My marriage has been difficult at times, we have overcome it. I trust my husband, and he has a strong relationship with our daughter. His family hasnīt seen her yet and this would be the only chance for them to see her for at least another year. I cannot go with them, we donīt have enough money and I am tied up at work anyway. I am worried that she will have a shock, I am worried about the new environment, I am worried that I donīt know his family (esp. his mother) at all and I donīt know how they will want to control the situation with my daughter. My family is totally against it, last night my mother was crying on the telephone begging to not send her with him. I trust him but I am worried and not sure what is the right decision.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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My marriage has been difficult at times, we have overcome it. I trust my husband, and he has a strong relationship with our daughter. His family hasnīt seen her yet and this would be the only chance for them to see her for at least another year. I cannot go with them, we donīt have enough money and I am tied up at work anyway. I am worried that she will have a shock, I am worried about the new environment, I am worried that I donīt know his family (esp. his mother) at all and I donīt know how they will want to control the situation with my daughter. My family is totally against it, last night my mother was crying on the telephone begging to not send her with him. I trust him but I am worried and not sure what is the right decision.
Go with your inner instinct.
Just keep in mind that it might be the last time you see your daugther. Dont wanna be negative at all but if she was my daugther - no way.
We cant tell you what is the right thing to do - listen to your inner voice.
Posts: 1325 | From: For tooti http://www.csa.gov.uk/ | Registered: May 2009
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quote:Originally posted by Tibe still working: Go with your inner instinct.
Just keep in mind that it might be the last time you see your daugther. Dont wanna be negative at all but if she was my daugther - no way.
We cant tell you what is the right thing to do - listen to your inner voice.
Excellent reply, Tibe. Couldn't have said it any better.
Anthropos, you know your husband best, we are just a bunch of strangers.
Also I think since your daughter is merely 17 months old you should be present when visiting the in-laws in Egypt; she needs you.
Perhaps next summer would be a better idea when you have a more stronger and confident feeling about a trip to Egypt and also the financial resources will be available.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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I dont know your hubby and you dont know his family, sorry but if you dont know his family, especially his mother and dont know her views on 'things' I would be VERY reluctant to let her go without me. I think you know what im saying
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
I donīt think for a second that my husband is not going to come back with her.
My worries revolve around taking my daughter to a new environment and to new people without me.
My husband spends a lot of time with her, at least as much time as I do. But I know that she prefers me.
My husband has promised me that he will follow my instructions but I do know that his mother has a lot of influence on him. But at the same time he can control his mother easily. I have met all of them, but never spent any considerable time with them so I canīt say that I know them really.
My inner instincts donīt want to let her go, but still tell me that I have to trust my husband.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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posted
I wouldn't - and my husband and his family wouldn't expect me to either.
Three weeks is a long time for her to be away from you, in unfamiliar surroundings and it would be an unsettling enough experience for a little toddler being surrounded by strange people and away from her home and normal routine even if you WERE there too, so I'd definitely not put her through that if you can't be there with her. It's not about trust, it's about what's best for your daughter
Posts: 172 | From: UK | Registered: Jul 2005
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quote:Originally posted by madame f: I donīt think for a second that my husband is not going to come back with her.
My worries revolve around taking my daughter to a new environment and to new people without me.
My husband spends a lot of time with her, at least as much time as I do. But I know that she prefers me.
My husband has promised me that he will follow my instructions but I do know that his mother has a lot of influence on him. But at the same time he can control his mother easily. I have met all of them, but never spent any considerable time with them so I canīt say that I know them really.
My inner instincts donīt want to let her go, but still tell me that I have to trust my husband.
What if "Mama Egypt" says that its better for the child to grow up in Egypt???
Posts: 1325 | From: For tooti http://www.csa.gov.uk/ | Registered: May 2009
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quote:Originally posted by madame f: I donīt think for a second that my husband is not going to come back with her.
My worries revolve around taking my daughter to a new environment and to new people without me.
My husband spends a lot of time with her, at least as much time as I do. But I know that she prefers me.
My husband has promised me that he will follow my instructions but I do know that his mother has a lot of influence on him. But at the same time he can control his mother easily. I have met all of them, but never spent any considerable time with them so I canīt say that I know them really.
My inner instincts donīt want to let her go, but still tell me that I have to trust my husband.
What if "Mama Egypt" says that its better for the child to grow up in Egypt???
...and its time to have her bits chopped off! Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
Sorry MADAME F but no way on God's green earth would i let her go without me. There is always the chance she would not come back why take the risk ? you trust him yes? but do you trust him enough after what you have been thru in the past ?
Posts: 3945 | From: ' Res Contr ' Amor non es guirens, lai on sos poders s'atura | Registered: Dec 2007
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quote:Originally posted by madame f: I donīt think for a second that my husband is not going to come back with her.
My worries revolve around taking my daughter to a new environment and to new people without me.
My husband spends a lot of time with her, at least as much time as I do. But I know that she prefers me.
My husband has promised me that he will follow my instructions but I do know that his mother has a lot of influence on him. But at the same time he can control his mother easily. I have met all of them, but never spent any considerable time with them so I canīt say that I know them really.
My inner instincts donīt want to let her go, but still tell me that I have to trust my husband.
What if "Mama Egypt" says that its better for the child to grow up in Egypt???
...and its time to have her bits chopped off!
Uhhh dont even mention that. Would anyone do that to a baby??? I thought that was done when the was pre teen. - Still horrible though.
Posts: 1325 | From: For tooti http://www.csa.gov.uk/ | Registered: May 2009
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quote:Originally posted by Kalila : ): Sorry Tibe but no way on God's green earth would i let her go without me. There is always the chance she would not come back why take the risk ? you trust him yes? but do you trust him enough after what you have been thru in the past ?
??? Im not going anywhere without my kiddos ???? and my kiddos are "purely danish products" Posts: 1325 | From: For tooti http://www.csa.gov.uk/ | Registered: May 2009
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posted
I don't think that my husband is going to steal my daughter or have her mutilated.
He is her father and he wants to show her to his family.
I really don't know what to do. I feel also that if I say NO then my marriage is finished. I don't think my husband will understand it. He will think that I don't trust him.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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quote:Originally posted by madame f: I don't think that my husband is going to steal my daughter or have her mutilated.
He is her father and he wants to show her to his family.
I really don't know what to do. I feel also that if I say NO then my marriage is finished. I don't think my husband will understand it. He will think that I don't trust him.
Are the women in his family mutilated??
What about the heat this time a year?? Its hard for a baby to adjust to that temperature difference from where your living now and 40 degress Cairo. Cant you use that as an excuse and the fact that you cant live without your daugther for 3 weeks??
But in the end - only you knows what is best but based on what you have been telling about your relationsship and my personal experience with egyptian culture- im worried.
Posts: 1325 | From: For tooti http://www.csa.gov.uk/ | Registered: May 2009
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posted
It's a shame you don't feel your marriage is strong enough for your husband not to realise that your daughter is the most important one here. You've got years ahead of you to show your daughter off to his Egyptian family together - or later on, when she's less dependent on her mother, without you maybe. But for now, I can't understand any father not appreciating that this isn't about trust. How would you feel to hear her upset and unsettled and know that she'd be miserable and upset without you all that way from home? Sorry, but I couldn't and wouldn't ever enve consider this.
Posts: 172 | From: UK | Registered: Jul 2005
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He is her father and I trust him. He has really stepped up as a father and gotten involved in taking care of her. Today for example he is at home with her because she is sick and I am at work.
Still I donīt know if he caīn take care of her emotionally. Or am I just putting myself on a high horse because I am the mother. Meaning she has to have me.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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first as for me i could never marry a man if i havent met his mama.and if u have been with him for a few yrs and u trust him he is her father y not trust him to take her???
-------------------- your ass is so tight when you fart only a dog can hear it.when you queef only a cat can hear that one. Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
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quote:Originally posted by madame f: I feel also that if I say NO then my marriage is finished. I don't think my husband will understand it. He will think that I don't trust him.
Seriously you gotta say NO if you feel this way.
How about your husband doesn't take such a long break and works instead to save up money so you all can go on vacation to Egypt at a later time?? Just a thought.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
I have met his mother when I was in Egypt. The problem is that she doesn't speak English and I don't speak Arabic. She is nice and warm and my daughter has seen her million of times on the webcam.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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quote:Originally posted by madame f: I feel also that if I say NO then my marriage is finished. I don't think my husband will understand it. He will think that I don't trust him.
Seriously you gotta say NO if you feel this way.
How about your husband doesn't take such a long break and works instead to save up money so you all can go on vacation to Egypt at a later time?? Just a thought.
Your writting my thoughts. Why not wait till all 3 of you can afford to go?
Posts: 1325 | From: For tooti http://www.csa.gov.uk/ | Registered: May 2009
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posted
well walids mom doesnt speak english too but that wouldnt stop me from visiting i say he is her father and i think its a great idea if he wants to take her there to see his family. unless in ur gut u think he wont come back??i guess it is all in how well u trust yr husband. but yr daughter will be fine with his family i highly doubt they would do anythig to harm her. whats the worst that can happen they will smother her with affection and knoledge.
-------------------- your ass is so tight when you fart only a dog can hear it.when you queef only a cat can hear that one. Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
I think it is geginning to be too hot now to come here, especially when she has been raised in Europe so far. It is much more fun for HER and for everybody if you can postpone the visit and perhaps save money so you can go all together. We can't go out when it's really hot because our son gets irritated and is cranky - of course. Seriously, she will get more out of the visit later. Sure, you can go out in the evening but it is just not the same. Lively kids get bored quite fast if they have to stay indoors from morning till late afternoon/evening.
And the fact that if he will get mad of you saying no to that point that even your marriage would be over Yes it is understandable that he will be very dissappointed, who wouldn't. But end of marriage You can go all together later!
Posts: 758 | From: Finland | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
If TL is right, and she is only 17months, then no way. And it isn't because she might get kidnapped, or any other horror story, but because she is far too young to go weeks without her mum, in a strange place, that will be absolutely boiling.
-------------------- Another one.... Posts: 2573 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2008
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I agree Cloudberry, my husband would totally understand why i would not let my young baby travel to Egypt without me. It is not about trust, it is about the baby, and what it right for her. At that age i couldn't have a wee without my baby there God know how they would of felt without me for 3 weeks!
Your husband may be a 'hands on' daddy now but he really needs to think about what is right for your baby, like someone else said - save and all travel together later in the year.
Sorry to say madame f but if you really feel that your marriage will be over because of this, then surely you had no marriage to begin with Posts: 895 | Registered: Sep 2007
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ooooooo if she is just a baby she wouldnt get much out of the trip now shes far too young.i am with tl on that say no until u can all go.. sorry i was under the impression she was 5 yrs old or older..girl dont let yr baby go...
-------------------- your ass is so tight when you fart only a dog can hear it.when you queef only a cat can hear that one. Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
Since many egyptian men are not as active or participatory in childcare as perhaps in your country...I don't think anyone from his Egyptian family would expect a small child to travel without her mother.
On arrival, childcare will be handled by your mother-in-law and your sister-in-law and your husband will be shooed away.
What kind of impression do you think you're going to make on his family by NOT going with your daughter? They're going to gossip about you being a bad mother, full stop.
Posts: 2182 | Registered: Oct 2002
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quote:Originally posted by madame f: If I were travelling alone with her for 3 weeks somewhere then it would be OK?
Then you will be taking care of her. When your hubby arrieves in Cairo his mum, sisters, sister in laws will take her and he will go to the coffee shop with his brothers and friends. (most likely) Most (read all) european mother also tend to come back to their home after vacation.
Posts: 1325 | From: For tooti http://www.csa.gov.uk/ | Registered: May 2009
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quote:Originally posted by madame f: If I were travelling alone with her for 3 weeks somewhere then it would be OK?
It depends really but if one (you) have been primarily taking care of one's (your) baby then it seems ok altough I would say that 3 weeks is quite a long period of time to be away from other parent. But I realise this is one problem when you are in an intercultural relationship. If possible it is always best to travel together.
And it is a myth that all mothers are saints and fit for mothers. Many people still fall in to that trap. "oh how can she do this and that, she's a Mother" or "no, she can't do anything bad, she's a Mother". Motherhood doesn't turn women into saints or good people. Also they kidnap their babies. Maybe less but it doesn't make it more acceptable.
Posts: 758 | From: Finland | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
No, why? It was general and partly directed at Tibe's post. All women do not come back from holiday with their kids. It is a fact.
Posts: 758 | From: Finland | Registered: Jun 2006
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quote:Originally posted by cloudberry: No, why? It was general and partly directed at Tibe's post. All women do not come back from holiday with their kids. It is a fact.
Yes if they go of to Crete or other holiday destinations on a normal holiday and they normally live in their birth country.
And Anthropos i DEFENDTLY DONT think your a bad person or bad mum. If you wasnt a good mum then you wouldnt even have asked the question - you would just had let him fly off with no concerns what so ever. You are a good and concerned mum - in my opinion. - And only you knows what is best for your little girl.
Posts: 1325 | From: For tooti http://www.csa.gov.uk/ | Registered: May 2009
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posted
I agree with Tibe, Tiger and the others... there's no way I would let this child to Egypt with her father! It's not an issue of whether you trust him or not.... it's an issue of whether you can sleep at night for 3 weeks wondering what's happening to your baby girl.... What if he and his family decide she should not return you you.... what could you do?? Nothing!!!! Egyptian courts rule in favour of the Egyptian father.... so you'd probably never get her back.... if you ever found her!! Sorry.... I wouldn't even take her to visit until she was older... the she would be in my supervision 100% of the time!! I have a friend with a half-Egyptian baby... she now lives in Europe.... I don't want to betray her privacy.... but there's nothing the guy won't do to get his baby to Egypt!!
Posts: 4238 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
I couldn't let my children (twins) be without me for a day when they were that young. Their father took them to his relatives for 6 hours and I was a total wreck. To be honest, my kids are teenagers now and I wouldn't let them go to Egypt for three weeks.
Posts: 319 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2006
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posted
No, I wouldn't. She is too young, still needs her mummy besides her, the climate is too hot, the food is different, the bacteria's there are different as where she is used to, so she will get sick, the healthcare is also la-la, and there isn't any chance to get her back if something happens. Reasons enough to not do this?
What I don't understand; if your financial status is really that bad that you can't afford tickets for both of you, why not work hard both and save, so that you can go together next year or the coming winter?
Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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quote:Originally posted by unsure: I couldn't let my children (twins) be without me for a day when they were that young. Their father took them to his relatives for 6 hours and I was a total wreck. To be honest, my kids are teenagers now and I wouldn't let them go to Egypt for three weeks.
I personally think that this kind of parenting is paranoid. It is not my style.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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posted
It's a very personal thing in my opinion. It is not paranoid to want your children always close to you. It is a sign you love them and do not want anything bad to happen to them. I had an over-protective mum (due to circumstances she became that way) and I always swore I would be differently. I am to a certain extent, I am not worried all the time but I like them to sleep at home. My son sometimes sleeps at friends' houses and I must say I'm always happy he's back home. He goes on sportscamps but then I give him a mobile phone so he can send a few textmessages that week.
Your child is still very young and I think her father shouldn't make a big deal of it when you say you would miss her too much during those 3 weeks. As Tigerlily and Mrs Questionmarks said, you should go as a family and maybe just for 10 days (less expensive).
Posts: 2932 | From: Just now and then | Registered: Nov 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Kalila : ): Sorry Tibe but no way on God's green earth would i let her go without me. There is always the chance she would not come back why take the risk ? you trust him yes? but do you trust him enough after what you have been thru in the past ?
??? Im not going anywhere without my kiddos ???? and my kiddos are "purely danish products"
Apologies to you Tibe by know you know i meant MF Posts: 3945 | From: ' Res Contr ' Amor non es guirens, lai on sos poders s'atura | Registered: Dec 2007
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posted
There are many reasons why you shouldn't let her go alone: 1. she is far too young. It is damaging for children of that age to be separated from their primary carer, they don't understand that the separation is temporary. she will think you're gone forever. this was proven by studies in the UK where they used to not allow family visits when children were hospitalized (back in the 60s 70s?) believing it to be in the best interest of the chldren who got upset when vistis were over. soon the children became withdrawn and would turn away from their parents when they were finally released from hospital. it took them some time to recover. they changed the policy completely, now mothers are expected to stay with children as it is far less damaging. 2. your egyptian family will understand perfectly why you as mother should not be separated from your baby daughter. mothers do 99% of the childcare in egypt, men are usually just shadowy figures in the background at that age. 3. if there is a danger of her not coming back then even more reason to be cautious. 4. look up separation anxiety etc on the net to show your husband you're acting in the best interests of his child not to let him go alone with her, nothing to do with not trusting him. 5. borrow money for all of you to go, it can't be that expensive.
Posts: 1039 | From: Cairo | Registered: Sep 2002
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posted
I am not paranoid. My kids are 14 and I wouldn't send them to Egypt. The only person they know is their stepfather from Egypt (Egyptian)and no one else. They don't speak arabic. I know my kids would be left with people they don't know. Yes, they see the family on webcam but I will not send my minor children to Egypt depending on strangers. I know well they won't be with their dad all the time.
Posts: 319 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2006
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posted
He has promised me that he will be with her the whole time. I would say that he is a primary care taker of the child as much as me. Yes she was inside of me and fed on my breast and when we are both in her presence she prefers me but when they are alone or he is alone with her she looks to him for comfort very easily. I do fear that she will not understand that I am not gone forever and that she might be shy to me when she returns. The biggest problem is that this is my husband's only chance to go to Egypt for the next 3 years until he gets the citizenship (problems with the army). So it is kind of now or never. And unfortunately I live in a country which has been hit hard by the international crisis, our monetary currency has dropped dramatically. Of course it would be most ideal if we all went together but that would mean spending all our savings on this one trip. My husband feels so guilty that he hasn't shown his daughter to his family that he feels that he simply must go.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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posted
Madame F if you said you feel your marriage would be over if you did not let your baby visit Egypt with your husband..I think you have your answer. Whats more important a marriage or your baby ? Your baby should be put first before your husband.If your husband disagre's with this then just divorce him simple as that.
Stay in your country and dont let your husband take your baby to egypt..because 100% you'll not see her again.
quote:Originally posted by marydot: Madame F if you said you feel your marriage would be over if you did not let your baby visit Egypt with your husband..I think you have your answer. Whats more important a marriage or your baby ? Your baby should be put first before your husband.If your husband disagre's with this then just divorce him simple as that.
Stay in your country and dont let your husband take your baby to egypt..because 100% you'll not see her again.
posted
Posting this question at all is a sign that it's wrong. If it were right in your gut, there would be no question!
I'm sure all the mothers of kidnapped children trusted their fathers that they would bring them back. They didn't. You cannot go on trust alone because you may very well never see her again.
And don't be so quick to think that his mother wouldn't have more to do with this when he's over there. Moms have real control over their sons in Egypt. Your husband would let the women in his family take over the care of your daughter because it is the acceptable thing there.
You said you trust your husband fully with her yet you cannot trust your marriages survival with him. Big. Red. Flag.
Posts: 246 | From: but one life to live | Registered: Jun 2008
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posted
madame f, you have control over what happens with your daughter in your own country...keep it.
-------------------- "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." (Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton) Leap and the Net will Appear. Posts: 3891 | From: No good deed goes unpunished. | Registered: May 2007
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posted
Marydot quoted: Stay in your country and dont let your husband take your baby to egypt..because 100% you'll not see her again.
------------------------------------------------
I think that's a bit tough! Of course there *may* be chance of that happening but 100%!
There are many factors as to why i wouldn't allow this as people stated already. Just save and hopefully travel together as family in the future. Your husbands family *should* understand this, as should he!
Posts: 895 | Registered: Sep 2007
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posted
sorry to have to say this, but everyone knows sono, she thought her daughter would only be in Egypt 4 months, she is still there after how many years? Sono now has to visit her and she is not even with the father as he also lives in USA, the child was left with his parents to be raised.
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:Originally posted by madame f: He has promised me that he will be with her the whole time. I would say that he is a primary care taker of the child as much as me. Yes she was inside of me and fed on my breast and when we are both in her presence she prefers me but when they are alone or he is alone with her she looks to him for comfort very easily. I do fear that she will not understand that I am not gone forever and that she might be shy to me when she returns. The biggest problem is that this is my husband's only chance to go to Egypt for the next 3 years until he gets the citizenship (problems with the army). So it is kind of now or never. And unfortunately I live in a country which has been hit hard by the international crisis, our monetary currency has dropped dramatically. Of course it would be most ideal if we all went together but that would mean spending all our savings on this one trip. My husband feels so guilty that he hasn't shown his daughter to his family that he feels that he simply must go.
She is 17 months old she PREFERS YOU Your husband feels guilty, then he should stay home and work and YOU take the baby to meet his family
Sorry but his promise of being with her the whole time will end as he gets off the plane! It just isn't DONE here.
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