posted
Probably more true thanyou would think shanta. After number 3, many guys I know would list Nancy Agram, 'my Mercedes', Ayman Nour,the dog, numerous bellydancer girlfriends ... When my husband and I came to live here, he remarked that most of the organisation, attitudes, and culture seemed to have been designed by and for, a group of fourteen year old boys. But ... back to topic. I really like Orfi. Gives a vague sense of legitimacy, and leaves the woman involved with a lot of freedom to decide how much or little she can agree to. Unless you are already Muslim, unless you intend to have children, unless you and your family have known this guy for decades, I would say NEVER marry him for real. The 'real' marriage as practiced here, IMHO does not carry the same moral guarantee of 'richer for poorer .. 'til death do us part' etc that we as westerners are used to, so Orfi is adequate, and safer. And if you are the Orfi wife, and you find his polygamy intolerable, tear up your paper and walk away.
Posts: 1399 | From: alexandria | Registered: Jan 2002
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quote:Originally posted by Mo Ning Min E: Probably more true thanyou would think shanta. After number 3, many guys I know would list Nancy Agram, 'my Mercedes', Ayman Nour,the dog, numerous bellydancer girlfriends ... When my husband and I came to live here, he remarked that most of the organisation, attitudes, and culture seemed to have been designed by and for, a group of fourteen year old boys. But ... back to topic. I really like Orfi. Gives a vague sense of legitimacy, and leaves the woman involved with a lot of freedom to decide how much or little she can agree to. Unless you are already Muslim, unless you intend to have children, unless you and your family have known this guy for decades, I would say NEVER marry him for real. The 'real' marriage as practiced here, IMHO does not carry the same moral guarantee of 'richer for poorer .. 'til death do us part' etc that we as westerners are used to, so Orfi is adequate, and safer. And if you are the Orfi wife, and you find his polygamy intolerable, tear up your paper and walk away.
Its registered, she can't tear up the paper and walk away. A divorce through the courts is the only way with a registered orfi, it's not the white paper tear it up kind.
Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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I bet getting free of even a registered Orfi is a lot easier than an arrangement that is valid outside of Egypt. Not many family court judges take these things seriously, especially in the case of a foreign 'wife'. le100 to the registrar would probably do the trick, even if a shark lawyer tells a different story. And to be honest, unless you plan on running off to marry again, no rush, get the guy to do the 'divorce' thing. Least he can do under the circumstances. Why on earth do people register them anyway?
Posts: 1399 | From: alexandria | Registered: Jan 2002
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to divorce from a registered Orfi, he has to sign, he has to divorce her as far as I'm aware. It would be a lot easier to get out of a ministry one I think, as she would have a right to divorce him. Right to divorce for a woman is a bit foggy here!
When they are registered they become a legal Egyptian marriage under the Islamic Law of this country, but even wives with other husbands back home still have registered Orfi so I dunno!
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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Frankly, I wouldn't lose any sleep over an Orfi paper. If [f'il mishmish] someone wanted to marry me, and he wanted a registered Orfi, I would insist on a more informal kind, unless he was promising me thousands in gold in the case of divorce!!! 'If you want commitment baby, I'll be as committed as your Egyptian wife'. But, in the case of the OP, I hope it works out ok for her, and maybe, if she was my bestest friend, I'd suggest that if she chooses to stay with the guy, she get her husband to 'deregister' the paper to make future decisions easier. Just in case... I bet he really DOES love her, lots of guys here are knocked out by the simplicity of dealing with foreign women. And their unconditional love. I'm not a total cynic you know.
Posts: 1399 | From: alexandria | Registered: Jan 2002
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@ourluxor. True love. Not merely truly loving someone. But one true love. Any man, any person, who claims that they can have more than one true love is BS-ing. How can a heart and mind be genuinely occupied by more than one true love? It's illogical. You are with the woman of your dreams, you are happy to see every moment of her, but yet there is another woman? Sorry but that negates true love. How can you make love to a woman, kiss every part of her, worship her, and have another true love? It's illogical.
@Shanta These are women who are desperate for security and what they are saying is they won't entertain a dude unless he is from their circle/status because it will help keep them there (status). That's all it is, does anyone blame them, what are their other options, a man who will be stagnantly poor, a man that can never climb the status ladder in Egypt. Poor in Egypt is not simply poor, it is dreamless poor. And that's the worst kind of poor, it doesn't matter how smart, good looking, intelligent a person is, chances are if you are born poor you will die poor. Visit the universities where many couples start to get serious, the chicks from certain status mingle with their own, they are afraid and insecure. If Egypt was wealthier, if dreams materialized then these women will most likely think differently and probably similar to women in wealthier nations.
@moNing “The 'real' marriage as practiced here, IMHO does not carry the same moral guarantee of 'richer for poorer .. 'til death do us part' etc that we as westerners are used to“
No culture has a claim to "moral gurantee." Are there statistics, data, or anything tangible that you can use to back up such a claim? There are loads of western marriages that crumple each and every day because of lack of “moral guarantee” which is basically lack of love. The hundreds of thousands of broken homes, with single mothers that the father walked out on is one example.
Moral guarantee/love transcends western/eastern/black/white. No culture has any claim whatsoever to “moral guarantee” but individual couples from any nation/culture whether it is Egypt, Brazil or the UK can attest to such moral guarantee/love if they truly love each other.
Posts: 2275 | Registered: Dec 2009
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...who claims that they can have more than one true love is BS-ing. How can a heart and mind be genuinely occupied by more than one true love? It's illogical. You are with the woman of your dreams, you are happy to see every moment of her, but yet there is another woman?
I think you are assuming that a guy who feels pressured into marrying a girl [possibly at least suggested by family members] to provide grandchildren, is somehow going to view her as the love of his life. Not many Egyptians pretend that they fell in love with a 'suitable' spouse in the few weeks in which meeting, arranging the financial aspects, planning a big engagement party, and during this time spending hardly any time alone together. Love is not the point of Egyptian marriages, there is far more at stake. 'Love' here isn't quite what you and I know. Not the walking into walls, breathless, reckless, completely blown away, etc etc feeling I have experienced. Yesterday, my cab driver told me he loved me, asked for my hand in marriage. Boy, he looked so sincere too. People here in Egypt use the word 'nervous' to mean something quite different from the way I would use it. A common error.The phrase 'I love you' is another I think. 'I love you ' is a compliment. I know a young Egyptian guy, met a nice girl both virgins, and he fell madly in love with her. Trimmed his beard, showered her with gifts etc His family and friends could not believe it. [Why not?] Didn't work out, insufficient shapka deal. I'm sure loads of Egyptian couples experience love, especially after a few months of marriage, but it is not intrinsic to the procedure of getting a spouse. In Western societies, mostly, the intention at least, is for it to be a permanent deal. Here, the possibility of divorce is introduced even before an official engagement. In other words, in a traditional Western wedding ceremony, at the very least one can assume that the bride and groom actually love each other on the wedding day.
Posts: 1399 | From: alexandria | Registered: Jan 2002
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Exiled, I agree, I agree! What I was trying to get across was that for some folk in other cultures their idea of "true love" isn't exactly the same as yours, or mine. Nevertheless, it's as close as they'll ever get. I could go on to promulgate "my theory" as to why this is so, but as it would necessarily touch on the source of love, the religious thought police of ES would have me in front of the "inquisitor"!
Posts: 430 | From: luxor | Registered: Apr 2008
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When my husband and I first got married..we had something similar to this. Before we got married we planned to have children,even though I am Christian and he is Muslim. But after we got married we ran into some conflict, regarding what religion our children would be..naturally we both wanted our own way. And eventually he absolutely refused the idea of us having children, Since I am from a country he didn't have open access to come and o as he pleased, so if we separated in the future he didn't want his kids living away fro him potentially. and he even brought up the idea of him taking another wife, because he was under the impression he was obligated as part of his religion to have children, and he clearly couldn't with me(and no matter how much he loves me he has to answer to god above all else). Which my response was....by all means...just leave the divorce papers on your way out the door.. I completely understand feeling a need to put god and his will ahead of anything on earth, but that is not something I could accept. But he actually did a ton of research and ask for many fatawas on our situation. And they all came back the same that if he wasn't required to have children period, and he didn't "have" to take another wife if he felt he couldn't have children with me. It was just an option. But my husband never had the desire to have another wife or leave me to do so. He said I ment more to him then a child he hasn't even had yet. SO once he was sure that religiously it was fine for him to stay with me even that we had no intention of having children it was never an issue again. It was definitely never anything to do with his "parents" he would never allow his parents to medal in the private matters of our marriage. and I don't know why anyone would stay with a man that let his "mommy" dictate or pressure my husband to make decisions contrary to what we have decided.
I suggest you ask your husband to ask for a fatwa on the situation and he will see that it isn't his religious obligation to do what he is saying..and if he still try's to do it at least you will know he is doing it because he wants to not out of religious guilt. Which should help you to make your decision wither to stay or not...good luck
Posts: 19 | Registered: Dec 2010
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-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Mo Ning Min E: ...who claims that they can have more than one true love is BS-ing. How can a heart and mind be genuinely occupied by more than one true love? It's illogical. You are with the woman of your dreams, you are happy to see every moment of her, but yet there is another woman?
I think you are assuming that a guy who feels pressured into marrying a girl [possibly at least suggested by family members] to provide grandchildren, is somehow going to view her as the love of his life. Not many Egyptians pretend that they fell in love with a 'suitable' spouse in the few weeks in which meeting, arranging the financial aspects, planning a big engagement party, and during this time spending hardly any time alone together. Love is not the point of Egyptian marriages, there is far more at stake. 'Love' here isn't quite what you and I know. Not the walking into walls, breathless, reckless, completely blown away, etc etc feeling I have experienced. Yesterday, my cab driver told me he loved me, asked for my hand in marriage. Boy, he looked so sincere too. People here in Egypt use the word 'nervous' to mean something quite different from the way I would use it. A common error.The phrase 'I love you' is another I think. 'I love you ' is a compliment. I know a young Egyptian guy, met a nice girl both virgins, and he fell madly in love with her. Trimmed his beard, showered her with gifts etc His family and friends could not believe it. [Why not?] Didn't work out, insufficient shapka deal. I'm sure loads of Egyptian couples experience love, especially after a few months of marriage, but it is not intrinsic to the procedure of getting a spouse. In Western societies, mostly, the intention at least, is for it to be a permanent deal. Here, the possibility of divorce is introduced even before an official engagement. In other words, in a traditional Western wedding ceremony, at the very least one can assume that the bride and groom actually love each other on the wedding day.
No I am not assuming anything. My point was clear, there can only be one true love. Whether she is or isn't wasn't my point.
"Love is not the point of Egyptian marriages, there is far more at stake."
Wrong. And to generalize in such a matter such ignorance of the complexities of Egyptian society. From firsthand experience. I have witness such situations (and more).
1.A tea boy (cleaned office) that worked for me, a lad who was from the Saeed, had to marry a girl his family arranged for him. To him there was no way out. It wasn't about love at all.
2.A friend of mine who owns a shop in a mall, married a girl who ran another shop on the same floor. The shop belonged to her family. He and she were as lovey-dovey as any couples can be. The dated, went out all the time, and even used my apartment on more than one occasion to be intimate. Her family was against her marrying him but eventually accepted. They fell in love and married for love.
"Yesterday, my cab driver told me he loved me, asked for my hand in marriage. Boy, he looked so sincere too.
People here in Egypt use the word 'nervous' to mean something quite different from the way I would use it. A common error.The phrase 'I love you' is another I think. 'I love you ' is a compliment."
This is normal, as those words are in English. To say “I love you” (bihibek) in Egyptian language is much more meaningful to most Egyptians.
"I'm sure loads of Egyptian couples experience love, especially after a few months of marriage, but it is not intrinsic to the procedure of getting a spouse."
Again you are wrong and generalizing again. You fail to accept/understand the complexities of Egyptian society. Yes there are marriages for convenience but love also prevails and is the reason why many couples do decide to marry.
Your view and understanding of Egyptian society seems so limited in scope. It's as if you don't know young couples living contemporary lives in Cairo. And as if you don't know women who actually have a choice of whether or not they marry this guy or that guy. As if you don't know Egyptian women who were wooed, yes wooed and courted by a man that her family knows nothing about. It is called dating and there is plenty of it in Egypt. Many of those couples you see walking hand in hand in the streets of Cairo, well most of them their families know nothing about that. Yes it might progress to the point, of meeting the father and the father will say .. “well how do you intend to support my daughter an family?”
"In Western societies, mostly, the intention at least, is for it to be a permanent deal. Here, the possibility of divorce is introduced even before an official engagement.
In other words, in a traditional Western wedding ceremony, at the very least one can assume that the bride and groom actually love each other on the wedding day."
The intention of many marriages in Egypt is that the marriage will exist in this life and also the hereafter but 40% end in divorce, this rate is a fact.
Western marriages actually dominate the divorce factor though. It can be 40% in Egypt but in some western countries divorce is 50% after 3 years and 70% after 10 years. Those are facts, not assumptions you enjoy sharing.
I hope this doesn't seemed like a tit for tat, and really I do think it is a waste of time because your perception of Egyptian society is so narrow.
Posts: 2275 | Registered: Dec 2009
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"Love is not the point of Egyptian marriages, there is far more at stake."
Wrong. And to generalize in such a matter such ignorance of the complexities of Egyptian society.
Totally stand by what I wrote. If you have heard any of the countless arguments to explain the high divorce rates in Egypt, you would kmow that the 'traditionalists' will say that these marriages fail because of money problems, caused by couples being driven by 'love' rather than a thought to the future. More progressive Egyptians will tell you that they fail because the marriage was determined on financial, class, and religious compatability etc, and 'love' did not 'come with time'. Dozens of Egyptians have told me that they overwhelmingly believe that Western marriages fail because Westerners marry for love, and 'there are SO many other considerations that make a good marriage.' When guys like the OP's partner say things like 'my parents are pressuring me to marry an Egyptian girl, to produce a family' these guys are not lying, [unless as occasionally happens, they already have an Egyptian wife] there is family pressure from the penthouses of Cairo, to the farmhouses of upper Egypt. It is part of society here. I know the CEO of a car import business who will not dare to smoke a cigarette in front of his father, and I bet you have met people like him. And I have met quite a few young men who I am told, have had informal Orfi sex with fellow students, [oh yeah, crazy about her...] but marry an Egyptian girl who would do that? In many cases,'No way baby'. You simply can't judge anyone's commitment to everlasting love on whether they are willing to sneak off and 'be intimate'.
Anyway, I pretty much think that your examples merely reinforce what I said.I was not generalising; Love is not necessary in Egyption marriages, it is hoped that it will grow in time.
Posts: 1399 | From: alexandria | Registered: Jan 2002
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thanks for everyone who has sent in their opinions. He now has said they are getting married in june or july and I will be back there in May although I will come home. He has said she is nice and I would like her. Is he mad. Also he still wants me to live with him and visit her occasionally. She is in agreement. I asked him if he loved her and he said No I have only known her a month. Any advice would be grateful
Posts: 8 | From: uk | Registered: Jan 2011
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@ourluxur, great that we agree on something. Maybe we should agree more to make the replies nice and short.
@moNing, You can stand by whatever you wrote. I will however call out anyone who tries to portray Egypt in a narrow way generalized way. To reiterate, Egyptian society is diverse and people marry for a wide range of reasons. You make sweeping generalizations as if you were an authority. You are one person, and your perception is evident, simple and narrow. So stand by your beliefs, but this is a public forum and it‘s not quite dead, so don’t be surprised when someone contradicts your perception of Egyptian society.
@sarah, why get yourself involved in this nonsense? Don't you think you deserve better. Don't you think that people deserve one partner and one partner only? Life is complicated as is, why invite more complications.
Posts: 2275 | Registered: Dec 2009
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Don't go. Do you really need your heart broken in person? Maybe so. If they have kids together he's never going to stick to what he's telling you now. You'll end up playing gooseberry in your own marriage. It sounds like he's giving you no choice in this whatsoever. I thought he was supposed to get your permission? I thought those were YOUR rights?
When people start banging on about rights in a marriage, there's always trouble IMO.
Look I know nothing about nothing - I don't have a crystal ball and hey, ultimately maybe you could accept these crumbs he's throwing you. But to me he sounds like a complete a$$ and personally, if it were me, I'd rip out his still beating heart for the mere suggestion of this nonsense. Walk away with a teensie bit of self-respect, while you still can. No man is worth sharing - if they think they are - they definitely aint.
Don't let me sway you though. Do what you think is right.
Posts: 1678 | From: New Egypt Forum - http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Dec 2009
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quote:Originally posted by sarah68: Any advice would be grateful
Lady, you got two pages of advice and many different opinions. The decision is yours to make.
From your posts, I gather you don't really agree with this sort of arrangement. Then why are you even considering it? I said my opinion, and I'll state it again: The guy is selfish, weak, and immoral. He cares about society's expectations more than about your or her feelings. Or those of his children, should they have any. (There are studies out there proving that polygamous relationships harm everyone involved, most of all the kids.)
I know some people on here think I sound harsh. But when you live in Egypt you observe situations like this all the time, and they always end up with heartbreak. I have no respect whatsoever for men like this; they want to have their cake and eat it too, and they hide behind religion and culture to justify it. It's sickening.
As has been mentioned in this discussion, people have different expectations regarding marriage and relationships, and if a man wants to live with two women, or a woman with two men (yes, that also happens), then I see nothing wrong with that as long as everyone is truly content with the situation. I don't see that in your case though; it's clear that you don't feel comfortable about this, so how in the world do you expect it to work out?
Posts: 2803 | Registered: Feb 2007
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In your original post dated the 4th you said he had just told you his family wanted him to take on another wife but they hadn't found one yet now he's telling you he's known her a month So he has lied to you unless I have misread your post. It does sound very much like he wants his cake and eat it too! Personally there is no way I could share my hubby with another woman and as heartbreaking as it would be I would have to walk away. I am unable to have children too, a fact my hubby knew when we first got together and for him something that was not an issue. It doesn't sound like you are happy with the situation and it would seem to me only one choice but I agree with Dahlia you have had alot of responses to your dilemma and only you can make the decision whether to stay or go. Wishing you all the best whatever you decide to do.
Posts: 4476 | From: Scotland | Registered: Mar 2006
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In my experience in Luxor, it would seem that almost every marriage (other than business wives, of course) is arranged by the family. It also seems that the business wives have no say in the husband taking an Egyptian wife for breeding purposes, she either accepts it or slings her hook! One or two Western women of my acquaintance have eventually decided (apparently) that half a husband is better than no husband at all, and have resigned themselves to sharing the man with some cousin or other. It all depends how desperate the woman is, are you that desperate, Sarah68?
Posts: 430 | From: luxor | Registered: Apr 2008
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Jan 4th "althought no lady has been found yet."
Jan 8th "I asked him if he loved her and he said No I have only known her a month."
He has been lying to you for well over a month about something so important as this and you think when he tells you he loves you he is telling the truth?
he has discussed you with her, according to him, so he set that side of it out before bothering to tell you. He is telling you now because you are due to come. He told you that no one had been found yet to see how you take that initial part of the news, more will come as you carry on accepting what bits he chooses to give you and when. Possibly he is already married and just introducing that to you 'gently'
As for him living with you and visiting her, that will not happen. She will become part of his family and will live in the family home and he will live with her and visit you when you are in town. How is he going to 'live' with you if you don't live here?
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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If they're already engaged, isn't it basically a done deal anyway? If the date is set, doesn't it mean they're engaged?
I can't conceivably imagine why you would want to stay with a ratbag like that. As another poster said on another thread who'd been through similar crap "words, words - empty meaningless words". Tune them out. Look at the actions instead - they speak a lot louder. It's a catalogue of BS, paving the way for much more, should you choose to accept it.
Put it this way, if you had an English husband and he proposed taking up a mistress, for whatever reason, what would you say to him? And if he turned around and said, sorry sweetheart, my parents have already picked one out. She's nice though - you'll like her when you meet her... WTF???
The only way I can reconcile you even contemplating this doesn't boil down to 'love'. Because to love and be loved you have to love yourself first, if that makes sense. I think a happy relationship only tends to strike up when you're in a happy place to start off with - on your own. Personally, I know there's a pattern in my past where when I've felt crappy about me I've only attracted crap into my life. I can only assume that on some level you think he's too good for you - if you leave, you're ruined for other men forever - you'll never meet anyone like him. You know, there are however many billion men in the world. Odds are you could do better - A LOT better by the sounds of it. Where I am now, I love my fella to the ends of the earth, and I'd do anything for him. He's Mr Wonderful. But if he pulled a stunt on me like the one you've described I'd ditch him in a heartbeat. Because he wouldn't be Mr Wonderful anymore - he's gone. Staying with him would be like living with a ghost.
Sure I'd be devastated but life goes on. Maybe something better is right around the corner. When one door closes, another one opens.
As Exiiled said, you need to try to disassociate yourself from the situation and look at it objectively. Picture you as a little girl, I don't know, riding a bike for the first time without stabilisers; your piano recital; your school play; hitting top grades; passing your driving test; getting a degree - whatever points in your life made your parents proud. Now ask yourself this question. Are you happy to sit back and allow that girl to be treated this way, or does she deserve a lot better??
**clears throat** Right, that's enough soppy nonsense from me. My northern family would disown me if they heard me gushing like that.
Posts: 1678 | From: New Egypt Forum - http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Dec 2009
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quote:Originally posted by Monkey: Where I am now, I love my fella to the ends of the earth, and I'd do anything for him. He's Mr Wonderful. But if he pulled a stunt on me like the one you've described I'd ditch him in a heartbeat. Because he wouldn't be Mr Wonderful anymore - he's gone. Staying with him would be like living with a ghost.
Sure I'd be devastated but life goes on. Maybe something better is right around the corner. When one door closes, another one opens.
I second that with bells on!
Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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Actually dont have the time to reply all the quotes form YOU AYISHA. it was too much LOL.
but i think i didnt defend that guy at all and didnt justify anything for him and im not going to do.
all my posts can be concluded in 3 points and that was my point of view about this issue.
1- to continue in her marriage if she really in love with him and cant live without him. ( she only can decide that AYISHA )
2- she gets the divorce if she cant cope with that situation. ( also that is her decision )
3- just to give a try for a short time.
i gave her choices and never forced her to do any thing and that was my opinion. But you AYISHA decided for her to have the divorce.
by the way i dont support him at all Coz i wouldn't do that to my wife .and i would fight for her to the end.
AYISHA people dont have the same mentality like u and every one runs his life according to what suites himself . for me I LOVE MY WIFE SO MUCH AND WOULDNT THINK TO HURT HER AT ALL
SADLY NOT ALL PEOPLE LIKE ME HAHAHA LOL
i hope that she will have the decision which will make her happy. what ever it will be.
best of luck to u all
Posts: 305 | From: egypt | Registered: Jul 2008
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quote:Originally posted by pablo_7777: Actually dont have the time to reply all the quotes form YOU AYISHA. it was too much LOL.
No problem PABLO_7777, LOL.
quote:but i think i didnt defend that guy at all and didnt justify anything for him and im not going to do.
Good for you
quote:all my posts can be concluded in 3 points and that was my point of view about this issue.
1- to continue in her marriage if she really in love with him and cant live without him. ( she only can decide that AYISHA )
Yes I agree PABLO_7777, of course only SHE can decide that.
quote:2- she gets the divorce if she cant cope with that situation. ( also that is her decision )
3- just to give a try for a short time.
Is number 3 her decision or your decision she HAS to follow?
quote:i gave her choices and never forced her to do any thing and that was my opinion. But you AYISHA decided for her to have the divorce.
Oh I see, those were the choices YOU gave her PABLO_7777 when it's not YOUR place to give her choices. I have decided NOTHING for her, she can do that for herself. YOU gave her a set of choices, I'm sure SHE can decide what HER choices are, I said what I would do, nothing more.
You have obviously skipped over everyone elses posts here and decided for some unkown reason to pick at ME.
quote:by the way i dont support him at all Coz i wouldn't do that to my wife .and i would fight for her to the end.
good for you.
quote:AYISHA people dont have the same mentality like u and every one runs his life according to what suites himself .
I think you'd now better clarify what YOU think my 'mentality' is.
quote:for me I LOVE MY WIFE SO MUCH AND WOULDNT THINK TO HURT HER AT ALL
SADLY NOT ALL PEOPLE LIKE ME HAHAHA LOL
good for you on the first part but at this point I am inclined to think Alhamdulillah to the second part. HAHAHA LOL
quote:i hope that she will have the decision which will make her happy. what ever it will be.
best of luck to u all
Same here, whoopy doo we found SOME common ground PABLO_7777
posted
I would like to thank everyone for their help and advice. I have decided to divorce him because he tell lies and I dont trust him anymore.
Posts: 8 | From: uk | Registered: Jan 2011
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Sarah: to be honest I believe you have made the right decision. I know it'll be hard at the beginning but you deserve more in your life. Take care and look to a fresh start.
Posts: 4476 | From: Scotland | Registered: Mar 2006
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Ditto what Y@H said. I don't think anything you do now can salvage the relationship - only make it more prolonged and painful from your point of view. Here's to a new start. It's terrifying when it's forced on you like that, but I'm a firm believer in everything happening for a reason. There are a world of possibilities out there. This isn't the end, but a new beginning.
Posts: 1678 | From: New Egypt Forum - http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Dec 2009
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ES deserves a pat on the back. The advice given to Sarah was truly great. Really covered all angles. I mean this dude isn't exactly King Henry VIII who desperately needed a heir. Ok maybe that's a bad example, but then again maybe not as they're both unethical. The cherry on the top is to call his momma and tell her “khalee ibnak leck”/keep your son to yourself. Pat yourself on the back Sarah, you removed yourself from an undeserving and unappreciative family. And as Monkey said all bets and any illusion of harmony would have been off after he has children with his second wife.
Posts: 2275 | Registered: Dec 2009
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posted
Sarah congratulations on making a decision. Look forward now, you deserve better than this one was prepared to give you.
I thought of something else yesterday. There are actually very very few Egyptians that are married to Egyptians that will take a 2nd, 3rd, and 4th wife and from the 1 I know this happened to it was worse than divorce for her. It was a slap in the face, it was disrespect big time. It is normally done only when there is a foreign wife involved as for some odd reason some 'accept' this as being a religious obligation, which it is not and the Egyptian wives accept the foreign wife more than they would another Egyptian wife as they assume the foreign wife is just 'business'. He has disrespected you in a way that very few men would disrespect an Egyptian wife, which actually says a lot about him.
Good luck to you in the future, find a man that deserves you.
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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Sarah68 my exhusband which is Egyptian divorced me and married another. Then he asked me to be a secret second wife. We had multiple issues in our marriage and one was children. He tried to convince me that in his religion (Islam) u had to have kids which is not true. Please don't sell yourself short. Remember u can do bad by yourself; u don't need others to bring u down.
Posts: 133 | From: egypt/usa | Registered: May 2009
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quote:Originally posted by Dilemma: Sarah68 my exhusband which is Egyptian divorced me and married another. Then he asked me to be a secret second wife. We had multiple issues in our marriage and one was children. He tried to convince me that in his religion (Islam) u had to have kids which is not true. Please don't sell yourself short. Remember u can do bad by yourself; u don't need others to bring u down.
I think having kids is a cultural thing rather than a religious one.It's obviously something deeply rooted in the family tradition, and sadly also in the macho men portrayal of Egyptian society.
Posts: 3833 | From: here,there,everywhere | Registered: Nov 2007
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posted
I know a western lass who wants a baby but Egy hubby refuses. Not all dudes here think alike and I find those who say they will marry another to start a family generally just wanna be able to bed 2 women and get away with it.
OP, good on you for making a decision to not let a lying man who uses his family and religion as an excuse to justify his actions.
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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quote:Originally posted by Cheekyferret: I know a western lass who wants a baby but Egy hubby refuses. Not all dudes here think alike and I find those who say they will marry another to start a family generally just wanna be able to bed 2 women and get away with it.
OP, good on you for making a decision to not let a lying man who uses his family and religion as an excuse to justify his actions.
Yeahh,i also know this Egyptian girl who's not interested in getting married at all.Met her in person about 5 or 6 years ago,and still says the same thing.And for those,specially guys,who will say "maybe shes fugly or low class ",quite the contrary. Sure,not all are the same,but the majority of Egyptian men have this macho man attitude,and most Egy girls main interest is getting married.
Posts: 3833 | From: here,there,everywhere | Registered: Nov 2007
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A few female Egyptian friends of mine just want to focus on their education to enable them to travel and get out of Egypt.
They are bewildered why some westerners tolerate behaviour that is unacceptable in the West... and also in Egypt!
The dudes I hang out with don't want marriage of kids, they want to party and earn lots of money... I like this mentality Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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Is ths thread messed up on anyone elses puter?
I have the original posts missing and end of page 1 is same posts as end of page 2
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
Not this thread, Ayisha, but another thread was for me - I will just check if it still is.
Yes it is, there's a thread on the Living section where the whole of the original page 1 is vanished and I can only see page 2 (listed as page 1) and page 3 listed as page 2.
Wonder how that happens?
Posts: 5593 | From: Egypt | Registered: Dec 2005
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bugger me! It's all back to normal now, Weird!!
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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It did it on mine too. It's done it before then all reappeared.
Posts: 1678 | From: New Egypt Forum - http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Dec 2009
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