quote:Originally posted by learningarabic: Our marriage isnt a secret, his father knows, his best friends know, my family knows...
That might not be a secret by your standards, but by Egyptian standards it is dodgy, to say the least.
To you it might be normal to have a small private wedding ceremony without your in-laws being involved or even knowing about it, but in Egypt marriage is a big deal. I'm sure you've heard about the wedding parties and the whole hype surrounding them.
You sound like a reasonable person but, as others have already pointed out, you are judging things from your own cultural perspective and that might prevent you from seeing the situation clearly.
I would also be curious about the answers to the questions above, as that might make it a bit easier for people here to be able to evaluate your situation and give advice.
Best of luck, and I hope you'll find a solution that gives you peace.
Posts: 2803 | Registered: Feb 2007
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posted
We are legally married at the MOJ, had our papers stamped form the canadian embassy and had a lawyer we hired draw up an aidditonal contract as well with certian specification I asked for...and he added dowry for marriage and in event of a divorce.
I spent 4 weeks in Cairo
He lives with his parents most of the time in their home and sometimes he is with this best friend in Cairo as it is easier to travel to work. Id rather not give out the name of the town he lives in.
He is a Network Engineer and works in his field in one of the biggest companies in Egypt
As a mother, I will not decide the lives of my kids..i raise them and guide them to the best of my ability, provide then with tools and advice but in the end they will choose for themselves..this is their life to live, and they will make good and bad choices, all I hope is that they learn form every situation. It's not me to approve of their life, if they are happy, so am I. If they make mistakes I will be the first to help them through, but I cannot and will not force my opinions on them.
I am not converted to Islam...my husband has asked me to study the Quran and have an open heart to it. In the end he said its my choice and he will respect me in this choice. I know he's hoping I convert but he has made it clear it must come from me and not to do it for him. If I choose not to convert, and we stay married,I will do all i can to support and encourage his beliefs and adjust to his needs in this. If we ever have kids, they will be raised muslim.
Im presently learning Arabic, I have just started so my knowledge is still minimal. I decided on my own to learn, however, husband is encouraging me with hopes at some point I will be able to communicate with his family.
He is completly fluent in english...he's writing skills are amazing and better then mine, he corrects my grammar sometimes. He also knows some french and is presently learning more. I have no doubt he will be able to get a job here, his field is very much the same everywhere in the world.
My children know him as a friend for the time being. They communicate with him on the phone and sometimes in mail..he plays games with my sons on line..They do not know were married yet, we decided to plan a wedding celebration here with my family when he gets here, and at this time they will be introduced to our marriage. Im not sure what will happen so I have chosen to not tell them and complicate things further.
Again, u do not have the full story, and his family, especially his mother, cannot accept anything but what she has in her mind for him. She is not open to anything and does not listen to anything being said to her. He does not want the life she has planned for him..he wants to care for her and his dad in every way he can but he doesnt want to live in their home, or marry who they choose. She is against him even going to work sometimes and rather he would stay home beside her...I suppose he should ?
Posts: 41 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2010
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posted
Instead of going for a spouse visa to canada, why not try for a tourist visa. They last six months and then you can make sure you two can live there happily before making a massive ste, esp as it seems you haven't spent much time together in person.
Also, why do I seem to always read people saying "we'll raise our children muslim", what is so wrong with teaching your children both of your beliefs, and letting the child decide? Surely husbands should have enough respect for their wife's beliefs to allow that? Or is the husband's religion superior?
-------------------- Another one.... Posts: 2573 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2008
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quote:Originally posted by *Dalia*: Hi learningarabic
quote:Originally posted by learningarabic: Our marriage isnt a secret, his father knows, his best friends know, my family knows...
That might not be a secret by your standards, but by Egyptian standards it is dodgy, to say the least.
To you it might be normal to have a small private wedding ceremony without your in-laws being involved or even knowing about it, but in Egypt marriage is a big deal. I'm sure you've heard about the wedding parties and the whole hype surrounding them.
You sound like a reasonable person but, as others have already pointed out, you are judging things from your own cultural perspective and that might prevent you from seeing the situation clearly.
I would also be curious about the answers to the questions above, as that might make it a bit easier for people here to be able to evaluate your situation and give advice.
Best of luck, and I hope you'll find a solution that gives you peace.
Im really not in anyway judging my MIL or my husbands family. I know they are doing what they see best based on their beliefs and what they know. They dont know me and we married without their knowledge...this was wrong. Im explaining my situation and trying to make clear why telling them was so difficult and why my husband did as he did.
I hope and pray for a good outcome....
Be in peace
Posts: 41 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2010
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quote:Originally posted by weirdkitty: Instead of going for a spouse visa to canada, why not try for a tourist visa. They last six months and then you can make sure you two can live there happily before making a massive ste, esp as it seems you haven't spent much time together in person.
Also, why do I seem to always read people saying "we'll raise our children muslim", what is so wrong with teaching your children both of your beliefs, and letting the child decide? Surely husbands should have enough respect for their wife's beliefs to allow that? Or is the husband's religion superior?
This is good advice, especially after only a month of being with him... who is to say he won't loathe where you live?
Husbands should have respect for their wife's beliefs... always. But LA wants to convert so they will have the same beliefs Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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quote:Originally posted by weirdkitty: Instead of going for a spouse visa to canada, why not try for a tourist visa. They last six months and then you can make sure you two can live there happily before making a massive ste, esp as it seems you haven't spent much time together in person.
Also, why do I seem to always read people saying "we'll raise our children muslim", what is so wrong with teaching your children both of your beliefs, and letting the child decide? Surely husbands should have enough respect for their wife's beliefs to allow that? Or is the husband's religion superior?
This is good advice, especially after only a month of being with him... who is to say he won't loathe where you live?
Husbands should have respect for their wife's beliefs... always. But LA wants to convert so they will have the same beliefs
Thank you for ure time and posts, Be in Peace
Posts: 41 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2010
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Also, why do I seem to always read people saying "we'll raise our children muslim", what is so wrong with teaching your children both of your beliefs, and letting the child decide? Surely husbands should have enough respect for their wife's beliefs to allow that? Or is the husband's religion superior?
exactly what i told walid...let the children decide when they get older.
Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
I have deep faith in God, but I would have to say Im more of a spiritual person then a religious person. If I had strong religious practices or beliefs I would most likely feel differently but because I dont and my husband is strong in his religion, I think this is best..
I think all children do decide when they get older, no matter what you teach them..but if as parents ure religious, you will most likely choose to teach them this religion as they grow..in the end they grow up and decide for themselves as we all did. I have no problem with my chilren choosing Islam.
Posts: 41 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2010
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quote:Originally posted by learningarabic: I have deep faith in God, but I would have to say Im more of a spiritual person then a religious person. If I had strong religious practices or beliefs I would most likely feel differently but because I dont and my husband is strong in his religion, I think this is best..
I think all children do decide when they get older, no matter what you teach them..but if as parents ure religious, you will most likely choose to teach them this religion as they grow..in the end they grow up and decide for themselves as we all did. I have no problem with my chilren choosing Islam.
You have no problem with them choosing Islam but you have said any future children will be raised as muslims, in that case you need to know your husband will consider them Muslim and if they choose later to leave they will be called apostate and liable to be killed for leaving Islam.
If you are considering having children with him you also need to know his views on FGM incase you have a girl.
Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:Originally posted by learningarabic: We are legally married at the MOJ, had our papers stamped form the canadian embassy and had a lawyer we hired draw up an aidditonal contract as well with certian specification I asked for...and he added dowry for marriage and in event of a divorce.
I spent 4 weeks in Cairo
He lives with his parents most of the time in their home and sometimes he is with this best friend in Cairo as it is easier to travel to work. Id rather not give out the name of the town he lives in.
He is a Network Engineer and works in his field in one of the biggest companies in Egypt
As a mother, I will not decide the lives of my kids..i raise them and guide them to the best of my ability, provide then with tools and advice but in the end they will choose for themselves..this is their life to live, and they will make good and bad choices, all I hope is that they learn form every situation. It's not me to approve of their life, if they are happy, so am I. If they make mistakes I will be the first to help them through, but I cannot and will not force my opinions on them.
I am not converted to Islam...my husband has asked me to study the Quran and have an open heart to it. In the end he said its my choice and he will respect me in this choice. I know he's hoping I convert but he has made it clear it must come from me and not to do it for him. If I choose not to convert, and we stay married,I will do all i can to support and encourage his beliefs and adjust to his needs in this. If we ever have kids, they will be raised muslim.
Im presently learning Arabic, I have just started so my knowledge is still minimal. I decided on my own to learn, however, husband is encouraging me with hopes at some point I will be able to communicate with his family.
He is completly fluent in english...he's writing skills are amazing and better then mine, he corrects my grammar sometimes. He also knows some french and is presently learning more. I have no doubt he will be able to get a job here, his field is very much the same everywhere in the world.
My children know him as a friend for the time being. They communicate with him on the phone and sometimes in mail..he plays games with my sons on line..They do not know were married yet, we decided to plan a wedding celebration here with my family when he gets here, and at this time they will be introduced to our marriage. Im not sure what will happen so I have chosen to not tell them and complicate things further.
Again, u do not have the full story, and his family, especially his mother, cannot accept anything but what she has in her mind for him. She is not open to anything and does not listen to anything being said to her. He does not want the life she has planned for him..he wants to care for her and his dad in every way he can but he doesnt want to live in their home, or marry who they choose. She is against him even going to work sometimes and rather he would stay home beside her...I suppose he should ?
There's another wife of an Egyptian around here who's husband worked as a network engineer.
Now he's working at a gas station.
How many Arabs in your community do you know?
Posts: 2280 | Registered: Oct 2009
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quote:Originally posted by learningarabic: I have deep faith in God, but I would have to say Im more of a spiritual person then a religious person. If I had strong religious practices or beliefs I would most likely feel differently but because I dont and my husband is strong in his religion, I think this is best..
I think all children do decide when they get older, no matter what you teach them..but if as parents ure religious, you will most likely choose to teach them this religion as they grow..in the end they grow up and decide for themselves as we all did. I have no problem with my chilren choosing Islam.
You have no problem with them choosing Islam but you have said any future children will be raised as muslims, in that case you need to know your husband will consider them Muslim and if they choose later to leave they will be called apostate and liable to be killed for leaving Islam.
If you are considering having children with him you also need to know his views on FGM incase you have a girl.
My husband and I have discussed FGM, it was one of the first things we spoke of in regards to my concarns about Islam. He told me that Islam does not require this, its more of a culture thing an he does not want his daughter to have this at all.
And I said that , as in any religion, when parents have beliefs its standard to pass these on to your children. Just like as catholics we baptize our children, we decide this for them. We raise them and teach them according to our beliefs. I have agree to raise our children and my husband will teach them according to Islam..in the end we all get to the point where we choose for ourselves..if we want to continue or not. I hope they will choose Islam but if they do not it will be their choice...and my husband would surely be disappointed if they chose not to but nobody is going to kill them. I know quite a few ex Muslims who converted to various religions and they are all still well and alive. We will be raising kids here in Canada, just to clarify...
Posts: 41 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2010
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quote:Originally posted by learningarabic: I have deep faith in God, but I would have to say Im more of a spiritual person then a religious person. If I had strong religious practices or beliefs I would most likely feel differently but because I dont and my husband is strong in his religion, I think this is best..
I think all children do decide when they get older, no matter what you teach them..but if as parents ure religious, you will most likely choose to teach them this religion as they grow..in the end they grow up and decide for themselves as we all did. I have no problem with my chilren choosing Islam.
You have no problem with them choosing Islam but you have said any future children will be raised as muslims, in that case you need to know your husband will consider them Muslim and if they choose later to leave they will be called apostate and liable to be killed for leaving Islam.
If you are considering having children with him you also need to know his views on FGM incase you have a girl.
My husband and I have discussed FGM, it was one of the first things we spoke of in regards to my concarns about Islam. He told me that Islam does not require this, its more of a culture thing an he does not want his daughter to have this at all.
And I said that , as in any religion, when parents have beliefs its standard to pass these on to your children. Just like as catholics we baptize our children, we decide this for them. We raise them and teach them according to our beliefs. I have agree to raise our children and my husband will teach them according to Islam..in the end we all get to the point where we choose for ourselves..if we want to continue or not. I hope they will choose Islam but if they do not it will be their choice...and my husband would surely be disappointed if they chose not to but nobody is going to kill them. I know quite a few ex Muslims who converted to various religions and they are all still well and alive. We will be raising kids here in Canada, just to clarify...
seems like you got everything covered then. I wish you both a long and happy life and heaps more kids. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:Originally posted by learningarabic: We are legally married at the MOJ, had our papers stamped form the canadian embassy and had a lawyer we hired draw up an aidditonal contract as well with certian specification I asked for...and he added dowry for marriage and in event of a divorce.
I spent 4 weeks in Cairo
He lives with his parents most of the time in their home and sometimes he is with this best friend in Cairo as it is easier to travel to work. Id rather not give out the name of the town he lives in.
He is a Network Engineer and works in his field in one of the biggest companies in Egypt
As a mother, I will not decide the lives of my kids..i raise them and guide them to the best of my ability, provide then with tools and advice but in the end they will choose for themselves..this is their life to live, and they will make good and bad choices, all I hope is that they learn form every situation. It's not me to approve of their life, if they are happy, so am I. If they make mistakes I will be the first to help them through, but I cannot and will not force my opinions on them.
I am not converted to Islam...my husband has asked me to study the Quran and have an open heart to it. In the end he said its my choice and he will respect me in this choice. I know he's hoping I convert but he has made it clear it must come from me and not to do it for him. If I choose not to convert, and we stay married,I will do all i can to support and encourage his beliefs and adjust to his needs in this. If we ever have kids, they will be raised muslim.
Im presently learning Arabic, I have just started so my knowledge is still minimal. I decided on my own to learn, however, husband is encouraging me with hopes at some point I will be able to communicate with his family.
He is completly fluent in english...he's writing skills are amazing and better then mine, he corrects my grammar sometimes. He also knows some french and is presently learning more. I have no doubt he will be able to get a job here, his field is very much the same everywhere in the world.
My children know him as a friend for the time being. They communicate with him on the phone and sometimes in mail..he plays games with my sons on line..They do not know were married yet, we decided to plan a wedding celebration here with my family when he gets here, and at this time they will be introduced to our marriage. Im not sure what will happen so I have chosen to not tell them and complicate things further.
Again, u do not have the full story, and his family, especially his mother, cannot accept anything but what she has in her mind for him. She is not open to anything and does not listen to anything being said to her. He does not want the life she has planned for him..he wants to care for her and his dad in every way he can but he doesnt want to live in their home, or marry who they choose. She is against him even going to work sometimes and rather he would stay home beside her...I suppose he should ?
There's another wife of an Egyptian around here who's husband worked as a network engineer.
Now he's working at a gas station.
How many Arabs in your community do you know?
Im sorry this persons husband does not have a job, but if we lived making decisions based on every other persons unfortunate events we would not live. I believe in being reasonable but hopeful. I would hope he's able to find a job in his field in due time..he's constantly upgrading his skills an advancing in his field...I have confidence he will and really this is the last of my worries right now..we will survive either way. Network engineer's work will not have differences in standards from country to country, all is functioning in the same way. So actually this is a plus and my husbands language skills are avanced.
also
I have a few arabic friends, just within my place of employment there is several. I live in an area in which there is a wide range of cultures and nationalities...if I ha to pick a place for an immigrant to be when forst moving here, it would be in the city in which I live.
Posts: 41 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2010
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quote:Originally posted by metinoot: There's another wife of an Egyptian around here who's husband worked as a network engineer.
Now he's working at a gas station.
How many Arabs in your community do you know?
Im sorry this persons husband does not have a job, but if we lived making decisions based on every other persons unfortunate events we would not live. I believe in being reasonable but hopeful. I would hope he's able to find a job in his field in due time..he's constantly upgrading his skills an advancing in his field...I have confidence he will and really this is the last of my worries right now..we will survive either way. Network engineer's work will not have differences in standards from country to country, all is functioning in the same way. So actually this is a plus and my husbands language skills are avanced.
also
I have a few arabic friends, just within my place of employment there is several. I live in an area in which there is a wide range of cultures and nationalities...if I ha to pick a place for an immigrant to be when forst moving here, it would be in the city in which I live.
Okay she made the same statements in regards to her husband's prospects.
I actually work in IT and I know IT managers don't hire a network engineer from another nation unless he has a solid 5 years of experience here as a network engineer.
I questioned the lass I referred to about this before her husband's arrival as well.
Language skills always sound advanced in their comfortable surroundings. A TOEFL test doesn't really indicate how someone will do in the west language-wise. Culture shock hits people very hard and reduces their communication capacity let alone foreign language capacity in a way they don't expect.
And by the way there are huge differences in the manner a IT department is run, and the very same hardware and software is installed, configured, managed and the laws dictating how those systems are run is different from region to region, state to state, nation to nation.
I hope you stick around because 18 months after he arrives I would like to ask you these same questions again.
Posts: 2280 | Registered: Oct 2009
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posted
Also not all qualifications are internationally recognised or are globally transferable.
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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So tell me what do you do if your parents are completly controlling your life and what they have planned for you is not what you want for ure life at all ? You have tried several tmes to express your thoughts and feelings and not to be listened to at all....you do what next ? Just give in and live a lfe you dont want ? The pressure here is beyond average and this is not and easy situation. It is not abnormal here in the west for kids to keep things from their parents, I see this all the time..and here in most circumstances we accept the ppl our children marry wether we want to or not..society is not the same.
LA this MIL is not going to self harm herself ( if you have seen an Egyptian with a small cut you will know what I mean...total babies). If your husband is for real then he needs to cut all the drama short, as a quick pain is better than a long drawn out one. He has FIL on side, so stop the lies tell his family what he is going to do and then get on and do it. His family will get over it, they will not reject him and in the end you can all move forward with normal life. If necessary while you are applying for VISA's he should move out the family home and during this time make peace with his family before leaving.
If on the other hand he continues to drag all this out you can be sure you are going to be presented with the answer of an Egyptian wife to keep his mother happy and of course he will not love her etc etc etc....and your family will become the cash cow for his other family in Egypt when he eventually joins you.
The situation is in yours and his hands to resolve. He made the decison to marry you and now if he is as courageous as you say he needs to move on with his life but he can't have it both ways. Someone has to be hurt yes, but nobody is going to die. We all get over hurts in out lives but to live in a constant drama is just unhealthy.
Don't start you married life as a doormat tell him to get on and resolve things and if not just move on ...life's to short and you can't be a very happy mum for your sons living like this.
Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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quote:Originally posted by metinoot: There's another wife of an Egyptian around here who's husband worked as a network engineer.
Now he's working at a gas station.
How many Arabs in your community do you know?
Im sorry this persons husband does not have a job, but if we lived making decisions based on every other persons unfortunate events we would not live. I believe in being reasonable but hopeful. I would hope he's able to find a job in his field in due time..he's constantly upgrading his skills an advancing in his field...I have confidence he will and really this is the last of my worries right now..we will survive either way. Network engineer's work will not have differences in standards from country to country, all is functioning in the same way. So actually this is a plus and my husbands language skills are avanced.
also
I have a few arabic friends, just within my place of employment there is several. I live in an area in which there is a wide range of cultures and nationalities...if I ha to pick a place for an immigrant to be when forst moving here, it would be in the city in which I live.
Okay she made the same statements in regards to her husband's prospects.
I actually work in IT and I know IT managers don't hire a network engineer from another nation unless he has a solid 5 years of experience here as a network engineer.
I questioned the lass I referred to about this before her husband's arrival as well.
Language skills always sound advanced in their comfortable surroundings. A TOEFL test doesn't really indicate how someone will do in the west language-wise. Culture shock hits people very hard and reduces their communication capacity let alone foreign language capacity in a way they don't expect.
And by the way there are huge differences in the manner a IT department is run, and the very same hardware and software is installed, configured, managed and the laws dictating how those systems are run is different from region to region, state to state, nation to nation.
I hope you stick around because 18 months after he arrives I would like to ask you these same questions again.
Why woul you like to ask these questions again, with hope that I can confirm he's working at Mcdonalds ?? Really, giving advice is lovely and appreciated by all who post here Im sure, but why always search for whatever negative you can find ? My problem is my MIL, not my husbands potential job, as I said this is the least of my worries right now. He is worrying about this and I can assure you his english is excellent both spoke an written..where he works now, almost all the commnunication is done in english as he's dealing with other countries most of the time. If he has to start at the bottom here in his field, so be it. In his job, he's very good. He got promoted quickly in his company an passed other employees much older then him who have longer experience...maybe this will happen here, Inshallah. Positive attitude never hurts
Posts: 41 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2010
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quote:Originally posted by Cheekyferret: Also not all qualifications are internationally recognised or are globally transferable.
Internet is the same all over the world, its not like other engineering fields or medecin where standards change
Posts: 41 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2010
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So tell me what do you do if your parents are completly controlling your life and what they have planned for you is not what you want for ure life at all ? You have tried several tmes to express your thoughts and feelings and not to be listened to at all....you do what next ? Just give in and live a lfe you dont want ? The pressure here is beyond average and this is not and easy situation. It is not abnormal here in the west for kids to keep things from their parents, I see this all the time..and here in most circumstances we accept the ppl our children marry wether we want to or not..society is not the same.
LA this MIL is not going to self harm herself ( if you have seen an Egyptian with a small cut you will know what I mean...total babies). If your husband is for real then he needs to cut all the drama short, as a quick pain is better than a long drawn out one. He has FIL on side, so stop the lies tell his family what he is going to do and then get on and do it. His family will get over it, they will not reject him and in the end you can all move forward with normal life. If necessary while you are applying for VISA's he should move out the family home and during this time make peace with his family before leaving.
If on the other hand he continues to drag all this out you can be sure you are going to be presented with the answer of an Egyptian wife to keep his mother happy and of course he will not love her etc etc etc....and your family will become the cash cow for his other family in Egypt when he eventually joins you.
The situation is in yours and his hands to resolve. He made the decison to marry you and now if he is as courageous as you say he needs to move on with his life but he can't have it both ways. Someone has to be hurt yes, but nobody is going to die. We all get over hurts in out lives but to live in a constant drama is just unhealthy.
Don't start you married life as a doormat tell him to get on and resolve things and if not just move on ...life's to short and you can't be a very happy mum for your sons living like this.
The plan at this time is to tell the family a month before he leaves Egypt...this way he will have time to deal with them before he gets here. In the mean time he's trying to spend as much time with them as possible.
Posts: 41 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2010
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The Internet may be the same but if a role requires a qualification does your husband not have any?
That is why in Egypt students are given the opportunity to go for an IGCSE... 'I' representing the word INTERNATIONAL and the GCSE being the General Certificate that children in the UK can obtain. This for e.g. is a transferable qualification.
As are the ones I obtained in the UK, they are recognised here in Egypt and surely my role is pretty generic as well!
A qualification in English would enhance his job prospects further than merely applying for a job stating he can speak English.
I can put on my resume I am fluent in Arabic a) I am not and b) if I was a certificate to support my words would be a great advantage.
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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posted
Do not forget he will also need a letter of recommendation from his employer to prove how long he has worked for the company and to evidence what he says he can do.
You really don't emigrate and expect to walk into a job with evidence of your capabilities.
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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quote:Originally posted by Cheekyferret: So he has no qualifications?
The Internet may be the same but if a role requires a qualification does your husband not have any?
That is why in Egypt students are given the opportunity to go for an IGCSE... 'I' representing the word INTERNATIONAL and the GCSE being the General Certificate that children in the UK can obtain. This for e.g. is a transferable qualification.
As are the ones I obtained in the UK, they are recognised here in Egypt and surely my role is pretty generic as well!
A qualification in English would enhance his job prospects further than merely applying for a job stating he can speak English.
I can put on my resume I am fluent in Arabic a) I am not and b) if I was a certificate to support my words would be a great advantage.
My husband is a network and communication engineer( he has a university degree)..one method of communication is the internet. However, communications is the same through out the world, were all connected on the same wires lol...things function the same.. So its global. We have checked into this already.
He has worked in his field for 5 years now..thank you for the suggestion of the letters, thankfully we thought of this and they have been made, translated to english and stamped by the ministry of foreign affairs. As well as all his diplomas.
Posts: 41 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2010
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posted
I hope he gets a good position, but really we are quite aware he will start most likely at the bottom..
Posts: 41 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2010
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This topic isn't about your husband's ability to find employment but I do like your attitude about it. While your husband may have some difficulties initially that doesn't mean he could never find work in his field. It depends on a lot of factors, luck and knowing the right people being the biggest factors, in my experience. He may have to start at the bottom, like you said, and he may have start off working in other professions that may be beneath him in order to gain work experience in your country.
Originally posted by learningarabic: "if we lived making decisions based on every other persons unfortunate events we would not live. I believe in being reasonable but hopeful."
Posts: 18 | Registered: Apr 2010
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quote:Originally posted by Cheekyferret: So he has no qualifications?
The Internet may be the same but if a role requires a qualification does your husband not have any?
That is why in Egypt students are given the opportunity to go for an IGCSE... 'I' representing the word INTERNATIONAL and the GCSE being the General Certificate that children in the UK can obtain. This for e.g. is a transferable qualification.
As are the ones I obtained in the UK, they are recognised here in Egypt and surely my role is pretty generic as well!
A qualification in English would enhance his job prospects further than merely applying for a job stating he can speak English.
I can put on my resume I am fluent in Arabic a) I am not and b) if I was a certificate to support my words would be a great advantage.
My husband is a network and communication engineer( he has a university degree)..one method of communication is the internet. However, communications is the same through out the world, were all connected on the same wires lol...things function the same.. So its global. We have checked into this already.
He has worked in his field for 5 years now..thank you for the suggestion of the letters, thankfully we thought of this and they have been made, translated to english and stamped by the ministry of foreign affairs. As well as all his diplomas.
Yes, the internet is the same globally but required qualifications to be employed in the first place differ
I am simply informing you that a degree in Egypt MAY not be an equivalent to a Western degree. It may be worth more, but it may be worth less.
If there is a good EO policy in Canada then English as his second language should be of no issue.
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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So you have only spent four weeks with this guy, and now you want to apply for a settlement visa, bring him home to your children, who only know him as a friend, and I assume have never met him, and say: "This is Muhammed (I took a guess), you may call him New Daddy, he will be living with us now". And then of course three weeks down the line you might realise Mr Egyptian isn't so wonderful, you are sick and tired of feeling like a mother to another child, or he might hate the country, and so you will have to tell your kids: "Children, say good bye to New Daddy, he no longer lives here". Each to there own I guess. I would still personally go the tourist visa route first, esp as there are children involved.
-------------------- Another one.... Posts: 2573 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2008
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WK, the girl I mentioned in another thread who got a speedy visa... within one month he could not find work, turned to booze beat her, was jealous of her child and ex and was shipped out as quickly as he was shipped in. DIVORCE.
You can take the man out of Egypt but.............
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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quote:Originally posted by metinoot: Okay she made the same statements in regards to her husband's prospects.
I actually work in IT and I know IT managers don't hire a network engineer from another nation unless he has a solid 5 years of experience here as a network engineer.
I questioned the lass I referred to about this before her husband's arrival as well.
Language skills always sound advanced in their comfortable surroundings. A TOEFL test doesn't really indicate how someone will do in the west language-wise. Culture shock hits people very hard and reduces their communication capacity let alone foreign language capacity in a way they don't expect.
And by the way there are huge differences in the manner a IT department is run, and the very same hardware and software is installed, configured, managed and the laws dictating how those systems are run is different from region to region, state to state, nation to nation.
I hope you stick around because 18 months after he arrives I would like to ask you these same questions again.
Why woul you like to ask these questions again, with hope that I can confirm he's working at Mcdonalds ?? Really, giving advice is lovely and appreciated by all who post here Im sure, but why always search for whatever negative you can find ? My problem is my MIL, not my husbands potential job, as I said this is the least of my worries right now. He is worrying about this and I can assure you his english is excellent both spoke an written..where he works now, almost all the commnunication is done in english as he's dealing with other countries most of the time. If he has to start at the bottom here in his field, so be it. In his job, he's very good. He got promoted quickly in his company an passed other employees much older then him who have longer experience...maybe this will happen here, Inshallah. Positive attitude never hurts
There's a huge difference between positive attitude and reality.
As I stated I work in IT and I've watched classmates who actually earned American degrees be rejected just for being foreign. IT professionals are some of the most racist individuals I have ever met. Yet if they aren't racist themselves they won't challenge a co-worker who is.
An IT degree in Egypt is not transferable to North America. Heck even a Comp Sci degree from France is not considered equal to a North American degree. And after inquiring with an global employer those Cisco, Microsoft, CompTIA certification testing in India are not the same as the Cisco, Microsoft, CompTIA certifications here Stateside. If these certifications were equal globally I would've gone and did my testing in Cairo and saved a bundle but that would've been a waste.
When he's in Canada 7,000 miles away the problem with his mother will contort into a beast you cannot imagine.
Getting him to leave Egypt for Canada is the least of your worries, how his mother will work to change your relationship via manipulation is what you should be concerned about.
And why on earth are you so convinced that all your plans/expectations will be met even at minimum standards?
Not specifically to confirm that he's working in MacDonalds. No I would like to verify how you feel about carrying the burden of the household while he's disappointed in his professional prospects.
It sounds to me as if you are approaching this marriage as an "upgrade" over your ex. Many other divorced western women has done the same with very bad results.
Posts: 2280 | Registered: Oct 2009
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Don't forget to take copies of his Thanaweya Amma and language proficiency tests as well. I am sure they will help him to climb the ladder quicker.
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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quote:Originally posted by Cheekyferret: Also not all qualifications are internationally recognised or are globally transferable.
Internet is the same all over the world, its not like other engineering fields or medecin where standards change
As a former IT consultant I have to correct you, the way they do things in Egypt is like no IT department I have ever worked in. Does he and his company use ISO standards. Exactly they dont even know what those mean out here. As for giving work to a foreigner, every company I have worked for want a proven track record. Getting the first job is intensively competative esp with all the university graduates
Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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quote: WK, the girl I mentioned in another thread who got a speedy visa... within one month he could not find work, turned to booze beat her, was jealous of her child and ex and was shipped out as quickly as he was shipped in. DIVORCE
I bet before that, that lady would have said how her guy was Mr wonderful, perfect muslim, etc. I just hope she didn't have any children involved.
-------------------- Another one.... Posts: 2573 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2008
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quote: WK, the girl I mentioned in another thread who got a speedy visa... within one month he could not find work, turned to booze beat her, was jealous of her child and ex and was shipped out as quickly as he was shipped in. DIVORCE
I bet before that, that lady would have said how her guy was Mr wonderful, perfect muslim, etc. I just hope she didn't have any children involved.
Ah yeah, he was the best... thankfully she wasn't trapped, insecure and cutting her nose off to spite her face and just ejected him from her life.
The only child involved was from a previous relationship... who the dude hated with a passion and was jealous as hell when her natural rather came to collect her at the weekends.
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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-------------------- "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." (Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton) Leap and the Net will Appear. Posts: 3891 | From: No good deed goes unpunished. | Registered: May 2007
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quote:Originally posted by metinoot: An IT degree in Egypt is not transferable to North America.
Same can be said for just about any degree from Egypt.
Not worth the paper they are printed on.
Not true, I know of a handful of doctors, engineers and scientists (bio-chemical) who's degrees were readily accepted by employers.
In many states there are licensures for this type of degrees I stated above and if you manage to score well on these tests you could have 10 major university hospitals trying to recruit you.
I wish IT was licensed and that a license was necessary to enter the field it would definately level the playing field and allow more candidates of quality to get past "the old boys club".
ISO standards are according to industry and in order for IT professionals to boast anything kind of knowledge of ISO standards they'd have to indicate which ISO standard (industry specified) they are familar with. BUt if you are attempting to gain employment in a different industry then drop the ISO experience in a flash.
Posts: 2280 | Registered: Oct 2009
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quote:Originally posted by metinoot: An IT degree in Egypt is not transferable to North America.
Same can be said for just about any degree from Egypt.
Not worth the paper they are printed on.
Not true, I know of a handful of doctors, engineers and scientists (bio-chemical) who's degrees were readily accepted by employers.
A handful is 5 max, so 2 doctors, 2 scientists and an engineer that was accepted is nothing. Some are accepted on the papers they have BUT have to go through further tests/exams IN USA to get to the standard of the rest of the state standards.
Degrees here are 10 a penny and not worth the paper they are written on as QSY said.
Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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Pointless argument as the guy only works on computers
But I know a Dr. in the UK from Cairo who is there to take further tests and exams and has to volunteer in the Hospital (i.e no pay) naturally his western wife is paying for this trip lmao... even the educated ones are dodgy!
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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quote:Originally posted by metinoot: An IT degree in Egypt is not transferable to North America.
Same can be said for just about any degree from Egypt.
Not worth the paper they are printed on.
Not true, I know of a handful of doctors, engineers and scientists (bio-chemical) who's degrees were readily accepted by employers.
A handful is 5 max, so 2 doctors, 2 scientists and an engineer that was accepted is nothing. Some are accepted on the papers they have BUT have to go through further tests/exams IN USA to get to the standard of the rest of the state standards.
Degrees here are 10 a penny and not worth the paper they are written on as QSY said.
Seeing how I actually know these people, and actually know of quite a few Arabs who moved here on those visas and you and QYS don't you don't have a say.
Val you are from the shires, what Arab with an advanced education moves to the shires?
QYS lived in upstate NY and a small town in Indiana.
I live in a metro area with a handful of universities that have large research labs and there are 5 teaching hospitals within 10 miles of me.
These specific professions/degree programs I refered to are in extremely high demand. They pass the licensee exam they are in, but these degree programs in Egypt are partially funded by USAid so they are reveiwed to meet western demands.
Walk into Fairview University, HCMC, Allina, and Childrens Hospital a good 1/6 of the docs are foreign. All graduated from universities which did recieve funding from USAid and thus the circulumn is under advisement from the State Department.
I worked in hospitals for several years, my mother actually is part of a steering committe that selects foreign doctors to be hired at the private health organization she works at.
My metro area has the largest concentration of medical professionals in a 15 state radius.
Its not a handful, its a large number; I know of 6 docs (surgeons, physicians, radiologist, oncolonogists) that are from Egypt and stayed here in Minnesota. We also know of many more that passed the Minnesota medical license and were recruited into other hospitls across the USA.
I highly doubt the shires has quite the economy to support such immigration let alone Evanton (whatever).
Larger the city the more exposure you have to diversity.
Posts: 2280 | Registered: Oct 2009
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quote:Originally posted by Cheekyferret: Pointless argument as the guy only works on computers
But I know a Dr. in the UK from Cairo who is there to take further tests and exams and has to volunteer in the Hospital (i.e no pay) naturally his western wife is paying for this trip lmao... even the educated ones are dodgy!
Same in Canada, its socialized health care not the quality of his medical education.
Foreign trained and local trained doctors are paid in residency, equal because its US law.
Posts: 2280 | Registered: Oct 2009
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quote:Originally posted by metinoot: An IT degree in Egypt is not transferable to North America.
Same can be said for just about any degree from Egypt.
Not worth the paper they are printed on.
Not true, I know of a handful of doctors, engineers and scientists (bio-chemical) who's degrees were readily accepted by employers.
A handful is 5 max, so 2 doctors, 2 scientists and an engineer that was accepted is nothing. Some are accepted on the papers they have BUT have to go through further tests/exams IN USA to get to the standard of the rest of the state standards.
Degrees here are 10 a penny and not worth the paper they are written on as QSY said.
Seeing how I actually know these people, and actually know of quite a few Arabs who moved here on those visas and you and QYS don't you don't have a say.
Val you are from the shires, what Arab with an advanced education moves to the shires?
QYS lived in upstate NY and a small town in Indiana.
I live in a metro area with a handful of universities that have large research labs and there are 5 teaching hospitals within 10 miles of me.
These specific professions/degree programs I refered to are in extremely high demand. They pass the licensee exam they are in, but these degree programs in Egypt are partially funded by USAid so they are reveiwed to meet western demands.
Walk into Fairview University, HCMC, Allina, and Childrens Hospital a good 1/6 of the docs are foreign. All graduated from universities which did recieve funding from USAid and thus the circulumn is under advisement from the State Department.
I worked in hospitals for several years, my mother actually is part of a steering committe that selects foreign doctors to be hired at the private health organization she works at.
My metro area has the largest concentration of medical professionals in a 15 state radius.
Its not a handful, its a large number; I know of 6 docs (surgeons, physicians, radiologist, oncolonogists) that are from Egypt and stayed here in Minnesota. We also know of many more that passed the Minnesota medical license and were recruited into other hospitls across the USA.
I highly doubt the shires has quite the economy to support such immigration let alone Evanton (whatever).
Larger the city the more exposure you have to diversity.
You obviously know ZERO about 'the shires' among other things
oh and you said a handful, not me. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:How many educated Arabs are there in the shires anyway?
A lot more than in small town Minnesota considering 'the Shires' has 2 of the greatest Universities in the WORLD, Oxford and Cambridge, not to mention many other great Universities, teaching hospitals blah blah. Have a read. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:How many educated Arabs are there in the shires anyway?
A lot more than in small town Minnesota considering 'the Shires' has 2 of the greatest Universities in the WORLD, Oxford and Cambridge, not to mention many other great Universities, teaching hospitals blah blah. Have a read.
Man that's a lotta Shires!! I would imagine that most the English on here live in a Shire lol... it's all in the Math!
And some people don't always only look for the negative, they just don't dress everything in little rainbows and pretty clouds. Sometimes reality is harsh. It doesn't make folk bitter!!!
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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quote:Originally posted by Ayisha: [qb] [QUOTE]Originally posted by metinoot: [QUOTE]Originally posted by Ayisha: [qb] [QUOTE]Originally posted by metinoot: [qb] You obviously know ZERO about 'the shires' among other things
oh and you said a handful, not me.
Shires is a squalid little place, with little fat people, little education and little to zero diversity.
Shire just means county in UK. Its' an old fashioned term and hence why the older counties have shire on the end of their names.
Think a certain person has been watching too much Lord of the Rings.
Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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I also live in a 'Shire here in Scotland. I'm sure the tourist boards of Scotland and England must be overjoyed to know that large areas of their countries are squalid Posts: 4476 | From: Scotland | Registered: Mar 2006
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