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I see so many horror and sad stories here that I wanted to share a happy one to give hope to those out there in love with an Egyptian. My guy is 25 Im 42, yes huge age gap, we know. But we fell in love after being friends and have been together now for 3.5 years. We've met in person 3 times and loved our time together. The first years were hard. Recently he FINALLY told his parents he was going to travel to USA and told them about me. They approve and want him happy. Now, Im sure giving their approval and being totally happy with it are two different things. But I've now talked with his mom on the phone, he has shared pictures and we are in the process of filing our K-1 Visa application. We feel blessed. We have been through it all. The pain of the distance, the lonliness when dsl is lost time and time again, bad phone service and wondering if we'd make it through to actually see a marriage. But here we are, still so in love and moving forward. There were times I thought I was a secret, times we went through insecurities and times we almost called it quits. I've read posts here that made me doubt, question and wonder. But, here we are, stronger today than ever and ready to get the ball rolling. Just wanted to let everyone know...there ARE good Egyptian men out there that are honest, loving and hard working. There ARE those that want to marry for love and not visa...and it CAN really work out. So keep looking for that right one if you haven't found him yet..and if you THINK you have the right one, stick with it. Its sooo worth the wait. Salam Alaikum!!
Posts: 100 | From: Fredericksburg, VA, USA | Registered: Feb 2005
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You are bringing a 25 year old Egyptian man to Fredericksburg? Seriously? Has he visited you here yet?
I live 20 miles up the road near DC and wish you all the luck in the world. My DH is a good egyptian man, whom I met and married in the states, so we didnt have a waiting/longing period and I will say frankly marrying an immigrant is alot like adopting a retarded toddler. It's ALOT of work. If I can help, feel free to ask.
When you 2 are so far apart it's easy to blame "distractions" such as dsl and work and visa bs and parents for the gaps in relationships, but when all that is removed, and he is here, you are in for a HUGE project.
Posts: 1071 | Registered: Aug 2005
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Cosmo, your retarded toddler did it: I am scrapping myself off the floor! I am yet to hear the more accurate description of the foreign spouse in a new country. You are a riot.
A-angel - I live in this hood as well (downtown DC) and I will gladly be of assistance with the adoptive care if you need me. Posts: 2238 | From: Mother Earth | Registered: Jun 2004
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LOL....Im sure I am. No he hasn't been here yet. I've been discussing the cultural differences and trying to find ways to help him understand things. Starting with pictures of the area, the people, and shopping areas, traffic, also have talked over the years about the cultural differences of womens dress and how to behave...which is different. Also the work ethic here. You know 8-5, 5 days a week...NOT when u want for 5-6 hours a day 6 days a week. And then the reception we may gets. Any other ideas? What advice can you offer...I'd love to hear it. We also have agreed...if he isn't happy here or cant' adjust after a sufficient time Im willing to go there...I love it there and understand the life style.
And wow...small world, you are soo close....what about your man, how old and how did you meet. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks so much for your reply....
Posts: 100 | From: Fredericksburg, VA, USA | Registered: Feb 2005
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You've been there 3 times and his parents are just NOW learning of your existance? Yeah he sounds real honest. Good luck with that.
Posts: 2735 | From: my desk | Registered: Jul 2005
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Thank you for the offers of assistance. I'm sure I'll be looking you up for that. Sure its easy to dismiss relationship gaps on things like dsl...but it happens in person to. People are to busy, pressure and stress. We've learned so much and take it one step at a time. Unlike some here, who meet and 4 months later are ready to marry, we took a lot of time. Years of deciding, discussion and talk about the differences here to there. He is aware there will be a huge adjustment and much to learn and I don't mind being the adoptive teacher to lead that way. So it works for us. But Im SURE I'll be sending a few SOS's your way for advice. Thanks so much
Posts: 100 | From: Fredericksburg, VA, USA | Registered: Feb 2005
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We BOTH decided to wait to tell them, (Actually is was my idea to wait). If you know much about the Egyptian culture, its not accpetable to "date". They knew OF me...but not of our "relationship". It wasn't dishonest of HIM, it was a mutual decision not to share much more than our friendship. I didn't say they didn't know of my exsistance....I meant that he has finally shared about our future. They knew we chatted, rang, talked on phone and so on. Sorry for the misunderstanding, but I can tell you...he is honest and wants only what is right.
Posts: 100 | From: Fredericksburg, VA, USA | Registered: Feb 2005
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Yeah I know about Egyptian culture . I've been married to an Egyptian for 1.5 yrs and have been with him for nearly 3. If YOU know about Egyptian culture you would know how strange it is for a 25 yr old Egyptian to be involved with a 42 yr old woman.
Posts: 2735 | From: my desk | Registered: Jul 2005
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I do know its not widely accepted. I know this. I know its strange, but no stranger than a 60 year old giving birth, or a much older man with much younger woman. I also know Prophet Mohamed (pbuh) married 20 years older with his first wife. He loved her dearly till she died at 65. He set the first example that love doesn't know an age boundry. Maybe its the years of experience that can blind us to what is real. Strange doesn't mean wrong. He is a wonderful man with a heart of gold and his love for Allah is strong. He has strong character and I have a young personality. So strange? Maybe...but wrong? Who makes that decision?
Posts: 100 | From: Fredericksburg, VA, USA | Registered: Feb 2005
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Prophet Muhammad was a prophet of God not your average Egyptian. You can't compare.
Posts: 2735 | From: my desk | Registered: Jul 2005
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Well theres always doubters. You have to go with what you feel happy with. Maybe it's possible that 'the rules' are less adhered to now. My partner's parents want him to be happy first and foremost. Unfortunately as I've said before on here, life doesn't come with a guarantee. I would hate to go through life, thinking what if?. So if you find someone that makes you happy go for it!
Posts: 4476 | From: Scotland | Registered: Mar 2006
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I wasn't comparing. It was the example set. The Hadiths and Sunnahs were written to document the lifestyle and sayings of the Prophet Muhamed (pbuh), every muslim stives to live as he did. Who are we to say what parts we accept as example and what parts we don't. Does that also mean we pick and choose the rest of his Sunnahs because he was a prophet of God? No. We follow it ALL. Of course he wasn't average. But when we married her he was not yet CALLED to be God's Prophet. He was called to prophethood years later. Its not comparing...its following his lifes examples...not some..but all. Whats right for one, may not be right for others. But I didn't come to argue religion or morals and values...I just wanted to share good news...not sure I'll be doing that again any time soon.
Posts: 100 | From: Fredericksburg, VA, USA | Registered: Feb 2005
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Young at Heart, thank you. First positive thing said. Each one has a different story. I just got tired of reading all negatives. Many here are married to good Egyptian men. I just wanted other so know more still exsist. I didn't mean to start a whole thread of negativity and debates on age gap relationship acceptability. So, Thank you....
Posts: 100 | From: Fredericksburg, VA, USA | Registered: Feb 2005
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Don`t make the mistake to think that the hardest part is over now. ANY relationship means hard working, a relationship as yours is a hundred times more difficult. Wish you succes...
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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Your welcome 'angel, we have to portray the positives, if people want to put a dampner on that so be it. Each to their own I say!
Posts: 4476 | From: Scotland | Registered: Mar 2006
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??? I agree..I never said it would be easy..but positive attitude is half the battle...we have the ability to laugh at ourselves and work things out. We've had to work out major issues which I will not go into..and have communicated through it well. Thats half the battle...good communication and trust...which we have.
Young at heart...Im not worried about the others. There are always those that don't approve...and many disapprove or belittle things they dont' know much about. Things they consider "not normal" but who defines normalicy??? Who gets to say what will make another happy or be normal for them. So to each his own...but I hate to see so much negativity..Im not blind..Im not naieve...I choose to live today...let tomorrow worry for itself and stay positive. Alhamdolellah
Posts: 100 | From: Fredericksburg, VA, USA | Registered: Feb 2005
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All relationships have to be worked on, admitedly our kind more so, but if thats what it takes so be it. Its easy to take things forgranted when you are of the same culture etc. I think you try harder when there are differences.
Posts: 4476 | From: Scotland | Registered: Mar 2006
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I agree. We do try harder, but we value and treasure our differences and find that they aren't that different. Sure...some are, like Egyptian time tables, what is considered good manners other differences. But we have been able to meet in the middle on things so far and while we have alot of work, the plus side is we both have the SKILLS needed to work it out. The Communication skills. No marriage or relationship is fault free...all have differences, where a lot fail is that the couple don't know how to EFFECTIVELY work out the difference and get to a SOLUTION. That is what makes a marriage good...WORK and LOVE and RESPECT. We have those three elements. And we have the same basic beliefs in religion, life and marriage. Similar goals and passions in life. We have important things that bond us. So I think we are going into this with wide eyes...not dreamy eyes. My goal was to share good news for a change on here...I'd work 10 times harder to make this work if needed...because this is one special man I have.
Posts: 100 | From: Fredericksburg, VA, USA | Registered: Feb 2005
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It's a bit premature to declare a 'success story' when you're not even married yet, or even living in the same country.
Does he want children? Sorry to bring it up, but it's almost the 'be all and end al'l of Egyptian marriages.
Posts: 1039 | From: Cairo | Registered: Sep 2002
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It's sad to see grown mature women so desperate that they act like these Egyptian men are angels and that every word out of their mouths is the word of God. It's really sad.
Posts: 2735 | From: my desk | Registered: Jul 2005
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Believe me I'm not desparate or sad! It is possible to meet someone from Egypt that is genuine. Why is your marriage with an Egyptian so perfect and everyone elses is not!
Posts: 4476 | From: Scotland | Registered: Mar 2006
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quote:Originally posted by young at heart: Believe me I'm not desparate or sad! It is possible to meet someone from Egypt that is genuine. Why is your marriage with an Egyptian so perfect and everyone elses is not!
I am sure your marriage, when it happens will be perfect and so will his marriage to the Egyptian girl back home with whom he is having the children.
I also suggest you read my latest post in the American marriage thread
Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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Where did I comment on whether or not my marriage was perfect? I was simply making an observation that many of the women here speak of their husbands as if they are angels without sin. Basically acting as if they worship the ground these men walk on. It makes me throw up in my mouth a little.
quote:Originally posted by young at heart: Believe me I'm not desparate or sad! It is possible to meet someone from Egypt that is genuine. Why is your marriage with an Egyptian so perfect and everyone elses is not!
quote:Originally posted by young at heart: Believe me I'm not desparate or sad! It is possible to meet someone from Egypt that is genuine. Why is your marriage with an Egyptian so perfect and everyone elses is not!
I am sure your marriage, when it happens will be perfect and so will his marriage to the Egyptian girl back home with whom he is having the children.
I also suggest you read my latest post in the American marriage thread
quote:Originally posted by young at heart: Believe me I'm not desparate or sad! It is possible to meet someone from Egypt that is genuine. Why is your marriage with an Egyptian so perfect and everyone elses is not!
I am sure your marriage, when it happens will be perfect and so will his marriage to the Egyptian girl back home with whom he is having the children.
I also suggest you read my latest post in the American marriage thread
I don't think she mentioned co wife? She is his only wife I think.
Posts: 586 | From: Styx | Registered: Dec 2006
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Mother War...I can see why you picked your particular ID Screen Name...It fits. Maybe...just maybe...women on here that speak highly of their "angel egyptian men" do so because they CHOOSE to see the positive and play down the negative, which helps in the success of a marriage/relationship. Try being positive for a change...life may smell a little sweeter to you.
I know my man isn't perfect. Never said he was, said he was a GOOD man...and by the way...NO ONE is perfect. But ask any HAPPY wife what she think of her man...and she will only give the positive. Why dwell on the negative.
Anyways...some one asked about kids...Yes we BOTH want a child. BUt we also know its in Allahs hands with my age and he's willing and happy to accept that. Why...WHY is it sooooo hard to believe here that love does and can happen with a REAL egyptian man. WHy is it soo hard here to be positive and share the GOOD things?? Why do you all HAVE to be sooo negative...I AM a 42 year old woman, and I AM not stupid enough to not discuss these important issue with my man. WOW...25 year old men all over the world get married every day....does that mean they can't make an educated adult decision ????? May Allah help us all for beating up innocent people for simply sharing good news.
Yes we are a success story. Just because we are not married yet doesn't mean we aren't successful. We are a success story because we made it this far. The only failure is in not trying.
Posts: 100 | From: Fredericksburg, VA, USA | Registered: Feb 2005
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You are not a success story because you are not yet married and do not yet live in the same country.
You know what helps in life more than sugarcoating? Realism. Being real and seeing things as they are. Not going through life with blinders on thinking that your life is a success story when it hasn't really even started.
You do not know me in my "real" life. Don't judge based on a few in your face comments I've made.
Posts: 2735 | From: my desk | Registered: Jul 2005
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Can someone please tell me...why i have to be married and living in the same country with my guy for him and I to be a success in our relationship and love???? Im a bit confused here....since when is marriage the only measure of success in this issue???
Posts: 100 | From: Fredericksburg, VA, USA | Registered: Feb 2005
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quote:Originally posted by amrssnowangel: Can someone please tell me...why i have to be married and living in the same country with my guy for him and I to be a success in our relationship and love???? Im a bit confused here....since when is marriage the only measure of success in this issue???
I think the bigger question is why are you looking for validation on a board where you yourself said there is much negativity? If you are content with what you have then why is that not good enough?
Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
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Where did THAT come from doodlebug?? Who said I was looking for validation? I simply came to share a happy story...its these others that are being negative...but if its arguements this board is about...I won't ever post again..just thought I'd share..wow.
Posts: 100 | From: Fredericksburg, VA, USA | Registered: Feb 2005
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quote:Originally posted by amrssnowangel: Can someone please tell me...why i have to be married and living in the same country with my guy for him and I to be a success in our relationship and love???? Im a bit confused here....since when is marriage the only measure of success in this issue???
A success is the end of a process not the begining.
If I build a hotel it is not a success until people are staying there.
If I start a resturant it is not a success until people eat there.
If I paint a picture it is not a success until it is completed.
You are just at the start of your relationship and already you are talking about it being a success. Get real, come back when you have been together years in the same place
Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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Do you know how many "happy" stories that started off like yours end badly? Go back and look at ES archives and you'll find loads. You're not unique here. Not saying that your life will turn out badly, just saying....
You're counting your chickens before they've even become eggs.
Posts: 2735 | From: my desk | Registered: Jul 2005
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I`m married for thirty years Amrsnowangel, and I should not dare to call it a successtory, however many people would do so. It is a period of ups and downs, from good and bad times, from luck and sadness, from health and sickness, from all possible extremes. You probably won`t ever come this far, but calling it a successtory because you as a 42 year old woman to a foreign man that could be your son,in my personal opinion, is one step to far...
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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Success is those things..but its also much more. EAch persons idea of success is different. Emerson said:
To laugh often and much, to win respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.
WAs he to wrong?
Posts: 100 | From: Fredericksburg, VA, USA | Registered: Feb 2005
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If I never marry this man, if we never find the comfort of sharing one home...if in any way I just touched his life in a positive way...then to me...I was a success.. sorry..I disagree....
Posts: 100 | From: Fredericksburg, VA, USA | Registered: Feb 2005
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this is sad...sad..no wonder there aren't any good stories here..you people all love the misery of negativity...
Posts: 100 | From: Fredericksburg, VA, USA | Registered: Feb 2005
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Didn't you notice he was talking about an entire life of approx 80 years!!!
-------------------- Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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Well, I have the pleasure of living with a 25 year old man at the moment and I am only a few years older than you Angel, he is my NEPHEW, Now when he comes back from being out with his friends tonight having a good time ( because that is what 25 year old men do) I really must ask him what he thinks about marrying a 42 year old women that is not likely to be able to have a family with him and even if Madonna like she can if they are really going to want at 62year old mother when they reach maturity.
Angel your post is so stupid to think you have a sucess story when you haven't even MET his mother and are you even aware your Embassy is not going to let you marry an Egyptian at this time. You met him 3 times in 3 years and that is a success story????????????????
Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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Most ppl here who live contented, happy lives don't feel the need to boast or need validation from complete strangers.
Posts: 2735 | From: my desk | Registered: Jul 2005
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quote:Originally posted by amrssnowangel: this is sad...sad..no wonder there aren't any good stories here..you people all love the misery of negativity...
There are good stories on here but only from realists. Not people living in cloudy cuckcoo land, they come on say how wonderful it is and 6 months later it is all over.
Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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I've been accused of needing validation...of cradle robbery...of not being a success in this relationship and all becuase i wanted to share a happy story??? You people are sad
Posts: 100 | From: Fredericksburg, VA, USA | Registered: Feb 2005
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No dear we are not sad we just live in the real world, hopefully you will rejoin it soon and if you open yourself to reality you could save a great deal of heartache. The problem is you don't want to face reality but you will. Life has a nasty habit of doing that to us. Don't worry you are not the first and you will not be the last.
Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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Whoa people, is there chum in the water? I think you have all made your point, and it is up to amrssnowangel to take this advice and evaluate it. You cannot shove it down her throat.
Posts: 1879 | From: Going to Graceland | Registered: Nov 2006
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MW Iv'e never said my other half was perfect anymore than I am. Doesn't answer why you are entitled to be married to an Egyptian and thats great. Anyone else is sad and desparate!
Posts: 4476 | From: Scotland | Registered: Mar 2006
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Amrs - get robbin! I love these misogynistic, sexist women. And, yes, they are importing hubbies and will criticize you for the same. Age differences are weird. There is a guy in my town who owns 15 bars in the Phillipines, as well as many businesses and homes here in the US. He is a nice, down to earth, successful man who still enjoys boat rides in the ocean and growing apples. He is also 70 with a 2 year old daughter and a wife of um, like 28 I think? from the Phillipines. Somehow people just overlook it and take him for who he is. And wow, his wife is so sweet. If the genders were reversed (and of course minus the biological child!) people would LOSE IT! If she were American, people would LOSE IT! But people are so incredibly small minded, they simply get used to what they are accustomed to seeing. And they continue to validate and encourage those things they believe are "normal." Even if they are totally screwed up. Congrats on the fam being positive.
Posts: 1161 | From: wo xiang xiao bian ji si le | Registered: Oct 2005
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Where did I address you and say that you are not entitled to marry an Egyptian? I don't care who you or anyone else marries. Why are you making this about you? You are obviously very insecure with the fact that you and your husband or bf have a large age difference. Otherwise you wouldn't take my comments so personally.
I just have a problem with someone making a bold statement like...his parents approve, success story! As if telling his parents after 3.5 yrs of a relationship about you is a success. Does she want a cookie for that or what?
Do you not agree that some of the posters on ES act sad and desperate?
quote:Originally posted by young at heart: MW Iv'e never said my other half was perfect anymore than I am. Doesn't answer why you are entitled to be married to an Egyptian and thats great. Anyone else is sad and desparate!
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