt and uncle in law never were able to have children. He never took another wife. They've been happily married for over 30 yrs now. Instead of worrying about not having children, they've focused on having a close relationship with their nieces and nephews.
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Well I know of one Egyptian guy in the US who married an Egyptian woman and brought her over to America. After years of trying to conceive docs determined that she couldn't have kids. The guy divorced her. She was the sister of a very good friend of mine at that time and they wanted some legal advise so she could remain in the US. Things worked out for her, dunno if she's married again.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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come on people get over yourselfs. I cannot speak for all american men nor can you speak for all egyptian men. Some men just don't really care what their family thinks. They go for their happiness. To live your life for your family is barberic in 2008. I think it's sad, some of your comments about older women with younger men. None of you say anything about these old farts with young women. If it's not 4 you then ok. Don't critizie other people's relationships. This trend has been going on for years now and is not gonna go away. If the two people are happy and love each other then what is wrong? The divorce rate is rising in Egypt and almost as high as the United States right now. So with all those egyptian men marrying their princes Jasmine's and giving them families, guess what! They are still divorcing. Having children in a marriage does not keep the marriage together. My husband has a son, I have 2 daughters. We are happy with what we have and want to spend our time together traveling. We leave it in the hands of god whether we will have a child together or not. Please, don't forget some of you have friends here that are married to younger men. Be sensitive to their feelings. They love their husbands and I am sure it hurts them to read some of these remarks by their so called "friends"s
Posts: 1369 | From: California | Registered: Aug 2007
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was that the cause of the divorce or did they have other issues? My oldest sister tried to have children with her first husband for over 10 years and the stress of the fertility issue is what ended it for them. Not necessarily the inability to have children but the stress of trying to have children. For example, knowing you have like a 12 hour window to do the deed and one party fails to comply with the request so to speak. You can see how things like that can ruin a marriage.
Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
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quote:Originally posted by elizabethN: come on people get over yourselfs. I cannot speak for all american men nor can you speak for all egyptian men. Some men just don't really care what their family thinks. They go for their happiness. To live your life for your family is barberic in 2008. I think it's sad, some of your comments about older women with younger men. None of you say anything about these old farts with young women. If it's not 4 you then ok. Don't critizie other people's relationships. This trend has been going on for years now and is not gonna go away. If the two people are happy and love each other then what is wrong? The divorce rate is rising in Egypt and almost as high as the United States right now. So with all those egyptian men marrying their princes Jasmine's and giving them families, guess what! They are still divorcing. Having children in a marriage does not keep the marriage together. My husband has a son, I have 2 daughters. We are happy with what we have and want to spend our time together traveling. We leave it in the hands of god whether we will have a child together or not. Please, don't forget some of you have friends here that are married to younger men. Be sensitive to their feelings. They love their husbands and I am sure it hurts them to read some of these remarks by their so called "friends"s
I apologize up front if I said anything hurtful. I only stated that it's not for me but if it works for others then good for them. I feel the same way about older men with much younger women.
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i dont disrespect noone for this cant have kids issue!!! it was just a simple question!!!what if???? i was curious as to see what they felt on this issue!!!
-------------------- your ass is so tight when you fart only a dog can hear it.when you queef only a cat can hear that one. Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
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cheezy, I too have an aunt and uncle that never could have kids. i know in the beginning it bothered them as my mum told me, but they never thought of divorcing, they have been married now over 50 years.
Hubby has told me of many more couples, Egyptians and mixed, who dont have kids and are still happily married and never thought of taking another wife.
I dont get hurt or offended by the comments here as I know my husband, but it is something that must be discussed if anyone is thinking of marrying an Egyptian man that is not already married with children by his Egyptian wife. If he is already married and has children then you should be asking why is he wanting to marry you of course!
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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Divorce in Egypt every six minutes Written by Egypt News Wednesday, 21 November 2007 The Egyptian state-run statistics bureau announced on Tuesday that a couple files for divorce every six minutes in Egypt, with a third of marriages breaking up in the first year According to the ُEgyptian Central Agency for Public Mobilization and Statistics courts across Egypt rule on 240 divorces each day. In most cases men take the initiative to file for divorce since under Muslim sharia law they are allowed to seek unrestricted legal separation from their spouses while women must face long court procedures. In line with sharia, men do not need to go to court to file for divorce and can take up to four wives. Egypt, home to 76 million people, now has 2.5 million divorced women.
Posts: 1369 | From: California | Registered: Aug 2007
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Look, it is a generalization, I'm sure every woman here who is married to a much younger man who claims he wants no children is in the tiny percentile. Time will tell for that, for now you cannot know truly. It can happen, yes, but statistically you have to do the math and be sensible. I'm not talking about the women already married but to the women considering marriage. I'm simply trying to help.
-------------------- MEOW Posts: 412 | From: protectress of Lower Egypt | Registered: Aug 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Bastet*Loves*Ptah: Look, it is a generalization, I'm sure every woman here who is married to a much younger man who claims he wants no children is in the tiny percentile. Time will tell for that, for now you cannot know truly. It can happen, yes, but statistically you have to do the math and be sensible. I'm not talking about the women already married but to the women considering marriage. I'm simply trying to help.
They don't want to hear it, I am sure their own family members have tried too.
Posts: 1455 | From: debtville | Registered: Dec 2007
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I agree bastet and hopefully it will help some, whether they think about it or not at least they have been made aware.
I do know some women that have been told by their husbands that they wanted no kids in the beginning and a few years down the line, green card or brit passport in hand, they have changed their minds. These women then have a choice to make regarding divorcing him or agreeing to an Egyptian wife.
What annoys me most in all this is that the Egyptian woman is seen as a baby factory and nothing more.
I know of Egyptian couples that have married the 'usual' way, arranged and agreed on by the families, and the poor woman is stuck at home with kids while he is off 'doing his thing' with God knows who and as long as he brings home the money, however he gets it, then shes considered 'happy'. I also know of other Egyptian couples who have gone through hell and had family fights to marry who they wanted to marry for love, my sister in law being one of those, which caused my husbands father to leave when my husbands younger brother and sister were small babies! Hence my husband had no pressure from family to marry of family choice, he has always been told to marry for love whoever he chose to marry.
It is the same in any part of the world though. A man and woman marry and they dont know if they can have children or not until they try. If pressure is put on this single thing then it can cause the end of the marriage, as can having children also. Having a child does not give you immediate guarantees you will stay together, even in Egypt.
One problem here is that many men still see it as the womans fault if there are no babies, only educated ones will think of the possibility that it could be him. In the same way there are still men here that blame the woman for having all girls instead of boys, which we know that is the mans part and not the womans.
The only way a woman can judge her man is by talking to him, finding out what he thinks about certain things and his level of education...and we all know education does not necessarily mean school as most of our education can come from listening and taking note in life itself.
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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Think a lot of what's possibly is going to happen, depends on the educational level/social status of the man in question. In every social class in Egypt people prefer their parents should approve their marriage, I don't think this is very different as we know it in Western countries. The life what a futurious wife should going to have can easily be found in the kind of lifes the female relatives of her husband's family are having. Not exactly the same, because she is Western and Egyptians won't expect the same from her as they should expect from a Egyptian woman...but quite the same, social class, living circumstances, having a job or not, etc. Also in higher Egyptian classes I've seen a lot of troubled marriages, lots of divorces, and in average lots of problems. I've seen marriages where parents did not agree, I've seen marriages with agreements of the family. But really happy marriages... not that much."I've seen the attitude Ayisha has described, where the incoming money is used as a kind of sweetener for the sour in that marriage, or just simply the only possibility to offer their kids a high class education, a fancy appartment in a fancy neighbourhood, and from the other side I've seen men became frustrated because they felt like a money-machine and didn't get the intimacy that they needed in a marriage. Only for the children they stay a couple... Just like this happens in our society... This is all about Egyptian couples.
What I've seen in mixed couples is worse. If you'll ask me this is only because the male part of such a couple, almost always is quite a chanceless type. He has no futurious prospects, not a good job, his family is from a low class, so they can't offer him opportunities, and most important of all: he is not satisfied with his futurious prospects. He has no thoughts about personal efforts or investments to work for it, and he seeks the easy way to get money. And also this is not unusual in our society, we all know men living on the edge of what is allowed and what isn't to make lots of money for less work, the swindlers, the drugdealers, the pimps, the ones who do trading in small goods that make big money. It isn't that different! They all have no chance to marry an Egyptian woman, because they don't have the money, they don't have the good mentality, they don't want to work. So, the easiest way is a foreign woman.
In fact I should advice all women with amrriage plans to ask Egyptian families to their opinion about their fiturious husband. The problem is most women don't know them. ( and the men are fully aware of that!)
Of course all men are different, and one family isn't like the other family. Of course Egyptian marriages can also fail, they do, and on large scale! But, they are able to build in their escapes. To make it difficult for the man to swindle and lie, without feeling the consequences. And she has her family behind her...
All women here, with their Egyptian boyfriends, with marriageplans, they all can tell us what is was really like, after years of marriage. Time will tell them if they were right or just na-ive.
We cannot tell them either. It is like jumping into a swimmingpool while you cant swim. He can! Does he resque you? I hope he will, but he has to swim for a long time and he is not a that good swimmer...
A man is a man, in Egypt, in the United States, in Europe, on the North-Pole. World-wide we use certain standards, about what's normal and what isn't and world-wide there are a few exceptions, the black sheep and the loners, who are different as average. I hope yóu all won't get that black sheep. Daring to be different is also a quality...
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Rumicrazieluv: So out of curiosity what happens when the man marries a woman who is still able to bear children, egyptian woman also, but they are barren or they are struck with endometriosis or some other female ailment that results in an emergency hysterectomy??? Are you saying that these egyptian woman who get married and have these problems will be turned out by the husband?? What happens if the Man turns out to be sterile???
Look how many thousands of couples each year are unable to bear children, not just western culture. What happens then after years of trying they cannot have a baby???
By co-incedence I met such example. It IS a reason for divorce, people would understand. But; isn't this also in the US? In Europe I know similar examples, where a marriage ended in a divorce because one of two insisted in having children. Think we must not forget that we're talking about relationships in common, and not every relationship is in such state that they can bare every problem or developments...
Sure I know it happens in the states, My own brother got divorced because of this. Not because he wanted children, but because she did. My brother NEVER wanted children, he barely likes mine or my sisters, strange kids forget it. She agreed when they got married that they were not going to have children and after 10 yrs when she turned 32, she decided she wanted kids so she figured she could talk my brother into it. She then even tried to trick him, needless to say she is now my ex-sister-in-law. He is now married to a women that has absolutely no maternal instict and looks at kids like they are space aliens. The only person she is not cold with is my brother.They both are very selfish and do not have a lifestyle that would ever have space for a child.
So not everyone does want children,and believe me I tried to talk to my brother about at least having one child, my father was upset because between him and my uncle, my brother is the only son to carry on the "family name". He would not budge though. In a way I admire this because there are too many children in this world with parents that should have never been parents, at least he knew that he could never handle one.
I really want to hear from the egyptian women on the board like BLP, Almaz, and MK. Im really curious as to how they are viewed from their point of view if they have medical issues that prevent them from having a child. Say after 10 yrs of trying you still are not able to reproduce, you dearly love your husband after this time and he dearly loves you. Would an egyptian woman divorce a man she loved if say he was found to be the problem??Would a man really choose to divorce his egyptian wife after loving her so much just because she cannot have children due to a medical emergency?? If she had uteran cancer or some other horrible thing happen that she lost her uterus in order to save her life,is your culture really that shallow and ignorant that the family would encourage divorce if one or the other could not reproduce???If they are truly practicing muslims, would they not see this as ALLAHS will and they must accept??? If children are so important to the egyptian culture then why are there so many orphanages and street children??? Why in a culture that the majority is poverty stricken would they continue to have children they cannot feed or give decent shelter too??
Posts: 1121 | From: Too crazy to look at a freakin map to find out.. | Registered: Sep 2006
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Actualy a man is a man is not correct. cultural norms influence people enourmously. If a culture and a religion are heavily in favour of children then you have to take this into account
You do not have to divorce, under Islam, in these circumstances, that is it's beauty IMHO
Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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Well, adoption is rather impossible in Egypt. It is because the religious meaning behind a familyname, but I'm not well informed enough to explain that, maybe Misho can do this. There are indeed a lot of streetchildren, but not all are orphans. A lot are just children of anti-social families and their parents don't want to work...
About the couples that want children and are not able to get them... in fact it's just as in our society. If the love is big enough, every problem can be conquered, also this problem. It IS a reason for divorce, nobody would be surprised, but there still are couples that love each other dearly, and are able to work this out together.
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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I can't have children, other half knew this when we were just friends. Things moved on into a relationship despite this.
Posts: 4476 | From: Scotland | Registered: Mar 2006
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I think Rumi has a very valid point about all the street children in Cairo, if children are so important, why are so many in the situation they are in, it's heartbreaking knowing they are scaveging to keep alive.
Posts: 4476 | From: Scotland | Registered: Mar 2006
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quote: What annoys me most in all this is that the Egyptian woman is seen as a baby factory and nothing more.
Actually Ayisha, not just men see this. Look at the majority of woman and what they posted here. They unconsciously look at the woman who cannot have children or choose not to have children as less of a woman....
Posts: 1121 | From: Too crazy to look at a freakin map to find out.. | Registered: Sep 2006
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Once again Rumi, you are so right. You are seen as not part of the norm, because of this. I should not be made to feel less of a woman because of my situation. Most of my friends are in the same situation, through choice or because they couldn't have children or as I said in an earlier post, their partners didn't want children and they had to choose. So I don't feel a wanting. Having children is not a god given right even though in this country it is now seen as that.
Posts: 4476 | From: Scotland | Registered: Mar 2006
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quote: What annoys me most in all this is that the Egyptian woman is seen as a baby factory and nothing more.
Actually Ayisha, not just men see this. Look at the majority of woman and what they posted here. They unconsciously look at the woman who cannot have children or choose not to have children as less of a woman....
It's not a matter of being less a woman or not... It's about expectations from the average men and the families! And the importance of the families opinion in a marriage...
Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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quote: What annoys me most in all this is that the Egyptian woman is seen as a baby factory and nothing more.
Actually Ayisha, not just men see this. Look at the majority of woman and what they posted here. They unconsciously look at the woman who cannot have children or choose not to have children as less of a woman....
I know something about it (not necessarily from this site - from my own experience), though it was just a matter of circumstances in my case.
Posts: 2807 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2007
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quote: What annoys me most in all this is that the Egyptian woman is seen as a baby factory and nothing more.
Actually Ayisha, not just men see this. Look at the majority of woman and what they posted here. They unconsciously look at the woman who cannot have children or choose not to have children as less of a woman....
it wasn't by the men I was thinking rumi
Its not so much less of a woman, more of a defective one. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote: What annoys me most in all this is that the Egyptian woman is seen as a baby factory and nothing more.
Actually Ayisha, not just men see this. Look at the majority of woman and what they posted here. They unconsciously look at the woman who cannot have children or choose not to have children as less of a woman....
it wasn't by the men I was thinking rumi
Its not so much less of a woman, more of a defective one.
So what about defective men??? I think we should look at this issue also. Im still hoping that I can get an egyptian woman's perspective on this, its very interesting. I already know an egyptian mans perspective on this and the western women who are all so knowing on here have already voiced their opinions. Im only 39 but IMO a woman that can get some young booty in their late forties, early fifties gets a "you go girl high five "from rumi
Who are we to judge,crap I work with a woman in her late 40's who looks like a damn 20 yr old!! Her bf of 5 yrs is a 33 yr old Hot MD who bought her a mercedes ,lol!!Big time jealousy amongst the women, they talk so much crap about her it's not even funny.I always look at them and say " Don't be a hater baby, who's got the hotty and how many of you go home to fat old men who sit their disgusting large asses on the couch watching nascar and swilling beer".. Never mind asking them the last time they had some mind blowing sex They don't like me too much,lol.
Posts: 1121 | From: Too crazy to look at a freakin map to find out.. | Registered: Sep 2006
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-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Rumicrazieluv: So what about defective men??? I think we should look at this issue also. Im still hoping that I can get an egyptian woman's perspective on this, its very interesting. I already know an egyptian mans perspective on this and the western women who are all so knowing on here have already voiced their opinions. Im only 39 but IMO a woman that can get some young booty in their late forties, early fifties gets a "you go girl high five "from rumi
Who are we to judge,crap I work with a woman in her late 40's who looks like a damn 20 yr old!! Her bf of 5 yrs is a 33 yr old Hot MD who bought her a mercedes ,lol!!Big time jealousy amongst the women, they talk so much crap about her it's not even funny.I always look at them and say " Don't be a hater baby, who's got the hotty and how many of you go home to fat old men who sit their disgusting large asses on the couch watching nascar and swilling beer".. Never mind asking them the last time they had some mind blowing sex They don't like me too much,lol.
I completely agree with the 'swilling beer' part. Posts: 2807 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2007
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hey Rumi, Believe me some don't care for kids as long as there is love, and some would divorce because a spouse can't have kids - under pressure from the family, or because they would prefer to have a child and would even go to the extend of looking for a divorced woman or young widow, that already has a child - as a proof she can have babies - and some would even adopt to keep the marriage going, although adoption does not give the child inheritance rights etc.. and some would make a surrogate deal believe it or not...plenty of options, plenty of different reactions, and yes it is a fact that MOST Egyptian families are anxious for their children to have a baby, and pressure the couple.
As per the young man/ older woman syndrome it also exists in Egypt between Egyptians..was no very common but lately it started to be a new trend with divorced women marrying younger men. Let's remember that it is usually women in their forties with men in their thirties - like a 10 year difference.
The conventional/traditional marriage is still alive but everything else is there too. Trust me.
Posts: 919 | Registered: Aug 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Almaz.: hey Rumi, Believe me some don't care for kids as long as there is love, and some would divorce because a spouse can't have kids - under pressure from the family, or because they would prefer to have a child and would even go to the extend of looking for a divorced woman or young widow, that already has a child - as a proof she can have babies - and some would even adopt to keep the marriage going, although adoption does not give the child inheritance rights etc.. and some would make a surrogate deal believe it or not...plenty of options, plenty of different reactions, and yes it is a fact that MOST Egyptian families are anxious for their children to have a baby, and pressure the couple.
As per the young man/ older woman syndrome it also exists in Egypt between Egyptians..was no very common but lately it started to be a new trend with divorced women marrying younger men. Let's remember that it is usually women in their forties with men in their thirties - like a 10 year difference.
The conventional/traditional marriage is still alive but everything else is there too. Trust me.
Thank you almaz. Im glad for your input Posts: 1121 | From: Too crazy to look at a freakin map to find out.. | Registered: Sep 2006
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posted
Yes Almaz is correct, it does exist in Egypt and there are usually other factors involved. I agree women are often seen as the baby-making machines and nothing more. It is a sad thing that many view the woman as nothing more but there are many who view the woman much differently. I know of Egyptian couples who were unable to have children who did stay together and the man did not remarry. I know Egyptian couples where the babies never came and they did test both the husband and wife and it was the husband who could not reproduce.
It also depends on the level of education as someone said above, but not always. Many times the pressure from the families is extraordinary and in the end there can be many factors of why divorce happens.
I believe there is no perfect formula when it comes to marriage between Egyptians/foreigners. I do know of an Egyptian man who married an older foreign woman, they never had children and they stayed together and he never remarried (now married 25+ years). But that is the difference. What I said above about time will tell is the definition of success. It is difficult to gauge success when you have only been married a couple of years and you are the older woman, time is the proof in this. On the otherside there is no guarantee in life and we all go with our instincts in life, marriage, career, education, friendships. In the end you have to simply make the best choice, the most informed choice and go into the marriage with your feet firmly planted on the ground. Having the information about what to expect, what to look out for, the differences in culture between the men in your own country and the men here, these are things you can use as tools to aid you but nothing more. No situation is exactly the same as the other but the danger is that is exactly what the men here are hoping you think. Egyptians know this and they know you think differently. A real marriage is based on respect, admiration, responsibility, both people having the same goals for their futures and not on constant romance and sweet words (as I see often the foreign women get swept up in). Seems to me many foreign women here married to Egyptian men are in good situations (so far), so just always keep focused on the responsibility and respect part when it comes to the man, that's all.
As for the women considering marriage to an Egyptian man, yes there are many wonderful and caring Egyptian men out there who would love to marry a foreigner and do right by her and get the benefit of perhaps leaving his country one day. Nothing wrong with that if he is honest in it! However if you are much older than he you should be advised to enter cautiously. It isn't an impossible union as you see some here in relationships with younger men where it works but have it known it is a rareity. Also, by much older, I'm talking about women who are old enough to be the mother to the man. 5-10 years does not fall into this category. If you are in this category, then chances are you can still have chidren and there is no issue.
-------------------- MEOW Posts: 412 | From: protectress of Lower Egypt | Registered: Aug 2007
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I am with you Rumi...if you can get a gorgeous young man who loves you late 40's, early 50's than anything else another woman says will be out of pure jealousy. Also if I had a son who was in his 20's and he brought home an older woman the only thing I would care about was whether or not he was treated well and loved. Nothing else really matters. Same age marriages break down everyday at a rate of between 50 - 60% in North America...maybe a younger man and an older woman is a better match...only time will tell.
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