posted
I do not see myself as a trophy anything. Anyone that knows me knows that i do not think i am better than anyone. Sure i may feel i deserve better than i have gotten or that i deserve certain things but we all think we each deserve. I dont do bad things to anyone therefore of course i feel i deserve better than i have been done. I am not perfect and I know that and i say it quite often, but i am not horrible either. I do the best i can to be the best person i can and to treat others with kindness and respect, even if i cant stand them. There is nothing wrong in knowing that I was a good wife and what was done to me was wrong. That doesnt mean that i think i am some trophy anything as you want to say.
posted
Well, I will say first that I don't think you're a horrible person MH, but very misguided and doing wrong by your children. But, you have made your decisions and it's clear you don't listen to anyone who tries to help you or give you advice anyway, so I guess... good luck?
(btw, you were never a wife, I don't believe anyone is a wife or husband until they live together and have a life together, pay bills, unstop toilets, create savings and budget, deal with inlaws and argue over who will take the trash out this time...anything else is a long distance romance where you two happened to sign a piece of paper saying you would eventually live together and do all of the above stated things~)
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by mysticheart: I do not see myself as a trophy anything. Anyone that knows me knows that i do not think i am better than anyone. Sure i may feel i deserve better than i have gotten or that i deserve certain things but we all think we each deserve. I dont do bad things to anyone therefore of course i feel i deserve better than i have been done. I am not perfect and I know that and i say it quite often, but i am not horrible either. I do the best i can to be the best person i can and to treat others with kindness and respect, even if i cant stand them. There is nothing wrong in knowing that I was a good wife and what was done to me was wrong. That doesnt mean that i think i am some trophy anything as you want to say.
You are making your own choices in life, MH, and you have to take responsebility for the choices you have made. Untill now you're choices turned out completely wrong, in spite of the fact that you have been warned and adviced by people you know, and total strangers. But, this doesn't have had any influence on the decisions that you have made. Anyone who disagrees is wrong in your opinion, and even your own family has been putted away on distance, because they disgreed to much. So, it's obvious you will not take any advice, and make your own decision. (again) You have every right to do so, because that is what it means to live in a free country. I only wonder what your children will say about you, when they are adult... I wonder how they will think about marriage and relationships. About trust, faith, and caring & sharing. About for better and for worse. About forgiving. About understanding. About a whole lot of things more, that make a relationship as it should be...
Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
My statement of being a wife was meant for both marriages. The first marriage was of 13 years and i wasnt treated as i should have been then either, unless you count being lied to and cheated on as what i should have been done. And with the second i refer to the times i was in person with him there.
????? I put my family at a distance at that time not because they were disagreeing but because they were only telling me how horrible he was to do that to me and how he needed to be hung or shot or other things of that nature, they were only trying to feed me hate towards him and i had enough of my own to deal with. I didnt want to hate anyone or hold anything bad like that so i said enough, i didnt want to hear anymore. Now, my family and I have alot of contact for a couple months now. I told them about the new one immediately after he came to see me for the first time, they took interest in him. I have kept them informed of everything and asked for their opinion and advice in this, they are all very supportive of this marriage, especially my mother, she thinks that marrying him is the best thing i can do as she has seen how much time and interest he is showing. Mom also spoke to him on the phone regarding our relationship, she told him that she welcomes him to our family and wishes us all the best but.. if he hurts me she will remove his head. I almost choked to death when she said that but he just laughed and told her not to worry at all, I am his princess and will be treated as such. So all of my family is agreeing to this and that was part of why i made the decision to marry him, they werent quite so supportive or happy about my previous marriage.
posted
This is the last thing I'm going to say and then I'm done. Obviously you have chosen to marry in 2 days, and you aren't likely the sort of girl to change your mind last minute...that's just so not you. The way you are marrying, for financial reasons, is the way many women in this part of the world marry. They do it because THEY HAVE TO...mostly. I'm sure if they had their way, they would want to marry for love, for tenderness and affection. Many women in America suffered and fought for the freedoms we have in the states now as women and you are standing on their shoulders. They must be turning over in their graves that you choose (still) to marry in such a way when YOU DON'T HAVE TO. Then again, freedoms do mean that you are 'free' to choose whatever lifestyle you want...even if it does affect your children (no matter what you try to rationalize). It's just too bad you don't come and speak to some women who were married in loveless marriages who didn't have many other options and look into their eyes. You might think differently.
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
All I understand is, this marriage was only done for financial reasons for her. There are emergencies like repairing house or paying bills I guess. And yes he may love her or carry of her but I think marrying to a white-blue eyed, beautiful American woman means a lot for a yellow-race living in America. And her being a Muslim is like a bonus for him.
When you were happy with Momen you stopped coming to this site MH. But I think you feel in need of visiting and posting here when you are unhappy and maybe when you need to persuade yourself about your decisions. As far as I understand from your posts to other sections like living in Egypt, you still miss Cairo, your days with him and even that semi-authomatic washing machine very much.
All of us, including you, know that this marriage will be finished in few years.
But I really wish I m wrong and wish you a long happy life with your family.
Posts: 2591 | From: **Ex Oriente Lux** | Registered: Jan 2007
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Shahrazat: All I understand is, this marriage was only done for financial reasons for her. There are emergencies like repairing house or paying bills I guess. And yes he may love her or carry of her but I think marrying to a white-blue eyed, beautiful American woman means a lot for a yellow-race living in America. And her being a Muslim is like a bonus for him.
When you were happy with Momen you stopped coming to this site MH. But I think you feel in need of visiting and posting here when you are unhappy and maybe when you need to persuade yourself about your decisions. As far as I understand from your posts to other sections like living in Egypt, you still miss Cairo, your days with him and even that semi-authomatic washing machine very much.
All of us, including you, know that this marriage will be finished in few years.
But I really wish I m wrong and wish you a long happy life with your family.
The real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money.
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
| IP: Logged |
*throws her blanket again over her head and goes back to hibernation until the next MH chapter,the big Javanese deception*
Posts: 3833 | From: here,there,everywhere | Registered: Nov 2007
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by With a name like Smuckers: Ok, I'm curious, what exactly does Javanese mean?
From the island of Java,Smuckers.It´s part of the Indonesian archipielago in the Pacific ocean.
Posts: 3833 | From: here,there,everywhere | Registered: Nov 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Shahrazat: [QB] All I understand is, this marriage was only done for financial reasons for her. There are emergencies like repairing house or paying bills I guess. And yes he may love her or carry of her but I think marrying to a white blue-eyed, beautiful american woman means a lot for a yellow-race living in American . And her being a Muslim is like a bonus for him.
iam not judging your intentions with your phrase but this is not the best i read in a long time..Sorry but had to stop over this sentence..It sort of provoked me a little..Again no hard feelings or misjudgment, just had to note it down
Posts: 689 | From: Miami Beach, FL | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Well you need to read more this site if you want to be provoked.
I think you are living in the USA. But my parents also lived in Chicago for long years and I wrote this according to some things that my father told and my own experiences Because of not being a native-speaker it may seem severe as I wrote straight. I m not racist or anything else but this is what I think, right or wrong .... Sorry Posts: 2591 | From: **Ex Oriente Lux** | Registered: Jan 2007
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Shahrazat: Well you need to read more this site if you want to be provoked .
I think you are living in the USA. But my parents also lived in Chicago for long years and I wrote this according to some things that my father told and my own experiences Because of not being a native-speaker it may seem severe as I wrote straight. I m not racist or anything else but this is what I think, right or wrong .... Sorry
i didnt judge you being a racist or not and doesnt matter too if ur racist or not..Just i came across a phrase which didnt make me feel comfortable..
You could be right about your experience and your parents O'harre experience too but i just commented on the phrasing of your text not the context..sorry Posts: 689 | From: Miami Beach, FL | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Shahrazat: Well you need to read more this site if you want to be provoked .
I think you are living in the USA. But my parents also lived in Chicago for long years and I wrote this according to some things that my father told and my own experiences Because of not being a native-speaker it may seem severe as I wrote straight. I m not racist or anything else but this is what I think, right or wrong .... Sorry
i didnt judge you being a racist or not and doesnt matter too if ur racist or not..Just i came across a phrase which didnt make me feel comfortable..
You could be right about your experience and your parents O'harre experience too but i just commented on the phrasing of your text not the context..sorry
ES is a loadfull of things that make all of us uncomfy.Even some nicks/people/members. But then *sigh* this is most what ES is all about.
Welcome to the online world of the bizarre....Egyptian style bizarre! Posts: 3833 | From: here,there,everywhere | Registered: Nov 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
Okey, I m not a stubborn person and if somebody says it was wrong what you said, well always appreciate others point of view . . . But I think like that.... Posts: 2591 | From: **Ex Oriente Lux** | Registered: Jan 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
The way to express things are not just language, they could be cultural, or even geographical differing. I didn't forget the whole board fell over me because I named a negroid man a nigger, and it wasn't even in racist context. In my language it isn't an insult, it isn't discrimination, it is just a name for a certain race.
We don't name it yellow-race but mongoloid race, and at the same time somebody with Down's syndrome is also called mongoloid...
So, if somebody uses a word that sounds wrong to your ears, it does not necesarrely have to have the same intention as which you think it has...
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
If you read my message very well you'll find i never judged any intentions and i know shahrazat through her postings is very responsible and with a philosophy in life and i admit i learn from some of her posts..
Besides anyone has a way of expresion that i absolutely understand is different and i have some arab friends who by nature called black people " 3abid..the arabic for slaves" and its no intention but a cultural tongue fall..
My concern is about the stratification made for those who can understand....thats all and again Shahrazat ur great and khalas we'r done talking about this ..No MORE
Posts: 689 | From: Miami Beach, FL | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
<btw, you were never a wife, I don't believe anyone is a wife or husband until they live together and have a life together, pay bills, unstop toilets, create savings and budget, deal with inlaws and argue over who will take the trash out this time...anything else is a long distance romance where you two happened to sign a piece of paper saying you would eventually live together and do all of the above stated things~) >
Absolutely,more than sex and oh-i-miss-you-baby,marriage life is about this.Period. Posts: 3833 | From: here,there,everywhere | Registered: Nov 2007
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by EgyptianDoc77: If you read my message very well you'll find i never judged any intentions and i know shahrazat through her postings is very responsible and with a philosophy in life and i admit i learn from some of her posts..
Besides anyone has a way of expresion that i absolutely understand is different and i have some arab friends who by nature called black people " 3abid..the arabic for slaves" and its no intention but a cultural tongue fall..
My concern is about the stratification made for those who can understand....thats all and again Shahrazat ur great and khalas we'r done talking about this ..No MORE
Okay Doc, clear! Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by LaZeeZ: When you advise someone and then you humilate them for not taking your advice, doesn't it mean that your care about the value of you opinion more than you care about them?
Bitches?
possibly or not depending on your definition of bitch :
Now if a woman just came on here asking for advice and didn't take it, well why would someone be mad??? Now, if a woman keeps coming on posting over and over again the same nonsense looking for what she wants to hear, well why should I tell her what she wants to hear if it is not what I believe . If she keeps coming and posting after many people have told her they don't want to hear it anymore than Im pretty sure we have a right to be "bitchy" and tell her what we think, isn't that right??
Yes a forum is for asking advice, telling a story, letting it all out sometimes, wanting support is definitely part of it. However, we also have a right to not want to deal with drama llamas looking for attention.
On that note, it sure is nice to see you again Lazeez, you've been missed.
Hey Rumi, here is actually more like what I had in mind when I said Bitches :
Well, If what you think of her is true then she probably sank already and need no more push.
Perhaps pity is the right thing?
I kinda get the feelings that some people here are hoping things get worse for her because of her taking a direction they are annoyed with. This was why I said my initial comment.
Anyway, in a serious note, I like to take the side of weak women. it's always a good opportunity for me.
I will go check my PM box now.
Love the Pic, what a riot,LOL. Its ok Lazeez, most men love the damsel in distress act until they realize ms damsel-in-distress turns into Pyscho-Stalker-From-Hell!!
Posts: 1121 | From: Too crazy to look at a freakin map to find out.. | Registered: Sep 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
Marriage has taken place, things going well. Kids love being around him. He and they are very happy, I guess thats about all i will say about it.
quote:Originally posted by mysticheart: Marriage has taken place, things going well. Kids love being around him. He and they are very happy, I guess thats about all i will say about it.
Who asked you????? Posts: 3833 | From: here,there,everywhere | Registered: Nov 2007
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by With a name like Smuckers: First time I ever heard someone announce their wedding and heard it like that.
Yeah,Smuckers....something along the line of "the damage has been done....." Posts: 3833 | From: here,there,everywhere | Registered: Nov 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
i'd be really concerned about bringing a man you hardly know - off the internet - into a home with kids ..........
Posts: 712 | Registered: Apr 2008
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Mrs.: Wow this thread was great reading, I missed you guys.
This is why I cannot stay away, Alchemist, Smuckers, Sashyra you are so quick witted and crack me up.
AND intelligent too! I'm in love with you all - marry me, except i'm a woman too, minor problem, oh and already married, but hey, I still love ya
So Mystic married, darn it I forgot to buy a hat in Egypt, oh well, que sera sera
Thanks for your kind words,Mrs.Being called intelligent is one of the best compliments ever!We sure have missed you,too,but it´s sure healthy to take a time off this freakhouse every once in a while just for the sake of sanity. Continue enjoying your still fresh Egypt memories Posts: 3833 | From: here,there,everywhere | Registered: Nov 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
Children are happy and he treats them very well, perhaps too well because he says yes to things i would say no too, but, I have to learn to adjust the house rules to his rules as well as mine. I need some time to adjust to shifting from friends to wife role(lovers). A bit strange but not impossible at least and making this transition shouldnt be difficult as after the past few days the family should be started, guess i will know by the end of the month. Took him to airport today to return back home and the children and i will travel to him in 18 days for our religious ceremony and wedding party, with his final move to here being in september after his work has had time to train someone to take over his place and he has made all necessary preparations. Repairs to the house are still underway, but nearly finished, new laminate floor in living room, new floor in kitchen and laundry along with new vinyl floor, new carpet in dining but still waiting on kitchen cabinets and new countertop and sink to be installed... All in all things are going well. Most important was that he and the children were happy with the arrangement.
quote:Originally posted by mysticheart: Children are happy and he treats them very well, perhaps too well because he says yes to things i would say no too, but, I have to learn to adjust the house rules to his rules as well as mine. I need some time to adjust to shifting from friends to wife role(lovers). A bit strange but not impossible at least and making this transition shouldnt be difficult as after the past few days the family should be started, guess i will know by the end of the month. Took him to airport today to return back home and the children and i will travel to him in 18 days for our religious ceremony and wedding party, with his final move to here being in september after his work has had time to train someone to take over his place and he has made all necessary preparations. Repairs to the house are still underway, but nearly finished, new laminate floor in living room, new floor in kitchen and laundry along with new vinyl floor, new carpet in dining but still waiting on kitchen cabinets and new countertop and sink to be installed... All in all things are going well. Most important was that he and the children were happy with the arrangement.
Bravo ya 7aggah!
Posts: 919 | Registered: Aug 2007
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by mysticheart: Children are happy and he treats them very well, perhaps too well because he says yes to things i would say no too, but, I have to learn to adjust the house rules to his rules as well as mine. I need some time to adjust to shifting from friends to wife role(lovers). A bit strange but not impossible at least and making this transition shouldnt be difficult as after the past few days the family should be started, guess i will know by the end of the month. Took him to airport today to return back home and the children and i will travel to him in 18 days for our religious ceremony and wedding party, with his final move to here being in september after his work has had time to train someone to take over his place and he has made all necessary preparations. Repairs to the house are still underway, but nearly finished, new laminate floor in living room, new floor in kitchen and laundry along with new vinyl floor, new carpet in dining but still waiting on kitchen cabinets and new countertop and sink to be installed... All in all things are going well. Most important was that he and the children were happy with the arrangement.
Bravo ya 7aggah!
LOLLOLLOL
But yeah, who the hell is this ho talking to anyway ?
Posts: 6335 | From: Straight to my heart. | Registered: Sep 2007
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by mysticheart: Children are happy and he treats them very well, perhaps too well because he says yes to things i would say no too, but, I have to learn to adjust the house rules to his rules as well as mine. I need some time to adjust to shifting from friends to wife role(lovers). A bit strange but not impossible at least and making this transition shouldnt be difficult as after the past few days the family should be started, guess i will know by the end of the month. Took him to airport today to return back home and the children and i will travel to him in 18 days for our religious ceremony and wedding party, with his final move to here being in september after his work has had time to train someone to take over his place and he has made all necessary preparations. Repairs to the house are still underway, but nearly finished, new laminate floor in living room, new floor in kitchen and laundry along with new vinyl floor, new carpet in dining but still waiting on kitchen cabinets and new countertop and sink to be installed... All in all things are going well. Most important was that he and the children were happy with the arrangement.
Bravo ya 7aggah!
LOLLOLLOL
But yeah, who the hell is this ho talking to anyway ?
واحد بسكوته .... كوته زعلت منه
Posts: 919 | Registered: Aug 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
MH I have always read that psychologically you shouldn't allow a step parent to discipline or make rules for children over the age of 3 or 4 years old. Why? Because they will see him as the authoritarian who comes in and starts to change things. YOU are their parent and so it is YOU who should lay the ground rules. IF your new husband thinks things should change, he should tell you IN PRIVATE and you should introduce the new rule(s) the kids if you approve them.
Otherwise they will resent him and see you as less in control. It only seems like everything is rosy now because you just married a few hours ago, but once they start to see he's going to be making rules and disciplines them, that's going to change. I don't konw why you would even allow somone to make rules for your kids when he doesn't even live with you, but whatever. Do you really think he has the better interests of your children in mind than you do? If not, then why the necessity for new rules?
I'm just telling you as a warning that I have heard that psychologists have always said that the new step parent should take a back seat to hands on parenting and let the birth parent be the one in charge. It's bad enough they don't even really know him, but to now have him making decisions for them, you might get yourself and THEM (which is the most important thing) in a position of feeling like they have to answer to this man they didn't choose.
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
Oh come on, you can't choose your own biological parents either and I know many kids would love to do just that (well at least at some point)! Give this guy some credit. Matter of fact is if he's not involved in raising the children they won't respect him at all and crawl over his back as they like. So he needs to become a point of authority for them.
And he's obviously very sincere about MH, he's responsible and there is nothing wrong in showing an interest and giving a helping hand in raising the children which after the marriage will also become his children (although I believe two of them are already teenagers so it should be quite interesting to see how this will work out). Anyway this new family needs bonding time and hopefully everything will work out well.
Tonya, good luck with your new marriage (I wish you so much you'll be finally happy in life) and please please do not write all the little details of your new life here on this forum. Please respect your own and your family's privacy.
All the best.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Step parenting is difficult, but studies have shown clearly that when a step parent comes in to try to be a surrogate parent the children end up resenting him and the birth parent for allowing it. I don't think he isn't sincere, but sometimes people's intentions are far different from what they end up accomplishing. If anything, perhaps MH can READ up on this and make her own decisions and best judgement.
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
Parenting is already difficult so surely I don't wanna be in his shoes. I just think with the right attitude and efforts on both sides, mutual understanding and time this new family will accomplish to grow close together.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Tigerlily: Parenting is already difficult so surely I don't wanna be in his shoes. I just think with the right attitude and efforts on both sides, mutual understanding and time this new family will accomplish to grow close together.
Oh for sure, and hopefully that will be the case. I do think the kids have probably already been through a lot already so I hope things work out.
But this is the part that bothered me in what she said:
quote: Children are happy and he treats them very well, perhaps too well because he says yes to things i would say no too, but, I have to learn to adjust the house rules to his rules as well as mine.
It's already setting up to be difficult as she has always said yes to some things and he is coming in and NOW saying no, even he hasn't moved in as the new husband/step father. He sounds like he might be trying to 'win them over' by saying yes and this is going to contradict her as their mother and threaten her role as the major caregiver for most of their lives so far. I would have the same issues if a grandparent did this, as it confuses the child and puts in jeopardy the role of the parent to the child.
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
Oh actually I thought he is eager to bring more tougher rules into the household. Well yes I agree they both need to agree on certain things to avoid complications within the family.
I still have sometimes probs with my hubby as he's the more relaxed one and he always tells me he feels guilty of not seeing our kids enough so he's trying to spoil them while he's home. And yes some of the stuff is good while other is not. Yesterday f.e. he took them swimming and to Pizza Hut which was great. But I really hate it when he's giving them chocolates behind my back - but I always have at least one of the kids telling me about it - and then hubby is in the doghouse!! Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Tigerlily: Oh actually I thought he is eager to bring more tougher rules into the household. Well yes I agree they both need to agree on certain things to avoid complications within the family.
I still have sometimes probs with my hubby as he's the more relaxed one and he always tells me he feels guilty of not seeing our kids enough so he's trying to spoil them while he's home. And yes some of the stuff is good while other is not. Yesterday f.e. he took them swimming and to Pizza Hut which was great. But I really hate it when he's giving them chocolates behind my back - but I always have at least one of the kids telling me about it - and then hubby is in the doghouse!!
Lol I think that is natural, isnt' it? The fathers are always the fun parents, and of course your own husband wants to be generous with his kids when he gets to see them (as he is away often).
However, your husband is also their father. I think that is the difference. He can absolutely allow or disallow as he sees fit (with your input, of course), as that is his right as their parent. I just strongly lean away from not letting parents forget that the role of a step parent is anything but a disciplinarian. It never goes well, unless the step parent comes in at such a young age the child would hardly remember it.
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
| IP: Logged |
UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
![[Confused]](confused.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
![[Cool]](cool.gif)
Printer-friendly view of this topic