posted
I need your advice. What should I do when another person beats me in my home? I mean, in the moment. Seconds after the hit. Call the police? Run out? Get angry back and hit him? Beg for mercy? Talk and try to reason with him? Ask for forgiveness even though it is not real but just to keep myself alive? Call the neighbors? What??
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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I guess my initial reaction would be to defend yourself by any means necessary. I wouldn't call the neighbors or get anyone else involved besides the police. You should have this person removed from your home, permanently.
Posts: 2735 | From: my desk | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
I told him to get out. He wouldn't. And I feel too embarrassed to call my mother. I feel like a failure. He says it's my country, I can go out. that he has no place to stay. But this is my home where I have my baby. I feel to proud to let him get away with this. But I will go if I feel that it has gone too far. Although it has already.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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posted
Get yourself and (perhaps) more importantly your baby to a safe place. It's not a time for being proud, put your little innocent baby first and get her away from the violence and the tension.
Posts: 463 | From: Other side of nowhere | Registered: Jun 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Anthropos: I need your advice. What should I do when another person beats me in my home? I mean, in the moment. Seconds after the hit. Call the police? Run out? Get angry back and hit him? Beg for mercy? Talk and try to reason with him? Ask for forgiveness even though it is not real but just to keep myself alive? Call the neighbors? What??
Just get angry, make a lot of trouble and wait untill he will be sweet to you again. Then hug him, kiss him, forget all what has happened, and wait untill the next time he will do it again.....
BTW, don't call your mother!!! Keep up that pride!!! Act as if you have the ideal marriage!!! Keep up the illusion that he is a good man... He is having such a hard time and such a difficult life!!! Shelter him!!! Care for him!!! Pamper him!!! Forgive him!!!! Kiss his feet and let him wipe his feet on you...
Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Anthropos: I need your advice. What should I do when another person beats me in my home? I mean, in the moment. Seconds after the hit. Call the police? Run out? Get angry back and hit him? Beg for mercy? Talk and try to reason with him? Ask for forgiveness even though it is not real but just to keep myself alive? Call the neighbors? What??
If I wrote this post, what would you advise me?? To stay in this relationship?? Don't think so... Why WOULD YOU stay?? Posts: 2932 | From: Just now and then | Registered: Nov 2006
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posted
Can't you get an injunction against him entering the house? If you have to live with your family until you get your home back, so be it. What's most important here is your baby's safety. You seem to constantly make allowances for this guy and it is now time to stop. Call the police and have him dealt with. He behaves badly because you allow him to emotionally blackmail you.
Anthropos, I honestly don't know if you are real or not, as your dilemmas sometimes seem like classic ES troll stories. One minute, the guy is pushing you, with your baby in your arms... the next, you're telling ES how good looking he is and that everything is OK. NEWSFLASH: There are plenty of great looking men who don't beat their wives. For the sake of your child, sort this out now.
Posts: 1157 | From: Censor - Edit - Delete, but you will never take away my FREEDOM! | Registered: Dec 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Lumos: Can't you get an injunction against him entering the house? If you have to live with your family until you get your home back, so be it. What's most important here is your baby's safety. You seem to constantly make allowances for this guy and it is now time to stop. Call the police and have him dealt with. He behaves badly because you allow him to emotionally blackmail you.
Anthropos, I honestly don't know if you are real or not, as your dilemmas sometimes seem like classic ES troll stories. One minute, the guy is pushing you, with your baby in your arms... the next, you're telling ES how good looking he is and that everything is OK. NEWSFLASH: There are plenty of great looking men who don't beat their wives. For the sake of your child, sort this out now.
i was wondering the same thing Posts: 9443 | From: USA...... | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
Anthropos, is this the first time or has there been others?
I know you've been having a few problems and will have to re-read to catch up but this is unacceptable.
Your MAIN concern is your baby, NOT that im saying he would harm the baby but if he has violent mood swings you HAVE to consider this.
If this IS the first and only time this has happened you need to TALK to him after he calms down and also LISTEN to him and make him listen to you. Advise some sort of counselling if he cares he will go.
Above all DO NOT think this is your fault and DO NOT let him tell you that it is, nothing should make a man hit a woman, nothing!
If you are scared then get help, tell your mum, tell the police, tell anyone who will listen. DO NOT suffer in silence, the more people know the less likely he is to continue this behaviour.
And dont even think about 'staying with him for the babys sake' as it will never work. You will become more of a doormat until your self esteeme is nil and you will even think he hits you because he loves you, DO NOT allow your baby to grow up in that environment.
Lastly, go see your doctor, you may have post natal depression which will only fuel this situation because no way will he ever understand that and no way will you get any better while you live like this.
Sorry you are going through this but seriously do something NOW before it gets out of hand completely.
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
seconds after the hit, grab your baby and walk out, go to a friends or family members, then pick up the phone and call the police. Never ask for forgiveness for something that is not your fault.
quote:Originally posted by Lumos: Can't you get an injunction against him entering the house? If you have to live with your family until you get your home back, so be it. What's most important here is your baby's safety. You seem to constantly make allowances for this guy and it is now time to stop. Call the police and have him dealt with. He behaves badly because you allow him to emotionally blackmail you.
Anthropos, I honestly don't know if you are real or not, as your dilemmas sometimes seem like classic ES troll stories. One minute, the guy is pushing you, with your baby in your arms... the next, you're telling ES how good looking he is and that everything is OK. NEWSFLASH: There are plenty of great looking men who don't beat their wives. For the sake of your child, sort this out now.
quote:Originally posted by Anthropos: I need your advice. What should I do when another person beats me in my home? I mean, in the moment. Seconds after the hit. Call the police? Run out? Get angry back and hit him? Beg for mercy? Talk and try to reason with him? Ask for forgiveness even though it is not real but just to keep myself alive? Call the neighbors? What??
boy if that dont sound familiar....i been there, done that with an egyptian guy. the first time he hit me, i forgave him as he stood there hugging me and saying sorry the second time was rape (yes ur man can rape u). cried it off. the third time was a total beat down for going to the mall with a GF, i called my dad the fourth to the like 20th time, his family got iinvolved the 21st time, i called the police because he beat me so hard i pissed myself the 22nd time i was pregnant and he stomped my face intot the carpet. the 23rd time, i left and he begged me to return so i did the 24th time was while i was hoplding a 9 month old. i left and showed up at my moms house bloody and barefoot with a screaming baby the 25th time was after i took him back 2 years later because when i left he couldnt handle it and was basically drinking himself to death. this time i chased him out of the house with a knife and filed for divorce the next day. all those years you see how it escalated? i couldnt leave him because he had me at that point where i felt bad for him blah blah blah but you reach a point where you simply cannot take anymore. love shouldnt hurt. if you love someone, how can you bear to see them suffer? when a man hits a woman he wont stop...things like this are rooted from a long past of **** that had to make him this way and its something these abusers grow up with. you cant change them. it only gets worse and worse...if its this bad this early on how good can it get? when i threw him out, he was cheating and beating and i wanted to take him back a few times...but i let 2 months go by...wouldnt answer his calls...and filed a restraining order. after that, he was out of my heart and for the first time in so long i saw a light and the clouds cleared away and now, despite the fact im so mad at him, i do have peace on my house and there are no more tears and pain. if you have kids, the worst thing you can do is let them see this sh*t and leaving is hard, but there is no problem without an answer.
Posts: 2757 | From: YOU CAN ONLY SEE WHAT I CHOOSE TO SHOW, THERE IS SO MUCH MORE YOU JUST DONT KNOW | Registered: Oct 2007
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posted
I agree what has been said previously. First and foremost you have to protect your baby and yourself. I have worked with many victims of domestic abuse and have also seen many women lose custody of their children to Social Services because they continuously return to the abuser, placing their children at increased risk.
posted
You mustn't condone any physical violence. Don't beg him. It usually doesn't work - vice versa - you look like a poor victim in his eyes. As others have said, think about protecting yourself and the baby first and foremost.
Posts: 2807 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Anthropos: I told him to get out. He wouldn't. And I feel too embarrassed to call my mother. I feel like a failure. He says it's my country, I can go out. that he has no place to stay. But this is my home where I have my baby. I feel to proud to let him get away with this. But I will go if I feel that it has gone too far. Although it has already.
What the HELL. God! Call the police, and tell them hes struck you, and have him arrested! Are you kidding me? How can you stand having that man standing up in front of you after hes done this?
Your husband is a horrible human being, and he does not deserve to be in your home, or in your life. Get him out of your home, you're right, its YOUR HOME. Who the hell cares what happens to him. I'm so disgusted, please call the police, and get him out of there, please!
Your horrible husband is not a reflection on you! You're not a failure! Pride is not a reason to keep this a secret!
And WHY are you even asking about what to do? re you waiting for round two? take action now.
Posts: 1967 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2006
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posted
Hibbah is right! Please get help. You are worth so much!
-------------------- "It's very important to learn how to weasel out of things. It's what separates us from the animals...except the weasel." ~Homer J. Simpson Posts: 422 | From: American living in Maadi, visiting in the States for awhile | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
For the sake of your child (if not yourself) you need to leave. Abusers just get worse. Look at what Peace at last says. She has been there. If your child is a girl growing up in that situation then she may come to you in a bloody mess after her husband beats her saying but mum i love him you always stayed with dad after he beat you or if your child is a boy how would you feel seeing his wife in the same situation. A child's upbringing can scar them for life and pave their futures forever.
Posts: 1710 | From: we come in peace | Registered: Mar 2008
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quote:Originally posted by miffmiss: A child's upbringing can scar them for life and pave their futures forever.
Well, being a witness to, or worse still, a victim of physical abuse can affect a child to a great extent. Some behaviours are often 'coded' subconsciously and are difficult to shake off later in life. As an adult the child might become an abuser himself/herself (unless he/she is capable of rationally and objectively evaluating the core problems of the self and their true origin). Vicious circle. Anthropos's child is still a baby, so the quicker she acts to sort out the situation the better.
Posts: 2807 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2007
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posted
Take Reality Meanies advice and sharpen your best knife and you will walk free if you are suffering PND as you claim
Posts: 3416 | Registered: Oct 2007
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Anth, wasn't he stuck in Egypt? What brought him back?!!
He will beat you up again and again. It's an innate thing in 90% of Egyptian men. They are allowed and sometimes encouraged by culture to beat the ''girls'' from their sisters to their wives. It's an expression of ''manhood'' and to show you who the boss is in his own retarded way.
It's your decision not ours. And I promise you, this won't be the last time he lays hand on you.
And your baby feels it all almost from the moment she was created inside of you.
Posts: 8756 | From: Tax-Free Zone | Registered: Jul 2005
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quote:Originally posted by MK the Most Interlectual: It's an innate thing in 90% of Egyptian men.
huh???
well, if this is true, sure glad my husband is in the minority!
Anthropos: MK is correct that it will happen over and over again...it will only stop when YOU make it stop...if you have to leave your own house for a while and stay at a hotel or in a shelter, do it! But you MUST, MUST, MUST inform the police and file a complaint...talk to INS, too. You don't need this man in your life. You may think you want him, but really you don't. You're just feeling down on yourself. Protect yourself and your child. GET OUT NOW.
my thoughts are with you, OM
Posts: 422 | From: American living in Maadi, visiting in the States for awhile | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
You need to report it to the polce, never mind the embarassment. I went through a bad marriage (thankfully no kids). I never told anyone what went on. On the scale of things not getting beaten but abuse none the less. Eventually after a particularly bad situation, finding myself thrown out my own house with my dog I decided enough was enough!!!! I called the police and he was arrested and not allowed near the house till the court case was over. It was a long haul. At times I didn't think I'd cope but I got through it. I agree with so much that has been said to you. He has had enough chances now. Your baby has to come first. Please just bite the bullet and accept that things will only get worse. Things should not be like this now. It should have been the happiest time of your life. Believe me being scared in your own home is the worst thing possible.
Posts: 4476 | From: Scotland | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
"I called the police and he was arrested and not allowed near the house till the court case was over. It was a long haul. At times I didn't think I'd cope but I got through it. I agree with so much that has been said to you. He has had enough chances now."
YoungAtHeart, that is exactly the kind of example of courage that might help Anthropos. For a woman to be beaten by the man she loves is a shocking betrayal of trust. To waste thought worrying about the comfort of a wife beater is a waste of precious time.
Posts: 1157 | From: Censor - Edit - Delete, but you will never take away my FREEDOM! | Registered: Dec 2007
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posted
Lumos, Can't say I was couragious, but I came to the end and couldn't take any more. Anthropos, you have family, which is something I didn't. Please tell them! I just hope you have the courage to do it for your baby's sake.
Posts: 4476 | From: Scotland | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
Will you be embarrassed when your child gets caught in the middle next time and gets (even if accidentally) harmed or killed? It happens, think it can't happen to you? Just wait...as it seems you have been doing that.
What happened to the therapy?
You need to do this: turn off your computer, get yourself and your child dressed, go to the police station and fill out a report. Tell them you didn't fill out a report immediately because you were confused and afraid but you realize you must do it now to protect the two of you. Call your mother and any other family who might help you and do not go back if he is still there - go anywhere but back where he might be. See if a family member can stay with you must...but absolutely DO NOT put yourself in a position to be alone with him again until he is gone.
If you are embarrassed, it means you are seeing his behavior as a reflection of you, and that means you are internalizing his actions. Why? Your marriage is far from perfect, pretending isn't going to change that and eventually the truth will come out. If you have brothers or a father, uncles or cousins (men), get them involved, nothing wakes a man up quicker than a pissed off male from the abused wife's side of the family in his face.
It will get worse if you do not. How long will you wait?
Until it's too late and then you are left to regret the rest of your life? Losing him doesn't matter, it is YOU who will be found.
posted
Dear Anthropos, I feel sorry for you you hoped so much from your marriage. I have always found your posts very sensible and thought highly of you. I feel really bad for you and your daughter and sorry to say I think also that your husband will not cange no matter how much you love him. It will only get worse, get him out of your life and start to build a new life for you and your baby. You will see that you will feel calmer and happier when you can breath freeley. Start to do small things you enjoy for yourself meet friends and family.Treat yourself on something you like. Take care of yourself and the baby I canimagine how disapointed you feel. Do you have any good girlfriends who could support you and be there for you for a while. I wish you all the best and happiness in the furure again. You have to make a change in your life now.
Posts: 523 | From: Finland | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
anthropos where are you? just let us know you're ok please
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
It means he doesn't care. Please move him out or move out yourself and take that precious girl with you. You both deserve better, or at least someone who gives a thought to your well-being. Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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Does he make you happy at all!! Do you have any happy moments together with him. We can not really tell you what to do, only you can decide what to do. Is it worth for you to stay with him or would life be easier,happier and calmer without him? Don't accept the beating!!!!!!!! Care about yourself and your baby.
Posts: 523 | From: Finland | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Anthropos: he couldn't even promise me that he wouldn't do it again.
You're mistaken. It has to be: He WOULDN'T even promise me that he wouldn't do it again. It isn't about can or could but about will and would. Maybe this tiny little detailed correction will make things more clear to you. He does not want to promise you... And what do we do with such men???? Put him on the first boat to where he came from and wave him goodbye: " Thank you and bye-bye. It was NOT nice to meet you ".
Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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posted
Anthropos, you should reread your own posts on this forum. You were ready to divorce him just two weeks ago when he wasn't supporting you emotionally.
Now that he has physically beat you, you want to give him another chance.
Did he whack you on your head?
Posts: 2182 | Registered: Oct 2002
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posted
the first hit has gone too far!! call the police he will go to jail! they will give u a restraing order so he can not come near u! yr first and far most important thing to rember is that u and yr child are safe! there is no reason in this world a man should hit a woman! no matter what its not right and not legal! i put my ex in jaill 9999 times for hittin me i dont care if he got mad i felt safe when he was in jail!
-------------------- your ass is so tight when you fart only a dog can hear it.when you queef only a cat can hear that one. Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Snidely Whiplash: Women get what they deserve when they put up with this shiiiittee.
thats a shitty thing to say!! no women dont deserve it!!! yr dispiciable women stay cas of fear sometimes the men do kill the women for leavin!!! if u have never been in the situation dont judge them!!!!
Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
Bit*h shut up and learn to spell. I said if they put up with it, what the hell do they expect? How the hell do you know what situation I've ever been in you illiterate fistula-brain?!
Posts: 141 | Registered: Apr 2008
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quote:Originally posted by Snidely Whiplash: That's right.
So when are you going to mail me your castrated testicals?
Should there be a division of the UN that collects castrated testicals of shitty guys?
Snidely Whiplash,
Since you are a brand new username here I should inform you that from time to time trolls are nominated for ES President.
To cut to the chase, hoping to make my own nomination announcement before idiots nominate you for ES Pres, I would like to take the time now to nominate you as UN Ministrial for Ministry of B@stard Affairs.
You can coordinate efforts to deploy a global project to identify, process, collect and catalog specimens of testicular castration to encourage efforts to keep shitty guys from breeding.
Thanks for ES's attention to this global issue.
Posts: 1455 | From: debtville | Registered: Dec 2007
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posted
At least file a police report so there is a record of it later if you need it for divorce hearings etc., even if you don't want to press charges. I hope you aren't still thinking of moving to Egypt with him as you had mentioned a while back. There will be no actions to take in Egypt.
Posts: 333 | From: USA | Registered: Apr 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Snidely Whiplash: Can I be ES Pres if I produce some fake testies?
Down the street the condo owners have these cute little lap dogs.
Many of them have testicular implants after go through nudering.
These cute little dogs get nudered because if they don't they end up spraying their madness all over the place. And its sticky, it smells it appears to be a combo of piss and semen.
Well anyhow some of these cute lapdogs end up chewing on their nutesticals like chewing gum through their nut sacks.
I don't know if its because its a bizarre feeling of implants, an alergic reaction that starts the internal itch, or because its a fun way to freak out this older woman who lives with the pooch and picks up his piles. But these pooches chew on their sacks which have testicular implants.
The poor women don't find it charming or cute, they are afraid their pooches are going to chew their testicular sacks into shreads.
These are the same women who bottle fed their toddlers brandy so they could watch daytime drama in peace.
Makes me wonder if any of the US or other developed nation's Pres' have testicular implants, many of them more than likely have had their vans defferns cut, burned and sewn so the presidential suite can be a playground and a workplace! Posts: 1455 | From: debtville | Registered: Dec 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Anthropos: hi everybody.
i am ok.
i don't know what to do though. I am still deciding if I should give him another chance or leave him.
but my mind tells me that he will do it again for sure.
there are really only two options. accept that he beats me or leave him.
he couldn't even promise me that he wouldn't do it again.
how unfortunate. I can't believe what you're saying. How could you of lost your self-worth in such a short period of time? Sorry, but I agree with the guy who said if you stick around with this guy, you deserve whatever happens to you. Don't screw up your life, or your childs life. You married an A*shole. Kick him out now.
Posts: 1967 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2006
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