posted
1. FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE MORE – in any relationship, communication is essential. One way is to build good listening skills. One needs to let the other person know what is in his or her mind. We cannot keep on second-guessing the other person. Open communication even becomes critical so as not to misunderstand each other. Problems arise when one partner expects the other to read his or her mind and you will agree with me that this is close to impossible.
2. SELFISHNESS – difficult as this may sound but when we are self-centered, we tend to dismiss the other person's feelings and say anything we want to say to suit our moods. To be outward-looking is to be concerned of the feelings of the other person. You can ask yourself "Did I make him happy today or did I hurt his feelings?" Again, its important to build good listening skills. Most of the time because of pride we tend to hurt the other. In order to maintain unity in a relationship, we need to remove our pride. How? By thinking and caring more for the other person and trying to serve him better.
3. LACK OF SHOW OF AFFECTION – we are social people. We interact with each other. One of the best ways to relay our feelings and concerns is a gentle touch, a warm hug, a peck in the cheek and other means of showing our affection. It is important to say "You know that I love you…" to the person dearest to you. However you need to also to show your love outwardly one way or another. For example, I make it a point to kiss my wife goodbye every time I leave for work. Affection brings warmth and closeness to each other.
4. RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE NOT GOD CENTERED – Christians look at the phrase "Put God first in your Life". Christians believe that GOD is LOVE and experience His immense love. With the awareness of putting God in the relationship, we elevate that relationship into a higher plane, a higher level. This is an INCREDIBLE way of enhancing the relationship. Trust, concern, caring, being kind, forgiveness etc. naturally follows with this awareness that God is around, guiding the relationship.
5. ABSENCE OF FRIENDSHIP – "we're lovers, not friends" as a saying goes. But let's face it, being married for say, 7 years would make any couple fall from the ‘romantic' state and settle to a "dry" relationship. But keeping in mind that you were friends before you got married and that you did things that you had in common, you can press the "refresh" button and build that friendship. I found out that my wife IS my BEST FRIEND.
Posts: 1474 | From: in my own paradise | Registered: Sep 2006
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posted
This is a rather Western look on how marriage should be. And you also know "should and would" are words containing disappointments. I think many (Egyptian) women would be very satisfied with only a few points from this in their marriage...
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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-------------------- Learn from the past. Live in the present. Hope for the future. Posts: 1474 | From: in my own paradise | Registered: Sep 2006
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posted
In the minds of the one who wrote this reasons, and in the minds of many dissappointed people, I guess... There must be a reason to write this, and I think it`s disappointment...
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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do you want your partner to be your best friend??? Yes
do you feel that you need to communicate more???? Lots of people say Yes
Can partners be selfish? yes
If you have children do you need to find time for you and your partner? yes
Do some people 'wake up' after 10 years of marriage or more and not recognise the person next to them? yes
-------------------- Learn from the past. Live in the present. Hope for the future. Posts: 1474 | From: in my own paradise | Registered: Sep 2006
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posted
So, after that waking up there is would and should in mind...And that`s ... etc.etc.
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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It helps to know while you're married/relationship to keep the love alive.
Some couples go for a date on a friday or saturday night, to rekindle that old feeling.
some relationships can't be saved as there are other issues.
Is it important to make time for each other and value easch other and respect each????? YES
Do women sometimes neglect their husbands once children arrive? YES
Do some women let themselves 'go' once they are married??? YES
Is it important to know how to keep the marriage alive and remeber why you fell in love with each other??? YES
-------------------- Learn from the past. Live in the present. Hope for the future. Posts: 1474 | From: in my own paradise | Registered: Sep 2006
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-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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quote:Originally posted by ?????: This is a rather Western look on how marriage should be. And you also know "should and would" are words containing disappointments. I think many (Egyptian) women would be very satisfied with only a few points from this in their marriage...
lol tell that to the two egyptian women who CONSTANTLY scream at their husbands to where the entire building hears almost everyday and sometimes waking everyone up at 2:00 a.m. They don't sound very satisified Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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Fridays just before or after prayers are usually intresting.
-------------------- Learn from the past. Live in the present. Hope for the future. Posts: 1474 | From: in my own paradise | Registered: Sep 2006
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posted
But hell you can avoid all those problems above by not speaking the same language.
Many Egyptian/Foreign marriages thrive on the inability of both partners to speak a common language.
Posts: 3168 | From: If you don't like it, don't look or read it! | Registered: Oct 2006
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quote:4. RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE NOT GOD CENTERED – Christians look at the phrase "Put God first in your Life". Christians believe that GOD is LOVE and experience His immense love. With the awareness of putting God in the relationship, we elevate that relationship into a higher plane, a higher level. This is an INCREDIBLE way of enhancing the relationship. Trust, concern, caring, being kind, forgiveness etc. naturally follows with this awareness that God is around, guiding the relationship.
I doubt my future wife will want any god watching our relationship in bed. I don't think I would be advocating being "god centered" while my face is between her thighs, as that might kill the mood. I would think who ever is running the universe has better things to do than watch over my relationships. Perhaps starting with ending war and poverty? Bugger off my relations and start doing the important things! Posts: 345 | Registered: Aug 2006
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quote:4. RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE NOT GOD CENTERED – Christians look at the phrase "Put God first in your Life". Christians believe that GOD is LOVE and experience His immense love. With the awareness of putting God in the relationship, we elevate that relationship into a higher plane, a higher level. This is an INCREDIBLE way of enhancing the relationship. Trust, concern, caring, being kind, forgiveness etc. naturally follows with this awareness that God is around, guiding the relationship.
I doubt my future wife will want any god watching our relationship in bed. I don't think I would be advocating being "god centered" while my face is between her thighs, as that might kill the mood. I would think who ever is running the universe has better things to do than watch over my relationships. Perhaps starting with ending war and poverty? Bugger off my relations and start doing the important things!
And I suppose you and your wife will be entirely unclothed during this process?
Are you sure you have Egyptian parents?
Posts: 3168 | From: If you don't like it, don't look or read it! | Registered: Oct 2006
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posted
Unclothed, lightly oiled, and maybe a mirrored disco-ball or a strobelight My parents grew up in the Egypt of the 50's, 60's, and 70's. Things regarding religion have changed a lot, which is why many of their generation barely recognize the Egypt of today. Besides, I suspect my parents married for reasons other than their way of religion Posts: 345 | Registered: Aug 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Am I bovvered(WOTEVER): 1. FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE MORE – 2. SELFISHNESS – 3. LACK OF SHOW OF AFFECTION – 4. RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE NOT GOD CENTERED – 5. ABSENCE OF FRIENDSHIP –
Yes I can agree that my ex marriage failed on these points Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
Samarra_Anissa seems to be judging a whole nation of men on the behaviour of her ex husband. Is this fair? Implying that good-looking men are incompetent in bed made me laugh. Such sweeping generalisations are funny and I can only guess that Samarra is joking, regarding the unclothed remark. Men like their wives naked or with as few clothes as possible, the world over. I can't imagine the average Egyptian man having a different view on this.
Posts: 2953 | From: Slightly south of Azkaban. | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
i dont get this u telling me that eg yptian men like there woman to be clothed and him too while having a good shag ....oh my my my i must be doin summat wrong then HAHAHAHA i know i forgot to peel my skin off ..i say peeeeeeeeeeeel me baby peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel me and eat me ,lavely orgasm .... Posts: 4597 | Registered: Jun 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Am I bovvered(WOTEVER): 1. FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE MORE – 2. SELFISHNESS – 3. LACK OF SHOW OF AFFECTION – 4. RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE NOT GOD CENTERED – 5. ABSENCE OF FRIENDSHIP –
Yes I can agree that my ex marriage failed on these points
I agree with the above points, except the God centred one. That would be a deal breaker, for me. All of the happily married people I know don't have God centred relationships. God is not an issue.
Posts: 2953 | From: Slightly south of Azkaban. | Registered: Aug 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Am I bovvered(WOTEVER): 1. FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE MORE – 2. SELFISHNESS – 3. LACK OF SHOW OF AFFECTION – 4. RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE NOT GOD CENTERED – 5. ABSENCE OF FRIENDSHIP –
Yes I can agree that my ex marriage failed on these points
I agree with the above points, except the God centred one. That would be a deal breaker, for me. All of the happily married people I know don't have God centred relationships. God is not an issue.
oopps I had meant to delete that line too Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Samarra_Anissa: And I suppose you and your wife will be entirely unclothed during this process?
Are you sure you have Egyptian parents?
this is a joke, right?
Delivering a fatwa on oral sex, 79-year-old Dr Qaradawi describes it as a disgusting western practice, resulting from westerners' habit of "stripping naked during sexual intercourse"
posted
LOL Dalia. Clearly Dr Qaradawi has never heard of The Kama Sutra.
The Guardian: ''Actually, it had never occurred to me that Muslims might be required to keep their clothes on during their most intimate moments until a few months ago when I was browsing through IslamOnline, the website supervised by the prominent (and controversial) Qatar-based cleric, Yusuf al-Qaradawi.
Delivering a fatwa on oral sex, 79-year-old Dr Qaradawi describes it as a disgusting western practice, resulting from westerners' habit of "stripping naked during sexual intercourse".
I would credit other Egyptian scholars with a degree more sense than this. Dr Qaradawi does explain Samarra_Anissa's statement though I'm unconvinced this view is widely held.
Posts: 2953 | From: Slightly south of Azkaban. | Registered: Aug 2006
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The Guardian: ''Actually, it had never occurred to me that Muslims might be required to keep their clothes on during their most intimate moments until a few months ago when I was browsing through IslamOnline, the website supervised by the prominent (and controversial) Qatar-based cleric, Yusuf al-Qaradawi.
Delivering a fatwa on oral sex, 79-year-old Dr Qaradawi describes it as a disgusting western practice, resulting from westerners' habit of "stripping naked during sexual intercourse".
I would credit other Egyptian scholars with a degree more sense than this. Dr Qaradawi does explain Samarra_Anissa's statement though I'm unconvinced this view is widely held. [/QB]
No, This sheikh was widely critisized in the Egyptian newspapers for his fatwa........... It's absured that two people should have sex with their clothes on & if they were naked their marriage is not considered halal & it's null
Oral sex is a personal preference........ In Egypt some people do it & some dont becuase they are disgusted by it
Posts: 3128 | From: Not Your Heaven | Registered: Sep 2006
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posted
Yeah, Angel, that's why I find more sense in the opinions of other scholars mentioned in the article. This seems like a matter of personal preference, the world over. Maybe Samarra_Anissa's husband is a follower of Dr Qaradawi? Posts: 2953 | From: Slightly south of Azkaban. | Registered: Aug 2006
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quote:Originally posted by SayWhatYouSee: Yeah, Angel, that's why I find more sense in the opinions of other scholars mentioned in the article. This seems like a matter of personal preference, the world over. Maybe Samarra_Anissa's husband is a follower of Dr Qaradawi?
LOL ............. I think people shouldnt be disgusted by it Posts: 3128 | From: Not Your Heaven | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by tami025: because men suck.
Lol! But don't women suck as well.....
If I have anything to do with it....
BA x
you know each time you post i think NOOOO, there are NO bronzed adonis in Nottingham Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:Originally posted by SayWhatYouSee: Samarra_Anissa seems to be judging a whole nation of men on the behaviour of her ex husband. Is this fair? Implying that good-looking men are incompetent in bed made me laugh. Such sweeping generalisations are funny and I can only guess that Samarra is joking, regarding the unclothed remark. Men like their wives naked or with as few clothes as possible, the world over. I can't imagine the average Egyptian man having a different view on this.
Actually there was a few threads on this.
Again, you are wrong about this and not only me has done the research:
Unlike many women on this board, I was married on US soil, didn't meet him over the internet and wasn't a sugarmama. So I ended up with the authenic article.
I was put under the same constraints and expectations that an Egyptian wife would be subjected to without knowking what those constraints and expectations are.
But again I remember your first post on ES, and like many Brits/Europeans they just can't see the world doing anything different than they would. Posts: 3168 | From: If you don't like it, don't look or read it! | Registered: Oct 2006
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Too bad you will be thinking of me at that very moment (evil grin).
thats spoilt it now, this will happen you know and bursting out laughing at that moment is not going to be a good thing Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:Originally posted by SayWhatYouSee: Samarra_Anissa seems to be judging a whole nation of men on the behaviour of her ex husband. Is this fair? Implying that good-looking men are incompetent in bed made me laugh. Such sweeping generalisations are funny and I can only guess that Samarra is joking, regarding the unclothed remark. Men like their wives naked or with as few clothes as possible, the world over. I can't imagine the average Egyptian man having a different view on this.
Actually there was a few threads on this.
Again, you are wrong about this and not only me has done the research:
Unlike many women on this board, I was married on US soil, didn't meet him over the internet and wasn't a sugarmama. So I ended up with the authenic article.
I was put under the same constraints and expectations that an Egyptian wife would be subjected to without knowking what those constraints and expectations are.
But again I remember your first post on ES, and like many Brits/Europeans they just can't see the world doing anything different than they would.
Samarra-Anissa, the 'evidence' you present - three strands on an ES forum - hardly represents a conclusive study. I try to be fair to you, torture as it is but too often you can't see beyond your own sad experiences.
I too remember our first encounter where you made up statistics based on your very limited experience of travelling to Egypt (one visit, for eight weeks, it seems to have been). If it was two visits, totalling eight weeks, feel free to correct me. When you have travelled as much as I have, trying to learn about different cultures, with an open mind, you will be in a position to debate properly. Have you even been to a country other than Egypt, outside the states? I don't present myself as an expert on anything. You are a self appointed authority on all matters, yet your limited frame of reference betrays you.
You have clearly had a tough life and still have a tough life. Why you need to put down other women on this board, in a weak attempt to impose a perceived respectability on a horrible marriage is beyond me. I feel sorry for you but this is tempered by the fact that you are incapable of admitting when you are wrong. This is sad:
''I was put under the same constraints and expectations that an Egyptian wife would be subjected to without knowking what those constraints and expectations are''
In the meantime, look again at the advice I gave you on our first clash. ''You are entitled to your own opinions, not your own facts''Posts: 2953 | From: Slightly south of Azkaban. | Registered: Aug 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Samarra_Anissa: Unlike many women on this board, I was married on US soil, didn't meet him over the internet and wasn't a sugarmama. So I ended up with the authenic article.
How does marrying an Egyptian who live in the US make him the "authentic article"? I would think the "authentic article" would not want to live in the US but rather would want to stay in Egypt.
Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Samarra_Anissa: Unlike many women on this board, I was married on US soil, didn't meet him over the internet and wasn't a sugarmama. So I ended up with the authenic article.
How does marrying an Egyptian who live in the US make him the "authentic article"? I would think the "authentic article" would not want to live in the US but rather would want to stay in Egypt.
Because he doesn't feel compelled to dump his culture and belief system in order to gain access to a Foreign visa.
Many women hold the prospect of a visa or money above their Egy-guys head and of course these egy-guys do everything to accomodate their western love interests.
I don't have the same leverage and wouldn't use that kind of leverage if I did. Besides having a child with your legitimate egy-husband puts out an entirely different set of standards that wasn't there before and these standards come out of nowhere once the child is in the picture.
I know its that "leverage" which propels an ESer to quip, "My egyptian is different, he's open-minded".
Posts: 3168 | From: If you don't like it, don't look or read it! | Registered: Oct 2006
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quote:Originally posted by SayWhatYouSee: Samarra_Anissa seems to be judging a whole nation of men on the behaviour of her ex husband. Is this fair? Implying that good-looking men are incompetent in bed made me laugh. Such sweeping generalisations are funny and I can only guess that Samarra is joking, regarding the unclothed remark. Men like their wives naked or with as few clothes as possible, the world over. I can't imagine the average Egyptian man having a different view on this.
Actually there was a few threads on this.
Again, you are wrong about this and not only me has done the research:
Unlike many women on this board, I was married on US soil, didn't meet him over the internet and wasn't a sugarmama. So I ended up with the authenic article.
I was put under the same constraints and expectations that an Egyptian wife would be subjected to without knowking what those constraints and expectations are.
But again I remember your first post on ES, and like many Brits/Europeans they just can't see the world doing anything different than they would.
Samarra-Anissa, the 'evidence' you present - three strands on an ES forum - hardly represents a conclusive study. I try to be fair to you, torture as it is but too often you can't see beyond your own sad experiences.
I too remember our first encounter where you made up statistics based on your very limited experience of travelling to Egypt (one visit, for eight weeks, it seems to have been). If it was two visits, totalling eight weeks, feel free to correct me. When you have travelled as much as I have, trying to learn about different cultures, with an open mind, you will be in a position to debate properly. Have you even been to a country other than Egypt, outside the states? I don't present myself as an expert on anything. You are a self appointed authority on all matters, yet your limited frame of reference betrays you.
You have clearly had a tough life and still have a tough life. Why you need to put down other women on this board, in a weak attempt to impose a perceived respectability on a horrible marriage is beyond me. I feel sorry for you but this is tempered by the fact that you are incapable of admitting when you are wrong. This is sad:
''I was put under the same constraints and expectations that an Egyptian wife would be subjected to without knowking what those constraints and expectations are''
In the meantime, look again at the advice I gave you on our first clash. ''You are entitled to your own opinions, not your own facts''
Actually my "personal experience" from being married to an Egyptian guy, not from being on vacation has its origins in scriptural interpretation of Hebrews which was adapted to Muslim Fatwas. If you read the articles in the threads you'll see this is common because many Egyptians not westernized have been performing their carnal relations like this for a very long time because it corresponds to a Fatwa that has been around for several hundred years.
And I was backed up by other usernames who found the sources detailing this practice for milenias.
So either understand that even spending multiple vacations as a Brit in Egypt, who has yet to admit to being in bed with an Egyptian guy or a person who is part of an Egyptian family that expects her to behave Egyptian not American. And I have had actually sexual relations with an Egyptian many, many, many times. Lived in the same home with this Egyptian guy which trumps only knowing an Egyptian guy via the internet or sharing his bed for a few weeks at a time.
Would a Russian bride who has visited the USA several times in addition to online flirtations know more about the American sex habits than a Russian bride who has married and lived in the USA for 5 years, residing in the same home day in and day out for those 5 years with her American hubby understand the American sexual habits more?
SayWhatYouSee, either read the threads and articles in full or get married to and have sex with an Egy-guy for 5 years then tell me I am wrong.
posted
Samarra_Anissa thanks for the link but I already own Richard Burton translations of The Perfumed Garden and The Kama Sutra. I am not saying your personal experience is ' wrong ' just that you can't apply it to every Egyptian man or woman in a relationship with one. This is simply common sense. It's obvious how frustrating, sad and confusing early marriage must have been for you, from your posts.
I don't need to be married to an Egyptian man (nor do I have anything to 'admit') to read the accounts that differ dramatically from yours. Does that mean you or they are ' wrong '? No. It just means that you have different experiences of Egyptian men and relationships. Why is that a problem? Just take a chill pill. Do you think every catholic obeys the pope's teachings on birth control or every muslim obeys the more extreme clerics? Egyptian culture is very different in how sex and sexuality is approached. That doesn't mean that every Egyptian man is uncaring or a hopeless lover.
Posts: 2953 | From: Slightly south of Azkaban. | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
Ok I asked my guy if when we're married we have to wear clothes while we are intimate and he almost blew his red tea onto the computer monitor and laughed so hard his stomach hurt.
I really don't think this is something that's done by most Egyptians. Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Samarra_Anissa: And I suppose you and your wife will be entirely unclothed during this process?
Are you sure you have Egyptian parents?
this is a joke, right?
No Ayisha.... its not a joke. I believe she posted on here asking if it was normal for her egyptian husband to make love with sheet between them with a strategically placed hole in it because thats what he did. Not sure she has ever seen him butt naked either. So its obviously "normal" for her.....
Posts: 33 | From: the back of beyond | Registered: Sep 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Samarra_Anissa: And I suppose you and your wife will be entirely unclothed during this process?
Are you sure you have Egyptian parents?
this is a joke, right?
No Ayisha.... its not a joke. I believe she posted on here asking if it was normal for her egyptian husband to make love with sheet between them with a strategically placed hole in it because thats what he did. Not sure she has ever seen him butt naked either. So its obviously "normal" for her.....
quote:Originally posted by Samarra_Anissa: And I suppose you and your wife will be entirely unclothed during this process?
Are you sure you have Egyptian parents?
this is a joke, right?
No Ayisha.... its not a joke. I believe she posted on here asking if it was normal for her egyptian husband to make love with sheet between them with a strategically placed hole in it because thats what he did. Not sure she has ever seen him butt naked either. So its obviously "normal" for her.....
whhhhhhhat?? that's insane & absured & the funniest thing I ever heard
Can his thing be that long? Posts: 3128 | From: Not Your Heaven | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by SayWhatYouSee: Do you think every catholic obeys the pope's teachings on birth control or every muslim obeys the more extreme clerics? Egyptian culture is very different in how sex and sexuality is approached. That doesn't mean that every Egyptian man is uncaring or a hopeless lover.
Wow that's a good sentence, you make perfect sense & I couldnt agree more.
Posts: 3128 | From: Not Your Heaven | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by tami025: because men suck.
Lol! But don't women suck as well.....
If I have anything to do with it....
BA x
you know each time you post i think NOOOO, there are NO bronzed adonis in Nottingham
Ayisha, I think we need to go on a mission to see if we can find one....... cos I never knew there were any either
Posts: 1196 | From: www.spiritofthenile.com | Registered: Jun 2002
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