quote:Originally posted by The Ministry of Common Sense:
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha:
Will he provide rehydration salts for her everyday? She WILL need them and will he have any idea what to do when she collapses for not taking them?
@ Ayisha: Could you please explain what you mean by this? I am married to an Egyptian and live in Egypt and he has never given me rehydration salts...I have never collapsed either.
I have read the previous posts and can't find any relevant discussion of hydration so perhaps I am missing something? You have been talking about the book Fatwa quite a bit, which I have not read, so perhaps it is something related to the book.
so you finally got married Sarah? congrats
Posts: 9443 | From: USA...... | Registered: Jun 2006
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-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:Originally posted by The Ministry of Common Sense:
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha:
Will he provide rehydration salts for her everyday? She WILL need them and will he have any idea what to do when she collapses for not taking them?
@ Ayisha: Could you please explain what you mean by this? I am married to an Egyptian and live in Egypt and he has never given me rehydration salts...I have never collapsed either.
I have read the previous posts and can't find any relevant discussion of hydration so perhaps I am missing something? You have been talking about the book Fatwa quite a bit, which I have not read, so perhaps it is something related to the book.
so you finally got married Sarah? congrats
I just opened ES and saw this and I'm wondering too...
Posts: 2807 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2007
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@ Ayisha: I have heard that it gets hotter in Luxor. You are right, I don't suffer that much in Cairo although you would think I should. I don't drink enough water and I consume several cups of coffee per day - caffiene has a dehydrating effect. I have been very lucky so far, I guess.
I hope you are coping better now. These lovely spring days we are having lately will soon disappear and turn into smothering heat. I am not looking forward to it.
Posts: 1626 | From: whatever, wherever | Registered: Jul 2008
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can someone fill the rest of us in, like switch a light on or something please?
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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I can assure you Mini isn't Sarah... I have met Mini and Sarah and they are definately different people. Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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i wouldnt mind being controlled for a few hrs right now.. lol well my sister married a very controling man. and i asked her y dont u leave him he is fugly and always makes u do everything.. he treats her like a queen and is a very good father but he is more like a master.. her answer was... i like for him to be in controll he takes care of me and the kids. and i take care of him and the kids and the house.. i give him credit he works damn hard as a voluntteer firefighter and drives for a company.. he just bouth her a new home.. and all.. so i guess it pays to marry an ugly man.. my sister is so beautifull she could have any man she wants but she wants him....
-------------------- your ass is so tight when you fart only a dog can hear it.when you queef only a cat can hear that one. Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
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quote:Originally posted by tina kamal: i wouldnt mind being controlled for a few hrs right now.. lol well my sister married a very controling man. and i asked her y dont u leave him he is fugly and always makes u do everything.. he treats her like a queen and is a very good father but he is more like a master.. her answer was... i like for him to be in controll he takes care of me and the kids. and i take care of him and the kids and the house.. i give him credit he works damn hard as a voluntteer firefighter and drives for a company.. he just bouth her a new home.. and all.. so i guess it pays to marry an ugly man.. my sister is so beautifull she could have any man she wants but she wants him....
Tina looks aren't everything, people fall in love for personality not looks.
Your post is a good example of how 'controlling' is really unique to every relationship. Your sister has said how she is happy with how they work out the roles in the family, so only YOUR perception of him is unhealthy. It doesn't mean that HE is unhealthy.
Too often people try to impose their values and desires onto everyone elses relationship. But personally I feel that if the two people in it are happy with how things are then where's the problem? Only in the person VIEWING the relationship.
Posts: 431 | From: England | Registered: Dec 2008
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quote:Originally posted by tina kamal: i wouldnt mind being controlled for a few hrs right now.. lol well my sister married a very controling man. and i asked her y dont u leave him he is fugly and always makes u do everything.. he treats her like a queen and is a very good father but he is more like a master.. her answer was... i like for him to be in controll he takes care of me and the kids. and i take care of him and the kids and the house.. i give him credit he works damn hard as a voluntteer firefighter and drives for a company.. he just bouth her a new home.. and all.. so i guess it pays to marry an ugly man.. my sister is so beautifull she could have any man she wants but she wants him....
Tina looks aren't everything, people fall in love for personality not looks.
Your post is a good example of how 'controlling' is really unique to every relationship. Your sister has said how she is happy with how they work out the roles in the family, so only YOUR perception of him is unhealthy. It doesn't mean that HE is unhealthy.
Too often people try to impose their values and desires onto everyone elses relationship. But personally I feel that if the two people in it are happy with how things are then where's the problem? Only in the person VIEWING the relationship.
yes thats totally true...after 20 somethin yrs i dont tell her he is no good for her cas he really is...if we all had a husband that treated us as if we were queens and fragie parcles we would all be happy well at least some would be.. some people like being misriable in their lives... but i guess i am uncontrollable until maybe i find a man that i want to controll me i dont know hasnt happened yet...
Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
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Too often people try to impose their values and desires onto everyone elses relationship. But personally I feel that if the two people in it are happy with how things are then where's the problem? Only in the person VIEWING the relationship.
So very true!!
Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:Originally posted by tina kamal: i wouldnt mind being controlled for a few hrs right now.. lol well my sister married a very controling man. and i asked her y dont u leave him he is fugly and always makes u do everything.. he treats her like a queen and is a very good father but he is more like a master.. her answer was... i like for him to be in controll he takes care of me and the kids. and i take care of him and the kids and the house.. i give him credit he works damn hard as a voluntteer firefighter and drives for a company.. he just bouth her a new home.. and all.. so i guess it pays to marry an ugly man.. my sister is so beautifull she could have any man she wants but she wants him....
Tina I just wanted to add that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and to judge a person based on looks is really shallow, and be careful, that sword is double-edged and might be turned on you.. People are human, and what attracts someone to one person, won't attract that person to another.
Obviously, your sister has a relationship that works for her and has for how many years now? She seems happy, her husband is obviously a very hard working individual and provides for her and her children. It could be much worse :-) [He could be unemployed, leeching off of her, abusive AND controlling... ]
Point is, it's very easy to see things one way from the outside, but your sister has something that works for her, according to her rule book, not yours, be happy for her. What affects or 'bothers' one person, won't bother the next....
Posts: 385 | From: In my hayati's heart and thoughts | Registered: Apr 2008
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yes rash sometimes i am shallow.. we all are at a time or 2.. but i have come to respect him for taking such good care of my sister. to bad it took me 20 yrs to come to this conclusion..she loves him more than anything so who am i to say bad things to her.. i love her but i also think she is wise ..
-------------------- your ass is so tight when you fart only a dog can hear it.when you queef only a cat can hear that one. Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
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quote:Originally posted by tina kamal: yes rash sometimes i am shallow.. we all are at a time or 2.. but i have come to respect him for taking such good care of my sister. to bad it took me 20 yrs to come to this conclusion..she loves him more than anything so who am i to say bad things to her.. i love her but i also think she is wise ..
That is good to hear that you think she is wise, so let her be happy in her relationship, alhumdulellah.
Posts: 385 | From: In my hayati's heart and thoughts | Registered: Apr 2008
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Just wanted to say that Expatin's (sp ) advice was SO true. You and your family HAVE to think like Egyptain familes. Read and re-read until it fully takes hold of your brain. That advice 'could' save alot of heartbreak. Remember that a marriage contract CAN have your daughters wishes on it under speical conditions - Able to travel alone and with children, no to multiple marriages etc. Make sure a male family member does all of the arranging and if possible visit him and his family.
NEVER let him disrespect you, NEVER! Even today my husband would never ever disrespect my mum never, even if i fall out with her, my husband tells me off! In all the years i have never seen my husband speak bad to his mother it is just unheard of. Any advice come back and ask there are many people here who can advise you. Take care.
Posts: 895 | Registered: Sep 2007
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quote:Originally posted by happybunny: ^^^^^^^^^^ @ fake
Egyptmom - Hope you are ok.
Just wanted to say that Expatin's (sp ) advice was SO true. You and your family HAVE to think like Egyptain familes. Read and re-read until it fully takes hold of your brain. That advice 'could' save alot of heartbreak. Remember that a marriage contract CAN have your daughters wishes on it under speical conditions - Able to travel alone and with children, no to multiple marriages etc. Make sure a male family member does all of the arranging and if possible visit him and his family.
NEVER let him disrespect you, NEVER! Even today my husband would never ever disrespect my mum never, even if i fall out with her, my husband tells me off! In all the years i have never seen my husband speak bad to his mother it is just unheard of. Any advice come back and ask there are many people here who can advise you. Take care.
that is so true..girl never talk sh it about an egyptian mans mama... once walid and mohmed went to the post office to get the mail i sent him.. and they were walking across the street. well this car almost hit mohmed.and they driver said f. yr mama.. girl walid took a bottle of perfume and cracked that man in the head.. and fuced him up .. the man wound up in th hospital and walid was so scared he was goin to jail.. but nothin ever came of it.. moral of the story.. dont talk **** about noones mama...
dont let yr ass overload yr mouth..
Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
Thank you all for your advice. First of all I'm divorced and my ex is an idiot and doesn't care what happens to his daughter. We have no other close male relatives to handle this for us. It is up to me to protect my daughter best I can.
I understand what you are saying about dealing with a male dominated culture and they maybe don't take us women seriously. I don't know how I can discuss this with his father or uncle (he has no brothers) as they don't speak english.
My daughter is the other problem. She is a Western woman and is fine with supporting her husband if she needs to (temporarily). He is currently in college so has been living with his mom and has no job. Let me be clear though - he has not EVER asked her for money and I don't think he will take it from her.
We are working on a Visa for him to come to the U.S. but it looks like it takes about 6 months at least and I don't know if she will be patient enough to wait for him to come here.
-------------------- Church Lady Posts: 66 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2009
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egyptmom what ever yall do good luck in yr decisions.....i wish the best for yr daughter and him.. hopefully he is a good boy.. and will treat her good in the long run.. after all she does have to to protect her right....
Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
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Did you ever talk with your daughter about how she is seeing her own future? Her fiancé is young, still on college, so he has no income. Your daughter herself is 18, has an income in the USA (?) but won't have one when she decides to live in Egypt.
1st. When living in Egypt, who is going to make money, and is he able to provide enough money for that? He has to rent or buy an appartment, furniture, food, expenses etc. Unemployment is high, salaries are low.
2nd. When he coming to the US; would he get a visa? And as soon as that's arranged, who is going to provide money for that? She has to rent or buy an appartment, furniture, food, expenses etc. She is 18, so her salary won't be high. Is she able to do that, and for how long?
3rd. What is he going to do in the US? He does not speak the language, he doesn't have enough education to get a job that is going along with his Egyptian educational level, so would he be prepared to do the low payed jobs he probably can get?
4rd. Both of you are not able to communicate with his family, so they are not speaking English and both of you are not able to make any imagenation on what social class they are representing, on what type of life she should get there. Doesn't that makes her scared? Didn't you ask her what she should do when things are not going well?
Everything can be discussed, and be prepared for. Most people are expecting a negative outcome, regarding his attitude to her and to you. Your daughter does not have such worse expectations, of course, so you disagree in that. But both of you can still talk seriously about the practical matters...it won't harm anybody, and at least she will feel that her mother cares, and that she can go back if needed.
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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As she is 18, the best way to approach this is to not come across as being to negative. Make it seem like you are just interested: "Well, if this is going to be your life, I would like to learn more about it to understand". Get her to help you research both quran and Egyptian culture, this will mean she will be learning with you, instead of getting all her information from her fiancé. Has she read the quran, start to finish? Or is she just getting the information from him? Encouraging her to read it more, under the disguise of it being for your benefit, will get her to think more independently about the religion. Also, as she expects to live like a good little egyptian/muslim girl in egypt, tell her she should start at home. And that means not showing any disrespect to you. If anyone has the quran passages that give mothers high regard, it would be helpful posting them (I'm pretty sure I read some, but would never be able to find them). As others have said, many Egyptians wouldn't want to marry without their parents approval, and they would not argue with them about it! Does you daughter cook? If she wants to play the traditional Egyptian wife role, then she needs to know how to cook from ingredients, not just reheat something in the oven. She should be practising her "duties" now, to see if she is really prepared. So encourage her to go out and buy ingredients and make breakfast and dinner (get same Egyptian recipes online). It is easy saying "I will do this that and the other when I am there" but actually living it will be much different. So it is best to be as prepared as possible. Now, there are some conversations you must urge her to have with her fiancé. Female genital mutilation, for example. Make sure she asks his opinions on it- although in recent years it has become less popular, it still happens. Other wives is another one. Muslim men are allowed up to four, this is also not extremely common, but it happens. It is not rude of her to demand certain things in the contract, it would be expected of an Egyptian woman to do so, so it is the same for her. As someone else mentioned, she should definitely put in being allowed to travel with children, not needing his permission. The last thing she will want is to be stranded in egypt if things go wrong.
Just make sure she knows that whatever happens, you will be there for her, and she should never be ashamed to tell you of any problems, and you will not give the "I told you so's". Also, make sure she knows if she ever needs to leave the country, you will do everything you can to help and support her.
Posts: 2573 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2008
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Good advice has been given Egymum. Although I do think for your daughter to fully understand Islam or the Quran will be a lifelong journey, so I'm not sure that she will be able to do this in a short time.
IF they only have to wait 6 months for a visa that is not long at all, I think that is the best idea.
WK mentioned cooking Egyptian food. LOL, well, this is no easy task either. I am quite a good cook and MY GOD you have never known so many pots and pans on the go at the same time LOL.
At the end of the day, its a journey, HER journey. As others have said, just be there for her, if she wants to go, she will go. But she can always come back home. As a mum you would be worried if she moved anywhere, even if it was in Europe, another country is another country, but as a new muslimah in a male dominated muslim society she may find things a lot different to what she is used to, as you know.
Does she wear hijab? How practising is she in her religion?
-------------------- IMO Posts: 431 | From: England | Registered: Dec 2008
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She does wear hijab and has been attending mosque every Friday, goes to a women's group to learn more about Islam and prays 5 times a day. She is definitely taking it seriously. She did get into a little trouble when in Egypt though as she wanted to go to mosque to pray and her fiance told her women pray at home. (He did take her a few times though)
-------------------- Church Lady Posts: 66 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2009
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I hope she enjoyed those few times... Sounds like her outings will be few and far between.
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But isn't it custom that most of the time, women pray at home? There even seems to be something with deserving points, when a woman is a housewife, she directly is dismissed from visiting the mosque, because housekeeping is considered as highly important? I did hear such a thing in another islamic country, but don't know the details...
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I do know here in the UK there are lots of mosques that do not allow women. My husband feels that this is wrong and that women are allowed in the mosque.
I must admit i have only seen my MIL go to the mosque maybe twice, so maybe there is something in it that this guy thinks she should pray at home. Just playing devils advocate Posts: 895 | Registered: Sep 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Egyptmom: Is this typical Muslim or Egyptian man behavior? My daughter is still in the U.S. but engaged to an Egytian man. She has to ask his permission to go somewhere after dark even though she is half way across the world from him. She thinks this is ok!!!!
i got married to my egyptian ex when i was 18. controlling wasnt even the word.
im 29 now and divorced him because after the marriage, he began the beating.
Posts: 2757 | From: YOU CAN ONLY SEE WHAT I CHOOSE TO SHOW, THERE IS SO MUCH MORE YOU JUST DONT KNOW | Registered: Oct 2007
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quote:Originally posted by happybunny: I do know here in the UK there are lots of mosques that do not allow women.
I must admit i have only seen my MIL go to the mosque maybe twice, so maybe there is something in it that this guy thinks she should pray at home. Just playing devils advocate
Right, pray at home, exercise at home, stay at home. Some women never want to leave the house without their husband. I'm sure she feels so loved. Remember what it is like to be 18 and have the attention of a man. .
How long do you figure it will take till she wants to do something on her own? I say by the time she is 25. She should have a couple of kids anyway by then.
Where is the thread of the British lady who married an Egyptian and they lived in Dubi?
Posts: 3891 | From: No good deed goes unpunished. | Registered: May 2007
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quote:Originally posted by ?????: But isn't it custom that most of the time, women pray at home? There even seems to be something with deserving points, when a woman is a housewife, she directly is dismissed from visiting the mosque, because housekeeping is considered as highly important? I did hear such a thing in another islamic country, but don't know the details...
Well its not only custom, its easier. Women dont HAVE to go to the mosque to pray, but they can if they want. Its quite nice not to have that burden for friday prayer tbh. At the end of the day its practical for many women, alot of women have children and wouldnt necessarily want to be dragging them to the mosque.
I think the reason there are not as many mosques in the UK that have sections for women is due to the muslims that have been in the country for so many years. Asian families are very 'traditional' and women usually do spend a great deal of time at home. Most of the Muslims in the UK have been asian.
In more recent years when the younger generation have become more knowledgeable in Islam, the mosques have started to cater for women also. Not all, but a lot do, but old habits die hard.
Remember that unless enough women are attending the mosque regularly they may not feel its worth funding a separate section for women. I know that in mosques that do have facilities for women you still will only get a handful for Juma prayer and next to nobody in the week.
Posts: 431 | From: England | Registered: Dec 2008
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Here is an update Tiger, My daughter is still happily married for 2 years now. She is 18. He got to the states last year and they had a wedding party here when he came. He adjusted very well in small town usa. He is a hard hard worker, works 2 jobs and goes to college. He is more protective than controlling really. She attends highschool dances with her girlfriends.. he doesnt go as he dont dance. But she goes with friends that he met and is comfortable with her being with. They just went to Egypt and at this very moment they are landing in Ohio in about 1 hr. My daughter loved it there, his family loves her and she was the one not wanting to leave Egypt, she cried and cried. They treat her like a princess there. He likes the fact that he is making his own way and has his own car and supporting her. He is 23 years old. She graduates this year. He is very sweet to her. Yes , he is jealous, and doesnt like to be embarrassed and attention drawn to him. She is jealous too. When she has girlfriends around he doesnt join in conversation with them as he doesnt want her to think he is flirting in any way so he acts as he wants her to act around guys im sure. So they both respect each other. He is muslim, she stayed christian and goes to a christian school. They stopped debating religion a long time ago and just accept each others right to religion. They have culture clashes every now and then but not bad. They fight less than me and my man, so I guess they are doing better than me. HaHa.
Posts: 45 | From: Kentucky USA | Registered: Mar 2007
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I work n ALrehab area and the women I work with and also my family go to the Mosque whenever they want. Its not a closed thing to men and they do have prayer areas for women. On Friday's especially the womens area is very busy. Its like a big WI meeting when everyone comes out. I say its each person's preference.
Posts: 288 | From: UK | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by kentuckyD: Here is an update Tiger, My daughter is still happily married for 2 years now. She is 18. He got to the states last year and they had a wedding party here when he came. He adjusted very well in small town usa. He is a hard hard worker, works 2 jobs and goes to college. He is more protective than controlling really. She attends highschool dances with her girlfriends.. he doesnt go as he dont dance. But she goes with friends that he met and is comfortable with her being with. They just went to Egypt and at this very moment they are landing in Ohio in about 1 hr. My daughter loved it there, his family loves her and she was the one not wanting to leave Egypt, she cried and cried. They treat her like a princess there. He likes the fact that he is making his own way and has his own car and supporting her. He is 23 years old. She graduates this year. He is very sweet to her. Yes , he is jealous, and doesnt like to be embarrassed and attention drawn to him. She is jealous too. When she has girlfriends around he doesnt join in conversation with them as he doesnt want her to think he is flirting in any way so he acts as he wants her to act around guys im sure. So they both respect each other. He is muslim, she stayed christian and goes to a christian school. They stopped debating religion a long time ago and just accept each others right to religion. They have culture clashes every now and then but not bad. They fight less than me and my man, so I guess they are doing better than me. HaHa.
that is very nice.. i wish the best for them and yall...
Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
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quote:Originally posted by ?????: But isn't it custom that most of the time, women pray at home?
It's custom but it's wrong. The Qur'an tells the believers -- which includes men as well as women -- to go to prayer in congregation.
Anyone who has seriously prayed, meditated or followed a similar practice knows that there is a difference in energy whether you do it on your own or in a group. So personally I believe that congregational prayer is about benefitting from that sort of energy -- not about scoring points with God or being seen by your neighbours.
Posts: 3587 | Registered: Mar 2006
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Are the Egyptians into that point-syste also, or should it be related to the country? I never heard about it anywhere else. Yeah sure, customs are not always right, but I think that's nothing new...
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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quote:Originally posted by ?????: Are the Egyptians into that point-syste also, or should it be related to the country? I never heard about it anywhere else.
I really don't know since my Egyptian Muslim friends are not into that at all, but then I don't know how representative their opinions are. Most people I know who are into the points-for-paradise system are converts. Posts: 3587 | Registered: Mar 2006
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